I think I regret having kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, there are many ways to be a parent. This is definitely a very hard stage but it sounds like you are resentful of other things. It’s OK not to be a SAHM if you prefer to work. Your kids need you to be happy and to embrace your life — it’s how they will later on figure out how to do the same.

On your specific points, yes, the lifestyle shift is intense. However as someone who has traveled all over the world and have always done the work I am passionate about, I still feel that none of that matches the happiness of kids. My partner feels the same. After a while, every fancy restaurant is the same and every foreign city nice for a few days. But what is the meaning of it? I’m not saying you have to find meaning in the unending round of tasks that goes with a baby and toddler. But times with my kids have been the most meaningful.

If you can find a way to care for them without resentment, even if that means sharing their care with others, I would do it. It is high burnout work, just like many other kinds of meaningful work. This forum is support for other parents for a reason... the caregiver has to care for themselves. Do not let your anger about this resign you to a life you don’t want and your kids to an unhappy mother. I grew up like that and believe me it’s not easy for the kids.

PS in case it wasn’t clear... I am WOHM and actually traveling now for work in one of those cities. My life is different than it used to be but I still have other parts of my identity and it feels like you want that too. FWIW I didn’t travel abroad or go for more than two nights when my kids were the age of yours. However the youngest is now 2.5 so things have gotten a bit easier. Hang in there —

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're in the worst phase. It will get better

This is what people told me as well when I had kids similar ages as you. The younger is 2.5 now and it’s only gotten harder. Maybe I won’t hate my life as much when they are like 7 and 10?

[Anonymous]

As someone who wanted kids but doesn't have them, this thread makes me sad. I hope it gets better for you OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally thinking parenting kids under 5 is way more misery than fun. It gets so much better when they are more independent, verbal, and rational. I do think it gets better, OP.

Yes, Until they are teens , another kind of torment, I regretted having kids also.

+1
Well said

[Anonymous]

Maybe her life plain sucks right now and it’s not depression?


That’s fair. We don’t have enough info, which is why i suggested a call to her doctor. Better to check in and get whatever support that the family needs.

Responses like this are so frustrating. There's an answer/solution to everything! Just call your doctor and get "support"!
I suppose if OP is dealing with depression a doctor might be able to help her, but if she isn't then the doctor can't do anything.

[Anonymous]

It’s too late for OP, but for others reading, seriously, having only one kid is a way to balance the joy of parenting with the relentlessness of the task.

[Anonymous]

OP, did you feel regretful after the first one?

[Anonymous]

And please, stop sharing how wonderful your children are and how much you love parenting. OP is obviously in distress, and you may push her over the edge. Knock it off! She needs help and support, not belittling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: And please, stop sharing how wonderful your children are and how much you love parenting. OP is obviously in distress, and you may push her over the edge. Knock it off! She needs help and support, not belittling.

I’m CFBC and I hate to say it, but the OP dug her own grave by not thinking through the implications of having children. Children don’t ask to be born so if you decide to have them, live with it and don’t whine. Heck, and don’t bingo anyone who’s smart enough to not want kids either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: And please, stop sharing how wonderful your children are and how much you love parenting. OP is obviously in distress, and you may push her over the edge. Knock it off! She needs help and support, not belittling.

I’m CFBC and I hate to say it, but the OP dug her own grave by not thinking through the implications of having children. Children don’t ask to be born so if you decide to have them, live with it and don’t whine. Heck, and don’t bingo anyone who’s smart enough to not want kids either.

What are you doing on the parenting forum then? Also being child free doesn’t automatically make you “smart.” Lol.

[Anonymous]

It gets better. It will fly by.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I regret having a kid. He's a cool person, but I could have had a career, lived where I actually WANT to live, had a more interesting life. Instead I've been putting one foot in front of the other for a decade, and its not worth it.

I don’t regret having kids and mine are cool too. But sometimes I think about this and about the fact that we could be retired by now and doing lots more traveling. Thing is for us is that one of ours is mentally ill and not likely to ever be capable of moving out. So parenting is never going to end for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Maybe her life plain sucks right now and it’s not depression?


That’s fair. We don’t have enough info, which is why i suggested a call to her doctor. Better to check in and get whatever support that the family needs.

Responses like this are so frustrating. There's an answer/solution to everything! Just call your doctor and get "support"!
I suppose if OP is dealing with depression a doctor might be able to help her, but if she isn't then the doctor can't do anything.

Are you projecting because of a bad experience with a doctor, PP?

You do realize that unless OP (or anyone) at least gets evaluated, she cannot know either way whether she might need help--?

Your way of thinking would have her just shrug and say, "Well, even if a doctor says I have depression, the doctor might not be able to help so there's not much point in finding out."

You can say that's not how you meant it but it's how someone else could read it--especially someone who is hopeless already. Like, perhaps, someone who's depressed.

[Anonymous]

Not at all unusual. But most people don’t admit it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wasn't sure about kids, so we only had one. Best decision we ever made.

All my friends that became parents seem miserable in person (their facebook and insta pages try to paint a different picture). Really glad I trusted my gut and didn’t have them.