I think I regret having kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this is the most depressing thread i've ever read.

Whatever. If you’re not in the thick of it like the rest of us, maybe try helping with your grandkids or nieces and nephews. Judging is so easy though.

[Anonymous]

It's hard with young kids, but you will enjoy them more later. It's lonely in mid life - old age without kids and grands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are in college and I can say that on the whole, the entire experience was significantly less fun than I had been led to believe it would be.

It was lonely as hell. If your kids are smart, then the gunner parents will surround you in all your kids activities, and there will be no shared spirit of camaraderie or 'we're all in this together'. If your kids aren't smart, then you will spend all your money on tutoring perhaps, and may feel disappointed that they're not as smart or academic as you. Or as athletic, or social, or whatever.

Unless you're one of those incredibly lucky women married to a guy who's a saint, you will likely fight a lot over whose turn it is to do what. And he'll probably get to advance farther in his career and feel more successful than you will.

No matter where you fall on the working from home, working from work, staying home, selling MLM and pretending you're working, there will be someone doing it better and bragging about it, and you'll likely feel torn about whatever of the somewhat sucky choices you have chosen.

You'll wish you had more money and see others giving their kids things that you can't afford (like better schools) and feel guilty.

I always felt guilty because my kids weren't geniuses and on some level, I felt disappointed that they weren't winning the Pulitzer or something, and then I felt guilty for not just thinking they were terrific no matter what they did.

I hated never having significant chunks of time to do anything for years. I hated rationing and doling out the trips to the gym, walking the dog, sleep -- feeling like I was always late to be somewhere and like I never had enough time to do anything.

I guess I just thought it was going to be easier, cheaper, more social and more fulfilling. When I hang out with the women in my neighborhood whose kids are in college, honestly, we're all a bit shell-shocked. Everybody's had some big disappointment along the way and nobody's kids turned out perfectly.

HOnestly, I think all those pinteresty ladies who brag about how fulfilled they are are lying.

This sounds like some truth.

Wow. Every word. Truth.

Wow I have to say, I *really* disagree. My kids are 14, 12, and 10 so we're not at the college level yet but I find parenting to be so fulfilling and fun and have for a really long time. We've raised our kids to enjoy the same things we enjoy (skiing, hiking, exploring, traveling, going to the beach, playing card games, reading etc. etc.) and they're our little buddies. They're genuinely fun to be with. But I manage my expectations. I don't expect them to be Harvard bound. I don't expect them to be little geniuses or tennis prodigies or what have you. Are they healthy and happy and learning? Then good, we're all doing a great job.

I always tell myself it's the journey that matters, not the end result.

+ 1

The OP quoted here and the PPs agreeing saying it sounds like "truth" is one of the saddest things I've read on here.

Who cares how your kids compare to others? That is so gross. That's not why you have them!!

[Anonymous]

I hate to be the one to break this to you, but for me it did not get easier. The problems and stress is just different as they age and the innocence is gone. At least they don’t give you lip at the youngest age. You exhaust all efforts to keep them off the electronics, get them involved in healthy activities, keep their grades up, etc. It is still exhausting and sucks the life out of you. All the posters who tell you it gets easier either are blessed with superior genes or have expert parenting skills. I humbly admit that both my genes and my parenting skills suck. I didn’t plan to have kids. It just happened and now I’m paying for it dearly. I want my kids to be happier than me when they are adults and so I don’t push grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are in college and I can say that on the whole, the entire experience was significantly less fun than I had been led to believe it would be.

It was lonely as hell. If your kids are smart, then the gunner parents will surround you in all your kids activities, and there will be no shared spirit of camaraderie or 'we're all in this together'. If your kids aren't smart, then you will spend all your money on tutoring perhaps, and may feel disappointed that they're not as smart or academic as you. Or as athletic, or social, or whatever.

Unless you're one of those incredibly lucky women married to a guy who's a saint, you will likely fight a lot over whose turn it is to do what. And he'll probably get to advance farther in his career and feel more successful than you will.

No matter where you fall on the working from home, working from work, staying home, selling MLM and pretending you're working, there will be someone doing it better and bragging about it, and you'll likely feel torn about whatever of the somewhat sucky choices you have chosen.

You'll wish you had more money and see others giving their kids things that you can't afford (like better schools) and feel guilty.

I always felt guilty because my kids weren't geniuses and on some level, I felt disappointed that they weren't winning the Pulitzer or something, and then I felt guilty for not just thinking they were terrific no matter what they did.

I hated never having significant chunks of time to do anything for years. I hated rationing and doling out the trips to the gym, walking the dog, sleep -- feeling like I was always late to be somewhere and like I never had enough time to do anything.

I guess I just thought it was going to be easier, cheaper, more social and more fulfilling. When I hang out with the women in my neighborhood whose kids are in college, honestly, we're all a bit shell-shocked. Everybody's had some big disappointment along the way and nobody's kids turned out perfectly.

HOnestly, I think all those pinteresty ladies who brag about how fulfilled they are are lying.

This sounds like some truth.

Wow. Every word. Truth.

Wow I have to say, I *really* disagree. My kids are 14, 12, and 10 so we're not at the college level yet but I find parenting to be so fulfilling and fun and have for a really long time. We've raised our kids to enjoy the same things we enjoy (skiing, hiking, exploring, traveling, going to the beach, playing card games, reading etc. etc.) and they're our little buddies. They're genuinely fun to be with. But I manage my expectations. I don't expect them to be Harvard bound. I don't expect them to be little geniuses or tennis prodigies or what have you. Are they healthy and happy and learning? Then good, we're all doing a great job.

I always tell myself it's the journey that matters, not the end result.

+ 1

The OP quoted here and the PPs agreeing saying it sounds like "truth" is one of the saddest things I've read on here.

Who cares how your kids compare to others? That is so gross. That's not why you have them!!

+2
This PP is the epitome of "comparison is the thief of joy"
Really quite sad
I have a child with mild SN and he is the sunshine of my life b c I appreciate his gifts I don't focus on his shortcomings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have wondered about this OP. I am exhausted and we are in terrible financial shape because kids are expensive. You aren't alone.

Same here. And all of the posters saying it gets easier clearly don’t have teenagers. It doesn’t get easier, just different. That’s just reality. But there are many upsides too. Try to enjoy the small moments of unconditional love, small developmental victories etc. And make sure you don’t lose sight of yourself in all of the emotional chaos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are in college and I can say that on the whole, the entire experience was significantly less fun than I had been led to believe it would be.

It was lonely as hell. If your kids are smart, then the gunner parents will surround you in all your kids activities, and there will be no shared spirit of camaraderie or 'we're all in this together'. If your kids aren't smart, then you will spend all your money on tutoring perhaps, and may feel disappointed that they're not as smart or academic as you. Or as athletic, or social, or whatever.

Unless you're one of those incredibly lucky women married to a guy who's a saint, you will likely fight a lot over whose turn it is to do what. And he'll probably get to advance farther in his career and feel more successful than you will.

No matter where you fall on the working from home, working from work, staying home, selling MLM and pretending you're working, there will be someone doing it better and bragging about it, and you'll likely feel torn about whatever of the somewhat sucky choices you have chosen.

You'll wish you had more money and see others giving their kids things that you can't afford (like better schools) and feel guilty.

I always felt guilty because my kids weren't geniuses and on some level, I felt disappointed that they weren't winning the Pulitzer or something, and then I felt guilty for not just thinking they were terrific no matter what they did.

I hated never having significant chunks of time to do anything for years. I hated rationing and doling out the trips to the gym, walking the dog, sleep -- feeling like I was always late to be somewhere and like I never had enough time to do anything.

I guess I just thought it was going to be easier, cheaper, more social and more fulfilling. When I hang out with the women in my neighborhood whose kids are in college, honestly, we're all a bit shell-shocked. Everybody's had some big disappointment along the way and nobody's kids turned out perfectly.

HOnestly, I think all those pinteresty ladies who brag about how fulfilled they are are lying.

This sounds like some truth.

Wow. Every word. Truth.

Wow I have to say, I *really* disagree. My kids are 14, 12, and 10 so we're not at the college level yet but I find parenting to be so fulfilling and fun and have for a really long time. We've raised our kids to enjoy the same things we enjoy (skiing, hiking, exploring, traveling, going to the beach, playing card games, reading etc. etc.) and they're our little buddies. They're genuinely fun to be with. But I manage my expectations. I don't expect them to be Harvard bound. I don't expect them to be little geniuses or tennis prodigies or what have you. Are they healthy and happy and learning? Then good, we're all doing a great job.

I always tell myself it's the journey that matters, not the end result.

+ 1

The OP quoted here and the PPs agreeing saying it sounds like "truth" is one of the saddest things I've read on here.

Who cares how your kids compare to others? That is so gross. That's not why you have them!!

Awww...you people who find parenting so fulfilling and fun are SO lucky. Try having a kid with a terminal disease or in our case, trans. Then tell me you feel the same. Those “journeys” are not for the meek hearted.

[Anonymous]

i get it. i have a 4 year old and an almost 1 year old.

i remind myself that there is no counterfactual to life as a parent. i can't see the alternate version of myself who is childless in her late 30s. however, knowing that i always wanted kids i can only imagine that if i was childless after 5 years of marriage and nearing 40 it wouldn't be by design and i would be terribly sad. i am often frustrated, even angry and annoyed about one thing or another...house isn't clean enough, DH doesn't do as much as i'd like. still, i don't cry myself to sleep or have breakdowns b/c i feel a sense of loss. this is a stage of life. i would love to travel more but with good health i can hope that santorini, rome and ghana will be there in 5 years (and kids left with grandparents). if i were childless not by choice, i couldn't say i'll have kids in 5 years with the same degree of confidence.

i know women who have been married for 5 or 6 years, who are nearing 40 and don't have children. i have single friends who i've known since we were teens and know they wanted to be a mother but their biological clock is winding down. i can tell you for those who do want to be parents but can't, they are in pain. I acknowledge my stress and allow myself to feel but perspective really does help me focus on the positive things of having kids.

this week i told my sister that vanessa bryant is living my worst nightmare. for all the stress of parenting i can't tell you how much messy toys and my husband playing loudly with the kids meant to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are in college and I can say that on the whole, the entire experience was significantly less fun than I had been led to believe it would be.

It was lonely as hell. If your kids are smart, then the gunner parents will surround you in all your kids activities, and there will be no shared spirit of camaraderie or 'we're all in this together'. If your kids aren't smart, then you will spend all your money on tutoring perhaps, and may feel disappointed that they're not as smart or academic as you. Or as athletic, or social, or whatever.

Unless you're one of those incredibly lucky women married to a guy who's a saint, you will likely fight a lot over whose turn it is to do what. And he'll probably get to advance farther in his career and feel more successful than you will.

No matter where you fall on the working from home, working from work, staying home, selling MLM and pretending you're working, there will be someone doing it better and bragging about it, and you'll likely feel torn about whatever of the somewhat sucky choices you have chosen.

You'll wish you had more money and see others giving their kids things that you can't afford (like better schools) and feel guilty.

I always felt guilty because my kids weren't geniuses and on some level, I felt disappointed that they weren't winning the Pulitzer or something, and then I felt guilty for not just thinking they were terrific no matter what they did.

I hated never having significant chunks of time to do anything for years. I hated rationing and doling out the trips to the gym, walking the dog, sleep -- feeling like I was always late to be somewhere and like I never had enough time to do anything.

I guess I just thought it was going to be easier, cheaper, more social and more fulfilling. When I hang out with the women in my neighborhood whose kids are in college, honestly, we're all a bit shell-shocked. Everybody's had some big disappointment along the way and nobody's kids turned out perfectly.

HOnestly, I think all those pinteresty ladies who brag about how fulfilled they are are lying.

This sounds like some truth.

Wow. Every word. Truth.

Wow I have to say, I *really* disagree. My kids are 14, 12, and 10 so we're not at the college level yet but I find parenting to be so fulfilling and fun and have for a really long time. We've raised our kids to enjoy the same things we enjoy (skiing, hiking, exploring, traveling, going to the beach, playing card games, reading etc. etc.) and they're our little buddies. They're genuinely fun to be with. But I manage my expectations. I don't expect them to be Harvard bound. I don't expect them to be little geniuses or tennis prodigies or what have you. Are they healthy and happy and learning? Then good, we're all doing a great job.

I always tell myself it's the journey that matters, not the end result.

Very nice. The result of a sensible and a great parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have wondered about this OP. I am exhausted and we are in terrible financial shape because kids are expensive. You aren't alone.

Same here. And all of the posters saying it gets easier clearly don’t have teenagers. It doesn’t get easier, just different. That’s just reality. But there are many upsides too. Try to enjoy the small moments of unconditional love, small developmental victories etc. And make sure you don’t lose sight of yourself in all of the emotional chaos.

Not true. Mine are 16 & 18. No problems.
I don't see any problems with their peers either (I'm friends with some of the moms). Everyone is fine.
(I'm sure things are not perfect of course)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parenting kids isn’t that great. The daily grind isn’t much fun.

I think a good indicator of how much you’ll enjoy having kids is by how much you like being around kids now. Do you enjoy engaging with them? When you see them at a store or restaurant do you think - wow, they are so cute! When they speak to you, do you enjoy the interaction?

I wish I’d known this before I had kids but I really am not that fond of children. I don’t dislike kids but I could take them or leave them. Looking back, I never thought a baby was cute or really wanted to interact with kids.

Here’s the problem though - having a family is wonderful. It’s worth all of the stress and work to have children and be a family. It’s like their isn’t any good alternative. If you keep your child free life then you don’t have a true family or get to move onto the next stage of life. It’s just you and your spouse - forever.

Wish I would have done this. Bliss!

Don't believe it. Feel like this is a child-free person pretending to be a parent writing a whole bunch of these negative parenting posts.

Look around you, at your good friends and co-workers with children. Even your own parents.
How do they feel about their children?

Happy.

[Anonymous]

Some people love having kids and others don't. I have two and my best friend has zero. We are both happy. Why is this difficult to comprehend?

To the OP: take as many breaks as you can without your kids realizing it. (Ie don't send them to boarding school at age 10. They will know.)

[Anonymous]

I don't like kids much. But I do love and adore my own a LOT. They're the best, most fulfilling, most rewarding part of my life.

But in general, no I don't go around trying to engage with other random kids. So I think that whole line of thinking is bs.

How you feel about other people's kids has no bearing on how you'll feel about your own. I find other kids to be kind of annoying. But I find my own to be endlessly fascinating and beautiful and compelling, etc. etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't like kids much. But I do love and adore my own a LOT. They're the best, most fulfilling, most rewarding part of my life.

But in general, no I don't go around trying to engage with other random kids. So I think that whole line of thinking is bs.

How you feel about other people's kids has no bearing on how you'll feel about your own. I find other kids to be kind of annoying. But I find my own to be endlessly fascinating and beautiful and compelling, etc. etc.

sweet

[Anonymous]

^^
True. I never was interested in anyone else's kids. But I decided to adopt my own at age 42 and cannot get enough of her. For the first time in my life I want to work less and be with my daughter every minute possible. Interested in other peoples' kids? Still no, just my own