How terrible will it be to be away from my 1 year old daughter at Christmas? I am regretting things

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW here who, if the situation were that same, would probably prefer my H went to his family reunion and I stayed local.

OP - part of growing up is realizing you can’t get everything you want.

Your wife doesn’t want to travel with a 13 month old at Christmas (completely fair decision), be glad she’s confident enough in your relationship that she’s okay with you missing Christmas. . Your daughter won’t notice, so it’s about you, not your daughter, not your wife. So you have to pick, it’s not fair to guilt your wife into going.

We did a reasonable amount of traveling with our child when she was under 2 (and still do), and from being very mobile (walking, basically) to 2.5 was the hardest, especially with long flights. Traveling at Christmas sucks no matter what the circumstances. Coming back from a week vacation, that you don’t have vacation time for, exhausted, and jumping back into work/parenting, sounds awful. These are all likely reasons your wife doesn’t want to go.

All of this. Ignore the doomsday poster, OP. I come from a big, fun family (woman here). I totally get why you want to go, and you should! And I totally get why your wife would rather stay home. I'm the PP who has walked miles outside restaurants while family had dinners, missed out on bars because I had to go put kids to bed. I'm the oldest cousin and was the first to have kids. I guarantee you that you will have more fun without your wife and kid. And your wife will be happier at home rather than dealing with the kid and travel.

"Everyone will be around to help." No, they won't. They all have good intentions, but at the end of the day no one wants to miss out on the fun to watch your kid. So no, your dad will it skip the trip the the bar for HH so you can go.

"We'll be in a big house, baby can sleep in another room and we can socialize." Yeah, enjoy constantly reminding your big fun family to keep their voices down while playing cards against humanity, after you spent an hour trying to get baby to sleep in a pack and play she's not used to. And trying to keep your kid quiet and occupied from 6am - 9am when all the hungover people wake up.

OP, I could go on. I have BTDT. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. If your wife is cool with you going, go and have fun. It will definitely be easier for her to stay home with the kid. Your current plan is honestly the ideal solution. Celebrate Xmas another day - your daughter will have no idea.

This. All of this. It will not be fun for your wife to take this trip, because you will not want to be left out when everyone else wants to go skiing, or out for a long, relaxed dinner, or drinking beer at that cool new brewpub, or whatever. And you won't want to be dealing with your jet-lagged, tired toddler who can't sleep because the house is full and loud, or who gets up at the crack of dawn and you have to keep her quiet so as not to wake up the sleeping adults. Gets old fast. I mean, I wouldn't make a habit of trips like this, but your kid doesn't understand Christmas AT ALL, so this is about you and your wife and what you guys want, and if you are both genuinely okay with it, then do it. Don't, however, do it you are secretly hoping she'll change her mind or resenting her for not wanting to come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter would be fine. Not sure about your wife, though! You haven't mentioned how she feels about the plan.

OP here.

Everyone was fine with the original plan, although I was somewhat disappointed that she wasn't coming with me. She was fine with this and my guess is she probably will still want to stay home, but I will ask her again.

She thought we can celebrate Christmas early and yes a 1 year old won't know the difference, but it just sounds so lame to be away from them even if I will be happy to see everyone else.

I am wondering if you wife also posted on this site. We had several threads where DW was at her wits end, with mastitis and douche bag of a DH wanted her to come to family BBQ with their one year old! She ended up in ER and doctor read his a riot act. Another poster where she is a new mom and all alone with DH never present. So, maybe she is understanding now, or maybe she is resigned that you are a man child who will never be there for her. This whole thread is about you, what you want, where you will have fun, how this reunion is a big deal, that your family is so much fun. That DW should come and you will have your cute baby with you. We say this to moms too, it's all about you. me, me. me. As they say on Big Bang Theory, "needy baby, greedy baby." She is used to your being a baby, she just added another baby to her list of endless work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume you're not Christian and that most of the posters on this thread are Christian. Christmas really isn't that big of a deal to other cultures/religions.

I am Christian

Not a good one.

[Anonymous]

We have here a person
1. doesn't know how to take care of his baby
2. Has no clue what to pack when traveling with the baby
3. Asks questions how hard can it be to travel with the baby
4. Thinks his wife should sacrifice to be with him and his family on Christmas
5. Given 4 he will not help a single thought to helping his wife take care of the said baby on this trip
6. Who e-mails his wife instead of talking to her about going on this trip
7. His wife is a smart cookie, she will have her dd with HER family(as OP clearly doesn't count) and while it will be embarrassing that her husband and the father of her child has his priorities messed up, she will come out looking like a sunshine and her parents are most likely getting her and the baby a nice place to stay long term.

[Anonymous]

I feel like this is one of those situations that everyone thinks they’re cool with now, but when the reality of it arrives, someone will realize they’re not. Most likely it will be your wife, and then it’ll become one of those things that always hangs over you marriage a little bit, the year you bailed on Christmas with your wife and baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW here who, if the situation were that same, would probably prefer my H went to his family reunion and I stayed local.

OP - part of growing up is realizing you can’t get everything you want.

Your wife doesn’t want to travel with a 13 month old at Christmas (completely fair decision), be glad she’s confident enough in your relationship that she’s okay with you missing Christmas. . Your daughter won’t notice, so it’s about you, not your daughter, not your wife. So you have to pick, it’s not fair to guilt your wife into going.

We did a reasonable amount of traveling with our child when she was under 2 (and still do), and from being very mobile (walking, basically) to 2.5 was the hardest, especially with long flights. Traveling at Christmas sucks no matter what the circumstances. Coming back from a week vacation, that you don’t have vacation time for, exhausted, and jumping back into work/parenting, sounds awful. These are all likely reasons your wife doesn’t want to go.

All of this. Ignore the doomsday poster, OP. I come from a big, fun family (woman here). I totally get why you want to go, and you should! And I totally get why your wife would rather stay home. I'm the PP who has walked miles outside restaurants while family had dinners, missed out on bars because I had to go put kids to bed. I'm the oldest cousin and was the first to have kids. I guarantee you that you will have more fun without your wife and kid. And your wife will be happier at home rather than dealing with the kid and travel.

"Everyone will be around to help." No, they won't. They all have good intentions, but at the end of the day no one wants to miss out on the fun to watch your kid. So no, your dad will it skip the trip the the bar for HH so you can go.

"We'll be in a big house, baby can sleep in another room and we can socialize." Yeah, enjoy constantly reminding your big fun family to keep their voices down while playing cards against humanity, after you spent an hour trying to get baby to sleep in a pack and play she's not used to. And trying to keep your kid quiet and occupied from 6am - 9am when all the hungover people wake up.

OP, I could go on. I have BTDT. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. If your wife is cool with you going, go and have fun. It will definitely be easier for her to stay home with the kid. Your current plan is honestly the ideal solution. Celebrate Xmas another day - your daughter will have no idea.

This. All of this. It will not be fun for your wife to take this trip, because you will not want to be left out when everyone else wants to go skiing, or out for a long, relaxed dinner, or drinking beer at that cool new brewpub, or whatever. And you won't want to be dealing with your jet-lagged, tired toddler who can't sleep because the house is full and loud, or who gets up at the crack of dawn and you have to keep her quiet so as not to wake up the sleeping adults. Gets old fast. I mean, I wouldn't make a habit of trips like this, but your kid doesn't understand Christmas AT ALL, so this is about you and your wife and what you guys want, and if you are both genuinely okay with it, then do it. Don't, however, do it you are secretly hoping she'll change her mind or resenting her for not wanting to come.

First PP here.

The post about keeping the rest of the family quiet reminded me of the time we were at my parents and my brother’s family (with three loud kids and a even louder wife) were also there and it was fun, until nap time and bed time and it was awful and I wanted to stab my whole family because my 10 month old wouldn’t fall asleep with all the noise. And she was generally a good sleeper.

So, to sum up, really the only way you’re being a jerk is being passive aggressive about your wife’s perfectly understandable decision to not go. Go, don’t go, but own your decision.

[Anonymous]

I wasn’t with my husband and children this Christmas. I was sick and the extended family and everyone else all thought we should be together no matter what because it was CHRISTMAS. I was so thankful he took the kids and went on a trip out of town to see his family so I could sleep. We had New Years together.

Do not pressure your wife into going on this trip with your child. Keep the plans as is. Family memories can be made at at time.

[Anonymous]

Some of you are nuts. OP hasn't said his wife has any problems with the plan. I have no idea why you all assume she's upset - I would be fine with this. The OP's question was more along the line of whether he should try to push for his wife and daughter to come because he'll miss them (consensus - no). But he has not indicated that his wife has asked him or even hinted that she wants him to skip the reunion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about just stay home? Sounds better in every way- or leave after christmas

First things first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are nuts. OP hasn't said his wife has any problems with the plan. I have no idea why you all assume she's upset - I would be fine with this. The OP's question was more along the line of whether he should try to push for his wife and daughter to come because he'll miss them (consensus - no). But he has not indicated that his wife has asked him or even hinted that she wants him to skip the reunion.

I think if this is really 100% true and this is the plan they’ve made as a couple and that truly works for them, then of course it’s not a big deal.

I think a lot of us are just finding that extraordinarily hard to believe.

Any other week of the year, sure. But Christmas? I don’t know. OP’s responses on this thread make me think he’s not the most insightful person ever. He’s also been quite defensive. This all leads me to believe things are not as hunky dory as he would have us believe.

[Anonymous]

A 1 year old won't even remember if you're there or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not miss Christmas with my child for any reason. You only get so many of those moments. My DH is still angry that many many years ago when DD was 1 I didn't wake him up when she woke up and she saw the stockings and presents from Santa without him. The people that say you can celebrate any day you want are right but you and your wife will know its Christmas and that you're not together.

Omg, talk about a guilt trip.

Your husband is a bit ridiculous & overly dramatic if he's "still angry" over something that happened to your one year old "many, many years ago" (especially an event that SHE doesn't even remember).

It was his WIFE'S idea, give the guy a break.

Leave the plans the way they are & get her and the baby an extra special/personal Christmas gift as a thank you for being so understanding.
Give it to her/the baby the day before you leave for your reunion.

One VERY important tip - just don't drink/party too much while you're away (getting drunk every night would bother a lot of very understanding wives).

Enjoy the time with your family!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this is one of those situations that everyone thinks they’re cool with now, but when the reality of it arrives, someone will realize they’re not. Most likely it will be your wife, and then it’ll become one of those things that always hangs over you marriage a little bit, the year you bailed on Christmas with your wife and baby.

+1

[Anonymous]

I think it's pretty telling that the wife doesn't have the leave to go on this trip without pain but the husband does.

I wonder who takes leave when the baby is sick or daycare is closed.

I wonder how the answer to that reflects the distribution of responsibility for parenting in that family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not miss Christmas with my child for any reason. You only get so many of those moments. My DH is still angry that many many years ago when DD was 1 I didn't wake him up when she woke up and she saw the stockings and presents from Santa without him. The people that say you can celebrate any day you want are right but you and your wife will know its Christmas and that you're not together.

Omg, talk about a guilt trip.

Your husband is a bit ridiculous & overly dramatic if he's "still angry" over something that happened to your one year old "many, many years ago" (especially an event that SHE doesn't even remember).

It was his WIFE'S idea, give the guy a break.

Leave the plans the way they are & get her and the baby an extra special/personal Christmas gift as a thank you for being so understanding.
Give it to her/the baby the day before you leave for your reunion.

One VERY important tip - just don't drink/party too much while you're away (getting drunk every night would bother a lot of very understanding wives).

Enjoy the time with your family!

.... Slow clap....

Agree 1000%
Don't listen to everyone whos looking far deeper into this than your wife is.
Clearly they have their own issues in their marriages.