How terrible will it be to be away from my 1 year old daughter at Christmas? I am regretting things

[Anonymous]

Petulant manchild tone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I will regret it

This weekend we went to Busch gardens with her family and I took care of the baby in the park the whole time while she was drinking and going on rides

Just paying it forward I guess

That’s one day. You are going to be a partynephew for an entire week. Once again sounds like a Kennedy of yore gathering. I don’t see your marriage lasting long with your petulant not child tone.

It's every single holiday plus multiple other weekends

[Anonymous]

You just won’t let up on your tantrum will you?

[Anonymous]

People keep bumping my thread, so here I am

[Anonymous]

Shouldn’t you be playing with your baby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shouldn’t you be playing with your baby?

We are walking around together right now! She is touring a book store in her stroller

[Anonymous]

Than get off your phone and engage with her like that awesome Dad and his toddler chatting away on the YouTube clip.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm a PP who also has a big, fun family but warned about the PITA of doing this with a kid. I agree that daycare being closed changes the calculation a little, since your wife will have to take unpaid leave now anyway (though it sounds like she might be able to get some help from her parents and work at least part-time?)

A few things to consider:
1. Will there be any other kids there? Ages?
2. Is it possible to rent a house just for your family? Or is the big group house the only option? Will your family have their own room? Is anyone going to be on a sofabed in the living room that you might wake up at 7am?
3. Will you do Xmas there? Tree? Santa? Will you wrap and ship presents in advance? Bring them with you?
4. Do you know a pediatrician in the area you're going? 13 months and in daycare = sick all winter.
5. What's the plan for meals? Cooking at the house? Going to restaurants? What kind of restaurants?
6. What is there to do? How will you entertain a toddler all day for five days?

[Anonymous]

Eh, I don’t think you’re a manchild, OP. I think you’re just a new dad who is still figuring out what life with a kid is like. You don’t really understand how difficult some things are until you actually do them. When you look back on this issue in 10 years, it won’t seem so important.

My only advice is to stop keeping score of who sacrificed what and who does what. It’s a great way to build resentment and destroy your marriage. Figuring out the rhythm of who does what takes time, just enjoy your baby while you can. You’ll blink and suddenly your kid is all grown up.

[Anonymous]

I was team OP until he continued on with the score keeping. It seems you are trying to punsih her somehow for her family being close and you guys doing stuff with them here adn there, but your family being an airplane ride away (and the fact that she doesn't want to go with a young toddler).

Before you give yourself all of these participation points ask yourself this:
1. Does she make you feel forced to do her family things or is she like "my parents are going to Bush Gardens, want to go?" and you say 'yes". Have you said "no" to some things you didn't think you would enjoy or you thought wouldn't be great with the baby? Did she fuss and moan about you not wanting to go with her family?
2. Are you actually enjoying yourself or going through the motions of these activities? Meaning, did you have fun at Bush Gardens or other functions or do you go just to prove you are a supportive husband and get points. While it is Ok to phone it in sometimes, if that is how you approach most activities, sorry. You don't get any points.
3. Why are you keeping score at all? Has she always refused your family? Because earlier you said she would have fun becuase she had before. So that tells me she DOES like being with them ans has, just not over Xmas this year. So why such a fuss from you? Not like she has avoided your family for 10 years or something?


The way you are sticking to this idea that she "owes" you going to your family reunion given she has valid reasons NOT to go (as confirmed by randoms on the internet here) it just seems like you are unhappy with her in general and finding things to escalate and villianize her for. Which isn't fair to her or this situation or your DD.

[Anonymous]

If the marriage breaks up you will be doing every other Christmas. You might regret that.

[Anonymous]

I remember traveling for holidays when my kid was 15 mos. First a train trip to one set of grandparents for actual Christmas Eve and morning. Then, an airplane ride (just 2.5 hours) to my family. I actually thought all the traveling part went great except for this: The baby was carrying norovirus ( hits you with 24 hour vomiting, then you are fine but weak.). The baby threw up once, he was fine otherwise, but he passed it to the first set of grandparents, to us, and then we carried it to my family -- my mom and niece got it. It was a very pukey Christmas for too many people. Thank goodness we weren't sick for the plane rides. Anyway, traveling with a baby is not that bad absent viruses. I think your and your wife's plan sounds fine for this year.

[Anonymous]

=================== BUMP ===========================
My update is that I am going to propose that I fly to and from the town with the baby, and she comes on a much shorter trip (flying alone) so she only has to take two days of PTO.

* She is worried about traveling with a baby, but that will be my problem.
* She is worried about taking vacation days, but she will only use two of them (which is nothing at all considering that daycare is closed for 8 workdays).
* I'll drive to pick her and drop her off from/for her flights.

I feel like this is a good compromise that should address a lot of her concerns.

I will let you know what she says.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm a PP who also has a big, fun family but warned about the PITA of doing this with a kid. I agree that daycare being closed changes the calculation a little, since your wife will have to take unpaid leave now anyway (though it sounds like she might be able to get some help from her parents and work at least part-time?)

A few things to consider:
1. Will there be any other kids there? Ages?
2. Is it possible to rent a house just for your family? Or is the big group house the only option? Will your family have their own room? Is anyone going to be on a sofabed in the living room that you might wake up at 7am?
3. Will you do Xmas there? Tree? Santa? Will you wrap and ship presents in advance? Bring them with you?
4. Do you know a pediatrician in the area you're going? 13 months and in daycare = sick all winter.
5. What's the plan for meals? Cooking at the house? Going to restaurants? What kind of restaurants?
6. What is there to do? How will you entertain a toddler all day for five days?

1. Yes, lots of kids, but the others will all be walking and talking age (pre-schoolers and up)
2. Yes, we can get one of the secondary cabins
3. Christmas yes. Tree if they set one up. Presents ... No, probably nothing big that would be a hassle to pack.
4. No, but that's a good thing to look into.
5. I think cooking and maybe some restaurants, but if people want to dine out past our baby's bedtime I'll stay in with my wife. (Like I just did on the trip we had earlier this month).
6. We can go snow-shoeing, hang out in the cute town, go on the bunny hill/snowtubing, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was team OP until he continued on with the score keeping. It seems you are trying to punsih her somehow for her family being close and you guys doing stuff with them here adn there, but your family being an airplane ride away (and the fact that she doesn't want to go with a young toddler).

Before you give yourself all of these participation points ask yourself this:
1. Does she make you feel forced to do her family things or is she like "my parents are going to Bush Gardens, want to go?" and you say 'yes". Have you said "no" to some things you didn't think you would enjoy or you thought wouldn't be great with the baby? Did she fuss and moan about you not wanting to go with her family?
2. Are you actually enjoying yourself or going through the motions of these activities? Meaning, did you have fun at Bush Gardens or other functions or do you go just to prove you are a supportive husband and get points. While it is Ok to phone it in sometimes, if that is how you approach most activities, sorry. You don't get any points.
3. Why are you keeping score at all? Has she always refused your family? Because earlier you said she would have fun becuase she had before. So that tells me she DOES like being with them ans has, just not over Xmas this year. So why such a fuss from you? Not like she has avoided your family for 10 years or something?


The way you are sticking to this idea that she "owes" you going to your family reunion given she has valid reasons NOT to go (as confirmed by randoms on the internet here) it just seems like you are unhappy with her in general and finding things to escalate and villianize her for. Which isn't fair to her or this situation or your DD.

1) No, I haven't said no to any events with her family. I make a special effort to even plan cool weekends with her family.
2) This makes no sense. It is better to not go than to go and "sacrifice" a bit to give her quality time with her family and let her have fun? OK, good to know...?
3) We haven't been married for very long, so I think this is the first time she has said no to a proposed family get together.