How terrible will it be to be away from my 1 year old daughter at Christmas? I am regretting things

[Anonymous]

So your priorities when you bought the ticket were seriously messed up. This is not an emergency, funeral, etc... You chose to leave your wife and new baby and see YOUR family on Christmas. Dude, your wife and your child are your family. And why don't you at least take your dd on your own? It is fine for your wife to be working and alone with her baby, but you can't travel with your own child? Your wife is a saint and you were a douche bag if the highest degree.

[Anonymous]

Time to start adulting and stop blaming your wife for a choice YOU made months ago.
You have several options here. You can
A: stay home and spend the holiday with your family
B. go and OWN the fact that YOU made this decision to go and not blame/guilt your wife for not deciding to change plans and go with. Ask your wife to leave up decorations and celebrate when you get back just like it was Xmas morning.
C. go for less time (why you would plan a week is beyond me)


But please stop trying to put this on your wife. You sound very passive aggressive in your responses about her not wanting to go. Yeah, no sh!t Sherlock. It is the holidays with a small child. Of course she wants to be at home with family and likely would want you there too. But smiled and agreed to you flying out to see your extended family instead of the new one you created with her.

I doubt this is the first time you have chosen your extended family to her and now your child. Use this as a wakeup call to get your prioritise in order and talk with your wife about decisions, don't bully/guilt her into agreeing with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe you are going. That is very odd. Who would want to leave their spouse and child at home on the biggest holiday of the year so they can go on an extended trip with great Aunt Bess and cousin Elroy.

Obviously I have cooler aunts and cousins than you! Kidding, sorry of

People who don't have big fun families can't understand I guess

I'll also be there with my dad and brother

Please understand this: it doesn't matter that your family is fun to be around. Now that you have a baby, you'll need to make sacrifices. That means you stay home EVEN THOUGH you'd like to go on this fun filled family trip.

I'd be pissed if my husband did this at Christmas.

My friends are a HOOT to be around. But you know what? When i had kids i didn't keep going to friday happy hour with them.
do we go out? Yep. Did i the first few months? nope. Do i every Friday like i used to? Nope.
Do i go out on holidays without my kids/DH? NOPE

How hard is it to see that YOU did this. YOU make it right, stopy this BS about your family is fun and your DW should try to make this work BS.

[Anonymous]

Funny to see the last few responses of piling on

We are fine with how things are planned and are not going to get divorced

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny to see the last few responses of piling on

We are fine with how things are planned and are not going to get divorced

If that is true, your wife is way cooler than most. NO WAY this would fly in my house.

[Anonymous]

I replied and don't think you are getting divorced.
What i do think is you may not have realized how your priorities would change once you had kids and now that you do, you are trying to rationalize your choice (fun family!!!) and stated you don't want to guilt your wife but that is exactly what you are doing with your passive aggressive comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DW here who, if the situation were that same, would probably prefer my H went to his family reunion and I stayed local.

OP - part of growing up is realizing you can’t get everything you want.

Your wife doesn’t want to travel with a 13 month old at Christmas (completely fair decision), be glad she’s confident enough in your relationship that she’s okay with you missing Christmas. . Your daughter won’t notice, so it’s about you, not your daughter, not your wife. So you have to pick, it’s not fair to guilt your wife into going.

We did a reasonable amount of traveling with our child when she was under 2 (and still do), and from being very mobile (walking, basically) to 2.5 was the hardest, especially with long flights. Traveling at Christmas sucks no matter what the circumstances. Coming back from a week vacation, that you don’t have vacation time for, exhausted, and jumping back into work/parenting, sounds awful. These are all likely reasons your wife doesn’t want to go.

All of this. Ignore the doomsday poster, OP. I come from a big, fun family (woman here). I totally get why you want to go, and you should! And I totally get why your wife would rather stay home. I'm the PP who has walked miles outside restaurants while family had dinners, missed out on bars because I had to go put kids to bed. I'm the oldest cousin and was the first to have kids. I guarantee you that you will have more fun without your wife and kid. And your wife will be happier at home rather than dealing with the kid and travel.

"Everyone will be around to help." No, they won't. They all have good intentions, but at the end of the day no one wants to miss out on the fun to watch your kid. So no, your dad will it skip the trip the the bar for HH so you can go.

"We'll be in a big house, baby can sleep in another room and we can socialize." Yeah, enjoy constantly reminding your big fun family to keep their voices down while playing cards against humanity, after you spent an hour trying to get baby to sleep in a pack and play she's not used to. And trying to keep your kid quiet and occupied from 6am - 9am when all the hungover people wake up.

OP, I could go on. I have BTDT. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. If your wife is cool with you going, go and have fun. It will definitely be easier for her to stay home with the kid. Your current plan is honestly the ideal solution. Celebrate Xmas another day - your daughter will have no idea.

[Anonymous]

This post is horrifying. I can't imagine being married to you op.

[Anonymous]

Its one thing to think about doing this and having your DW on board with you doing it.
It is an entirely different thing for you to sit here and complain that your wife won't go unless yo guilt her into it.
Put on your big boy pants, she said you can go. Do it and shut your mouth about it already.
The last thing she wants right now is to feel guilty for keeping you from your DC over Xmas by refusing to go. That is such an unfair position to put her in.

I agree 100% with the above poster who disagrees with the 'help' you will ahve and with the greatness of staying in one large house.
Trust me. You would want your own hotel room or cabin. Staying iwth tons of people will only be way more stress than any $$ savings with a kid.
The kid's routine is off due to different location and possible time change. THe atmosphere is different, her bed is different, there are people she does NOT know or trust around her constantly. You want your family to retire to their rooms at 7:30 when you put DD down? You want them all up at the crack of dawn when DD wakes up?
You can't expect them to help watch your kid and your wife will spend the entire week just running around after the kid, trying to keep it out of trouble or occupied or asleep. Yeah, sounds like great fun.
Go, enjoy yourself. Sleep in and then thank your wife when you get home by allowing her to do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post is horrifying. I can't imagine being married to you op.

Ridiculous. This is an important event, so default would be to all go. Obviously, OP's wife's life will be easier if she and kid don't go. As OP will also have more fun, it's a win-win. But OP is being cool by not pressuring his wife to go (because trust me, it would suck for her).

This is the epitome of a functional relationship, where both OP and his wife are giving a little to reach a solution that maximizes everyone's happiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny to see the last few responses of piling on

We are fine with how things are planned and are not going to get divorced

Douche. She will divorce you. Nobody can ne with a man child for long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will end up divorced OP. Not because of this trip but because both you and your wife are more bonded to your families of origin than to each other. Ignore that at your own peril. You’re getting what you want in the short term yes but sewing the seeds of much more serious issues.

Oh please. Ignore this poster.

I completely get why your wife would not want to fly that far out during Christmas. What you had originally planned is fine. Staying home with them is fine too. What's not fine is for either of you to say one thing and mean another, and secretly harbor resentment. If you both communicate well and mean what you say, then all the power to you and enjoy your holiday.

Agree, you will not end up in divorce because your wife doesn't want to travel across the country with a 13 month old and then be the sole caretaker while you go do fun things with your family... because lets be honest, that's what would happen. Your original plan is perfect. My husband traveled to multiple family events without me when our kids were very little because it just wasn't worth it to travel with kids but it was important for him to be there. We are still married. The fact that it is over Christmas is only a big deal if you decide to make it a big deal.

This. Sometimes you have to split up. DH took our kids to his family during Thanksgiving without me. I had ZERO leave, and basically refused to go in the hole or take LWOP for this trip. That was 7 years ago, and we are still married. It's only a thing if you make it a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it depends on your wife.

Would she mind taking unpaid leave, dealing with crappy flights, snow, and everything else that comes with Christmas travel? It's a lot of hassle and a big ask.

Personally I'd go by myself but cut the trip short. Spend Christmas eve and the morning of with my daughter and wife, and join the extended family either before or after.

+1

If I were in her shoes, I would much prefer the vacation days be spent on me than losing them to a reunion I didn't want to attend. If she has family or friends to celebrate with and this truly works for your family, then stop feeling guilty.

Your baby won't remember this Christmas anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post is horrifying. I can't imagine being married to you op.

Posts like yours make me thank my lucky starts I'm not from a Christian family. There's enough pressure in life without words like yours. At least in my family, we don't get family crazy on the same day as the rest of the country.

[Anonymous]

Don't do it!

You belong with your baby on Christmas.