How terrible will it be to be away from my 1 year old daughter at Christmas? I am regretting things

[Anonymous]

I wonder what Wife #2 is going to think of him and his superfun awesome shazam family when it's her turn to stay home with baby #4? And what DD #1 at age 15 will think of her supercool such fun PeterPan Daddio then, he could have spent the holidays with her and her half siblings but the ski trip comes first. It's a tradition!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,
I side eyed your passive aggressive statements from the start but as a DW who honestly wouldn't mind the situation you described (you going to this reunion out of state over DD first Xmas) I gave you a pass. I get not everything plays out perfectly schedule wise.
However, the more you post and reveal your true disdain for your wife's autonomy is pushing me to no longer be 'team you'.

You have a family reunion over a major holiday (and out of state no less). It doesn't seem your DW fussed or guilted you into staying with your DD. You state she said she was 'fine' with you going. See, she is being the bigger person here.
You seem to think that she was only staying because of work when she stated she does NOT want to travel at Christmas with a small child who will likely be very mobile or wanting to be.

Now that Daycare is closed is a complete non issue to everyone except you who seems to think this is your way into bullying your wife to doing what you and only you want.
What about her? What about your DD? What about your DW family who thinks and may have already planned for her to be home this year and scheduled holiday plans based on that.
She MAY be able to still work if her family watches your daughter.

If this daycare being closed is such an issue for you then stay home and be with your child so your wife doesnt need to take unpaid leave (which i am sure she is not thrilled about doing but may be too big of person to ask you to step up and parent your own child to help).

Listen,
I get it. You likely miss your family, they are fun and great and the best thing ever. But do you really want to hold your wife and DD hostage just to prove that you can over this? Seriously. Be the bigger person. Tell DW you will support her no matter what she decides and then do just that.
That may be you going alone and having a blast, or staying home and enjoying your sweet DD because you will blink and she will be 18.

Just own your decisions and don't be 'that' guy who has to get his way or pouts, pitches a fit and guilts people into doing things his way

Op here. Fair enough.. I'll go back to what I said before. Won't pressure her into coming and won't fuss if she wants to work and get her mom to help out with the baby

Good for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:#1 at Christmas:
Your immediate family: your spouse and kid

#2
Anyone who is not your immediate family

+1000. I can’t believe this is a real thread. There is nothing on this earth that would have caused me to miss my baby’s first Christmas at home. Least of all a family reunion that could easily be held at some other time of year. I’d really be thinking twice about my marriage if I was your spouse.

[Anonymous]

What family has a major reunion over Christmas? So inconsiderate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,
I side eyed your passive aggressive statements from the start but as a DW who honestly wouldn't mind the situation you described (you going to this reunion out of state over DD first Xmas) I gave you a pass. I get not everything plays out perfectly schedule wise.
However, the more you post and reveal your true disdain for your wife's autonomy is pushing me to no longer be 'team you'.

You have a family reunion over a major holiday (and out of state no less). It doesn't seem your DW fussed or guilted you into staying with your DD. You state she said she was 'fine' with you going. See, she is being the bigger person here.
You seem to think that she was only staying because of work when she stated she does NOT want to travel at Christmas with a small child who will likely be very mobile or wanting to be.

Now that Daycare is closed is a complete non issue to everyone except you who seems to think this is your way into bullying your wife to doing what you and only you want.
What about her? What about your DD? What about your DW family who thinks and may have already planned for her to be home this year and scheduled holiday plans based on that.
She MAY be able to still work if her family watches your daughter.

If this daycare being closed is such an issue for you then stay home and be with your child so your wife doesnt need to take unpaid leave (which i am sure she is not thrilled about doing but may be too big of person to ask you to step up and parent your own child to help).

Listen,
I get it. You likely miss your family, they are fun and great and the best thing ever. But do you really want to hold your wife and DD hostage just to prove that you can over this? Seriously. Be the bigger person. Tell DW you will support her no matter what she decides and then do just that.
That may be you going alone and having a blast, or staying home and enjoying your sweet DD because you will blink and she will be 18.

Just own your decisions and don't be 'that' guy who has to get his way or pouts, pitches a fit and guilts people into doing things his way

Op here. Fair enough.. I'll go back to what I said before. Won't pressure her into coming and won't fuss if she wants to work and get her mom to help out with the baby

And what if she decides to take off that week because daycare is closed but stay home with the baby instead of traveling to your family?

[Anonymous]

I'll just accept it, but I would probably think a bit differently about enduring sacrifice/inconvenience to see her family the next time around. Truth is it doesn't matter because we can always see her family with a 2.5 hour drive or less, though

[Anonymous]

By the way, I told her about this thread a while back (no link) so if she wanted she could find it.. Don't think she will though

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll just accept it, but I would probably think a bit differently about enduring sacrifice/inconvenience to see her family the next time around. Truth is it doesn't matter because we can always see her family with a 2.5 hour drive or less, though

But you’re totally not punitive or retaliatory.

[Anonymous]

Why is that unreasonable? She has the right to do what's most comfortable and convenient for her according to everyone

So I do too. Is there a controversy here?

[Anonymous]

We can have a suck it up and make the effort to see extended family type marriage or a let's just do what's easiest for each other type marriage. I'll let her pick

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We can have a suck it up and make the effort to see extended family type marriage or a let's just do what's easiest for each other type marriage. I'll let her pick

You are acting like a petulant child. Back before you knew about the daycare issue, she very generously agreed to you going out there over Christmas week while she worked and took care of your baby by herself during non-working hours. You were getting a week-long vacation at her expense. Now that daycare is going to be closed, she could have said you needed to cancel the trip and stay home to take care of the baby so she could work, but she didn’t. Instead, she told you to go ahead with your week-long responsibility-free vacation, and she would work it out on the home front. But instead of being appreciative that your wife has gone above and beyond to accommodate your desire to go on this vacation, you are punishing her for not completely bending to your will. As I type it out, it’s actually a bit worrisome how you are retaliating against her for not letting you completely call the shots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a big family gathering that I really shouldn't and don't want to miss and I already purchased a flight! So my options now are to waste my flight, buy another flight for my wife or change nothing about the plans

Bring your wife and baby. You will regret it.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I will regret it

This weekend we went to Busch gardens with her family and I took care of the baby in the park the whole time while she was drinking and going on rides

Just paying it forward I guess

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We can have a suck it up and make the effort to see extended family type marriage or a let's just do what's easiest for each other type marriage. I'll let her pick

You are acting like a petulant child. Back before you knew about the daycare issue, she very generously agreed to you going out there over Christmas week while she worked and took care of your baby by herself during non-working hours. You were getting a week-long vacation at her expense. Now that daycare is going to be closed, she could have said you needed to cancel the trip and stay home to take care of the baby so she could work, but she didn’t. Instead, she told you to go ahead with your week-long responsibility-free vacation, and she would work it out on the home front. But instead of being appreciative that your wife has gone above and beyond to accommodate your desire to go on this vacation, you are punishing her for not completely bending to your will. As I type it out, it’s actually a bit worrisome how you are retaliating against her for not letting you completely call the shots.

Sorry, I just don't see it that way

It's not that great of a vacation without my whole family

I make sacrifices to be with her family but I'm not feeling like it's totally reciprocated

That being said .. with the situation unlikely to change, I will try to view it as a fun responsibility free vacation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I will regret it

This weekend we went to Busch gardens with her family and I took care of the baby in the park the whole time while she was drinking and going on rides

Just paying it forward I guess

That’s one day. You are going to be a partynephew for an entire week. Once again sounds like a Kennedy of yore gathering. I don’t see your marriage lasting long with your petulant not child tone.