WWYD if you found out former nanny lied to you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So OP here for the very last time. I just decided to call my former nanny and ask her about the pictures. She seemed shocked that those pictures were in the album. I just asked her to be truthful with me.

Long story short - she took my son to her new apartment (boyfriend's apartment) 2 days in a row and her boyfriend's mother watched him all day while she moved. She said sorry and that she should've just taken those days off, but her boyfriend suggested that idea to her so she could keep her PTO days and have them paid out (we pay out anything not used). I told her I was upset and that I probably wouldn't be the best person to use as a reference since I would have to tell her new family the truth about what happened.

Former nanny said she completely understood and said sorry again. I told her good luck and thanked her for taking care of our son for 3 years.

Thanks all for responding! Made me realize I should just talk to her instead of wondering what really happened.

Yeah that's pretty bad. Sorry OP.

+1 I would be livid if my nanny left my small child with someone I'd never met without my permission. Good thing you asked her what really happened and that she was honest about it.

+1 Yikes!!!

Not buying it. You’re either a troll you’re making this up to justify your initial post. No way the nanny would tell you all this at this point, even if it were true, after all this time.

This.

[Anonymous]

Why did she quit?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The attitudes of nannies and employers toward each other on this thread are ... enlightening.

I agree. I am a career nanny and am so disgusted by the bashing of parents. I find that to be the case far more than parents disrespecting the nanny profession, though it definitely happens on both sides. We are all in this thread therefore you are either a nanny or an employer of one, shouldn’t we all be on the same team!?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This story is so ridiculous. Your nanny made a snapfish book and SHE included these incriminating photos? Why would she be so stupid? And then, three years later, when busted about it, she is so feckless as not to have thought up a better story about where the photo was taken? The whole thing is unbelievable.

I could believe that. Lots of people are stupid enough to get caught. A couple I know are divorcing now, because the man accidentally posted pictures on Facebook of himself with his affair partner, thinking that he had posted them to just to the adultery partner.

FB maybe, but a printed book that you laid out online, printed, looked at in person and then gave as a gift? That takes a special mind of stupid.

Many people are not detail-oriented. She obviously was focused on pics with her and the child, not the background.

What kind of idiot puts pictures of herself and the kid that she cares for in her home when she’s not allowed to take him there? No way I am buying that. This whole thread is a ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Did you ever tell her specifically NOT to take him to her house?

Did you ever ask her if she did take him and then did she respond “No?”

.............................................
I would let it go.
Sometimes Nannies get bored of going to the same places, doing the same thing, every single day.

Switching up the routine benefits both her + the child.

She sounds like a great Nanny to me.
She takes initiative + uses her autonomy wisely.

All good Nanny qualities.

[Anonymous]

OP,
I am positive that no Nanny in her right mind would admit all of this to you weeks after the job is complete.

No one is that nuts.
You likely made the last part up since it is obvious you are not a decent employer.

So I totally think you are exaggerating your plight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I do not micromanage but she should tell me if she's going to take my kid somewhere he doesn't normally go to. My former nanny lives 20 miles away so what would be the point in going to her house to eat lunch? And yes, she's asked me before if she could take my kid to her house and I said no.

I forgot to mention the photos were dated right around when she was moving out of her other apartment. There were moving boxes in the photos so I'm guessing she brought my son to her house while she was moving.

And no she doesn't have newer references, her last day was a couple weeks ago. I would think another family would want to know something like this.

I agree with you OP. Driving a child 20 miles away so she can deal with moving while getting paid is shady behavior. She should have asked you. That isn’t the kind of thing that would be OK with me at all. Not least because if something happened, I’d have no clue where my child was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She didn't lie to you unless you asked her about it and she said no. Let it go. What would be the point of a confrontation now?

I agree. She obviously didn’t hide it. LET.IT.GO

And why give a bad reference if she took good care of your son....that’s what’s important.

Why did she leave?

OP can give an honest reference if asked, which is that while the nanny gave good care overall, there were times you were less than happy with her judgement (i.e. bringing her kid to her house when moving, when you explicitly said no). Some people would hire the nanny anyway, particularly for an older kid where people are less concerned.

Agree. I’d be one of those moms that would be ok with a few times of her taking kid over. Yes, I suspect nanny might not have been 100 percent focused on just childcare if she had to go over to her apartment to take care of something. But the fact nanny didn’t try to hide it tells me she didn’t think it was a big deal. You might be in a professional job where every minute or hour of your time had to be accounted for. I started out at Biglaw billing in 6 minute increments. I could not bill for the time I went to the bathroom, the time I read emails from firm members that weren’t directly tied to a client matter. Of course I couldn’t and didn’t bill for time if I had to check my own personal email, take a personal phone call, run an errand. At least I have the means to take care of stuff (simply don’t bill for that time), but when can nannies take care of little things here and there? If she has to go to the bank she has to use one that has Sat morning hours, else she can’t before or after her work hours. If the nanny had said, hey, I cannot be available for two hours in the middle of the day on this date due to a moving thing, would you have hired a second person to cover those hours? I know that it’s the fact that nanny went against what you forbid her to do, but I really think even “professional nannies” don’t have the mindset that five minutes or thirty minutes doing something personal (using their phones) is “stealing” time and money, like new attorneys and others are trained to think. Three years is a very long time, life happens. I think you were pretty lucky that you had that stability and no reason to have to hire someone new. You can tell the new employer but it would not affect me or prevent me from hiring that nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let it go. And don’t give a bad reference over it. Seriously can’t believe you would do that.

Agree. She made a bad judgment call, but she lovingly cared for your child three years. Three years without incident. You have no heart if you won’t give her a reference over this. Do you wish your child would later on make a similar mistake at work and the employer have no sympathy for your child? Treat others like you would like to be treated, OP.

[Anonymous]

No good deed goes unpunished. Last year my MB told me she didn’t want the kids to make her Xmas decorations again because they didn’t match her tree. So I had them make her nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let it go.

Your real problem is not that the nanny lied but that a nanny is raising your kid. Make peace with it.

Right. She’s not mad the kid was at an apartment (why would she be?) but that she wasn’t micromanaging every move and the nanny exercised independent judgment.

You’re both crazy. If I saw pictures from preschool of my kid on a field trip and no one told me about the trip beforehand, I would be upset. I am assuming the nanny’s apartment is not walking distance.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here- I was team nanny/team who cares until I saw OP’s update. So dangerous and wrong!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I think this is terrible. I thought it was terrible before I heard what nanny actually did. A parent shouldn't have to specify all the places the baby shouldn't go. Don't take my kid to a new location without telling the parent. Awful.

MY nanny would just text, me - "hey, we are going to XXX park to check-it out".

It is even more awful to leave the child in someone's else's care without a specific OK. Terrible.

You don’t trust your nanny to take your child to a new park without telling you first?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe that you are falling for this. I think this did not happen.

Exactly. She hasn't talked to the nanny.

[Anonymous]

I'm a Mom Boss and I'm still on the nanny's side. Even more that she was so honest with you.

I trust my nanny implicitly. She has taken my kid to her family functions and other things. She would never do anything to hurt him and I don't need to micromanage their whole day. Any bad thing that could happen to my kid with her could happen to him if he were with me or my husband.