WWYD if you found out former nanny lied to you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I do not micromanage but she should tell me if she's going to take my kid somewhere he doesn't normally go to. My former nanny lives 20 miles away so what would be the point in going to her house to eat lunch? And yes, she's asked me before if she could take my kid to her house and I said no.

I forgot to mention the photos were dated right around when she was moving out of her other apartment. There were moving boxes in the photos so I'm guessing she brought my son to her house while she was moving.

And no she doesn't have newer references, her last day was a couple weeks ago. I would think another family would want to know something like this.

OK, well that's different. Yet she gave a book with pics of your kid there?

[Anonymous]

You sound like a very vindictive person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I do not micromanage but she should tell me if she's going to take my kid somewhere he doesn't normally go to. My former nanny lives 20 miles away so what would be the point in going to her house to eat lunch? And yes, she's asked me before if she could take my kid to her house and I said no.

I forgot to mention the photos were dated right around when she was moving out of her other apartment. There were moving boxes in the photos so I'm guessing she brought my son to her house while she was moving.

And no she doesn't have newer references, her last day was a couple weeks ago. I would think another family would want to know something like this.

Just curious, why did you say no? Did you not trust her?

Hi OP here again, I just don't see the point in her taking my son to her house. He has class (art, gym, etc) everyday in the morning, then lunch at home, nap, sometimes a play date so I don't see what benefit he gets from being in the car 30+ minutes each way to hang out at her house. She obviously asked me because she had a personal (very long) errand to run, but that's what leave should be used for.

As a nanny, I get why you are upset but I still couldn’t work for you or ppl like you. You are not alone in your feelings. However, you are making a mountain out of a molehill and willing to sabotage someone else’s career just bc you feel disrespected. You may not think your micromanage but you do based on your responses and reaction. You want to be vindictive and this isn’t worth it. Was your child traumatized? And be honest, how annoyed would you have been if your nanny asked for the day off to pack to move? Would you have paid her normal rate or less?

Op here, she has 3 weeks of PTO of her choosing. She asked if she could bring my son to her house around that time and I'm guessing that's the day she decided to move. If she asked for the day off I would have said yes and that she would have to use a PTO day. I have very reliable back up care. I'm guessing she wanted to have her cake and eat it too that day. Have you ever moved with a toddler? It's not easy. And I wouldn't sabotage her career, but I would tell the truth.

OP, you WOULD be sabotoging her, and you know it. What she did was minor and harmless. If you had any other issues with her care, sure, don't give her a good recommendation. But taking your son to her house a few times? No.

BTW how much severance did you give her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a very vindictive person.

I'm a mom boss or whatever this forum calls it and I would want to know if my nanny was taking my kids places they normally don't go especially if I said no. I don't think giving an honest referral is vindictive. As an employer I would want to know the truth, good and bad.

[Anonymous]

Is this the only issue you had with her in years of service to your family? Then let it go. Is this the straw that broke the camel's back after years of petty grievances? Then by all means, tell future families that you didn't get along well.

I can see why you would be upset, but it seems like she really loved and cared for your child, and he's happy and healthy and growing as he should be, so you ought to keep this in perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Presumably, if she gave you a photo album with the activity then she thought it was okay with you.

OP here again, honestly I think she put those photos in there by accident. There were over 100 pages of photos so I feel like she just wasn't thinking. She left the dates in some of the photos and didn't crop them out. I just don't see the point in going 20 miles to her house to eat lunch. I don't care if she runs personal errands here and there but going 20 miles out of the way to eat lunch and I'm guessing move I'm not ok with.

She put together an album for your child. She cares about your child. She was good for your family for 3 years. Please don't be an a$$hole and prevent her from getting a new job. Be honest about what she did with regard to going to her house, but also be honest if she is a good caregiver.

[Anonymous]

You sound like my husband. He trusts me with our kid (has no choice), but gives me crap if I run into somebody, exchange couple of words. I also know better not to go to near my work. All should be ok and they are not.
You trusted her to care for your son but not in her apartment? Why not? Is street ok? Maybe it was too hot, maybe it was rainy, maybe she had some cool toys or books.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a very vindictive person.

And petty. I mean, just move on. You must have a lot of time on your hands if you have time to think, post and reply back on this thread.

[Anonymous]

I am surprised with all the comments on nannies side. I am with you OP. If she lied about this she probably lied about other things too. We had a similar thing happen with a nanny and ended up firing her. Except our son was much younger and could not tell us anything. Our rule was the nanny had to text us where she was going and be back for his regular nap time. After a while she was dragging him all over town on her personal errands and was skipping his nap if it didn’t suit her. She disregarded our explicit instructions on many occasions, and it took us a long time to figure all this out. You absolutely need to tell the next family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised with all the comments on nannies side. I am with you OP. If she lied about this she probably lied about other things too. We had a similar thing happen with a nanny and ended up firing her. Except our son was much younger and could not tell us anything. Our rule was the nanny had to text us where she was going and be back for his regular nap time. After a while she was dragging him all over town on her personal errands and was skipping his nap if it didn’t suit her. She disregarded our explicit instructions on many occasions, and it took us a long time to figure all this out. You absolutely need to tell the next family.

I think people are siding with the nannies because only nannies are responding. You know this forum, everyone makes $30+/hr and should be able to do whatever they want! OP your first mistake was posting on this forum. No good ever comes from the nanny forums. HAH!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do think it's useless at this point. Whether I'd tell those looking for a reference would depend. Was she forbidden from taking him there? Did she generally have permission to take him out and about? Did she break rules about what he is supposed to eat? While I wouldn't be too happy, there's a difference between her failing to mention it and breaking specific rules.

+1 on all this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I do not micromanage but she should tell me if she's going to take my kid somewhere he doesn't normally go to. My former nanny lives 20 miles away so what would be the point in going to her house to eat lunch? And yes, she's asked me before if she could take my kid to her house and I said no.

I forgot to mention the photos were dated right around when she was moving out of her other apartment. There were moving boxes in the photos so I'm guessing she brought my son to her house while she was moving.

And no she doesn't have newer references, her last day was a couple weeks ago. I would think another family would want to know something like this.

Just curious, why did you say no? Did you not trust her?

Hi OP here again, I just don't see the point in her taking my son to her house. He has class (art, gym, etc) everyday in the morning, then lunch at home, nap, sometimes a play date so I don't see what benefit he gets from being in the car 30+ minutes each way to hang out at her house. She obviously asked me because she had a personal (very long) errand to run, but that's what leave should be used for.

As a nanny, I get why you are upset but I still couldn’t work for you or ppl like you. You are not alone in your feelings. However, you are making a mountain out of a molehill and willing to sabotage someone else’s career just bc you feel disrespected. You may not think your micromanage but you do based on your responses and reaction. You want to be vindictive and this isn’t worth it. Was your child traumatized? And be honest, how annoyed would you have been if your nanny asked for the day off to pack to move? Would you have paid her normal rate or less?

+1 I am not a nanny and never have been, but please don't sabotage her career over this. You should talk with her. If you are NOT willing to discuss this with her, then I would not bring it up to future employees behind her back. Either talk to her or don't, but don't do the sneaky/cowardly thing, sort of a 'kiss-off' at the end.

And FWIW, I'm a person who BECAUSE of two problematic nannies in a row, became a SAHM. So I'm someone who would normally jump to your side, OP. But I just think this is a one-off.

[Anonymous]

Did she lie by omission when you asked what they did during the day? Did you ask where they had lunch? Details about how she spent time with your child?

If she assumed she could do this and you two never talked about it, that's very different from a lie, OP, and you cannot fault her for it. At most, you could tell prospective clients to specify whether they are fine with their child going to her apartment.

I am just more generally concerned that you would have so little information about what your nanny did with your child. That's on YOU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Did she lie by omission when you asked what they did during the day? Did you ask where they had lunch? Details about how she spent time with your child?

If she assumed she could do this and you two never talked about it, that's very different from a lie, OP, and you cannot fault her for it. At most, you could tell prospective clients to specify whether they are fine with their child going to her apartment.

I am just more generally concerned that you would have so little information about what your nanny did with your child. That's on YOU.

Sorry, I didn't read your update.

I would not confront her, but I would refer to these instances in your reference, because lying IS a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised with all the comments on nannies side. I am with you OP. If she lied about this she probably lied about other things too. We had a similar thing happen with a nanny and ended up firing her. Except our son was much younger and could not tell us anything. Our rule was the nanny had to text us where she was going and be back for his regular nap time. After a while she was dragging him all over town on her personal errands and was skipping his nap if it didn’t suit her. She disregarded our explicit instructions on many occasions, and it took us a long time to figure all this out. You absolutely need to tell the next family.

I think people are siding with the nannies because only nannies are responding. You know this forum, everyone makes $30+/hr and should be able to do whatever they want! OP your first mistake was posting on this forum. No good ever comes from the nanny forums. HAH!

Nope, I am a parent who has hired numerous nannies and babysitters, and I believe OP is being petty and vindictive. I agree with a PP that if this was one in a long string of troubling incidents, and you dismissed her because of it, then yeah, any reference should reflect that. But ruining her job prospects because she overstepped once? I also want to know how much severance OP paid, because that might have bearing on why the nanny may not have felt like she could take a vacation day. Anyway, if she can't find a job, then she'll collect unemployment and OP's unemployment tax rate will go up for any future household workers (OP you did pay her on the books, right?)

Sounds like this nanny loved your kid and basically did a good job. Why would you screw her over now? She's a low-wage worker who CARED FOR YOUR CHILD. She can't afford to go that long between jobs.