WWYD if you found out former nanny lied to you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised with all the comments on nannies side. I am with you OP. If she lied about this she probably lied about other things too. We had a similar thing happen with a nanny and ended up firing her. Except our son was much younger and could not tell us anything. Our rule was the nanny had to text us where she was going and be back for his regular nap time. After a while she was dragging him all over town on her personal errands and was skipping his nap if it didn’t suit her. She disregarded our explicit instructions on many occasions, and it took us a long time to figure all this out. You absolutely need to tell the next family.

I'm not a nanny responding, I'm a mom of two and I am not on either side. I'm on the side of get over it. The nanny is no longer in your employ. If you are asked for a reference,certainly be honest. But then ask yourself these questions...Did nanny take, what you consider, good care of your child? Would you hire her again? Would you have fired her over this offense?

I think you are upset because you are indeed wondering if she lied about other things that you didn't catch. So you are really made at yourself for being not being more careful in who you let care for your child. Maybe some self reflection is in order. Otherwise get over it.

[Anonymous]

Scenario: she got a lass moment call to be at the apartment to let in maintenance or some such. Instead of calling you midday to tell you that she had to leave, she just bundled the kid over there while she waited to let in whomever she had to let in. It doesn't necessarily mean she was actually doing moving with your kid.

I'm not sayingthat was necessarily the case. What I am saying is consider that it's a lot less nefarious and you were thinking op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised with all the comments on nannies side. I am with you OP. If she lied about this she probably lied about other things too. We had a similar thing happen with a nanny and ended up firing her. Except our son was much younger and could not tell us anything. Our rule was the nanny had to text us where she was going and be back for his regular nap time. After a while she was dragging him all over town on her personal errands and was skipping his nap if it didn’t suit her. She disregarded our explicit instructions on many occasions, and it took us a long time to figure all this out. You absolutely need to tell the next family.

I think people are siding with the nannies because only nannies are responding. You know this forum, everyone makes $30+/hr and should be able to do whatever they want! OP your first mistake was posting on this forum. No good ever comes from the nanny forums. HAH!

You are the same annoying person. We get it. You’re a crappy boss who doesn’t pay well. Don’t worry, no one is out here tripping over themselves to work for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I do not micromanage but she should tell me if she's going to take my kid somewhere he doesn't normally go to. My former nanny lives 20 miles away so what would be the point in going to her house to eat lunch? And yes, she's asked me before if she could take my kid to her house and I said no.

I forgot to mention the photos were dated right around when she was moving out of her other apartment. There were moving boxes in the photos so I'm guessing she brought my son to her house while she was moving.

And no she doesn't have newer references, her last day was a couple weeks ago. I would think another family would want to know something like this.

Just curious, why did you say no? Did you not trust her?

Hi OP here again, I just don't see the point in her taking my son to her house. He has class (art, gym, etc) everyday in the morning, then lunch at home, nap, sometimes a play date so I don't see what benefit he gets from being in the car 30+ minutes each way to hang out at her house. She obviously asked me because she had a personal (very long) errand to run, but that's what leave should be used for.

As a nanny, I get why you are upset but I still couldn’t work for you or ppl like you. You are not alone in your feelings. However, you are making a mountain out of a molehill and willing to sabotage someone else’s career just bc you feel disrespected. You may not think your micromanage but you do based on your responses and reaction. You want to be vindictive and this isn’t worth it. Was your child traumatized? And be honest, how annoyed would you have been if your nanny asked for the day off to pack to move? Would you have paid her normal rate or less?

Op here, she has 3 weeks of PTO of her choosing. She asked if she could bring my son to her house around that time and I'm guessing that's the day she decided to move. If she asked for the day off I would have said yes and that she would have to use a PTO day. I have very reliable back up care. I'm guessing she wanted to have her cake and eat it too that day. Have you ever moved with a toddler? It's not easy. And I wouldn't sabotage her career, but I would tell the truth.

You don’t hear yourself so you’ll never really get it. I know the exact type of boss you are. And no, I’m not saying you are some horrible boss and that you aren’t correct in your frustration/disappointment. But actually step back and look at the wider picture.

[Anonymous]

Most bosses I know would rather I took their kid to my house a few times for stuff like that, over giving me the time off and them having to waste vacation time or find alternate childcare.
I would not say anything and would not give a bad reference either.

[Anonymous]

Above PP again, I used to take my charges home about once a week, it was a change of scenery for them, We would walk my dog together, go to a playground in my neighborhood that was different from the ones in their neighborhood and I kept toys at my house that they enjoyed becuase they didnt get to play with them every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you never said it wasn’t okay? Why would she suspect she couldn’t bring him to her house for lunch? I think you will sound insane if you confront her now and even more insane if you tell a future family this story.

You sound crazy, OP.

She obviously wasn’t trying to hide it if she gave the photos! Did you expect her to keep your son inside your house at all times? Did you a have a list of approved places she could take him?

If I called a nanny’s prior family and heard this story, I would feel bad for the nanny that she dealt with psychos like you for so long.

Let it go, really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I do not micromanage but she should tell me if she's going to take my kid somewhere he doesn't normally go to. My former nanny lives 20 miles away so what would be the point in going to her house to eat lunch? And yes, she's asked me before if she could take my kid to her house and I said no.

I forgot to mention the photos were dated right around when she was moving out of her other apartment. There were moving boxes in the photos so I'm guessing she brought my son to her house while she was moving.

And no she doesn't have newer references, her last day was a couple weeks ago. I would think another family would want to know something like this.

Just curious, why did you say no? Did you not trust her?

Hi OP here again, I just don't see the point in her taking my son to her house. He has class (art, gym, etc) everyday in the morning, then lunch at home, nap, sometimes a play date so I don't see what benefit he gets from being in the car 30+ minutes each way to hang out at her house. She obviously asked me because she had a personal (very long) errand to run, but that's what leave should be used for.

As a nanny, I get why you are upset but I still couldn’t work for you or ppl like you. You are not alone in your feelings. However, you are making a mountain out of a molehill and willing to sabotage someone else’s career just bc you feel disrespected. You may not think your micromanage but you do based on your responses and reaction. You want to be vindictive and this isn’t worth it. Was your child traumatized? And be honest, how annoyed would you have been if your nanny asked for the day off to pack to move? Would you have paid her normal rate or less?

Op here, she has 3 weeks of PTO of her choosing. She asked if she could bring my son to her house around that time and I'm guessing that's the day she decided to move. If she asked for the day off I would have said yes and that she would have to use a PTO day. I have very reliable back up care. I'm guessing she wanted to have her cake and eat it too that day. Have you ever moved with a toddler? It's not easy. And I wouldn't sabotage her career, but I would tell the truth.

OP, you WOULD be sabotoging her, and you know it. What she did was minor and harmless. If you had any other issues with her care, sure, don't give her a good recommendation. But taking your son to her house a few times? No.

BTW how much severance did you give her?

OP has a right to give an honest recommendation. My nanny takes my kid to her home sometimes, but always asks me in advance. If she did it after asking me and I said no, I wouldn't be happy, and I agree that while the kid wasn't harmed, it isn't the quality of care OP was paying for to have her kid there while the nanny did moving activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most bosses I know would rather I took their kid to my house a few times for stuff like that, over giving me the time off and them having to waste vacation time or find alternate childcare.
I would not say anything and would not give a bad reference either.

That's fine if it's something agreed upon. But in this case, the OP specifically told her she didn't want her kid at the house because it involved an hour of driving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just found out our former nanny of 3 years lied to us. On her last day (a couple weeks ago) she put together one of those snapfish type photo albums and gave it to my son as a goodbye gift. I was flipping through it today and noticed there were several pictures of her and my son at her apartment eating lunch - she never told me or asked me if it was ok to do this by the way. I asked my son about it and he said that they only went there a few times but I don't know how much I can trust the memory of a 3 year old. I'm pretty upset over this and want to confront her, but my husband thinks it's useless to at this point. If another family calls us for a referral though, my husband thinks it would be good for us to tell them the truth about what happened.

What would you do? Let it go or say something?

Good lord, your poor husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a very vindictive person.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I do not micromanage but she should tell me if she's going to take my kid somewhere he doesn't normally go to. My former nanny lives 20 miles away so what would be the point in going to her house to eat lunch? And yes, she's asked me before if she could take my kid to her house and I said no.

I forgot to mention the photos were dated right around when she was moving out of her other apartment. There were moving boxes in the photos so I'm guessing she brought my son to her house while she was moving.

And no she doesn't have newer references, her last day was a couple weeks ago. I would think another family would want to know something like this.

Just curious, why did you say no? Did you not trust her?

Hi OP here again, I just don't see the point in her taking my son to her house. He has class (art, gym, etc) everyday in the morning, then lunch at home, nap, sometimes a play date so I don't see what benefit he gets from being in the car 30+ minutes each way to hang out at her house. She obviously asked me because she had a personal (very long) errand to run, but that's what leave should be used for.

So would you have given her the time she needed off without giving her grief? Also, what is wrong if she took him to her house for a few hours to say, meet a contractor for repairs, etc.? Maybe she didn't want to burden you and she knows you are difficult. You trust her drive your kids to art class, no?

[Anonymous]

You either confront her or let it go. IMO, it would be very unfair if you don't mention it to her, but do mention it in a reference. She's probably expecting to get a very good reference from you and IMO she's entitled to know if she won't. If this is the only issue, she needs to know so that she can explain her side of the story to prospective employers.

Have you ever been to her apartment? Do you actually KNOW that it IS her apartment in the photos? If not, you may be 100% wrong.

So, my vote is to either let it go OR ask her about it before you mention it in a reference.

[Anonymous]

The problem is not that she took the kid home, it’s that she lied. If this was an emergency she could have mentioned it at the end of the day. I think even a small lie like this is a major issue when we are talking about care of small children who cannot really tell their parents if anything is wrong. How can you know this is the only lie? It’s the only one she got caught on, but it is very difficult to catch a nanny lying if the kid is < 4. I could never trust a nanny like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Presumably, if she gave you a photo album with the activity then she thought it was okay with you.

OP here again, honestly I think she put those photos in there by accident. There were over 100 pages of photos so I feel like she just wasn't thinking. She left the dates in some of the photos and didn't crop them out. I just don't see the point in going 20 miles to her house to eat lunch. I don't care if she runs personal errands here and there but going 20 miles out of the way to eat lunch and I'm guessing move I'm not ok with.

She put together an album for your child. She cares about your child. She was good for your family for 3 years. Please don't be an a$$hole and prevent her from getting a new job. Be honest about what she did with regard to going to her house, but also be honest if she is a good caregiver.

THIS. Other than this tiny thing, did she take great care of your child? Does your child already miss her? Any nanny willing to take the time to put together an album like that is a winner in my book. Why are you so damn hung up on 20 miles to go to her house? It's okay for her to run personal errands in the car with your child but not take her to her apartment for a few hours. Goodness....too bad she can't give you a reference or warn other nannies to stay FAR away.