S/O Question for people who wouldn't go to a wedding if your kids aren't invited

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that kids who are relatives of the bride and groom should be invited to the wedding ceremony because it is an important family event. Regarding the reception, that is less important but I would still prefer that kids can go.

We do not attend any weddings of relatives that do not include the children of all the relatives hecause that kind of wedding says possibly more about the bride and groom than about the potential guests.

And I am so happy you will not attend, because you were only invited for family reasons.

Then what's the problem exactly? I thought most of us were in agreement that if you decline a wedding that's inconvenient because your kids can't come with you, the bride/groom should accept that happily since they know not including kids makes attendance tough for parents of young children.

[Anonymous]

I get the sense there are a lot of unhinged Bridezillas in this thread.

[Anonymous]

This has never been an issue in my friend group. I think I have attended maybe 5 weddings with kids of about 40-50 total. Most (fun) weddings are not really kid appropriate (drunk people, late past midnight, bawdy humor, long afterparties, far too elegant and refined, etc.) Nobody needs a throng of kids running through the Four Seasons or being tripped over by tipsy attendees.

Polite hosts often will offer limited babysitting for the kids, a couple gets parents or family friends to take care of kids over the weekend, or only one parent travels. People would kind of understand if a couple with kids doesn't make it because of kids but also not really? Since most of the attendees (at least in your 30s) have kids and 80% of them are able to make it, one or both. They generally show up ready to party (potentially solo) usually 10x harder than those without kids.

As one example, as the MOH in my sister's wedding, if she had invited kids it would have been 150 adults and about 50 kids. That's not a wedding, that's a daycare. Weddings are meant to be a fun time for adults. I didn't attend a single wedding until I was 25 years old.

I'm also from NYC like a PP if that has anything to do with it.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if this is a difference between California and NYC. I'm in California. The most fun weddings I've been beach or semi-outdoor affairs, kids welcome, but understood that people with kids may leave early. They've been beautiful and elegant but also relaxed. These are the weddings that my friend groups still talk about years later.

In contrast, the Four Seasons hotel weddings no-kids weddings are just kind of boring. I go to them if invited, but they are tedious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has never been an issue in my friend group. I think I have attended maybe 5 weddings with kids of about 40-50 total. Most (fun) weddings are not really kid appropriate (drunk people, late past midnight, bawdy humor, long afterparties, far too elegant and refined, etc.) Nobody needs a throng of kids running through the Four Seasons or being tripped over by tipsy attendees.

Polite hosts often will offer limited babysitting for the kids, a couple gets parents or family friends to take care of kids over the weekend, or only one parent travels. People would kind of understand if a couple with kids doesn't make it because of kids but also not really? Since most of the attendees (at least in your 30s) have kids and 80% of them are able to make it, one or both. They generally show up ready to party (potentially solo) usually 10x harder than those without kids.

As one example, as the MOH in my sister's wedding, if she had invited kids it would have been 150 adults and about 50 kids. That's not a wedding, that's a daycare. Weddings are meant to be a fun time for adults. I didn't attend a single wedding until I was 25 years old.

I'm also from NYC like a PP if that has anything to do with it.

Actually, weddings are MEANT to be a celebration of the union of two people, and by extension, their families. But whatever. The point is people can have whatever type of wedding celebration they want, and people can choose to attend or not based on whatever factors they want, too. And- at least in my circle- everyone is reasonable about it and no one begrudges anyone for what they choose to do on either end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that kids who are relatives of the bride and groom should be invited to the wedding ceremony because it is an important family event. Regarding the reception, that is less important but I would still prefer that kids can go.

We do not attend any weddings of relatives that do not include the children of all the relatives hecause that kind of wedding says possibly more about the bride and groom than about the potential guests.

And I am so happy you will not attend, because you were only invited for family reasons.

Then what's the problem exactly? I thought most of us were in agreement that if you decline a wedding that's inconvenient because your kids can't come with you, the bride/groom should accept that happily since they know not including kids makes attendance tough for parents of young children.

The problem is that the PP isnt' declining because it's too expensive or inconvenient to bring her kids. She's declining because she's judging the bride and groom for being terrible people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has never been an issue in my friend group. I think I have attended maybe 5 weddings with kids of about 40-50 total. Most (fun) weddings are not really kid appropriate (drunk people, late past midnight, bawdy humor, long afterparties, far too elegant and refined, etc.) Nobody needs a throng of kids running through the Four Seasons or being tripped over by tipsy attendees.

Polite hosts often will offer limited babysitting for the kids, a couple gets parents or family friends to take care of kids over the weekend, or only one parent travels. People would kind of understand if a couple with kids doesn't make it because of kids but also not really? Since most of the attendees (at least in your 30s) have kids and 80% of them are able to make it, one or both. They generally show up ready to party (potentially solo) usually 10x harder than those without kids.

As one example, as the MOH in my sister's wedding, if she had invited kids it would have been 150 adults and about 50 kids. That's not a wedding, that's a daycare. Weddings are meant to be a fun time for adults. I didn't attend a single wedding until I was 25 years old.

I'm also from NYC like a PP if that has anything to do with it.

Actually, weddings are MEANT to be a celebration of the union of two people, and by extension, their families. But whatever. The point is people can have whatever type of wedding celebration they want, and people can choose to attend or not based on whatever factors they want, too. And- at least in my circle- everyone is reasonable about it and no one begrudges anyone for what they choose to do on either end.

Exactly! Weddings aren’t meant to be “a fun time for adults.” For most of history until very recently weddings have been an event like Easter or Christmas - a daytime thing that’s mostly about family, held in a church hall/community center/someone’s house. Now everyone’s decided the “traditional wedding” is an evening black tie gala. In the Emily Post wedding book she talks about how she wishes people would go back to the simple daytime wedding.

[Anonymous]

We were invited to a no kid Wedding in Michigan when DD was 2. She was not invited, It was a family Wedding but I had never met this side of DW's family that live out of state.
The hotel where we were supposed to stay was 20 mins from the Wedding and the Reception. A sitter was provided at the hotel.
I am not going to leave my then 2 yo with a stranger in a hotel when I am a 20 min drive away.

DD is now 6 and I still havent met these family members.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has never been an issue in my friend group. I think I have attended maybe 5 weddings with kids of about 40-50 total. Most (fun) weddings are not really kid appropriate (drunk people, late past midnight, bawdy humor, long afterparties, far too elegant and refined, etc.) Nobody needs a throng of kids running through the Four Seasons or being tripped over by tipsy attendees.

Polite hosts often will offer limited babysitting for the kids, a couple gets parents or family friends to take care of kids over the weekend, or only one parent travels. People would kind of understand if a couple with kids doesn't make it because of kids but also not really? Since most of the attendees (at least in your 30s) have kids and 80% of them are able to make it, one or both. They generally show up ready to party (potentially solo) usually 10x harder than those without kids.

As one example, as the MOH in my sister's wedding, if she had invited kids it would have been 150 adults and about 50 kids. That's not a wedding, that's a daycare. Weddings are meant to be a fun time for adults. I didn't attend a single wedding until I was 25 years old.

I'm also from NYC like a PP if that has anything to do with it.

This x 1000000000000

[Anonymous]

I'm realizing how lucky I am to have so many friends who had fun weddings that I was happy to go to!

[Anonymous]

LOLing at OP of the other thread hopping on here to state her case, as though she's not completely absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s funny is that the one angry poster saying we are all selfish for not attending these kid free weddings and dumping our kids on grandparents or sitters so that we can be there for these friends- is the one saying she hasn’t been invited to any weddings since her toddler was born. And half of her posts are like “don’t you want to keep your friends??? How could you do this thing to your friends by not attending???” 1) clearly I have more friends than her if I’m acrually in a situation to be turning down these invites whereas she has no invites for years, haha, and also 2) you have never been in the situation of needing to decide if you’re going to attend 4 kid free weddings this summer, burning your entire vacation budget and missing out on FOUR summer weekends with your kids when you already work all week... you have no idea how you’d respond in that scenario since apparently you aren’t ever facing this dilemma. So I’m not sure why you are posting up and down this thread since its not something that’s ever affected you

Actually, nut job, I am one of the posters you are referring to but I have not posted many of the other posts that are along the same lines, so there are at least five other posters, if not many more. The truth is, many people disagree with you. So go ahead and don't go to weddings. No one will miss you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that kids who are relatives of the bride and groom should be invited to the wedding ceremony because it is an important family event. Regarding the reception, that is less important but I would still prefer that kids can go.

We do not attend any weddings of relatives that do not include the children of all the relatives hecause that kind of wedding says possibly more about the bride and groom than about the potential guests.

And I am so happy you will not attend, because you were only invited for family reasons.

Then what's the problem exactly? I thought most of us were in agreement that if you decline a wedding that's inconvenient because your kids can't come with you, the bride/groom should accept that happily since they know not including kids makes attendance tough for parents of young children.

DP. Your attitude is the problem. The fact that you think the wedding should say ANYTHING about the potential guests.

[Anonymous]

I guess for many people here cost, childcare is a concern. I think also that since the divorce rates are so high, there is no reason to inconvenience oneself and take the whole family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s funny is that the one angry poster saying we are all selfish for not attending these kid free weddings and dumping our kids on grandparents or sitters so that we can be there for these friends- is the one saying she hasn’t been invited to any weddings since her toddler was born. And half of her posts are like “don’t you want to keep your friends??? How could you do this thing to your friends by not attending???” 1) clearly I have more friends than her if I’m acrually in a situation to be turning down these invites whereas she has no invites for years, haha, and also 2) you have never been in the situation of needing to decide if you’re going to attend 4 kid free weddings this summer, burning your entire vacation budget and missing out on FOUR summer weekends with your kids when you already work all week... you have no idea how you’d respond in that scenario since apparently you aren’t ever facing this dilemma. So I’m not sure why you are posting up and down this thread since its not something that’s ever affected you

There are multiple posters who feel at least somewhat like the poster to which you referred. But anyway. Are these really your “friends” if you’re so comfortable declining wedding invitations for them left and right and don’t care to make the effort? I would call those acquaintances, and then the equation changes. So I think we are all sort of talking over each other here. I would make any effort possible to go to a good friend’s wedding, unless it was outlandish (and have!) even if that means weekends without my kids. Again, friendship is reciprocal...but it doesn’t seem like you’re talking about friends.