S/O Question for people who wouldn't go to a wedding if your kids aren't invited

[Anonymous]

Forgot to add that DH’s sister is crashing at our house for a weekend soon so she can attend a friend’s wedding. We are having construction on our home and it is yes, inconvenient and we’ll rearrange the bedrooms when she’s here. Why do we do it? Because family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP of the no kids wedding rant. I would happily go to the wedding PROVIDED I HAVE CHILDCARE. The problem I have is when the couple getting married know that you will have difficulty finding someone and expect you to attend a whole weekend anyway. As stated in my thread, DH’s cousin is out of state and I don’t want to have to ask my parents (ages 65 & 75) to watch the kids for this weekend, so we’ve decided only DH will attend although I’d very much like to go to see the rest of his extended family. For his sister’s wedding it is expected we go, so we did ask my parents to watch the kids and they’ll all just have to suffer through the weekend while we’re gone. DH’s sister could have made this somewhat easier for my parents by inviting our 9 year old (who is sad he won’t get to hang out with his 13 year old cousin) so my parents only have to watch the 6 & 3 year old, but didn’t.

Do. You. Realize. That. DH's sister's FIANCEE. Is. Also. Responsible. Stop laying this at her feet. Yes, she has a vagina. That doesn't make her unilaterally responsible for family dynamics, event planning, and logistics. Wake up.

They can plan the wedding they want. IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU. Go, don't go. Go alone, go with your husband. WHATEVER. That is not their concern.

Why are you obsessed with my DH’s sister’s vagina? Obviously it was her decision. Fiancé didn’t care. DH is close with his sister and tried to talk her out of it, gently but didn’t push it.

Finace doesn't care = that was his vote, that was his input = he is every bit as responsible for this decision about THEIR wedding as she is. And yet you think, because you are living in the 1950s, that this is "on her" and she is sooooo horrible and selfish for wanting the wedding THEY want instead of the wedding YOU want.

Basically everyone is Team SIL and no one thinks you have a leg to stand on.

What's hilarious is how massively hypocritical you are. "Oh, weddings are supposed to be about FAMILIES with cute kids on the dance floor--oh, wait, except mine, I eloped."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Forgot to add that DH’s sister is crashing at our house for a weekend soon so she can attend a friend’s wedding. We are having construction on our home and it is yes, inconvenient and we’ll rearrange the bedrooms when she’s here. Why do we do it? Because family.

Why don't you get her a hotel room? Unless you are as cheap as she is...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP of the no kids wedding rant. I would happily go to the wedding PROVIDED I HAVE CHILDCARE. The problem I have is when the couple getting married know that you will have difficulty finding someone and expect you to attend a whole weekend anyway. As stated in my thread, DH’s cousin is out of state and I don’t want to have to ask my parents (ages 65 & 75) to watch the kids for this weekend, so we’ve decided only DH will attend although I’d very much like to go to see the rest of his extended family. For his sister’s wedding it is expected we go, so we did ask my parents to watch the kids and they’ll all just have to suffer through the weekend while we’re gone. DH’s sister could have made this somewhat easier for my parents by inviting our 9 year old (who is sad he won’t get to hang out with his 13 year old cousin) so my parents only have to watch the 6 & 3 year old, but didn’t.

Oh, FFS. Suffering through the weekend with grandma and grandpa?

And your suggestion that the guest list should be made with your parents in mind?

You keep talking and thinking you are making things better, but you aren't.

+1 the other OP is being so ridiculous. Besides, the 9 yo could actually help thecgrandparents more with the other 2, so that’s another dumb argument.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - and these prior two responses make perfect sense to me. We've been lucky that most of our very-far-away weddings happened before we had kids, so it hasn't been too hard to get the ones that have happened since. I'm more curious about the posters who seemed to say that they categorically would not attend a wedding that their kids weren't invited to.

Did people actually say that?

Don't you think it's actually because of child care and/or expense?

Seems like you are trying to stir up trouble, op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Forgot to add that DH’s sister is crashing at our house for a weekend soon so she can attend a friend’s wedding. We are having construction on our home and it is yes, inconvenient and we’ll rearrange the bedrooms when she’s here. Why do we do it? Because family.

Why don't you get her a hotel room? Unless you are as cheap as she is...

Why would they pay for a hotel for her to attend someone else’s wedding? Really weird to suggest this. Adults should pay for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP of the no kids wedding rant. I would happily go to the wedding PROVIDED I HAVE CHILDCARE. The problem I have is when the couple getting married know that you will have difficulty finding someone and expect you to attend a whole weekend anyway. As stated in my thread, DH’s cousin is out of state and I don’t want to have to ask my parents (ages 65 & 75) to watch the kids for this weekend, so we’ve decided only DH will attend although I’d very much like to go to see the rest of his extended family. For his sister’s wedding it is expected we go, so we did ask my parents to watch the kids and they’ll all just have to suffer through the weekend while we’re gone. DH’s sister could have made this somewhat easier for my parents by inviting our 9 year old (who is sad he won’t get to hang out with his 13 year old cousin) so my parents only have to watch the 6 & 3 year old, but didn’t.

Oh, FFS. Suffering through the weekend with grandma and grandpa?

And your suggestion that the guest list should be made with your parents in mind?

You keep talking and thinking you are making things better, but you aren't.

+1 the other OP is being so ridiculous. Besides, the 9 yo could actually help thecgrandparents more with the other 2, so that’s another dumb argument.

+1 the epitome of unbridled entitlement.

[Anonymous]

"Yes, she has a vagina. That doesn't make her unilaterally responsible for family dynamics, event planning, and logistics. Wake up.

They can plan the wedding they want. IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU. Go, don't go. Go alone, go with your husband. WHATEVER. That is not their concern."

x1000000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that kids who are relatives of the bride and groom should be invited to the wedding ceremony because it is an important family event. Regarding the reception, that is less important but I would still prefer that kids can go.

We do not attend any weddings of relatives that do not include the children of all the relatives hecause that kind of wedding says possibly more about the bride and groom than about the potential guests.

And I am so happy you will not attend, because you were only invited for family reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Forgot to add that DH’s sister is crashing at our house for a weekend soon so she can attend a friend’s wedding. We are having construction on our home and it is yes, inconvenient and we’ll rearrange the bedrooms when she’s here. Why do we do it? Because family.

Why don't you get her a hotel room? Unless you are as cheap as she is...

Why would they pay for a hotel for her to attend someone else’s wedding? Really weird to suggest this. Adults should pay for themselves.

Yes, they should. But if you're going to coddle her by hosting during an inconvenient time, you might has well coddle her in a way that is less intrusive to your day-to-day lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Forgot to add that DH’s sister is crashing at our house for a weekend soon so she can attend a friend’s wedding. We are having construction on our home and it is yes, inconvenient and we’ll rearrange the bedrooms when she’s here. Why do we do it? Because family.

Why don't you get her a hotel room? Unless you are as cheap as she is...

Why would they pay for a hotel for her to attend someone else’s wedding? Really weird to suggest this. Adults should pay for themselves.

Yes, they should. But if you're going to coddle her by hosting during an inconvenient time, you might has well coddle her in a way that is less intrusive to your day-to-day lives.

Or just say no, you're undergoing renovations. For God's sake, these are adults right? Set boundaries. Nothing wrong with saying no! What is wrong, is saying yes and staying silent and then acting like a martyr or being passive aggressive about it. Be transparent and she can make her moves from there.

This poster sounds like an overall nightmare of a SIL.

[Anonymous]

If we have to travel to go to a kid-free wedding, and there's no family where we're going that can babysit and there's no on-site babysitting, then either one spouse goes or nobody goes.

It's up to the couple to set their own rules. And I totally respect that. But I'm not leaving a total stranger in charge and then going off premises for a wedding in a city/town with which I'm unfamiliar.

[Anonymous]

What’s funny is that the one angry poster saying we are all selfish for not attending these kid free weddings and dumping our kids on grandparents or sitters so that we can be there for these friends- is the one saying she hasn’t been invited to any weddings since her toddler was born. And half of her posts are like “don’t you want to keep your friends??? How could you do this thing to your friends by not attending???” 1) clearly I have more friends than her if I’m acrually in a situation to be turning down these invites whereas she has no invites for years, haha, and also 2) you have never been in the situation of needing to decide if you’re going to attend 4 kid free weddings this summer, burning your entire vacation budget and missing out on FOUR summer weekends with your kids when you already work all week... you have no idea how you’d respond in that scenario since apparently you aren’t ever facing this dilemma. So I’m not sure why you are posting up and down this thread since its not something that’s ever affected you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Forgot to add that DH’s sister is crashing at our house for a weekend soon so she can attend a friend’s wedding. We are having construction on our home and it is yes, inconvenient and we’ll rearrange the bedrooms when she’s here. Why do we do it? Because family.

Why don't you get her a hotel room? Unless you are as cheap as she is...

Why would they pay for a hotel for her to attend someone else’s wedding? Really weird to suggest this. Adults should pay for themselves.

Yes, they should. But if you're going to coddle her by hosting during an inconvenient time, you might has well coddle her in a way that is less intrusive to your day-to-day lives.

Or just say no, you're undergoing renovations. For God's sake, these are adults right? Set boundaries. Nothing wrong with saying no! What is wrong, is saying yes and staying silent and then acting like a martyr or being passive aggressive about it. Be transparent and she can make her moves from there.

This poster sounds like an overall nightmare of a SIL.

DP but DH and I would always have a sibling stay and likewise our siblings would always let us stay construction or not. I might not ask to stay during construction but if I did they would say yes.

[Anonymous]

Local wedding - sure. Out of town or destination - no. Because 4 airfares to Tulum (Dominican Republic, Hawaii, etc.) on a date of your choosing is too expensive and I don't want to sort out a mexican babysitter. I can pay the same airfare and have a family vacation whenever I prefer and both DH and I can coordinate a week or two of leave, and don't have to yank children out of school.

Not doing a destination wedding? I am also not driving to Iowa. I get it, you're from there and it's 1/3 of the cost to do it there compared to DC, but again, yanking kids out of school, driving long distance or buying 4 airfares and then figuring out how to get from the airport to your town 3 hours away - not worth the hassle.