S/O Question for people who wouldn't go to a wedding if your kids aren't invited

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - and these prior two responses make perfect sense to me. We've been lucky that most of our very-far-away weddings happened before we had kids, so it hasn't been too hard to get the ones that have happened since. I'm more curious about the posters who seemed to say that they categorically would not attend a wedding that their kids weren't invited to.

Did people actually say that?

Don't you think it's actually because of child care and/or expense?

Seems like you are trying to stir up trouble, op.

This is OP 9of this thread) and people did say that, which surprised me because it's not my mentality about weddings. Here is an example from the other thread:

"It's entirely up to the bride & groom. Their call.

Certainly I'm not going if kids aren't allowed. My call.

Planning weddings is hard. They can make decisions that shape their day as they choose."

I read that second line as "I will not go if my kids aren't invited," not "I will not go if we can't swing it financially or don't have childcare or its not a super close friend."

So no, I'm not trying to stir up a debate, although on DCUM, pretty much any thread has the potential to turn into one!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess for many people here cost, childcare is a concern. I think also that since the divorce rates are so high, there is no reason to inconvenience oneself and take the whole family?

I really haven't taken into account divorce rates. Out of the 40 or so weddings I have been to, only one has ended in divorce, but that wedding was FUN and I have never thought twice about going. Most of my friends got married in their late 20s / 30s - is the divorce rate that high for people who get married a little later?

I can see how the equation would be different if a friend is getting married to someone you REALLY don't like. We had some friends who were getting married last year and no one was particularly thrilled for them. He was a serial cheater and treated her like crap, so a lot of people thought pretty hard about not going to the wedding. They ended up calling it off a week before the wedding, thankfully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s funny is that the one angry poster saying we are all selfish for not attending these kid free weddings and dumping our kids on grandparents or sitters so that we can be there for these friends- is the one saying she hasn’t been invited to any weddings since her toddler was born. And half of her posts are like “don’t you want to keep your friends??? How could you do this thing to your friends by not attending???” 1) clearly I have more friends than her if I’m acrually in a situation to be turning down these invites whereas she has no invites for years, haha, and also 2) you have never been in the situation of needing to decide if you’re going to attend 4 kid free weddings this summer, burning your entire vacation budget and missing out on FOUR summer weekends with your kids when you already work all week... you have no idea how you’d respond in that scenario since apparently you aren’t ever facing this dilemma. So I’m not sure why you are posting up and down this thread since its not something that’s ever affected you

+1

LoL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess for many people here cost, childcare is a concern. I think also that since the divorce rates are so high, there is no reason to inconvenience oneself and take the whole family?

I really haven't taken into account divorce rates. Out of the 40 or so weddings I have been to, only one has ended in divorce, but that wedding was FUN and I have never thought twice about going. Most of my friends got married in their late 20s / 30s - is the divorce rate that high for people who get married a little later?

I can see how the equation would be different if a friend is getting married to someone you REALLY don't like. We had some friends who were getting married last year and no one was particularly thrilled for them. He was a serial cheater and treated her like crap, so a lot of people thought pretty hard about not going to the wedding. They ended up calling it off a week before the wedding, thankfully.

NP. The divorce rates might be relatively low (for now) among educated people in the age group you're discussing, but I have friends from all different socioeconomic groups.

[Anonymous]

Am I the only person who, as a child, LOVED when my parents went away for a night or weekend and left me with grandma or a relative? Kids don’t want/need you constantly up their ass all the time. Go to the wedding. It’s good for all involved. Enough with the “prioritizing family time” excuse. I’m quite certain your kids get enough of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only person who, as a child, LOVED when my parents went away for a night or weekend and left me with grandma or a relative? Kids don’t want/need you constantly up their ass all the time. Go to the wedding. It’s good for all involved. Enough with the “prioritizing family time” excuse. I’m quite certain your kids get enough of you.

Yea, but you’re probably talking about when you were at least 4-years-old, which is why you can remember it. I think a lot of parents on this thread who are saying they don’t want to leave their kids are talking about infants/toddlers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only person who, as a child, LOVED when my parents went away for a night or weekend and left me with grandma or a relative? Kids don’t want/need you constantly up their ass all the time. Go to the wedding. It’s good for all involved. Enough with the “prioritizing family time” excuse. I’m quite certain your kids get enough of you.

Yea, but you’re probably talking about when you were at least 4-years-old, which is why you can remember it. I think a lot of parents on this thread who are saying they don’t want to leave their kids are talking about infants/toddlers.

The poster who was most dramatic about kids not being invited to a wedding by her future SIL and not wanting to attend or have kids "suffer through a weekend with their grandparents" said kids were 3, 6, and 9. Borderline on the 3 year old at best.

[Anonymous]

What is surprising to me are the number of people who apparently think fancy hotel black tie gala weddings are actually fun instead of something to be endured because you like your family and friends. I find them so boring!

[Anonymous]

Guy here: I sense these invitees responding who boycott weddings that don’t include their kids really don’t like to go to weddings sans spouse. My DW is like that, but when we had little kids I went to lots of weddings solo and had a great time. So they’re mad partly because they see going solo is a terrible option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only person who, as a child, LOVED when my parents went away for a night or weekend and left me with grandma or a relative? Kids don’t want/need you constantly up their ass all the time. Go to the wedding. It’s good for all involved. Enough with the “prioritizing family time” excuse. I’m quite certain your kids get enough of you.

I think we can agree that different families operate differently without throwing out insults like "I'm quite certain your kids get enough of you". I have no problem with anyone else's decision about how to celebrate their wedding, or how to accept/decline wedding invites that they get. I would never tell someone that they were a bad parent who didn't spend enough time with their kids because they went to some out of town weddings without them. But apparently you're telling posters that their kids have had enough of them and we should stop being "constantly up their ass" by having family time on weekends when they are small? Stop with the nastiness! It serves no purpose other than to make others think there is something fundamentally wrong with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here: I sense these invitees responding who boycott weddings that don’t include their kids really don’t like to go to weddings sans spouse. My DW is like that, but when we had little kids I went to lots of weddings solo and had a great time. So they’re mad partly because they see going solo is a terrible option.

I don't think anyone on this thread has said they are mad about getting a wedding invite that doesn't include kids- they are just saying they wouldn't go. Which is totally different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only person who, as a child, LOVED when my parents went away for a night or weekend and left me with grandma or a relative? Kids don’t want/need you constantly up their ass all the time. Go to the wedding. It’s good for all involved. Enough with the “prioritizing family time” excuse. I’m quite certain your kids get enough of you.

I think we can agree that different families operate differently without throwing out insults like "I'm quite certain your kids get enough of you". I have no problem with anyone else's decision about how to celebrate their wedding, or how to accept/decline wedding invites that they get. I would never tell someone that they were a bad parent who didn't spend enough time with their kids because they went to some out of town weddings without them. But apparently you're telling posters that their kids have had enough of them and we should stop being "constantly up their ass" by having family time on weekends when they are small? Stop with the nastiness! It serves no purpose other than to make others think there is something fundamentally wrong with you.

DP. I agree. That was a nasty and absurd post. Probably a Bridezilla.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is surprising to me are the number of people who apparently think fancy hotel black tie gala weddings are actually fun instead of something to be endured because you like your family and friends. I find them so boring!

Well, the last fancy black tie wedding I "endured" included a surprise appearance and two songs by Tony Bennett, so I didn't find that to be too very boring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is surprising to me are the number of people who apparently think fancy hotel black tie gala weddings are actually fun instead of something to be endured because you like your family and friends. I find them so boring!

Most weddings I go to - fancy black tie, beach, barn, museum, winery, etc. - are kid-free. How fun they are depends on the people who are there (and maybe how good the band/dj is). I think it's odd to assume that kid-free weddings are automatically super fancy ones, that definitely has not been true in my experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only person who, as a child, LOVED when my parents went away for a night or weekend and left me with grandma or a relative? Kids don’t want/need you constantly up their ass all the time. Go to the wedding. It’s good for all involved. Enough with the “prioritizing family time” excuse. I’m quite certain your kids get enough of you.

I think we can agree that different families operate differently without throwing out insults like "I'm quite certain your kids get enough of you". I have no problem with anyone else's decision about how to celebrate their wedding, or how to accept/decline wedding invites that they get. I would never tell someone that they were a bad parent who didn't spend enough time with their kids because they went to some out of town weddings without them. But apparently you're telling posters that their kids have had enough of them and we should stop being "constantly up their ass" by having family time on weekends when they are small? Stop with the nastiness! It serves no purpose other than to make others think there is something fundamentally wrong with you.

Oh good. Mother Theresa is here.