How hard to find a 1/2 time boyfriend in early 40s?

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm the one that is admiring you for not dragging the kids earlier.
I'm curious why you're on here asking for a FWB and not testing the waters on sites like bumble? Being transparent goes far on these sites once you start communicating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an older divorced female. I have a FWB and he is TEN years younger and fantastic in bed. We always use condoms. Good luck!

And you know that he doesn't ever have sex with anyone else, but if he does, always practices safe sex--how, exactly?

Does it feed your ego to imagine, as an older divorce female, that you've got "exclusive" sexual rights to a younger, hot stud, and he basically is only there to service your needs at your whim?

Good for you. You go girl.

2nd PP, you have reading comprehension disability.

[Anonymous]

The hang-up for the OP is that she insists on a monogamous FWB while simultaneously acknowledging that she won't be available to fully satisfy the FWB's sexual needs on more than a part time schedule.

She is looking for some assurance that if a FWB tells her he is OK with 1/2 time relationship and will be monogamous, that he will be monogamous.

She knows it's very unlikely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an older divorced female. I have a FWB and he is TEN years younger and fantastic in bed. We always use condoms. Good luck!

And you know that he doesn't ever have sex with anyone else, but if he does, always practices safe sex--how, exactly?

Does it feed your ego to imagine, as an older divorce female, that you've got "exclusive" sexual rights to a younger, hot stud, and he basically is only there to service your needs at your whim?

Good for you. You go girl.

2nd PP, you have reading comprehension disability.

Not at all. PP's FWB uses condoms with her. OK. She insists. That doesn't mean he uses condoms when he is with other women, and despite what PP wishes to believe, it's likely that a FWB will not restrict himself to one woman only.

It would be the rare sexual relationship, even with condom use, that doesn't have the risk of an "accident"/breakage or leakage, or some interchange of bodily fluids. Even condom manufacturer's don't guarantee 100% reliability against STDs.

[Anonymous]

OP here: Thanks. I will not do that to my kids. I think that men have an easier time understanding why I want what I want than women. I am more practical and less emotional than most women I am friends with. I think men can understand from a practical perspective what I am after. I think a lot of women do not get it (hence asking me if I have been assessed for mental illness, which is ridiculous). I simply do not want to make my kids lives more difficult. But I would like some physical and a tiny piece of emotional needs met (just feeling desired is an emotional need...that is how I am definining it). My kids don't need to know about that. It is not that hard to understand.

OP, I'm a 50 yr old amicably divorced woman and I completely understand where you're coming from. You are correct, a lot of women in our demographic don't support what we are after. My best friend cannot understand for the life of her why I don't ever want to set up house again with a 50-something divorced dad and combine our teenage kids and start all over with inlaws. Um, no thanks.

Anyway, I sort of have what you're looking for, except my 1/2 boyfriend is not actually exclusive — and that is making logistical planning difficult. He's frequently not available for me when I finally have some free time, because he's at a party or spending quality time with his other woman friend.

This issue is going to be the catalyst that drives me to finally make a dating app profile, to broaden my options.

And …. To all the weirdly projecting jerks who imagine that OP and I are in deep denial about our actual emotional neediness …. no I'm not. I just want a guy who is available somewhat reliably. I don't care that he also enjoys the company of other women. I don't want to be on the special snowflake pedestal of admiration and fawning. I just want a guy to be available for fun and conversation **somewhat** reliably. If he's too frequently unavailable — due to work, marathon training, religious practices, dating 5 women at a time, kids' travel soccer, WHATEVER THE REASON—- this is frustrating. I'd feel the same way about a platonic girlfriend or a plumber or a math tutor for my kid. It has nothing to do with emotional holes. It's pragmatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP here: Thanks. I will not do that to my kids. I think that men have an easier time understanding why I want what I want than women. I am more practical and less emotional than most women I am friends with. I think men can understand from a practical perspective what I am after. I think a lot of women do not get it (hence asking me if I have been assessed for mental illness, which is ridiculous). I simply do not want to make my kids lives more difficult. But I would like some physical and a tiny piece of emotional needs met (just feeling desired is an emotional need...that is how I am definining it). My kids don't need to know about that. It is not that hard to understand.

OP, I'm a 50 yr old amicably divorced woman and I completely understand where you're coming from. You are correct, a lot of women in our demographic don't support what we are after. My best friend cannot understand for the life of her why I don't ever want to set up house again with a 50-something divorced dad and combine our teenage kids and start all over with inlaws. Um, no thanks.

Anyway, I sort of have what you're looking for, except my 1/2 boyfriend is not actually exclusive — and that is making logistical planning difficult. He's frequently not available for me when I finally have some free time, because he's at a party or spending quality time with his other woman friend.

This issue is going to be the catalyst that drives me to finally make a dating app profile, to broaden my options.

And …. To all the weirdly projecting jerks who imagine that OP and I are in deep denial about our actual emotional neediness …. no I'm not. I just want a guy who is available somewhat reliably. I don't care that he also enjoys the company of other women. I don't want to be on the special snowflake pedestal of admiration and fawning. I just want a guy to be available for fun and conversation **somewhat** reliably. If he's too frequently unavailable — due to work, marathon training, religious practices, dating 5 women at a time, kids' travel soccer, WHATEVER THE REASON—- this is frustrating. I'd feel the same way about a platonic girlfriend or a plumber or a math tutor for my kid. It has nothing to do with emotional holes. It's pragmatic.

PP, I think most realistic people responding in this thread have opined that finding a 1/2 time FWB should be fairly easy, but the "exclusive" part complicates things enormously.

You've just validated that issue by admitting that your FWB is far from exclusive, yet you claim you have something similar to what OP says she wants.

You don't.

OP wants an "exclusive" FWB and she's clearly explained why--she's not willing to risk STDs due to a non-exclusive FWB.

OP doesn't want to be a "second best option," at least not while she's in the relationship.

She wants to feel "desirable."

You, on the other hand, seem to be O.K. with being a fall back plan, only paid attention to when your FWB's other women friend, or friends, are unavailable.

If you want a guy who is reliably available, then you have to make yourself UNavailable to someone who doesn't fulfill that need.

If you're constantly making yourself available as a fall back option to your current FWB, do you seriously expect any other man would put you on a higher pedestal?

Why would he treat you with any more respect than you treat yourself?

[Anonymous]

My best friend cannot understand for the life of her why I don't ever want to set up house again with a 50-something divorced dad and combine our teenage kids and start all over with inlaws. Um, no thanks. 

As a 55yo divorced dad with kids, I say “no thanks” to that idea, too. Especially if she has kids, too. No way, not gonna happen.

[Anonymous]

43 year old divorced mom who is the exact same. I make a ton of money, have no interest in being a step mom and don’t need help raising my kids. I’m finding dating a lot of fin- I use tinder and bumble. Open to getting into a unicorn situation.

[Anonymous]

Will one of you women please get a hold of me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Will one of you women please get a hold of me!

I’m in Colorado, sorry. I will say swinging/Poly/“the lifestyle” is huge here and that makes it even easier, for me, as there are plenty of attractive healthy, sex positive people around.

[Anonymous]

I think OP has Aspergers. Very matter-of-fact about everything, has very cold emotionless answers for everything. Yep, definitely on the spectrum.

If the kids are too, then maybe OP is right that they won’t care much about their parents getting divorced. They’ll keep it moving just like their robot mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP has Aspergers. Very matter-of-fact about everything, has very cold emotionless answers for everything. Yep, definitely on the spectrum.

If the kids are too, then maybe OP is right that they won’t care much about their parents getting divorced. They’ll keep it moving just like their robot mom.

NP
It sure is important to you to insult her and try to make her feel bad about herself. Hmmm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you ever been assessed for mental illness?

Bingo. OP definitely displays NPD and possibly even psychopathic tendencies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP has Aspergers. Very matter-of-fact about everything, has very cold emotionless answers for everything. Yep, definitely on the spectrum.

If the kids are too, then maybe OP is right that they won’t care much about their parents getting divorced. They’ll keep it moving just like their robot mom.

NP
It sure is important to you to insult her and try to make her feel bad about herself. Hmmm.

I honestly think that what the OP is looking for is a lot more common than most people on DCUM think it is. There are those of us who prioritize our kids but still have needs. I think it’s fantastic if two people can have a mutual arrangement for time together when there is time. I see absolutely nothing wrong with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP has Aspergers. Very matter-of-fact about everything, has very cold emotionless answers for everything. Yep, definitely on the spectrum.

If the kids are too, then maybe OP is right that they won’t care much about their parents getting divorced. They’ll keep it moving just like their robot mom.

NP
It sure is important to you to insult her and try to make her feel bad about herself. Hmmm.

Given OP’s complete utter lack of emotions, I’m sure there’s nothing anyone in the world can say to hurt her feelings.

I honestly wonder if she’s even fond of her children. Sounds like she regrets her whole life after marriage and wishes she never got married or had kids.

I imagine her children will need therapy when they grow up if they want to learn what healthy loving relationships look like. OP sure isnt gonna show them!