Anyone try to cultivate a lifelong interest in a certain university and had it backfire?

[Anonymous]

Why on earth would I do that?

No university is worth it

[Anonymous]

"I’m not going to spend $150K extra just so my kid can feel “psychologically” independent or so she does laundry in a dorm basement."

In short, you don't have the money. You're huffing and puffing and trying to rationalize why people with far more cash than you are dumb? Bless your heart.

Letting kids go wherever they want for college is a big privilege. Something in many cases, grandparents and parents save 20 years for to give the youngins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pressuring kids can easily backfire. We let our kids decide. One got into a Top LAC ED ant the other applied to 11 schools and got into his first choice. He also had a backup second choice lined up (in case he didn’t get into the first choice). My early attempts to influence their targets didn’t go over well, so we left it up to them (both ended up very happy with their decisions).

+1. Let your kids make their own decision and mind your own business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I’m not going to spend $150K extra just so my kid can feel “psychologically” independent or so she does laundry in a dorm basement."

In short, you don't have the money. You're huffing and puffing and trying to rationalize why people with far more cash than you are dumb? Bless your heart.

Letting kids go wherever they want for college is a big privilege. Something in many cases, grandparents and parents save 20 years for to give the youngins.

I think people are just saying it's not a good value. There are better ways to spend $150k on your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I’m not going to spend $150K extra just so my kid can feel “psychologically” independent or so she does laundry in a dorm basement."

In short, you don't have the money. You're huffing and puffing and trying to rationalize why people with far more cash than you are dumb? Bless your heart.

Letting kids go wherever they want for college is a big privilege. Something in many cases, grandparents and parents save 20 years for to give the youngins.

*shrug* just depends on your priorities. we’ve raised our kids to be independent since they could walk, live in a community with a wide diversity of thought and experiences, they’re extremely well-traveled...so by the time they were ready for college, there wasn’t this desperate need spend large sums of money to go far away to learn to be independent for the first time or to meet people who are different than they are. They already had those skills and experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I’m not going to spend $150K extra just so my kid can feel “psychologically” independent or so she does laundry in a dorm basement."

In short, you don't have the money. You're huffing and puffing and trying to rationalize why people with far more cash than you are dumb? Bless your heart.

Letting kids go wherever they want for college is a big privilege. Something in many cases, grandparents and parents save 20 years for to give the youngins.

*shrug* just depends on your priorities. we’ve raised our kids to be independent since they could walk, live in a community with a wide diversity of thought and experiences, they’re extremely well-traveled...so by the time they were ready for college, there wasn’t this desperate need spend large sums of money to go far away to learn to be independent for the first time or to meet people who are different than they are. They already had those skills and experiences.

Well for our son, it is more than being away from home (although that is a perk). He wanted a elite name brand education that would open doors everywhere. That is what our $200K+ will get him. And it is something that will never be taken away from him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I’m not going to spend $150K extra just so my kid can feel “psychologically” independent or so she does laundry in a dorm basement."

In short, you don't have the money. You're huffing and puffing and trying to rationalize why people with far more cash than you are dumb? Bless your heart.

Letting kids go wherever they want for college is a big privilege. Something in many cases, grandparents and parents save 20 years for to give the youngins.

I think people are just saying it's not a good value. There are better ways to spend $150k on your kids.

Telling people what to do with their money is one of the most crass and distasteful things one can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I’m not going to spend $150K extra just so my kid can feel “psychologically” independent or so she does laundry in a dorm basement."

In short, you don't have the money. You're huffing and puffing and trying to rationalize why people with far more cash than you are dumb? Bless your heart.

Letting kids go wherever they want for college is a big privilege. Something in many cases, grandparents and parents save 20 years for to give the youngins.

*shrug* just depends on your priorities. we’ve raised our kids to be independent since they could walk, live in a community with a wide diversity of thought and experiences, they’re extremely well-traveled...so by the time they were ready for college, there wasn’t this desperate need spend large sums of money to go far away to learn to be independent for the first time or to meet people who are different than they are. They already had those skills and experiences.

College is an important step in the maturation of any child and an important bridge to preparing them for a productive career. One's worldview, intellect and character are shaped by experience and attending an elite university with intellectually curious, highly motivated and intelligent peers can be a transformative experience. Is it worth the $280k we're paying for our children? Absolutely....it's an investment in their future that we are happy to make. But we have the means and attended comparably elite colleges so that has no doubt shaped our priorities.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, it's hard to know "what if" and figure out if it's worth it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know too many families who raise their kids to love, live, and breathe my alma mater, who are then devastated when they don't get in.

Mind sharing which school?

Notre Dame.

We are one of those families...luckily DS was admitted just recently!! It was a happy day!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know too many families who raise their kids to love, live, and breathe my alma mater, who are then devastated when they don't get in.

Mind sharing which school?

Notre Dame.

We are one of those families...luckily DS was admitted just recently!! It was a happy day!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pressuring kids can easily backfire. We let our kids decide. One got into a Top LAC ED ant the other applied to 11 schools and got into his first choice. He also had a backup second choice lined up (in case he didn’t get into the first choice). My early attempts to influence their targets didn’t go over well, so we left it up to them (both ended up very happy with their decisions).

+1. Let your kids make their own decision and mind your own business.

Only if your kids are willing to pay for his/her college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pressuring kids can easily backfire. We let our kids decide. One got into a Top LAC ED ant the other applied to 11 schools and got into his first choice. He also had a backup second choice lined up (in case he didn’t get into the first choice). My early attempts to influence their targets didn’t go over well, so we left it up to them (both ended up very happy with their decisions).

+1. Let your kids make their own decision and mind your own business.

Only if your kids are willing to pay for his/her college.

Or there is already an education trust fund paying it for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know too many families who raise their kids to love, live, and breathe my alma mater, who are then devastated when they don't get in.

Mind sharing which school?

Notre Dame.

We are one of those families...luckily DS was admitted just recently!! It was a happy day!

Congrats!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For example, trying to get your kid interested in your alma mater or your state's flagship?

As a Marylander and Maryland grad, I'd be happy if my kids went there (especially with a scholarship), but I wonder if they will be bored of the campus by the time they are college age if they spend too much time there (games, Maryland day etc).

Last thing I'd want is for them to skip the state school and overpay for some mediocre alternative. If they go to some super elite school instead, ok that's fine too.

The main back fires I have seen is when the child does not get into the parent's alma mater.

I would have loved to have my daughter go to Wellesley but it was both unaffordable for us and probably unattainable for my daughter. However, I really talked up the women's college experience and had her do a summer program at another women's college and am now very happy that she is doing so well at the women's college she chose. I can see pushing them towards a certain type of university (liberal arts, etc.) rather than pushing them towards only one specific university or college. However, some of my women's college alum friends have had the ploy of encouraging their daughters to do the same backfire. If you push too hard, your kids will see through it. And it also simply might not be the right fit for your child.