Anyone try to cultivate a lifelong interest in a certain university and had it backfire?

[Anonymous]

This conversation is very interesting to me! I am not originally from the US. In my country, students mostly live at home with parents and commute to school, with a much smaller fraction living in apartment shares near school. The concept of dorm life, the obsession with “finding yourself” in college, etc. are just not big considerations for students and their families. And yet, I’d say that in general, 18-22 year olds in my country problem solve with greater skill and are far more independent than their American counterparts, despite not “going away” to college.

I’m generally not a “get off my lawn!” type when it comes to American parenting, but I think posters here have it backwards. Instill the values of independence, diversity of thought/background/etc., when they are young. If they’ve already experienced those things throughout their lives, then the urgency of needing to go so far away to college (not to mention, the ungodly amount of money it takes to do so) won’t be such an issue. I see so many of my children’s friends and their families getting into debt or metaphorically killing themselves just for this purpose (and oftentimes to schools that aren’t even academically better than their in state options) and I just shake my head.

[Anonymous]

Pitt and UMD are both good schools; I would consider them academic peers. I certainly wouldn’t pay extra just so my kid could go hang out in Pittsburgh for four years instead of College Park. That’s just crazy to me. If living in Pittsburgh was that important to my kid, she can take the money she saved by going to Maryland and move to Pittsburgh after graduation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This conversation is very interesting to me! I am not originally from the US. In my country, students mostly live at home with parents and commute to school, with a much smaller fraction living in apartment shares near school. The concept of dorm life, the obsession with “finding yourself” in college, etc. are just not big considerations for students and their families. And yet, I’d say that in general, 18-22 year olds in my country problem solve with greater skill and are far more independent than their American counterparts, despite not “going away” to college.

I’m generally not a “get off my lawn!” type when it comes to American parenting, but I think posters here have it backwards. Instill the values of independence, diversity of thought/background/etc., when they are young. If they’ve already experienced those things throughout their lives, then the urgency of needing to go so far away to college (not to mention, the ungodly amount of money it takes to do so) won’t be such an issue. I see so many of my children’s friends and their families getting into debt or metaphorically killing themselves just for this purpose (and oftentimes to schools that aren’t even academically better than their in state options) and I just shake my head.

What country is this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pitt and UMD are both good schools; I would consider them academic peers. I certainly wouldn’t pay extra just so my kid could go hang out in Pittsburgh for four years instead of College Park. That’s just crazy to me. If living in Pittsburgh was that important to my kid, she can take the money she saved by going to Maryland and move to Pittsburgh after graduation.

I would. Pittsburgh is a much more interesting place for a young mind than College Park, a genetic campus in a bland suburb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pitt and UMD are both good schools; I would consider them academic peers. I certainly wouldn’t pay extra just so my kid could go hang out in Pittsburgh for four years instead of College Park. That’s just crazy to me. If living in Pittsburgh was that important to my kid, she can take the money she saved by going to Maryland and move to Pittsburgh after graduation.

I would. Pittsburgh is a much more interesting place for a young mind than College Park, a genetic campus in a bland suburb.

Lol. Ok then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pitt and UMD are both good schools; I would consider them academic peers. I certainly wouldn’t pay extra just so my kid could go hang out in Pittsburgh for four years instead of College Park. That’s just crazy to me. If living in Pittsburgh was that important to my kid, she can take the money she saved by going to Maryland and move to Pittsburgh after graduation.

I would. Pittsburgh is a much more interesting place for a young mind than College Park, a genetic campus in a bland suburb.

LOL Sucker, as one person put it, sums you up nicely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pitt and UMD are both good schools; I would consider them academic peers. I certainly wouldn’t pay extra just so my kid could go hang out in Pittsburgh for four years instead of College Park. That’s just crazy to me. If living in Pittsburgh was that important to my kid, she can take the money she saved by going to Maryland and move to Pittsburgh after graduation.

My kid’s merit scholarship from Pitt makes it cost about the same as UMD-CP for us. We like Pitt much better.

I agree they are academic peers.

[Anonymous]

What about UVA vs. Berkeley? Both good schools (don't know their exact rankings). Would folks really argue that equivalent experiences could be had at both places?

I think this just goes to show it highly depends on the schools in question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pitt and UMD are both good schools; I would consider them academic peers. I certainly wouldn’t pay extra just so my kid could go hang out in Pittsburgh for four years instead of College Park. That’s just crazy to me. If living in Pittsburgh was that important to my kid, she can take the money she saved by going to Maryland and move to Pittsburgh after graduation.

I would. Pittsburgh is a much more interesting place for a young mind than College Park, a genetic campus in a bland suburb.

+1

By far.

Fortunately, my kid’s merit scholarship makes Pitt cost about the same as UMD-CP for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about UVA vs. Berkeley? Both good schools (don't know their exact rankings). Would folks really argue that equivalent experiences could be had at both places?

I think this just goes to show it highly depends on the schools in question.

I think if I had a techy kid, then I might consider Berkeley because of its location and its strengths in fields like comp sci and certain engineering fields. But for a generic psychology or business or English major who wants to go there just purely because they’d rather spend four years in Berkeley than Charlottesville? Hell no, what a waste of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about UVA vs. Berkeley? Both good schools (don't know their exact rankings). Would folks really argue that equivalent experiences could be had at both places?

I think this just goes to show it highly depends on the schools in question.

I think if I had a techy kid, then I might consider Berkeley because of its location and its strengths in fields like comp sci and certain engineering fields. But for a generic psychology or business or English major who wants to go there just purely because they’d rather spend four years in Berkeley than Charlottesville? Hell no, what a waste of money.

This. I think there are a select few academic and/or professional reasons that make going out of state worth it. I would spit out my drink if my kid asked me to pay $100K more for him to go to Berkeley over UVA just because he thought it’d be more “interesting to a young mind” (major eye roll).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pitt and UMD are both good schools; I would consider them academic peers. I certainly wouldn’t pay extra just so my kid could go hang out in Pittsburgh for four years instead of College Park. That’s just crazy to me. If living in Pittsburgh was that important to my kid, she can take the money she saved by going to Maryland and move to Pittsburgh after graduation.

My kid’s merit scholarship from Pitt makes it cost about the same as UMD-CP for us. We like Pitt much better.

I agree they are academic peers.

If cost is equal, I think students should go wherever they like best. Likewise, if parents are so wealthy that cost of attendance is not a factor, then again, fo where your heart desires. What I don’t get (and I say this as someone who did go to college 2000 miles from home) is the idea of kids (or parents) going into debt or parents doing things like digging into their retirement funds only so their kid can get the experience of going far away to school, especially when said school isn’t any better than what they’d get at their state flagship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about UVA vs. Berkeley? Both good schools (don't know their exact rankings). Would folks really argue that equivalent experiences could be had at both places?

I think this just goes to show it highly depends on the schools in question.

I think if I had a techy kid, then I might consider Berkeley because of its location and its strengths in fields like comp sci and certain engineering fields. But for a generic psychology or business or English major who wants to go there just purely because they’d rather spend four years in Berkeley than Charlottesville? Hell no, what a waste of money.

PP here, and that makes sense to me. I'm the PP who posted upthread re: personally preferring the "away" experience, but the cost-benefit analysis has to make sense re: fit and other factors.

[Anonymous]

My kid will attend a top 20 university and will be full pay. We have the money and no loans necessary, so yes, we are blessed. That being said, if I were in the situation where loans would be necessary (as was the case for my own college experience), I would certainly not waste money on a mediocre school when we have some really strong state universities here in MD and VA. No way would I pay for a kid to attend Pitt, or any other ordinary school.

[Anonymous]

Getting back to the OP, no way would I try to "cultivate interest in a certain university," even if it's my alma mater, for all the reasons stated. It also seems to controlling--like, what if my kid has a strong interest in going to an out of state school due to fit, and we can swing it?

My parents both went "away" to school. They are both from small countries, and both traveled across oceans for college. It was kind of NBD for my sibs and I to go "away" given this. I expect my early elementary-aged kid to investigate the best options irrespective of location when it's time.