Why do people care if adult children receive help from their parents/family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like to be independent. I never take help. I raise my kids, pay my bills.

This. My parents are wealthy. My in-laws are wealthy. We would never accept money from them for anything other than an emergency, which in 30 years of marriage has never happened. The idea of taking money from our families to pay for our kids’ schools or for a down payment on a home would go against everything my DH and I value. We are adults. We take care of our kids. We pay our bills. I definitely think less of people who accept money from family. We will inherit one day. But we won’t take money from our families until then.

If you’d never accept money from them, decline your inheritance or donate it.

I agree with OP. His or her position is morally superior. Don't get greedy and badger your parents for money so you can live beyond your means. Don't set that example for your own children.

[Anonymous]

I helped my DD with a large downpayment on a house so they could live within five minutes of us. I will do the same for DS when and if he marries or if he chooses to remain single. Neither one has ever asked me for a dime since graduating college. That's the example I set for them and I'm glad I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I care because I'm worried that my in-laws are going to spend all their money on my SIL and BIL and their stupid life choices and it will be me and my husband who will have to support my MIL and FIL because they'll go broke. That's why I care.

I am 100% with you. My husband and I sacrifice to live within our means, while MIL funds the whims of my BIL’s family. If she goes broke, it will be my family, not his, funding her life.

It doesn't have to be, you know.

What do you expect us to do? Leave her on the stoop of a local church? Are there foster homes for broke 85 year olds?

She can live with the people who she gave her money to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I care because I'm worried that my in-laws are going to spend all their money on my SIL and BIL and their stupid life choices and it will be me and my husband who will have to support my MIL and FIL because they'll go broke. That's why I care.

I am 100% with you. My husband and I sacrifice to live within our means, while MIL funds the whims of my BIL’s family. If she goes broke, it will be my family, not his, funding her life.

It doesn't have to be, you know.

What do you expect us to do? Leave her on the stoop of a local church? Are there foster homes for broke 85 year olds?

She can live with the people who she gave her money to.

These people never have the room/time/$ to take care of other people. They are takers, not givers. It's almost always the frugal, self sustaining kids who end up caring for parents in their old age. It's not fair but it's a fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I helped my DD with a large downpayment on a house so they could live within five minutes of us. I will do the same for DS when and if he marries or if he chooses to remain single. Neither one has ever asked me for a dime since graduating college. That's the example I set for them and I'm glad I did.

I don't think there is anything wrong with giving your adult children money for things. It's the why the money is being given that can be offputting (where they too broke to afford something because they took a bunch of vacations, gamblers, bought a car they couldn't afford or p!ssed their money away on something) or the actual recipients of the money that can bother others. Not that your children are like that, but there families have takers. When the parental checkbook comes out they are first in line, but wthe money runs out or when the parents need help they are nowhere to be found or they complain about having to do the bare minimum. Its those of us who have to co-exist with the takers be they co-workers, siblings, that find them grating.

[Anonymous]

It's also disturbing when not having to earn an income allows people to engage in behaviors that drive wages down for the rest of us. At our university there's one guy who always tells everyone he just LOOOOOOVES being a professor so much that he would work for free! Of course, that's because he doesn't actually have to support himself. Makes it that much harder for everyone else who actually has to earn a living.

You do encounter these people from time to time. The teacher who spends ungodly amounts of money on her students and decorating her classroom because she doesn't actually have to live within her means. Or the teacher who brags about her expensive tropical vacations, leading parents to sniff about how "teachers can't possibly be underpaid if Ms. Wiggins if off to Aruba yet again."

When people don't have to live within their means, it can lead to wage inequities for the rest of us who do.