really stupid RSVP question

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, interesting how the gender of your one child has changed since this post began ....

Because I'm ashamed that I'm like this and don't want anyone to recognize me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a very odd OP. I'm going to call "troll" on this. Just too weird. It's a rare day when DCUM agrees on something and she refuses to listen to good advice.

I am listening, but it's something I just can't do, especially after being called troll and stupid and whatever else. I haven't socialized with women in years, they terrify me, and this is why. For all I know, she'll treat me the same way.

People were very kind and supportive until you started chiming in with argumentative, odd, and rude responses. I believe this kicked it off on p. 2:

"No, I don't think I will, sorry. I don't call people for social reasons if they don't know me.

I'm pretty sure it's a gift grab though, so I don't feel too badly."

Take some responsibility. You're playing the victim.

You don't know crippling fear. Good for you.

How do you know what I or any other person experiences every day?

You have mental health issues. Go to a therapist. I repeat my advice. Take some responsibility. Ask for help. You're playing the victim.

I AM in therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a very odd OP. I'm going to call "troll" on this. Just too weird. It's a rare day when DCUM agrees on something and she refuses to listen to good advice.

I am listening, but it's something I just can't do, especially after being called troll and stupid and whatever else. I haven't socialized with women in years, they terrify me, and this is why. For all I know, she'll treat me the same way.

People were very kind and supportive until you started chiming in with argumentative, odd, and rude responses. I believe this kicked it off on p. 2:

"No, I don't think I will, sorry. I don't call people for social reasons if they don't know me.

I'm pretty sure it's a gift grab though, so I don't feel too badly."

Take some responsibility. You're playing the victim.

You don't know crippling fear. Good for you.

How do you know what I or any other person experiences every day?

You have mental health issues. Go to a therapist. I repeat my advice. Take some responsibility. Ask for help. You're playing the victim.

I AM in therapy.

It's not working. Get a different therapist. Try meds. Do something differently.

[Anonymous]

For pete's sake OP just let it go. You don't interact with anyone outside of your established circle anyway so you probably won't have to deal with this parent for a really long time. Eventually things will come to a head, yes, but sometimes that's what's necessary for matters to be resolved. Throw away the damn invitation, accept that this may or MAY NOT inconvenience the parent who is a total stranger to you, and go about your life.

Just don't return complaining that your kid doesn't get invited to anything. Pretty please?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC started a new daycare today and already had a birthday invitation. It had his name on it, so I assume the parents just brought in a bunch of blank ones and the teacher labled them with everyone else's name.

It says to RSVP. We won't be going, so do I have to RSVP? Normally I'd say absolutely, but there's no way the parents even know my name or my child's name since he's brand new. I feel silly calling and saying we're not coming when they have no idea who I am. Help!

What do you think RSVP means ? If an invitation says RSVP Regrets only then you respond if you cannot attend OTHERWISE RSVP means that you respond. How can a grown woman be so socially ignorant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For pete's sake OP just let it go. You don't interact with anyone outside of your established circle anyway so you probably won't have to deal with this parent for a really long time. Eventually things will come to a head, yes, but sometimes that's what's necessary for matters to be resolved. Throw away the damn invitation, accept that this may or MAY NOT inconvenience the parent who is a total stranger to you, and go about your life.

Just don't return complaining that your kid doesn't get invited to anything. Pretty please?

I'd rather they not. At two, I don't think it's necessary, and I just can't deal with other mothers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a very odd OP. I'm going to call "troll" on this. Just too weird. It's a rare day when DCUM agrees on something and she refuses to listen to good advice.

I am listening, but it's something I just can't do, especially after being called troll and stupid and whatever else. I haven't socialized with women in years, they terrify me, and this is why. For all I know, she'll treat me the same way.

People were very kind and supportive until you started chiming in with argumentative, odd, and rude responses. I believe this kicked it off on p. 2:

"No, I don't think I will, sorry. I don't call people for social reasons if they don't know me.

I'm pretty sure it's a gift grab though, so I don't feel too badly."

Take some responsibility. You're playing the victim.

You don't know crippling fear. Good for you.

How do you know what I or any other person experiences every day?

You have mental health issues. Go to a therapist. I repeat my advice. Take some responsibility. Ask for help. You're playing the victim.

I AM in therapy.

Its the opposite OP. The party host/mom will actually be very nice and relieved that you bothered to RSVP and this is one last kid/parent she will have to accomodate or pay for who doesn't show. I know people who are ASD and I understand the social anxiety but its does seem odd that you have a kid and somethning like an RSVP is "crippling"--how do you manayge any interaction in public at all? do you work from home?

[Anonymous]

You've set up the other mom as a scary mean person. What if she's more like you? What if she took a risk and put herself out there, inviting the whole class and is left with all of the anxiety of not having heard back from people?

She extended herself and made herself vulnerable. She doesn't know how many gift bags to prep or anything.

Help her out, OP. Let her know you appreciate the invite, but won't be able to make it. Take her fears away.

Since you recognize how difficult it is for you, you're in a great position to understand her anxiety. You recognize that it's important to RSVP. You understand how awful it can feel to be ignored. Posters have given you appropriate language for a simple response.

Gather yourself and do what's right. You will feel so much better once this is out of the way. So will the other mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, interesting how the gender of your one child has changed since this post began ....

Because I'm ashamed that I'm like this and don't want anyone to recognize me.

How could anyone recognize you? You said you never leave the house.

[Anonymous]

13:09, 13:10, 13:11 - all of you need to read the whole thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a very odd OP. I'm going to call "troll" on this. Just too weird. It's a rare day when DCUM agrees on something and she refuses to listen to good advice.

I am listening, but it's something I just can't do, especially after being called troll and stupid and whatever else. I haven't socialized with women in years, they terrify me, and this is why. For all I know, she'll treat me the same way.

People were very kind and supportive until you started chiming in with argumentative, odd, and rude responses. I believe this kicked it off on p. 2:

"No, I don't think I will, sorry. I don't call people for social reasons if they don't know me.

I'm pretty sure it's a gift grab though, so I don't feel too badly."

Take some responsibility. You're playing the victim.

You don't know crippling fear. Good for you.

How do you know what I or any other person experiences every day?

You have mental health issues. Go to a therapist. I repeat my advice. Take some responsibility. Ask for help. You're playing the victim.

I AM in therapy.

Its the opposite OP. The party host/mom will actually be very nice and relieved that you bothered to RSVP and this is one last kid/parent she will have to accomodate or pay for who doesn't show. I know people who are ASD and I understand the social anxiety but its does seem odd that you have a kid and somethning like an RSVP is "crippling"--how do you manayge any interaction in public at all? do you work from home?

Yes, I work from home, which is actually a huge cause of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For pete's sake OP just let it go. You don't interact with anyone outside of your established circle anyway so you probably won't have to deal with this parent for a really long time. Eventually things will come to a head, yes, but sometimes that's what's necessary for matters to be resolved. Throw away the damn invitation, accept that this may or MAY NOT inconvenience the parent who is a total stranger to you, and go about your life.

Just don't return complaining that your kid doesn't get invited to anything. Pretty please?

I'd rather they not. At two, I don't think it's necessary, and I just can't deal with other mothers.

You will be labeled as "the rude mom who doesn't give a crap". At 2 sure, NBD, but what about when your kid is 3 and notices that everyone else in their class was invited but them? Or everyone else attended the party but them? Because their mother has "issues". Every parent has issues. You push them aside when it comes to your child. Period. Unless you want your child hating you later in life and in therapy themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Compared to a workplace or a private preschool, the conventions and norms are so relaxed that you might not realize they exist.

Which means it's nearly impossible for me to figure them out.

Here's the deal - my first fight with DH was when we unpacked after a move and I found 15 unanswered wedding RSVP cards. You RSVP, it's what you do. But it freaks me out beyond words to RSVP to someone when she doesn't know she's invited me.

"Hi, this is Sally Jones, and I got your invitation for Larla's party, and we won't be able to make it. Thanks anyway."

"Who?"

NIGHTMARE.

Well that would be a dumb thing to say - you need to say your child's name, who just started at the daycare with Larla.

Are you always that bitchy to people who've admitted they don't understand social convention? How on earth would I know to start off with my child's name?

Good lord I can't beleieve the analysis that is going into what will amount to a 15 second phone call. No the host may not personally know/remeber the name of the invted kid but I am guessing they will "clue" in real quick when you add the context of "we can't make it to Larlo's birthday"-- good lord. ASD or not, how in the heck do some of you even graduate from High school much less college or grad school. And go on job interviews? Or schedule a drs apt (but the dr is a stranger, Im a new patient...what will I do?). OP let me sum it all up. You are rude to not call. Make the call. Write down in advnace exactly what to day. Practice it. Dial number. The host will respond "we are sorry to miss you but thanks for letting me know"--then you say Goodbye. All done. discuss at length with your therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:13:09, 13:10, 13:11 - all of you need to read the whole thread.

I'm 13:09 and I have read the whole thread. Every single page of people telling OP RSVP means RSVP and OP saying she doesn't want to RSVP. So I conclude, just don't effin RSVP! Yes, it's rude. Yes, it may set her kid up for difficult social interactions later. Yes, it may piss off the parent and make OP look bad. But obviously these aren't compelling enough arguments for OP to find a way to overcome what is obviously an absolutely crippling degree of anxiety. So just don't effin bother with it.

[Anonymous]

Oh my goodness, what a fantastic lunch time diversion. So bummed I have to go back to work now! Keep me updated, everyone!

OP gets gold star for trolling, though. This is like...shit I did when I was in college and had nothing but time on my hands.