really stupid RSVP question

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not being purposefully dense. I'm just now wondering why I owe another mother anything when she'll probably just treat me like everyone here has. I haven't socialized in years, and this is why.

OP All the mom did was give your child an invitation! That's it. If you can't come that is completely fine, there will be no love lost between her and you. As you said, you haven't been introduced. Simply call and use one of the MANY scripts to let her know you won't be coming. Right now you are the rude one for not RSVP'ing. You are blowing this WAY out of proportion... Yes, this is difficult for you, but seriously, woman up and make 1 incredibly short phone call.

Fine, you want me to admit I have crippling social anxiety? Fine. I haven't made friends since college. I work from home and never talk to anyone. I have certain scripts that I use for frequent interactions, but even with a script, new things terrify me. I absolutely cannot call someone who doesn't realize she has even invited me, and I absolutely cannot walk DC through social interactions when women are so hateful and not understanding.

You can't have to call - she didn't give you her home phone number, for sure.

Send a text message and let that be the end of it. Several people gave you several yes or no scripts, that would let the host know who you are.

You are WAY overthinking this. She DOES know she invited you. Is your kids name on the cubby? For all you know, if your kid started today, his name was on the cubby Friday (my daycare used to do this). Or she asked for a list of names last week and your child was included by the teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not being purposefully dense. I'm just now wondering why I owe another mother anything when she'll probably just treat me like everyone here has. I haven't socialized in years, and this is why.

OP All the mom did was give your child an invitation! That's it. If you can't come that is completely fine, there will be no love lost between her and you. As you said, you haven't been introduced. Simply call and use one of the MANY scripts to let her know you won't be coming. Right now you are the rude one for not RSVP'ing. You are blowing this WAY out of proportion... Yes, this is difficult for you, but seriously, woman up and make 1 incredibly short phone call.

Fine, you want me to admit I have crippling social anxiety? Fine. I haven't made friends since college. I work from home and never talk to anyone. I have certain scripts that I use for frequent interactions, but even with a script, new things terrify me. I absolutely cannot call someone who doesn't realize she has even invited me, and I absolutely cannot walk DC through social interactions when women are so hateful and not understanding.

You need to help yourself through this now while your kid is still young. Please go see a counselor, psychologist, talk to your GP. Do something. This is not OK and you will hurt your child if this is the way you act, or avoid acting, throughout his life. Please get help.

I have, and every single one says I need to let people's hateful comments just roll off my back. I can't do that. I said that I wasn't like this prior to getting married, and I wasn't, but every time I make some social blunder or sound awkward, DH calls me out on it (he thinks he's being helpful) but all it's done is cause me to retreat into my house where I don't accidentally offend anyone or look strange. He won't stop doing it and won't go to counseling with m because he says it's my problem. Which is really why he won't call and RSVP, because he thinks that pushing me is the way to make me better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not being purposefully dense. I'm just now wondering why I owe another mother anything when she'll probably just treat me like everyone here has. I haven't socialized in years, and this is why.

OP All the mom did was give your child an invitation! That's it. If you can't come that is completely fine, there will be no love lost between her and you. As you said, you haven't been introduced. Simply call and use one of the MANY scripts to let her know you won't be coming. Right now you are the rude one for not RSVP'ing. You are blowing this WAY out of proportion... Yes, this is difficult for you, but seriously, woman up and make 1 incredibly short phone call.

Fine, you want me to admit I have crippling social anxiety? Fine. I haven't made friends since college. I work from home and never talk to anyone. I have certain scripts that I use for frequent interactions, but even with a script, new things terrify me. I absolutely cannot call someone who doesn't realize she has even invited me, and I absolutely cannot walk DC through social interactions when women are so hateful and not understanding.

You need to help yourself through this now while your kid is still young. Please go see a counselor, psychologist, talk to your GP. Do something. This is not OK and you will hurt your child if this is the way you act, or avoid acting, throughout his life. Please get help.

I have, and every single one says I need to let people's hateful comments just roll off my back. I can't do that. I said that I wasn't like this prior to getting married, and I wasn't, but every time I make some social blunder or sound awkward, DH calls me out on it (he thinks he's being helpful) but all it's done is cause me to retreat into my house where I don't accidentally offend anyone or look strange. He won't stop doing it and won't go to counseling with m because he says it's my problem. Which is really why he won't call and RSVP, because he thinks that pushing me is the way to make me better.

You need to go to counseling, even if it's without DH. Because you are heading down a road where your child, in 20 years, will be on a tv show saying "My mom hasn't left the house in 20 years. I'm scared if there's a fire, she will die in the housefire. I've never been allowed to have a friend over to my house." You need to work on fixing this, before you mess up your kid and your relationship with him.

My mom has a bunch of issues, and she made me weird both by giving me bad advice and not allowing me to do things and pushing me to do other things that were weird. I had to fight my way out of that, plus figure out how to be normal. We have a very strained relationship, and she to this day doesn't understand why I won't tell her anything personal or anything about my friends.

[Anonymous]

Ok, I get this because my mother has severe social anxiety. Her beautiful gift to my siblings and me was to hide it from us so that we could lead normal lives and learn how to interact appropriately. I desperately wish she would get help (like you she won't), but at least she didn't pass this issue on to another generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not being purposefully dense. I'm just now wondering why I owe another mother anything when she'll probably just treat me like everyone here has. I haven't socialized in years, and this is why.

OP All the mom did was give your child an invitation! That's it. If you can't come that is completely fine, there will be no love lost between her and you. As you said, you haven't been introduced. Simply call and use one of the MANY scripts to let her know you won't be coming. Right now you are the rude one for not RSVP'ing. You are blowing this WAY out of proportion... Yes, this is difficult for you, but seriously, woman up and make 1 incredibly short phone call.

Fine, you want me to admit I have crippling social anxiety? Fine. I haven't made friends since college. I work from home and never talk to anyone. I have certain scripts that I use for frequent interactions, but even with a script, new things terrify me. I absolutely cannot call someone who doesn't realize she has even invited me, and I absolutely cannot walk DC through social interactions when women are so hateful and not understanding.

You need to help yourself through this now while your kid is still young. Please go see a counselor, psychologist, talk to your GP. Do something. This is not OK and you will hurt your child if this is the way you act, or avoid acting, throughout his life. Please get help.

I have, and every single one says I need to let people's hateful comments just roll off my back. I can't do that. I said that I wasn't like this prior to getting married, and I wasn't, but every time I make some social blunder or sound awkward, DH calls me out on it (he thinks he's being helpful) but all it's done is cause me to retreat into my house where I don't accidentally offend anyone or look strange. He won't stop doing it and won't go to counseling with m because he says it's my problem. Which is really why he won't call and RSVP, because he thinks that pushing me is the way to make me better.

You need to go to counseling, even if it's without DH. Because you are heading down a road where your child, in 20 years, will be on a tv show saying "My mom hasn't left the house in 20 years. I'm scared if there's a fire, she will die in the housefire. I've never been allowed to have a friend over to my house." You need to work on fixing this, before you mess up your kid and your relationship with him.

My mom has a bunch of issues, and she made me weird both by giving me bad advice and not allowing me to do things and pushing me to do other things that were weird. I had to fight my way out of that, plus figure out how to be normal. We have a very strained relationship, and she to this day doesn't understand why I won't tell her anything personal or anything about my friends.

I have been going. I've even gotten second and third opinions and the consensus is that because I am gainfully employed and travel and go to church and interact with people, that I'm fine. But yes, I interact with the same 15 people at work and I go to church and go home. Clearly I'm not fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I get this because my mother has severe social anxiety. Her beautiful gift to my siblings and me was to hide it from us so that we could lead normal lives and learn how to interact appropriately. I desperately wish she would get help (like you she won't), but at least she didn't pass this issue on to another generation.

I don't know why everyone is ignoring i the fact I am trying to get help.

[Anonymous]

Put a note in the cubby - that way she doesn't wonder if you didn't get the invitation, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I get this because my mother has severe social anxiety. Her beautiful gift to my siblings and me was to hide it from us so that we could lead normal lives and learn how to interact appropriately. I desperately wish she would get help (like you she won't), but at least she didn't pass this issue on to another generation.

I don't know why everyone is ignoring i the fact I am trying to get help.

Please SHOW THIS THREAD to whomever you are going to for help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I get this because my mother has severe social anxiety. Her beautiful gift to my siblings and me was to hide it from us so that we could lead normal lives and learn how to interact appropriately. I desperately wish she would get help (like you she won't), but at least she didn't pass this issue on to another generation.

I don't know why everyone is ignoring i the fact I am trying to get help.

Please SHOW THIS THREAD to whomever you are going to for help.

And make sure you talk to the counselor about your DH's belittling and controlling actions.

Oh, in the meantime, just text what PPs have said to decline the invitation.

[Anonymous]

I don't know why everyone is ignoring i the fact I am trying to get help.

Ok, in that case, people here have told you what you need to do - RSVP in some manner. You feel you are unable to do what you need to do, so it would seem to me that the next step is to work with whoever you are getting help from to figure out a plan to get this accomplished.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you really can't bring yourself to call and leave a message, maybe you could write a note and ask the teacher to put it in the birthday kid's lunch box or bag. It might get lost in the shuffle, but at least it's an attempt to RSVP.

As I suggested on page one. Use the same script as you would for the phone. I get social anxiety. I get phone phobias. I don't get being deliberately rude when you have been given several ways to respond appropriately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I get this because my mother has severe social anxiety. Her beautiful gift to my siblings and me was to hide it from us so that we could lead normal lives and learn how to interact appropriately. I desperately wish she would get help (like you she won't), but at least she didn't pass this issue on to another generation.

I don't know why everyone is ignoring i the fact I am trying to get help.

Because people offered you help. They told you that yes, you should RSVP. They gave you the exact words you could use for this RSVP. They even suggested that you could leave a note in the other kid's cubby so you don't even have to talk to anyone. You responded that you weren't going to RSVP and suggested that the other mother was greedy (calling the party a gift grab) and rude. That's not social anxiety, that's being a bitch.

The other mom invited the whole class. She intended to invite the whole class. This is not unusual.

Write a note, stick it in the cubby. "Thanks for the invitation to Larla's birthday party. So sorry we won't be able to make it! Best wishes for the birthday girl, Mary (Anna's Mom)"

[Anonymous]

Op, interesting how the gender of your one child has changed since this post began ....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a very odd OP. I'm going to call "troll" on this. Just too weird. It's a rare day when DCUM agrees on something and she refuses to listen to good advice.

I am listening, but it's something I just can't do, especially after being called troll and stupid and whatever else. I haven't socialized with women in years, they terrify me, and this is why. For all I know, she'll treat me the same way.

People were very kind and supportive until you started chiming in with argumentative, odd, and rude responses. I believe this kicked it off on p. 2:

"No, I don't think I will, sorry. I don't call people for social reasons if they don't know me.

I'm pretty sure it's a gift grab though, so I don't feel too badly."

Take some responsibility. You're playing the victim.

You don't know crippling fear. Good for you.

How do you know what I or any other person experiences every day?

You have mental health issues. Go to a therapist. I repeat my advice. Take some responsibility. Ask for help. You're playing the victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I very rarely call troll, but I think this has to be a troll.

Has to be. The OP's insisting responses back can't be real.

I agree. These are not the responses of someone with "AS", unless he/she meant anti-social and not autisim/aspergers

I have no experience with AS other than Sheldon from Big Bang Theory and Max from Parenthood. I can imagine them both arguing just like OP. Both would eventually give in and call, and would finish by making a (what we'd consider) snarky comment about forcing the phone call to the host.

OP, just say word for word what an early poster commented.

As a parent, OP, you're going to be put in a lot of socially awkward positions over the years. You'd better learn to fake it, otherwise your child is in for a hell of a social life. If you love your child and want them to have friends and a normal life, suck it up, buttercup. Put their needs first.

DC's needs always come first. This isn't a need, and I don't do socially awkward well.

Oh, I'd say you're a natural at it.

Yep, and comments like this are why I'm not playing any of these daycare social games. You'd probably say this to my face, which is cruel and evil.

Stop being such a victim! You're standing up well enough for yourself here, now take that energy and do it in person!