Lack of Sex starting to cause issues/fights

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lack of sex starting to cause issues/fights?

More like too many unattractive, bad habits to want to have sex w/you.

#1
Poor wife, she finally has the child she wants but stuck with this problem. He has 2 hands and should leave her alone.

+2.

I find the lack of self awareness on his part particularly amusing.

He certainly didn't major in psychology did he....

It makes you realize why his wife doesn't want sex! Wow!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It's changed several times, and the irritation and anger, even name calling on the OP's part, is fairly obvious. I'm not going to hold your hand and go over the thread with you. Multiple posters see it.

Oh, well that's pretty convincing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am a DW who lost libido after a baby. I didn't mean to, it's just hard when I'm so tired and the baby is chewing on my nips all day long. And honestly, if I offered my DH "duty sex" as you put it and he turned me down, I would understand, but sometimes that's all I can manage. It comes from a loving place! If he tried to do sexual things that he knows I don't like, and also complained about duty sex or how I approached him, it would really irritate me.

If you know your wife doesn't like something, don't do it to her, FFS.

+1
This guy is so goddam dense.

No, you morons are seriously reading-comprehension-challenged, or you just didn't bother to read my very first post.

The entire premise here from the beginning is that I am not the one pushing having sex. I responded to you with some sarcasm/snark because I thought that might tip you off that you needed to rethink it.

I'm fine with not having sex. I'm not pushing for sex. This is making my wife even more anxious and insecure - that is the problem. God you are clueless. Learn to (bother to) read...whichever applies.

Oh please. You are obviously not fine with not having sex. You are the one who said the problem is that your sex life is dead! If a nice card = trying to give her oral WHICH YOU KNOW SHE DOESN'T LIKE, then yes, you are pushing for sex.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say she is upset and feels rejected by you and that is why she is picking unrelated fights. How do you know this? How do you know that she wants you to desire her even though she is obviously pained when you give her attention? Maybe you are misdiagnosing the problem? Maybe she is doesn't care that you don't desire her, but is mad at you for other reasons?

This is always a real possibility.

The reasons I've diagnosed it this way are:

- I've been the recipient of a lot of cards and notes and such lately (not just on VD day) to the effect of "thanks for being such an amazing husband and dad".

- All of those have contained references to getting our sexual relationship back on track.

- the fights/arguments are pretty few, but they are always off-scale for the issue at hand, and make me believe something else entirely is going on - I've tried taking them at face value, and can't make them add up.

- the tiffs have ended in comments about not wanting to spend time with/be with her (our lives outside of work are spent entirely together).

- at least one of these "tiffs" was specifically relating to me very explicitly that she is concerned that I'm going to lose interest in her if we don't start having sex.

I think a bunch of it is guilt or feeling inadequate even though I'm not really pushing for anything...she's projecting a lot of frustrated desire onto me.

The first doesn't imply that she wants you to initiate sex.

The second could just imply that she thinks, even though you protest it isn't true, you want sex.

The third could just be that she is tired or that she is mad about something else and this is making her easily angry.

The fourth could be the same as the second.


I think you are overthinking. She doesn't want sex. She is worried that you do, no matter how much you protest you don't. Just wait, be kind, and she will realize you really are OK with not having sex.

[Anonymous]

To everyone saying she doesn't want sex and he needs to fully back off, how long is it acceptable to get away with "I don't want sex"? He says it's been 4x since conception of a baby who is now 8 months old. Exactly how long is a spouse supposed to shut up and happily tolerate a spouse not having sex? Two years? Three? He's in a sexless marriage. She isn't trying at all. Cards don't count. So just how long do you think he's supposed to complacently tolerate a marriage where he is not getting sex and is also being accused of cheating when he's not?

The baby is 8 months. If there's physical discomfort, and I'm leaning toward there isn't, it's just her discomfort and self consciousness making her tense, she needs to get it addressed. This is not a way to live. Both partners have to at least TRY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To everyone saying she doesn't want sex and he needs to fully back off, how long is it acceptable to get away with "I don't want sex"? He says it's been 4x since conception of a baby who is now 8 months old. Exactly how long is a spouse supposed to shut up and happily tolerate a spouse not having sex? Two years? Three? He's in a sexless marriage. She isn't trying at all. Cards don't count. So just how long do you think he's supposed to complacently tolerate a marriage where he is not getting sex and is also being accused of cheating when he's not?

The baby is 8 months. If there's physical discomfort, and I'm leaning toward there isn't, it's just her discomfort and self consciousness making her tense, she needs to get it addressed. This is not a way to live. Both partners have to at least TRY.

Get away with? As long as she needs.

It is not a crime to not want to have sex. Her body is HER PROPERTY, not her husbands.

He can jerk off, or leave if he wants. But she is under no obligation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To everyone saying she doesn't want sex and he needs to fully back off, how long is it acceptable to get away with "I don't want sex"? He says it's been 4x since conception of a baby who is now 8 months old. Exactly how long is a spouse supposed to shut up and happily tolerate a spouse not having sex? Two years? Three? He's in a sexless marriage. She isn't trying at all. Cards don't count. So just how long do you think he's supposed to complacently tolerate a marriage where he is not getting sex and is also being accused of cheating when he's not?

The baby is 8 months. If there's physical discomfort, and I'm leaning toward there isn't, it's just her discomfort and self consciousness making her tense, she needs to get it addressed. This is not a way to live. Both partners have to at least TRY.

Get away with? As long as she needs.

It is not a crime to not want to have sex. Her body is HER PROPERTY, not her husbands.

He can jerk off, or leave if he wants. But she is under no obligation.

Ah, I see. Is divorce and losing 50% of your assets and time with your child really so preferable to sex with your husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To everyone saying she doesn't want sex and he needs to fully back off, how long is it acceptable to get away with "I don't want sex"? He says it's been 4x since conception of a baby who is now 8 months old. Exactly how long is a spouse supposed to shut up and happily tolerate a spouse not having sex? Two years? Three? He's in a sexless marriage. She isn't trying at all. Cards don't count. So just how long do you think he's supposed to complacently tolerate a marriage where he is not getting sex and is also being accused of cheating when he's not?

The baby is 8 months. If there's physical discomfort, and I'm leaning toward there isn't, it's just her discomfort and self consciousness making her tense, she needs to get it addressed. This is not a way to live. Both partners have to at least TRY.

Get away with? As long as she needs.

It is not a crime to not want to have sex. Her body is HER PROPERTY, not her husbands.

He can jerk off, or leave if he wants. But she is under no obligation.

Ah, I see. Is divorce and losing 50% of your assets and time with your child really so preferable to sex with your husband?

To having sex against my will, which is essentially rape? Yes, yes it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To everyone saying she doesn't want sex and he needs to fully back off, how long is it acceptable to get away with "I don't want sex"? He says it's been 4x since conception of a baby who is now 8 months old. Exactly how long is a spouse supposed to shut up and happily tolerate a spouse not having sex? Two years? Three? He's in a sexless marriage. She isn't trying at all. Cards don't count. So just how long do you think he's supposed to complacently tolerate a marriage where he is not getting sex and is also being accused of cheating when he's not?

The baby is 8 months. If there's physical discomfort, and I'm leaning toward there isn't, it's just her discomfort and self consciousness making her tense, she needs to get it addressed. This is not a way to live. Both partners have to at least TRY.

Get away with? As long as she needs.

It is not a crime to not want to have sex. Her body is HER PROPERTY, not her husbands.

He can jerk off, or leave if he wants. But she is under no obligation.

Ah, I see. Is divorce and losing 50% of your assets and time with your child really so preferable to sex with your husband?

I could ask the same. Is getting laid really worth divorce and losing 50% of your assets and time with your child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To everyone saying she doesn't want sex and he needs to fully back off, how long is it acceptable to get away with "I don't want sex"? He says it's been 4x since conception of a baby who is now 8 months old. Exactly how long is a spouse supposed to shut up and happily tolerate a spouse not having sex? Two years? Three? He's in a sexless marriage. She isn't trying at all. Cards don't count. So just how long do you think he's supposed to complacently tolerate a marriage where he is not getting sex and is also being accused of cheating when he's not?

The baby is 8 months. If there's physical discomfort, and I'm leaning toward there isn't, it's just her discomfort and self consciousness making her tense, she needs to get it addressed. This is not a way to live. Both partners have to at least TRY.

Get away with? As long as she needs.

It is not a crime to not want to have sex. Her body is HER PROPERTY, not her husbands.

He can jerk off, or leave if he wants. But she is under no obligation.

Ah, I see. Is divorce and losing 50% of your assets and time with your child really so preferable to sex with your husband?

I could ask the same. Is getting laid really worth divorce and losing 50% of your assets and time with your child?

It's a vital part of marriage. Who's to say this won't go on forever. No woman or man should have to accept that sex is just off the table oh but if you go elsewhere or ask for divorce YOU'RE the bad guy. At what point does she owe it to her husband to figure her shit out or give him a pass?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To everyone saying she doesn't want sex and he needs to fully back off, how long is it acceptable to get away with "I don't want sex"? He says it's been 4x since conception of a baby who is now 8 months old. Exactly how long is a spouse supposed to shut up and happily tolerate a spouse not having sex? Two years? Three? He's in a sexless marriage. She isn't trying at all. Cards don't count. So just how long do you think he's supposed to complacently tolerate a marriage where he is not getting sex and is also being accused of cheating when he's not?

The baby is 8 months. If there's physical discomfort, and I'm leaning toward there isn't, it's just her discomfort and self consciousness making her tense, she needs to get it addressed. This is not a way to live. Both partners have to at least TRY.

Get away with? As long as she needs.

It is not a crime to not want to have sex. Her body is HER PROPERTY, not her husbands.

He can jerk off, or leave if he wants. But she is under no obligation.

Ah, I see. Is divorce and losing 50% of your assets and time with your child really so preferable to sex with your husband?

To having sex against my will, which is essentially rape? Yes, yes it is.

+1. To get away from a man who wants sex even if I really don't want to? YES.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To everyone saying she doesn't want sex and he needs to fully back off, how long is it acceptable to get away with "I don't want sex"? He says it's been 4x since conception of a baby who is now 8 months old. Exactly how long is a spouse supposed to shut up and happily tolerate a spouse not having sex? Two years? Three? He's in a sexless marriage. She isn't trying at all. Cards don't count. So just how long do you think he's supposed to complacently tolerate a marriage where he is not getting sex and is also being accused of cheating when he's not?

The baby is 8 months. If there's physical discomfort, and I'm leaning toward there isn't, it's just her discomfort and self consciousness making her tense, she needs to get it addressed. This is not a way to live. Both partners have to at least TRY.

Get away with? As long as she needs.

It is not a crime to not want to have sex. Her body is HER PROPERTY, not her husbands.

He can jerk off, or leave if he wants. But she is under no obligation.

Ah, I see. Is divorce and losing 50% of your assets and time with your child really so preferable to sex with your husband?

I could ask the same. Is getting laid really worth divorce and losing 50% of your assets and time with your child?

It's a vital part of marriage. Who's to say this won't go on forever. No woman or man should have to accept that sex is just off the table oh but if you go elsewhere or ask for divorce YOU'RE the bad guy. At what point does she owe it to her husband to figure her shit out or give him a pass?

She doesn't need to figure anything out. It's sad that our culture has been so controlled by patriarchy that we dont acknowledge that a low libido, which is usually held by women, is perfectly fine. OP is the one with an out of whack libido angry about sex. It's his problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To everyone saying she doesn't want sex and he needs to fully back off, how long is it acceptable to get away with "I don't want sex"? He says it's been 4x since conception of a baby who is now 8 months old. Exactly how long is a spouse supposed to shut up and happily tolerate a spouse not having sex? Two years? Three? He's in a sexless marriage. She isn't trying at all. Cards don't count. So just how long do you think he's supposed to complacently tolerate a marriage where he is not getting sex and is also being accused of cheating when he's not?

The baby is 8 months. If there's physical discomfort, and I'm leaning toward there isn't, it's just her discomfort and self consciousness making her tense, she needs to get it addressed. This is not a way to live. Both partners have to at least TRY.

Get away with? As long as she needs.

It is not a crime to not want to have sex. Her body is HER PROPERTY, not her husbands.

He can jerk off, or leave if he wants. But she is under no obligation.

Ah, I see. Is divorce and losing 50% of your assets and time with your child really so preferable to sex with your husband?

I could ask the same. Is getting laid really worth divorce and losing 50% of your assets and time with your child?

It's a vital part of marriage. Who's to say this won't go on forever. No woman or man should have to accept that sex is just off the table oh but if you go elsewhere or ask for divorce YOU'RE the bad guy. At what point does she owe it to her husband to figure her shit out or give him a pass?

She doesn't need to figure anything out. It's sad that our culture has been so controlled by patriarchy that we dont acknowledge that a low libido, which is usually held by women, is perfectly fine. OP is the one with an out of whack libido angry about sex. It's his problem.

Wanting to have sex with your partner is not an "out of whack libido."

[Anonymous]

OP, you have gotten some crazy and aggressive replies here. But I guess you knew you would.

When your wife loses the weight and feels hot again, all this will go away. Try to reduce her stress some to help her not overeat. And don't criticize what she eats or even raise an eyebrow, that will just push her to eat more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you have gotten some crazy and aggressive replies here. But I guess you knew you would.

When your wife loses the weight and feels hot again, all this will go away. Try to reduce her stress some to help her not overeat. And don't criticize what she eats or even raise an eyebrow, that will just push her to eat more.

Where are all the ladies who said they were dry and in a lot of pain during nursing? I don't remember pain during sex while I was still nursing, but I did not want to be touched at all after holding a nursing baby all day. I mean, it was just too much for me to be touched all day and then have my husband want to touch me some more. Not fair, I know. But, it also wasn't fair to me.

Anyway ... if she is having dryness and pain, she needs to address that; maybe it is nursing related, which will work itself out as your child weans in the next couple of years ... or sooner if you force the issue