Is "making dinner" part of your SAHM job description?

[Anonymous]

Op you may be depressed. Do you get much social interaction during the day with adults?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm still having a hard time believing that OP thinks Diet Coke and a baked potato is a dinner. Sad.

+1

I think grocery shopping and prepping/preparing meals with baby will be good for both of them to embrace healthy, balanced food options. This is an opportunity for the baby to enrich your own life, OP.

[Anonymous]

Op, I wonder why you even posted here. You have a defensive argument for every point brought against you. Most of us (sah, woh, moms, dads) think you should be putting dinner on the table and it's actually rare when a dcum thread is in such consensus.

So what was the point of you posting this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The biggest fucking scam that men have gotten away with is "men take care of the outside and the maintenance and the cars". First of all, none of us are living on major acreage. People with big yards end up outsourcing, and most of us in the region are on postage stamp lots, or condos or townhouses. Unless you are into mega-landscaping, the outside is nbd. No 100k+ families I know are out there on ladders cleaning gutters. "Maintenance?" Lol- my DH isn't under the sink or in the electric panel or tiling the bathroom. My favorite is the "car maintenance". I LOVE doing the car "maintenance". I take it to Acura a few times a year and sit in their nice waiting room drinking coffee and playing on my phone. There was probably a time where all of this was hard work, when owe actually did this stuff, but it's been so pared down and outsourcing this stuff is the norm while us ladies are still trying not to feel guilty about hiring a cleaning lady. All that's left for the guys is taking out the trash (while u run around the house and round it all up and bag it up and put it in the can". And trash is only once a week!!

We lived on a quarter acre and all I can say is that we had a fair amount of yardwork - mowing the lawn, weeding, mulching, raking/bagging leaves, trimming shrubs, planting flowers, gutters, occasional painting etc. Add in snow shoveling and - yes - the outside work kept dh quite busy on the weekends. We had our division of labor the way it was for a reason. I got the kids out of his hair while he took care of those chores - usually the kids and I would go out and do something fun while dh worked in the yard (park/playground/mall/Grandma's house/play date).

People get way too caught up in making sure that everything is even/steven split right down the middle. You can do *most* of the cooking/cleaning/yard work/income making/car maintenance/child care/pet care/whatever...without compromising yourself as a person. Just try to be fair about it.

[Anonymous]

Okay then if I had full time live in help who did what you do I'd fire that person and try again with someone who can take on the full scope of the job. So how's that for "unrecognized economic value."

[Anonymous]

Good grief! Spoiling your child rotten sounds like what you are doing. Our nanny did the laundry and cooked for the kids also. What do you do with your 12 month old all day? Stare into his eyes and ask him what he wants?


I don't spoil him at all! We have a pretty solid routine down, and our days are filled with enriching and engaging activities.

Your nanny didn't plan and cook your dinner, so I don't really get the point of your post except to be nasty!

You have a pretty good routine of spending waaaay too much time on that baby and cleaning the house.

Not the PP, but my nanny plans and cooks dinner 2-3 times a week for our family, plus laundry and light house cleaning. With only one child who still naps to care for, she says she has plenty of time to do it. When I stayed at home for the first 8 months of my child's existence, I cooked too (I had plenty of time to do so while the baby napped, but granted, I enjoy cooking). If you're prepping food for your child 4 times a day, why don't you make something that your husband can eat too? You'll broaden your child's palate. At a year old, my kid was eating what we ate--it improved our adult nutrition, and he's now one of those kids that will eat pretty much everything without a fuss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I predict a really unhappy relationship with your DH based on what you've posted here and I wouldn't be surprised to see y'all divorcing in a couple of years. You just don't seem to have any desire to nurture your relationship with him, from your posts you see him as nothing more than a means for you to have a baby and quit your job. How will you feel if in a couple of years he's moved on to greener pastures and you have to (gasp) work and get dinner for yourself and take care of DC?

I agree. He's supporting you. Make some freaking food. If you want an equal division of household work, get a job and then you have an argument.

OP here- I think that's a really dangerous and backwards attitude to have. It trivializes the economic value of what stay-at-home parents do on a daily basis. He's not "supporting" me. What I do daily sims has unrecognized economic value.

"Sims"="simply"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I predict a really unhappy relationship with your DH based on what you've posted here and I wouldn't be surprised to see y'all divorcing in a couple of years. You just don't seem to have any desire to nurture your relationship with him, from your posts you see him as nothing more than a means for you to have a baby and quit your job. How will you feel if in a couple of years he's moved on to greener pastures and you have to (gasp) work and get dinner for yourself and take care of DC?

I agree. He's supporting you. Make some freaking food. If you want an equal division of household work, get a job and then you have an argument.

LOL. So you only have a voice if you have a job?

Who are you backwards people?!

The house stuff including dinner IS her job. Her husband is bringing home the money to support her. That's his job. Not the way I would run my family, but if they're running theirs that way then she needs to do her part.

Newsflash - it's not 1950.

Obviously the house stuff is not her JOB. Sounds like she's already pitching in plenty with the baby, cleaning, laundry, etc. They just need to work out how to better handle food, but it's not her JOB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"What's your damage, Heather?" Yes, most stay at home moms cook dinner for the family. I don't say this to be rude, but if you ate healthier than a diet Coke and baked potato you might have more energy.

Why not eat your cheese and crackers for lunch but then make a balanced, nutritious meal for yourself and your husband so you can reconnect after being apart all day? It's really shitty that after being "on" at work all day he turned around and had to go to the grocery store.

This. If I were your husband, I'd flip out. If you don't like sahm, go back to work & get a nanny who does meal prep.

This. I am a husband, with a SAHW/M, and it pisses me off when there is no dinner when I get home. It takes what, 30 minutes to prepare a basic dinner? I've made dinner of the kids and me plenty of times when my wife is travelling and it isn't that big a deal to throw something together. I bet you spend more time than that each day on DCUM. Carry your weight. I would have much more sympathy if you had three school-aged kids and you spent your afternoon driving around MoCo taking kids to different school events, or something similar, but that doesn't seem to be the case. I get the sense you are using dinner as a proxy to fight other battles and address other issues in your relationship.

Thanks for the perspective-(btw it is the middle of the night where I am so DS is asleep hence why I'm replying to a lot of posts). Anyway my question to you would be-if it is so easy to prepare dinner, why don't you do it? I'm not trying to be rude- just seems like people are posting that it is no big thing to make dinner, but I actually think it is a lot of work to meal plan, shop, cook, and clean. So that, in addition to all the stuff that has to happen to raise kids, seems to me like it should be on both parents, not just the SAH parent. So if it is really easy to do, how come you are so upset and why don't you just do it?

Because I get home from work around 7:30pm - 8pm. The kids should eat around 8:30pm then? That's bedtime.

The PP above again. Just to be clear, there can be a number of extenuating circumstances -- the SAHM can be taking care of a sick parent, be disabled, other issues -- but if one spouse is working full time plus, and the other isn't, then it should typically fall on the SAHP/S to prepare dinner (or at least ensure that dinner is there). This isn't a question of gender, but of a fair division of labor. I always felt that SAH did not mean "do little", but instead "do just as much, but while staying at home". And to be even clearer, I have no use for other DHs that don't do squat around the home because they otherwise work. My weekends are spent primarily with my family, not with my buddies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I wonder why you even posted here. You have a defensive argument for every point brought against you. Most of us (sah, woh, moms, dads) think you should be putting dinner on the table and it's actually rare when a dcum thread is in such consensus.

So what was the point of you posting this?

What consensus? Some DH who is wasting away his time on DCUM during the day but never sees his kids at night? Yeah - not putting too much weight on his opinion. Backward Bettys who think it's 1950?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I predict a really unhappy relationship with your DH based on what you've posted here and I wouldn't be surprised to see y'all divorcing in a couple of years. You just don't seem to have any desire to nurture your relationship with him, from your posts you see him as nothing more than a means for you to have a baby and quit your job. How will you feel if in a couple of years he's moved on to greener pastures and you have to (gasp) work and get dinner for yourself and take care of DC?

I agree. He's supporting you. Make some freaking food. If you want an equal division of household work, get a job and then you have an argument.

LOL. So you only have a voice if you have a job?

Who are you backwards people?!

The house stuff including dinner IS her job. Her husband is bringing home the money to support her. That's his job. Not the way I would run my family, but if they're running theirs that way then she needs to do her part.

Newsflash - it's not 1950.

Obviously the house stuff is not her JOB. Sounds like she's already pitching in plenty with the baby, cleaning, laundry, etc. They just need to work out how to better handle food, but it's not her JOB.

How is it more modern/more equitable for someone who brings in literally zero income and stays home all day to do LESS work than a SAH spouse did in 1950?? The SAH still has plenty of time to do these things, and should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you that cooking/planning/shopping is a tedious chore. That said, it's necessary, so we've found ways to work it into our schedule so that it's not so challenging.

Sunday afternoon during nap time, we go through the pantry/fridge and throw out any old leftovers/expired things. Then we come up with 3 meals for the week, and make a list of ingredients needed. I also put anything for lunches, household things, etc on there.

When DS wakes up from his nap, we alternate weeks of who takes him to the grocery store and knocks out the list. The other one does some other errand at home (or enjoys an hour of quiet!) The next weekend we switch who goes. DS loves the grocery store, and it's nice to have routine.

During the week, it's so much easier to prep stuff if there is a plan and you don't have to think. I don't usually start dinner prep until DH comes home, because one of us needs to watch DS, but then we'll "barter" for the job. "If I cook, will you watch DS and do dishes?" "If I do dishes and bath time, will you cook?"

Sounds like there's just a huge mismatch of expectations here. TALK. Figure out a solution that works for both of you. There is a huge range between "1950s housewife" and "fend for yourself".

I don't get this. Why does one need to "watch" the baby 100% of the time to the point that you can't prep a meal? It is good for a baby to have some independent play time -- get a play pen or gate off a childproofed room or if you have space let them play with pots and pans/tupperware while you are in the kitchen (depending on your space and what you are doing). And, if the baby can't tolerate being unstimulated by the parent for 15 minutes then he really needs to learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"What's your damage, Heather?" Yes, most stay at home moms cook dinner for the family. I don't say this to be rude, but if you ate healthier than a diet Coke and baked potato you might have more energy.

Why not eat your cheese and crackers for lunch but then make a balanced, nutritious meal for yourself and your husband so you can reconnect after being apart all day? It's really shitty that after being "on" at work all day he turned around and had to go to the grocery store.

This. If I were your husband, I'd flip out. If you don't like sahm, go back to work & get a nanny who does meal prep.

This. I am a husband, with a SAHW/M, and it pisses me off when there is no dinner when I get home. It takes what, 30 minutes to prepare a basic dinner? I've made dinner of the kids and me plenty of times when my wife is travelling and it isn't that big a deal to throw something together. I bet you spend more time than that each day on DCUM. Carry your weight. I would have much more sympathy if you had three school-aged kids and you spent your afternoon driving around MoCo taking kids to different school events, or something similar, but that doesn't seem to be the case. I get the sense you are using dinner as a proxy to fight other battles and address other issues in your relationship.

Thanks for the perspective-(btw it is the middle of the night where I am so DS is asleep hence why I'm replying to a lot of posts). Anyway my question to you would be-if it is so easy to prepare dinner, why don't you do it? I'm not trying to be rude- just seems like people are posting that it is no big thing to make dinner, but I actually think it is a lot of work to meal plan, shop, cook, and clean. So that, in addition to all the stuff that has to happen to raise kids, seems to me like it should be on both parents, not just the SAH parent. So if it is really easy to do, how come you are so upset and why don't you just do it?

Because I get home from work around 7:30pm - 8pm. The kids should eat around 8:30pm then? That's bedtime.

Wow - that's late. Do you even see your kids during the week?

Of course! I wake them up in the morning at 6:30am, get them fed breakfast (which is when my not-a-morning-person DW appears), then drive DD to school. When I get home around 7:30pm, I help them with homework until dinner is served, and I am the last person they see at night when I tuck them in around 9pm (while DW straightens up the kitchen). DW and I then share a wine or I finish up work remotely on the computer. Pretty standard stuff, in a retro 1950s "Leave it to Beaver" kind of way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I predict a really unhappy relationship with your DH based on what you've posted here and I wouldn't be surprised to see y'all divorcing in a couple of years. You just don't seem to have any desire to nurture your relationship with him, from your posts you see him as nothing more than a means for you to have a baby and quit your job. How will you feel if in a couple of years he's moved on to greener pastures and you have to (gasp) work and get dinner for yourself and take care of DC?

I agree. He's supporting you. Make some freaking food. If you want an equal division of household work, get a job and then you have an argument.

LOL. So you only have a voice if you have a job?

Who are you backwards people?!

The house stuff including dinner IS her job. Her husband is bringing home the money to support her. That's his job. Not the way I would run my family, but if they're running theirs that way then she needs to do her part.

Newsflash - it's not 1950.

Obviously the house stuff is not her JOB. Sounds like she's already pitching in plenty with the baby, cleaning, laundry, etc. They just need to work out how to better handle food, but it's not her JOB.

It has nothing to do with being 1950 and more about dividing tasks in ways that make the most sense. In many homes whoever is home most, gets home first, enjoys it more, etc. handles most of the food prep. Tney clearly don't seem to be on the same page about how things should be divided.

[Anonymous]

This is hilarious. I'm a WAHM mom (in the telecommuting sense, not "I sell Jamberry" sense) and I still make dinner 6/7 nights for DH and DC. Because, you know, I'm home.