When people say they are not SAHM material

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how people say they would be bored by spending time with their own children.

Think about it for longer than it takes to hit "reply" and send some scathing comment back.

They are developing and learning and growing at a rapid fire pace, they are full of wonder and joy, they are not bitter or jaded, and they are your offspring. They are little miracles, each and every one.

But post after post claims they find all that boring.

NP here. I'm not interested in stuffed animals, train sets, and singing nursery rhymes. Why would I be?

Are those things you need to do to play with your kids? Nope. Your kids just want to interact with you - they don't care much about how. Play your favorite rock music. Go for a walk. Tell them about your day.

what kind of crazy person thinks her kids would rather talk about mommy's day then play with trains and toys? lady, you are way too invested in being the center of your kids lives.

Who should the center of a baby's life?
A 1 year old? At 2 years? 3 years?
If not their mother or father?
This is the strangest thread I have ever read.

Working parents are still the center of their babies' lives, and the babies are still the center of the parents' lives, dumbass.

[Anonymous]

Some of you seem to really devalue your fathers' roles in your lives.

My dad raised me, even though he worked. He was a full parent. He was at the center of my life, and I was at the center of his, every day, even though he wasn't home all day.

Period.

[Anonymous]

I'd be interested to see how many posts there would be if the tread was about SAHDs and dads responding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP here. I'm not interested in stuffed animals, train sets, and singing nursery rhymes. Why would I be?

But that's the point. You are not the one playing with these things, obviously. Your child is. And you should be interested in their development and growth enough to want to be part of their imagination, creativity, how they learn to play more complex roles versus parallel play, the new words they use, how they can explain ideas.
I really all of the bored mothers who think spending tkme with their child is mind numbing would benefit from learning about child development and how to interact and teach their children. Truly, no snark intended.
If you really think that being a hands on and interactive parent means being bored and sitting watching a child play, then you are really missing out.
I think maybe some moms have never been around their children long enough to learn and grow as a mother with them, and that is a loss to both parent and child.

Once again--what about the dads? I guess none of them are good parents, since most fathers work outside the home and don't have these opportunities to learn and grow?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how people say they would be bored by spending time with their own children.

Think about it for longer than it takes to hit "reply" and send some scathing comment back.

They are developing and learning and growing at a rapid fire pace, they are full of wonder and joy, they are not bitter or jaded, and they are your offspring. They are little miracles, each and every one.

But post after post claims they find all that boring.

NP here. I'm not interested in stuffed animals, train sets, and singing nursery rhymes. Why would I be?

Are those things you need to do to play with your kids? Nope. Your kids just want to interact with you - they don't care much about how. Play your favorite rock music. Go for a walk. Tell them about your day.

what kind of crazy person thinks her kids would rather talk about mommy's day then play with trains and toys? lady, you are way too invested in being the center of your kids lives.

Who should the center of a baby's life?
A 1 year old? At 2 years? 3 years?
If not their mother or father?
This is the strangest thread I have ever read.

Working parents are still the center of their babies' lives, and the babies are still the center of the parents' lives, dumbass.

I agree with you 100%. The person whose post I was responding to was making fun of someone who was "trying to be" (what does that even mean?) the center of her child's life.
Bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP here. I'm not interested in stuffed animals, train sets, and singing nursery rhymes. Why would I be?

But that's the point. You are not the one playing with these things, obviously. Your child is. And you should be interested in their development and growth enough to want to be part of their imagination, creativity, how they learn to play more complex roles versus parallel play, the new words they use, how they can explain ideas.
I really all of the bored mothers who think spending tkme with their child is mind numbing would benefit from learning about child development and how to interact and teach their children. Truly, no snark intended.
If you really think that being a hands on and interactive parent means being bored and sitting watching a child play, then you are really missing out.
I think maybe some moms have never been around their children long enough to learn and grow as a mother with them, and that is a loss to both parent and child.

Once again--what about the dads? I guess none of them are good parents, since most fathers work outside the home and don't have these opportunities to learn and grow?

So if both parents can't be home, then neither should? Huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how people say they would be bored by spending time with their own children.

Think about it for longer than it takes to hit "reply" and send some scathing comment back.

They are developing and learning and growing at a rapid fire pace, they are full of wonder and joy, they are not bitter or jaded, and they are your offspring. They are little miracles, each and every one.

But post after post claims they find all that boring.

NP here. I'm not interested in stuffed animals, train sets, and singing nursery rhymes. Why would I be?

Are those things you need to do to play with your kids? Nope. Your kids just want to interact with you - they don't care much about how. Play your favorite rock music. Go for a walk. Tell them about your day.

what kind of crazy person thinks her kids would rather talk about mommy's day then play with trains and toys? lady, you are way too invested in being the center of your kids lives.

Who should the center of a baby's life?
A 1 year old? At 2 years? 3 years?
If not their mother or father?
This is the strangest thread I have ever read.

Working parents are still the center of their babies' lives, and the babies are still the center of the parents' lives, dumbass.

I agree with you 100%. The person whose post I was responding to was making fun of someone who was "trying to be" (what does that even mean?) the center of her child's life.
Bizarre.

No, you misunderstood. I was making fun of her statement that a child would rather hear mommy talk about her day than play with trains, or listen to adult music instead of children's songs. Children have their own interests and preferences which are not necessarily what mommy wants. Only a total narcissist would say that a child (meaning a child old enough to play with toys, not an infant) would prefer listening to mommy talk to playing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will bite even though I am sure this thread will become a drama thread shortly.

I'm currently a SAHM of 4yo and 6yo boys. I worked until a few months ago. I used to say that I was not SAHM material. I am a lousy cook and I hate housework. I loved my children but I did not especially like changing diapers, washing bottles and cleaning up goldfish off the floor every minute of the day. I am also ivy league educated and had a successful career. I was good at my job and made a nice six figure income.

I still don't think I am necessarily SAHM material because I still hate housework and can't cook. We still outsource that. I do love spending time with my boys. If I have both boys together for long periods of time, they often start fighting and it gets unpleasant fast. I try to schedule my time so that I have quality time with both kids. My marriage has also improved significantly since I started staying home. I have lunch dates with DH, don't get mad at him for being unable to attend the school Thanksgiving lunch or never taking a snow day. I feel really close to my children. When I was working, I was always stressed out. I always had work on my mind because there was something I left to do so that I could rush home for dinner or soccer or whatever X school event.

This is exactly my situation, down to the Ivy league and successful career. I can truthfully say that even though I enjoyed and was good at my job, I've never been happier than over the past few years at home with my kids. We also outsource things like housecleaning, etc., but I am 100% here for my children which makes our entire family run more smoothly and calmly. When I was working, I felt that I was never able to give my all to either work or my kids. I wanted to commit to something fully, and I found that for me, committing to my kids' care was the right thing to do. I plan on returning to work at some point, but not while my children are young.

Question: why is it somehow understandable or acceptable for a woman to say, "Oh, I'm not SAHM material," but if another woman says she's not "WOHM material," some of you treat her like she's an idiot? Aren't personal preferences respected any more? I don't care if you work and have kids; why would you think I'm somehow unable to do the same if the fact is, I prefer being able to focus on one of those things? Why do you care?

[Anonymous]

It means I'm choosing to compliment you for doing something that I (a) recognize is challenging; and (b) would find bone-crushingly tedious to do myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the deal with all these moms pretend playing with their kids all day? Isn't that what siblings , or friends are for? I never play barbie with my daughters.

You don't have to play with your kids, but don't shame me for playing with mine. Some moms bond with movie night, some with family game night, some by talking about everyone's day during the ride home from daycare. We do what works. Some families don't have playdates during the day or don't have siblings, or the siblings fight all the time or have different interests. If a mom wants to get down on floor and do a little pretend play in order to bond with her child who enjoys it (and whether the mom inwardly enjoys it or not), more power to her.

+1000
I just love all the cutting, demeaning remarks toward moms who (gasp) actually enjoy playing with their kids. I'm a SAHM and while I certainly don't play every minute of every day with my children, I definitely make a point to play with them throughout the day. I feel fortunate that I'm available to have fun with my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how people say they would be bored by spending time with their own children.

Think about it for longer than it takes to hit "reply" and send some scathing comment back.

They are developing and learning and growing at a rapid fire pace, they are full of wonder and joy, they are not bitter or jaded, and they are your offspring. They are little miracles, each and every one.

But post after post claims they find all that boring.

+1
I think bitter and jaded best describes their parents. Really, what's the point of having kids if you don't enjoy them? I'm not even talking about SAHM/WOHM. Some parents (at least here on DCUM) really seem unable to tolerate their kids for any length of time. Why not just get a dog? Or a houseplant?

[Anonymous]

I love playing with my kids, but know that society doesn't work if 50% of people decide to do nothing else. Few stay at home moms I know are that invested in their kids anyway, usually they could not get truly engaged in work for some reason and kids are an easy out.

[Anonymous]

1. I struggled with the isolation. Yes, I tried mom's groups. I tried making friends. I tried it all, but the bulk of time home with small children you are working alone with your kids. I had a touch of PPD with my second (which thankfully I had the time to be treated. I didn't have it with my first and my therapist thinks the isolation may have been a contributing role (but not determinative because PPD is obviously hormonal and an effect of giving birth).

2. I absolutely suck as the main home keeper. I am messy. I don't enjoy cleaning. I fall behind on laundry and everything (when I was a SAHM my DH actually would do laundry at night, fold and put away in the morning because I just didn't keep up. Yes, I was guilty, which led to...)

3. Economically, I needed to work absent a huge draw back to our lives. Want vacations? Retirement? College funds? Decent health insurance? I provide these things and they weren't there when I was home because we were stretched so thin.

4. My marriage. I just felt so lop sided with DH. I didn't have anything of my own. Yes, I could have hired sitters or rushed out the second he walked in or took hours out of the weekend (the sole time we actually all were together) to do my stuff. But instead, I spent naps working on housework and dinner.

5. It didn't make our lives easier. It was a hard one to admit. Our lives are fundamentally better with me working. There's less wear and tear on our home. The kids are in an amazing montessori school (no I do not have the patience or desire to home montessori school my kids). My DH is happier because he doesn't feel like he is alone working and having a family. We are better partners.

6. Yes, I know all roads lead to I absolutely sucked at this endeavor. I don't think my experience is the same or better or worse. It's just mine. It makes me sad to be judged, but I'm not SAHM material. I think other people are but it's like anything, it's a matter of personality and your own personal life. I don't know it. But I know mine, and yes, it was a wreck for me to be a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the deal with all these moms pretend playing with their kids all day? Isn't that what siblings , or friends are for? I never play barbie with my daughters.

You don't have to play with your kids, but don't shame me for playing with mine. Some moms bond with movie night, some with family game night, some by talking about everyone's day during the ride home from daycare. We do what works. Some families don't have playdates during the day or don't have siblings, or the siblings fight all the time or have different interests. If a mom wants to get down on floor and do a little pretend play in order to bond with her child who enjoys it (and whether the mom inwardly enjoys it or not), more power to her.

+1000
I just love all the cutting, demeaning remarks toward moms who (gasp) actually enjoy playing with their kids. I'm a SAHM and while I certainly don't play every minute of every day with my children, I definitely make a point to play with them throughout the day. I feel fortunate that I'm available to have fun with my kids.

Can you cut and paste a specific cutting, demeaning remark toward moms who (gasp) actually enjoy playing with their kids? Several people have said THEY don't like doing this stuff, but I don't think anyone said it is a way that rejected other peoples' preferences. I find running to be the most tedious, boring, unpleasant thing in the world--but I don't think that would be interpreted as a dig on people who enjoy running.

[Anonymous]

I'm not SAHM material. I'm highly educated and driven to make a real contribution to society. I detest cooking and cleaning...and those are the core responsibilities of real SAHMs. SAHMs who employ housekeepers and nannies aren't SAHMs...I'm not sure what they are. Ladies of leisure?

I love my kids. LOVE them. I spend every evening with them and I'm with them 24/7 on the weekends. They are in school, so it's not like I would be with them during the day if I didn't work.

If I stayed home, what would I do? Cook more, clean, be solely on the hook for errands (whereas now it's 50-50 with DH), be solely on the hook for schlepping kids around, etc. Maybe hit the gym or grab coffee with other moms? Might be nice for a little while I suppose. But candidly, I would feel like a big nobody. I enjoy my career, my colleagues, and the opportunities I have to contribute to society. I also enjoy the respect I receive and having interesting conversations with intelligent people. Chit chat with playground moms is mind numbing. Being called over to the White House to provide guidance is pretty awesome...I doubt that would happen if I were at home in yoga pants or skinny jeans and black boots.

And *that's* what I mean by, "I'm not SAHM material."

Having said that, I would never knock another woman's choice. I simply recognize that the choice isn't a good fit for me.