When people say they are not SAHM material

[Anonymous]

I'm a SAHM, and it's not hard to figure this one out without being a jerk, OP.

[Anonymous]

I am a SAHM by default. It is boring and I'm lonely. My entire life revolves around the activities of an infant and an elementary schooler. From the moment I wake up until at least when my husband gets home. And sadly, I am trying to make just a LITTLE income in my "free time" which means even nap time isn't really down time (flexible job I had before that I can do at odd hours - long story).

I have been trying to get at least another steady part time job to justify paying for daycare, but there aren't a lot available that pay enough to make that math work.

I don't enjoy it. I love my kids, but being JUST mommy isn't really for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It means she can't stand not to have an important job to go to every day and think big, important thoughts that will save the world Because don't you ever forget, she is WAY smarter and more important than you. You're barely in her range of sight from up there on her high horse.

I think this wins the award for Most Needlessly Defensive Comment Ever.

[Anonymous]

I cook a homemade dinner for my family every single night from scratch. That doesn't mean I think I would be a good professional chef. Just because you love your kids and are a great parent evenings and weekends doesn't mean that you would be good at building a schedule and routine, potty training, nap training, early childhood education, and all of the other things that go on with young kids during the day. If you are a stay-at-home mom who doesn't do any of those things, then yes, providing basic supervision is probably not all that hard, although there is still the aspect that it can be socially isolating, but I guess if you were one of those who just makes her kid nap in the car so that mommy can have her wine/play date with other stay at home moms then it's not going to matter very much.

The reality is that some moms and dads have very high standards for what they want happening during the day during the 0 to 3 years. They also understand that not everyone, including not every parent automatically has a solid grasp of early childhood education principles, or appropriate developmental milestones, or how to manage things like sleep, naps, introducing solids, and a myriad of other goals that they might have for their kids during that time frame. If you were a parent who does not have those skills, but you want your child to have access to someone who does, and exclamation do that is to hire someone who knows a lot about early childhood education to educate your child during those formative early years.

[Anonymous]

I will bite even though I am sure this thread will become a drama thread shortly.

I'm currently a SAHM of 4yo and 6yo boys. I worked until a few months ago. I used to say that I was not SAHM material. I am a lousy cook and I hate housework. I loved my children but I did not especially like changing diapers, washing bottles and cleaning up goldfish off the floor every minute of the day. I am also ivy league educated and had a successful career. I was good at my job and made a nice six figure income.

I still don't think I am necessarily SAHM material because I still hate housework and can't cook. We still outsource that. I do love spending time with my boys. If I have both boys together for long periods of time, they often start fighting and it gets unpleasant fast. I try to schedule my time so that I have quality time with both kids. My marriage has also improved significantly since I started staying home. I have lunch dates with DH, don't get mad at him for being unable to attend the school Thanksgiving lunch or never taking a snow day. I feel really close to my children. When I was working, I was always stressed out. I always had work on my mind because there was something I left to do so that I could rush home for dinner or soccer or whatever X school event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do they really mean by that?

It always makes me scratch my head because don't you parent your kids on the weekends? It's like that but every day. And they go to school for a good chunk of it (including the preschool years)...

They mean "You're being rude by raising the question and I'm trying to deflect you politely in a way that you can't take as an insult."

OP here. I didn't ask this question, it was information that was volunteered. "I wish I could quit my job but I couldn't take it as a SAHM." Just curious about why she thinks it is so hard.

You could have asked her but you're right, it's smarter to speculate on an anonymous forum! Brilliant!

I didn't want to be rude. I did ask about going part time but she said her boss wouldn't let her and she still wants to use FT daycare which she needs her paycheck for.

[Anonymous]

Once my little one started school, I didn't see the need to be home alone all day anymore.

[Anonymous]

Just want to say as a WOHM that I appreciate the SAHMs in this thread (and others) who support WOHMs. I hope you know that I respect, admire and support you, too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not "SAHM material," but neither am I "employed material." I have a low tolerance for responsibility, which is why I'm one and done!

you must be my slacker soulmate!

You got it!

[Anonymous]

I'll bite.

I'm a WOHM mother and have made this comment to some close SAHM friends.

I definitely mean it as a compliment to them, and they know that.

Specifically, what it means is that I am not as patient as they are. I am not as good at thinking of activities for little kids. I am not as tolerant of the messes that toddlers make in the house all day long. I don't enjoy tons of social events with other moms. And I really, really like my job. For me, it is the right balance to work about 35 hours per week, spend several hours each afternoon with my son and also all the time on the weekends. I don't think I would do as good of a job as them at entertaining and caring for my son 24/7, which many of them also do solo because their DHs work long hours. I don't think I would be happy, I don't think my marriage would be as strong, and I don't think my son would be doing as well.

I think my friends and I admire and respect each other because we are all doing what works for our different families/kids/marriages/personalities, and our kids are all thriving.

[Anonymous]

You know, I really like camping on the weekends, but that doesn't mean I am cut out to be a homesteader. There are things we all love that we'd rather not do 24/7, because if we do, we stop loving them quite so much. For me one of those things is being home with small children. There is no power on earth that could make me love my child less, but I could love my life less if I spent 7 days a week taking care of him. I don't even mind cleaning and cooking and wiping bums - I like doing things with my hands. What drives me batty is the constant need to be "on" for someone else - to interact with them, be responsible for them, etc. I like living in my head. So no, I'm not cut out for being a SAHM. Happily, my kid was happy at day care and he is happy at school. His dad drops him off at 8, I pick him up at 4, and all is well.

[Anonymous]

It means that I recognize being a SAHM is more work, more exhausting, and you never get a break. Working full time + having childcare is easier in many ways, harder in others, but overall my personality is more geared towards working outside of the home. My dream job would be 30 hrs/wk with the same amount of leave I already have, which allows me to take vacation to cover weeks when childcare is not available.

My SIL really internalizes her work and gets stressed to the point of it affecting her health when she's working full time. But caring for her baby doesn't - her personality is more geared towards staying home.

That's what that means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean that I don't like kids. I don't have the patience to deal all day every day. I feel low level anxiety when I'm alone with them for long blocks of time.

Then why did you have them? Children deserve parents who love and nuture them. You appear do do neither.

OP, they are called accessory children. Women who want the Birth experience" but also want unencumbered lives. So, they have their experience and then hire nannies. For them it is win-win and for child it is lose-lose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean that I don't like kids. I don't have the patience to deal all day every day. I feel low level anxiety when I'm alone with them for long blocks of time.

Then why did you have them? Children deserve parents who love and nuture them. You appear do do neither.

OP, they are called accessory children. Women who want the Birth experience" but also want unencumbered lives. So, they have their experience and then hire nannies. For them it is win-win and for child it is lose-lose.

You think that any mom who has a job has "accessory children"? Good god, that is truly one of the fucking dumbest things I've ever heard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people need the money from two incomes. Some people think that preschool teachers are more energetic and better teachers than they could be. Some people enjoy their careers and prefer to only parents after (just like dads do). Some people want their marriages to be more equal (this is a big one for us) between the dad and mom.

+1, this is exactly us.

Us too.

Let's start a thread called "When people (women, actually) say they are not "hold a job outside of the home" material" and see how that goes, K?