When people say they are not SAHM material

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It means I'm choosing to compliment you for doing something that I (a) recognize is challenging; and (b) would find bone-crushingly tedious to do myself.

I know what you mean. I find working 8-10 hrs. a day in a sterile office cube, then racing out to pick the kids up at daycare, go to the grocery store, throw some sort of dinner together, and stick the kids in bed to be bone-crushingly tedious too. Not to mention soul-sucking and exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how people say they would be bored by spending time with their own children.

Think about it for longer than it takes to hit "reply" and send some scathing comment back.

They are developing and learning and growing at a rapid fire pace, they are full of wonder and joy, they are not bitter or jaded, and they are your offspring. They are little miracles, each and every one.

But post after post claims they find all that boring.

NP here. I'm not interested in stuffed animals, train sets, and singing nursery rhymes. Why would I be?

Are those things you need to do to play with your kids? Nope. Your kids just want to interact with you - they don't care much about how. Play your favorite rock music. Go for a walk. Tell them about your day.

what kind of crazy person thinks her kids would rather talk about mommy's day then play with trains and toys? lady, you are way too invested in being the center of your kids lives.

I'm pretty sure when you mostly ignore your kids they will take any attention you throw their way.

Ha - so true. I think there are two polar opposite types of people on this thread. Those who actually enjoy the kids they decided to have, and those who really can't be bothered and should probably just said "no thanks" before committing to having children. I mean really - why the hell do you have kids if you're not even interested in them?

[Anonymous]

Yes, pp. Two polar opposites. Nothing in the middle. It's either or.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how people say they would be bored by spending time with their own children.

Think about it for longer than it takes to hit "reply" and send some scathing comment back.

They are developing and learning and growing at a rapid fire pace, they are full of wonder and joy, they are not bitter or jaded, and they are your offspring. They are little miracles, each and every one.

But post after post claims they find all that boring.

NP here. I'm not interested in stuffed animals, train sets, and singing nursery rhymes. Why would I be?

Are those things you need to do to play with your kids? Nope. Your kids just want to interact with you - they don't care much about how. Play your favorite rock music. Go for a walk. Tell them about your day.

what kind of crazy person thinks her kids would rather talk about mommy's day then play with trains and toys? lady, you are way too invested in being the center of your kids lives.

I'm pretty sure when you mostly ignore your kids they will take any attention you throw their way.

Ha - so true. I think there are two polar opposite types of people on this thread. Those who actually enjoy the kids they decided to have, and those who really can't be bothered and should probably just said "no thanks" before committing to having children. I mean really - why the hell do you have kids if you're not even interested in them?

I'm sorry--is the implication that if you don't stay home, you're not interested in your kids?

I just can't believe people think that--but maybe they do.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why some of you are so upset about people admitting that taking care of a small child all day every day can be boring sometimes. I love being home with my daughter and playing with her...there's plenty of "wonder and joy" moments, but there's also tantrums and tedium. Saying that doesn't make me a bad mom, or someone who shouldn't have had kids, or doesn't like kids. I think it does a disservice to parents when you act like at-home parenting only involves happy, pleasant things and try to shout down anyone who disagrees with that. We're all adults here, let's act like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It means I'm choosing to compliment you for doing something that I (a) recognize is challenging; and (b) would find bone-crushingly tedious to do myself.

I know what you mean. I find working 8-10 hrs. a day in a sterile office cube, then racing out to pick the kids up at daycare, go to the grocery store, throw some sort of dinner together, and stick the kids in bed to be bone-crushingly tedious too. Not to mention soul-sucking and exhausting.

I work in a windowed office and leave work by 4. I run errands, work out, etc, then get my kids from a chilcdare environment in which they are stimulated and loved. I order groceries online and feed my kids meals I have plenty of time to make.

Where do I fall?

[Anonymous]

I still to this day don't understand how or why this is ever an argument. Some moms are happy at home with their little ones, some are happier at work and coming home to their little ones. We are all moms who do things differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It means I'm choosing to compliment you for doing something that I (a) recognize is challenging; and (b) would find bone-crushingly tedious to do myself.

I know what you mean. I find working 8-10 hrs. a day in a sterile office cube, then racing out to pick the kids up at daycare, go to the grocery store, throw some sort of dinner together, and stick the kids in bed to be bone-crushingly tedious too. Not to mention soul-sucking and exhausting.

Haven't read 10pgs of mommy wars. I think the first response above is what most people mean when they say they aren't SAHM material. I however, fall in the camp of the second PP. And sadly, I AM a WOHM so that is more my life.

My wish would be that all mothers (and yes, fathers too) had the reasonable opportunity to make the choice that works best for our family. For ours', logistically, it would seriously improve our family's quality of life if I could SAH. Reality is that giving up my 6-figure income would have serious long-term impacts on our family's future in terms of saving for retirement, college, etc so I work. We all hate that I work. I have friends who can't imagine working and raising kids. I have friends who would die if they couldn't work since they can't imagine being home full-time. Diversity, people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why some of you are so upset about people admitting that taking care of a small child all day every day can be boring sometimes. I love being home with my daughter and playing with her...there's plenty of "wonder and joy" moments, but there's also tantrums and tedium. Saying that doesn't make me a bad mom, or someone who shouldn't have had kids, or doesn't like kids. I think it does a disservice to parents when you act like at-home parenting only involves happy, pleasant things and try to shout down anyone who disagrees with that. We're all adults here, let's act like it.

That's fine and all but that's not how the posters who everyone is objecting to said it. That aside, it was only a few people who said it straight out that their kid bores them. Of course you're going to find a few people in every group who don't enjoy parenting. Typically they're quiet about it because it's still very taboo to say but this is an anonymous cite so you get more honest answers.

Work, don't work, just don't complain about it to me. I don't care what you do but I can't STAND people who can't shut up about it. No one cares about your petty complaints that much.

[Anonymous]

8:21 I couldn't agree more. I'm in a playgroup that is about 40/60 WOHM/SAHM. I swear to god, the WOHMs never shut up about how hard their lives are. They are ALWAYS complaining about daycare/school/the PTA scheduling an event at 10 am or how their homes are a mess or how they're so tired and never have time to exercise, etc. I'm sorry for you, I am but you made your bed now lie in it. I don't want to hear it day after day after day. And this is coming from a WOHM! The difference between them and me is that I don't try to do it all and it doesn't bother me if I miss a 10 am event at school. I'm actually grateful for the excuse.

I can tell that some of the SAHMs want to complain too but they're pretty easy to shut down. No one likes to hear rich people complaining about how hard their lives are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why some of you are so upset about people admitting that taking care of a small child all day every day can be boring sometimes. I love being home with my daughter and playing with her...there's plenty of "wonder and joy" moments, but there's also tantrums and tedium. Saying that doesn't make me a bad mom, or someone who shouldn't have had kids, or doesn't like kids. I think it does a disservice to parents when you act like at-home parenting only involves happy, pleasant things and try to shout down anyone who disagrees with that. We're all adults here, let's act like it.

That's fine and all but that's not how the posters who everyone is objecting to said it. That aside, it was only a few people who said it straight out that their kid bores them. Of course you're going to find a few people in every group who don't enjoy parenting. Typically they're quiet about it because it's still very taboo to say but this is an anonymous cite so you get more honest answers.

Work, don't work, just don't complain about it to me. I don't care what you do but I can't STAND people who can't shut up about it. No one cares about your petty complaints that much.

I don't think anyone said that. Some people said being home all day with kids would be boring, and then someone replied with the accusation that these women are "bored by their own offspring." This happens all the time on DCUM, someone accuses someone else of having some extreme position that no one ever actually said, then people act like it was an actual claim someone made about themself.

[Anonymous]

Holy crap people. Most people have boring, tedious parts of their day no matter what you do. At times I enjoy my job, but sometimes the commute or responding to mundane emails is incredibly boring. I love my baby, but I really don't find changing diapers or washing yet another load of baby laundry incredibly exciting. Anyone who claims their days are 100% fulfilling, exciting, and rewarding is either delusional or full of it. It's okay to love and enjoy your children, but to not find every moment with them is a tiny miracle. I had a SAHM friend once tell me the days are long, but the months are short.

SAH and working are both perfectly fine options. I have never told anyone I'm not SAHM material, but if I did it would be a compliment to the patience of mothers who spend all day tending to the needs of small children who can be all consuming at times. But please in return, do not tell me I do not love my kids because I work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why some of you are so upset about people admitting that taking care of a small child all day every day can be boring sometimes. I love being home with my daughter and playing with her...there's plenty of "wonder and joy" moments, but there's also tantrums and tedium. Saying that doesn't make me a bad mom, or someone who shouldn't have had kids, or doesn't like kids. I think it does a disservice to parents when you act like at-home parenting only involves happy, pleasant things and try to shout down anyone who disagrees with that. We're all adults here, let's act like it.

That's fine and all but that's not how the posters who everyone is objecting to said it. That aside, it was only a few people who said it straight out that their kid bores them. Of course you're going to find a few people in every group who don't enjoy parenting. Typically they're quiet about it because it's still very taboo to say but this is an anonymous cite so you get more honest answers.

Work, don't work, just don't complain about it to me. I don't care what you do but I can't STAND people who can't shut up about it. No one cares about your petty complaints that much.

I don't think anyone said that. Some people said being home all day with kids would be boring, and then someone replied with the accusation that these women are "bored by their own offspring." This happens all the time on DCUM, someone accuses someone else of having some extreme position that no one ever actually said, then people act like it was an actual claim someone made about themself.

I've read this whole thread (that's a chunk of my life I'll never get back) and I don't recall anyone saying that their kid bores them. Many people posted that they would be bored if they spent all day, every day, with their kid, and someone responded that if you don't find joy in every moment of parenting, you shouldn't have kids. I'm sure there are parents who find their children completely boring and distasteful and would prefer never to spend a single moment with them, but they are not on this board.

[Anonymous]

Different strokes, people.

For those developmental psychology experts who are confidently and condescendingly spouting off big words:

(1) since you're experts, you know that a child will outgrow one activity after another as she develops. So you should also know that a 40-year-old will have outgrown these things two and not everyone can get back into the spirit of games that fascinate a one-year-old (any more than your four-year-old could go back to that. Some can or want to. Others don't. That's developmentally normal.

(2) playing with an infant has been part of parenting for a comparative nanosecond in human history and a comparative square inch of the world's vast and varied space. It has mostly included hauling a baby around on your back while you gather brush or make butter or protect the older ones from getting eaten by lions.

(3) photosynthesis is also a miraculous and complex process. That doesn't mean I want to watch it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Different strokes, people.

For those developmental psychology experts who are confidently and condescendingly spouting off big words:

(1) since you're experts, you know that a child will outgrow one activity after another as she develops. So you should also know that a 40-year-old will have outgrown these things two and not everyone can get back into the spirit of games that fascinate a one-year-old (any more than your four-year-old could go back to that. Some can or want to. Others don't. That's developmentally normal.

(2) playing with an infant has been part of parenting for a comparative nanosecond in human history and a comparative square inch of the world's vast and varied space. It has mostly included hauling a baby around on your back while you gather brush or make butter or protect the older ones from getting eaten by lions.

(3) photosynthesis is also a miraculous and complex process. That doesn't mean I want to watch it.

I totally agree with (2), but (3) made me laugh out loud. Thanks!