I've been unknowingly dating a transgender man

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The cruelty towards the OP in this thread is disappointing. He feels violated, out of sorts and thrown for a loop. He was molested as a child.

Yes, lets all call him homophobic, make fun of his choice of words and tell him he should get over it.

"Be a good little girl, he just slapped your ass, you were wearing a short skirt, that doesn't make you a slut but it also doesn't mean you can cry about it like some rape victim."

Yeah, no one is saying that.

DP, yeah several posters are saying that. Maybe you are one of those posters.

He willingly engaged in sexual activity with someone, it's not the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Legal options?

Yes legal options. She a fucking dude. You lie about your marital status, your job, your family. Fine. He deceived me into thinking he's a woman. He was physical with me. He tried to compare this to him saying he's married and there is no difference. There's a huge fucking difference. I'm not gay. And I don't care if this dude, the athlete and whoever else thinks they are a woman. I will call you and treat you however you want, but at the end of the day, you are a man and you didn't even give me a chance to make a choice engaging in homosexual activity. To him its hetero.

You have a right to be angry but I'm flabbergasted as to why you think there is any legal action you can take against her.

I think OP is very upset because he feels he was physical with someone against his will, meaning had he known she was a transgender woman he would not have been physical with her. He feels violated and forced and I am sure a good deal of this knee jerk anger is from that.

It was in no way against his will. That he later learned something that made him regret the experience doesn't make it some kind of assault, unless we want people to be able to make the same claim if they fool around with someone who tums out to be married, lying about their interest in a long-term relationship, etc.

He would not want to have intimacy from someone who was biologically a male. There is a reason this transgender woman hid the truth of her status. It was to trick him into a relationship before learning the truth.

And again, how would it be different if a man lied to me about being single, even though I'm morally opposed to getting involved with a married man? What if a man lies to me about seeing long-term potential for us, knowing I'm opposed to fooling around casually? Do we want those situations to be actionable too?

PP, how is it different if you had sex with a man and he gave you herpes. Did you willing contract herpes when you were not given all the information?

Herpes is a permanent condition. It's not like this experience could turn OP gay if he weren't already gay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The cruelty towards the OP in this thread is disappointing. He feels violated, out of sorts and thrown for a loop. He was molested as a child.

Yes, lets all call him homophobic, make fun of his choice of words and tell him he should get over it.

"Be a good little girl, he just slapped your ass, you were wearing a short skirt, that doesn't make you a slut but it also doesn't mean you can cry about it like some rape victim."

Yeah, no one is saying that.

DP, yeah several posters are saying that. Maybe you are one of those posters.

He willingly engaged in sexual activity with someone, it's not the same.

But typical man to view finding out the person who'd had some voluntary sexual contact with isn't who he thought they were to be the same as rape.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could sue for psychological damage (cost of any therapy needed, loss of income if becomes less able to work)?

If that were possible, can you imagine what divorce settlements would look like? Holy hell!

OP, you just move on. That's all there is to it.

In some jurisdictions women have sued and won for intentional infliction of mental and bodily harm. They have also sued on grounds of false representation and fraud. In addition, the wives have sued the other woman for alienation of affection. I agree that it is not something that is often done, but there has been litigation in this area. If OP had consummated the act and found out later, I would be interested to see a claim that he was fraudulently induced through misrepresentation. Of course he should forum shop and stay out of DC and MD courts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Legal options?

Yes legal options. She a fucking dude. You lie about your marital status, your job, your family. Fine. He deceived me into thinking he's a woman. He was physical with me. He tried to compare this to him saying he's married and there is no difference. There's a huge fucking difference. I'm not gay. And I don't care if this dude, the athlete and whoever else thinks they are a woman. I will call you and treat you however you want, but at the end of the day, you are a man and you didn't even give me a chance to make a choice engaging in homosexual activity. To him its hetero.

You have a right to be angry but I'm flabbergasted as to why you think there is any legal action you can take against her.

I think OP is very upset because he feels he was physical with someone against his will, meaning had he known she was a transgender woman he would not have been physical with her. He feels violated and forced and I am sure a good deal of this knee jerk anger is from that.

It was in no way against his will. That he later learned something that made him regret the experience doesn't make it some kind of assault, unless we want people to be able to make the same claim if they fool around with someone who tums out to be married, lying about their interest in a long-term relationship, etc.

He would not want to have intimacy from someone who was biologically a male. There is a reason this transgender woman hid the truth of her status. It was to trick him into a relationship before learning the truth.

And again, how would it be different if a man lied to me about being single, even though I'm morally opposed to getting involved with a married man? What if a man lies to me about seeing long-term potential for us, knowing I'm opposed to fooling around casually? Do we want those situations to be actionable too?

PP, how is it different if you had sex with a man and he gave you herpes. Did you willing contract herpes when you were not given all the information?

Herpes is a permanent condition. It's not like this experience could turn OP gay if he weren't already gay.

The law does not require permanency. And again, did you willing engage in the contracting of herpes, or did the carrier withhold vital information for you to make an informed decision. The same could be asked in OPs situation.

[Anonymous]

Two things:

1) I've known a lot of trans women. Maybe 20+ due to my work. None of them would ever have entered into a relationship without disclosing this information much much sooner, particularly if they were pre-operative. For that reason, I think there's an at least 50% chance that this is a troll thread - trans women live in actual fear of their lives and do not typically go around courting violence by entering into relationships with unknowing cisgendered men.

2) Assuming that OP encountered a trans woman with REALLY bad survival instincts and the story is true, then OP just needs to move on. Yes, it was rude of the woman not to disclose her sex assigned at birth. OP has a total right to not be attracted to someone with a penis. He's not transphobic or a jerk for not wanting to date her anymore, but he is a jerk for wanting to spread her information around and put her at risk of violence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could sue for psychological damage (cost of any therapy needed, loss of income if becomes less able to work)?

If that were possible, can you imagine what divorce settlements would look like? Holy hell!

OP, you just move on. That's all there is to it.

In some jurisdictions women have sued and won for intentional infliction of mental and bodily harm. They have also sued on grounds of false representation and fraud. In addition, the wives have sued the other woman for alienation of affection. I agree that it is not something that is often done, but there has been litigation in this area. If OP had consummated the act and found out later, I would be interested to see a claim that he was fraudulently induced through misrepresentation. Of course he should forum shop and stay out of DC and MD courts.

Forum shop? What are you talking about? The forum would be where the contact occurred, if they fooled around in DC they don't get to take it to Kentucky.

[Anonymous]

OP why are you asking us? Grow a pair. Um . . . yeah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know, they say the most vehement homophobes are often latent homosexuals. Might want to look into that.

I wonder why "they" don't say that the most vehement racial bigots deep down really wish they were black? Or that the most virulent misogynists secretly want to be women?

It's a shaming tactic.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry this happened but hopefully you calmed down overnight and can see logically that there is no reason to take legal action against this person.

[Anonymous]

OP I feel for you. You will one day look back on this and laugh I'm certain.

I bet 100% of the posters calling you a jerk are women. You had the reaction that the vast majority of hetero males would have had. And you didn't act on your feelings, so you have more restraint than many men would have. I have been hit on by aggressive gay men who knew I was straight, as well as aggressive women who knew I was not interested in them. There is a different visceral reaction to the two scenarios whether the pc crowd thinks there should be or not

[Anonymous]

Three months and just getting to second base? How many actual dates have you been on?
It sounds like the appropriate time to talk about it. Too early, she may not have felt comfortable telling someone yet. She may have wanted to be sure this relationship was going further before saying anything.

[Anonymous]

The Crying Game.

movie from early 90s. Exact same scene described in OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would flip out if I found out I was dating a transgender person. I don't give a crap if it is not PC.

You can flip out. You can decide it's not for you.

There's still nothing to sue for. I suppose it is possible - though unlikely - you could present some sort of consent issue had you actually had sex. Rape by fraud or some such. But there was no sex in this case.

Dating is full of disappointments. When I was last on the market, I got wicked attached to a guy who it turns out still had serious feelings for an ex, who he ended up getting back together with. I was crushed. Such is life.

Sorry you had a disappointing and confusing experience OP. Move the fuck on now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would flip out if I found out I was dating a transgender person. I don't give a crap if it is not PC.

You can flip out. You can decide it's not for you.

There's still nothing to sue for. I suppose it is possible - though unlikely - you could present some sort of consent issue had you actually had sex. Rape by fraud or some such. But there was no sex in this case.

Dating is full of disappointments. When I was last on the market, I got wicked attached to a guy who it turns out still had serious feelings for an ex, who he ended up getting back together with. I was crushed. Such is life.

Sorry you had a disappointing and confusing experience OP. Move the fuck on now.

Feeling crushed versus feelings of violations. Wow, to think this is even equatable shows how stupid and insensitive you are PP.