Christmas Trees

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a nasty thread and I am amazed that nobody wants to call out the op.

It is your stepdaughters home for the time being as well. She knowingly married a man with a Christian daughter. Let her have a damn tree - it's not going to hurt you.

As a Christian I would never want someone under my roof to feel unloved including the celebration of their religious holidays.

I think sour op wants to pretend she doesn't have stepchildren, or worse, is afraid folks will gossip at her temple about her Christmas tree.

I feel sorry for that stepdaughter who clearly has no home. I guess she's just a shiksa though.

You just don't get it. As a Jew, I'm very worried about my children assimilating into the dominant Christian culture. You act like we can just have a tree in the house and that's fine. It isn't. For Christians, you can dabble in other people's traditions and that's fine, because you're the vast majority. Jews aren't. We have to constantly guard against assimilation. That means, among other things, keeping a Jewish home. A house with a Christmas tree isn't a Jewish home. OP cannot accommodate both the stepdaughter and her own desire to have a Jewish home. PERIOD. They're mutually exclusive.

While I agree with you, my heart breaks for the non Jewish stepdaughter who can't celebrate how she traditionally does. I spent Christmas by myself once and it was the most depressing day I can remember. It's normally a family day, but instead she'll be with a stepmother who says she can't celebrate because she isn't religious enough.

I think the stepdaughter needs to spend Christmas elsewhere.

I'm a differnent poster but still a Jew who would be uncomfortable with a tree in my household. Is a tree really going to fix this problem, though? I would think, the traditional Christmas is a family day, with the kids waking up at 6am for presents, family gathered all day, special meals, etc (all that stuff I see in the movies!) Instead stepdaughter is going to wake up to kids that are sleeping in because the day is off from school. Mom maybe getting some extra housework in because nothing is open anywhere to do errands. Maybe even going to work. (As a Jew, I always work Christmas as that allows other to take off - I'm in the medical field)

Even if there is a tree. Any even if there's some sort of presents or special dinner, how can it be at all the same as celebrating with a Christian family? It just seems like the reality is either stepdaughter celebrates at her mom's house, or, at baseline there is going to be some level of compromise. Is the tree even going to seem like largest issue?

Of course it's not going to be the same, it's going to be a compromise, which is something both sides should be doing. No one (or at least pretty much no one) on this thread is advocating for the OP hanging stockings from the mantle, stocking the tree for everyone, and cooking a big Christmas dinner. Telling the stepdaughter she either needs to leave her home for Christmas or not celebrate at all is a really hostile response to this situation.

[Anonymous]

"Constantly guarding from assimilation" Jews should pick up and move to an island far far away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a nasty thread and I am amazed that nobody wants to call out the op.

It is your stepdaughters home for the time being as well. She knowingly married a man with a Christian daughter. Let her have a damn tree - it's not going to hurt you.

As a Christian I would never want someone under my roof to feel unloved including the celebration of their religious holidays.

I think sour op wants to pretend she doesn't have stepchildren, or worse, is afraid folks will gossip at her temple about her Christmas tree.

I feel sorry for that stepdaughter who clearly has no home. I guess she's just a shiksa though.

You just don't get it. As a Jew, I'm very worried about my children assimilating into the dominant Christian culture. You act like we can just have a tree in the house and that's fine. It isn't. For Christians, you can dabble in other people's traditions and that's fine, because you're the vast majority. Jews aren't. We have to constantly guard against assimilation. That means, among other things, keeping a Jewish home. A house with a Christmas tree isn't a Jewish home. OP cannot accommodate both the stepdaughter and her own desire to have a Jewish home. PERIOD. They're mutually exclusive.

While I agree with you, my heart breaks for the non Jewish stepdaughter who can't celebrate how she traditionally does. I spent Christmas by myself once and it was the most depressing day I can remember. It's normally a family day, but instead she'll be with a stepmother who says she can't celebrate because she isn't religious enough.

I think the stepdaughter needs to spend Christmas elsewhere.

I'm a differnent poster but still a Jew who would be uncomfortable with a tree in my household. Is a tree really going to fix this problem, though? I would think, the traditional Christmas is a family day, with the kids waking up at 6am for presents, family gathered all day, special meals, etc (all that stuff I see in the movies!) Instead stepdaughter is going to wake up to kids that are sleeping in because the day is off from school. Mom maybe getting some extra housework in because nothing is open anywhere to do errands. Maybe even going to work. (As a Jew, I always work Christmas as that allows other to take off - I'm in the medical field)

Even if there is a tree. Any even if there's some sort of presents or special dinner, how can it be at all the same as celebrating with a Christian family? It just seems like the reality is either stepdaughter celebrates at her mom's house, or, at baseline there is going to be some level of compromise. Is the tree even going to seem like largest issue?

Of course it's not going to be the same, it's going to be a compromise, which is something both sides should be doing. No one (or at least pretty much no one) on this thread is advocating for the OP hanging stockings from the mantle, stocking the tree for everyone, and cooking a big Christmas dinner. Telling the stepdaughter she either needs to leave her home for Christmas or not celebrate at all is a really hostile response to this situation.

I'm the poster you are replying to. I agree, compromise is called for. I guess, what I'm not understanding is why, from my point of view, there seems to be so much hostility to the viewpoint that many people would be uncomfortable with a traditional tree. (Large tree, prominently displayed in public area of house). If compromise is part of the baseline, why is that not a reasonable compromise. What I'm feeling most acutely from this thread, as a Jewish poster, is hostility towards the viewpoint that a tree is a Jewish household is not approrpiate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a nasty thread and I am amazed that nobody wants to call out the op.

It is your stepdaughters home for the time being as well. She knowingly married a man with a Christian daughter. Let her have a damn tree - it's not going to hurt you.

As a Christian I would never want someone under my roof to feel unloved including the celebration of their religious holidays.

I think sour op wants to pretend she doesn't have stepchildren, or worse, is afraid folks will gossip at her temple about her Christmas tree.

I feel sorry for that stepdaughter who clearly has no home. I guess she's just a shiksa though.

You just don't get it. As a Jew, I'm very worried about my children assimilating into the dominant Christian culture. You act like we can just have a tree in the house and that's fine. It isn't. For Christians, you can dabble in other people's traditions and that's fine, because you're the vast majority. Jews aren't. We have to constantly guard against assimilation. That means, among other things, keeping a Jewish home. A house with a Christmas tree isn't a Jewish home. OP cannot accommodate both the stepdaughter and her own desire to have a Jewish home. PERIOD. They're mutually exclusive.

While I agree with you, my heart breaks for the non Jewish stepdaughter who can't celebrate how she traditionally does. I spent Christmas by myself once and it was the most depressing day I can remember. It's normally a family day, but instead she'll be with a stepmother who says she can't celebrate because she isn't religious enough.

I think the stepdaughter needs to spend Christmas elsewhere.

I'm a differnent poster but still a Jew who would be uncomfortable with a tree in my household. Is a tree really going to fix this problem, though? I would think, the traditional Christmas is a family day, with the kids waking up at 6am for presents, family gathered all day, special meals, etc (all that stuff I see in the movies!) Instead stepdaughter is going to wake up to kids that are sleeping in because the day is off from school. Mom maybe getting some extra housework in because nothing is open anywhere to do errands. Maybe even going to work. (As a Jew, I always work Christmas as that allows other to take off - I'm in the medical field)

Even if there is a tree. Any even if there's some sort of presents or special dinner, how can it be at all the same as celebrating with a Christian family? It just seems like the reality is either stepdaughter celebrates at her mom's house, or, at baseline there is going to be some level of compromise. Is the tree even going to seem like largest issue?

Of course it's not going to be the same, it's going to be a compromise, which is something both sides should be doing. No one (or at least pretty much no one) on this thread is advocating for the OP hanging stockings from the mantle, stocking the tree for everyone, and cooking a big Christmas dinner. Telling the stepdaughter she either needs to leave her home for Christmas or not celebrate at all is a really hostile response to this situation.

I'm the poster you are replying to. I agree, compromise is called for. I guess, what I'm not understanding is why, from my point of view, there seems to be so much hostility to the viewpoint that many people would be uncomfortable with a traditional tree. (Large tree, prominently displayed in public area of house). If compromise is part of the baseline, why is that not a reasonable compromise. What I'm feeling most acutely from this thread, as a Jewish poster, is hostility towards the viewpoint that a tree is a Jewish household is not approrpiate.

A perfect example of which is right above this post. (The guarding from assimilation poster was also expressing concerns with a tree and said nothing about banning all forms of celebration)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a nasty thread and I am amazed that nobody wants to call out the op.

It is your stepdaughters home for the time being as well. She knowingly married a man with a Christian daughter. Let her have a damn tree - it's not going to hurt you.

As a Christian I would never want someone under my roof to feel unloved including the celebration of their religious holidays.

I think sour op wants to pretend she doesn't have stepchildren, or worse, is afraid folks will gossip at her temple about her Christmas tree.

I feel sorry for that stepdaughter who clearly has no home. I guess she's just a shiksa though.

You just don't get it. As a Jew, I'm very worried about my children assimilating into the dominant Christian culture. You act like we can just have a tree in the house and that's fine. It isn't. For Christians, you can dabble in other people's traditions and that's fine, because you're the vast majority. Jews aren't. We have to constantly guard against assimilation. That means, among other things, keeping a Jewish home. A house with a Christmas tree isn't a Jewish home. OP cannot accommodate both the stepdaughter and her own desire to have a Jewish home. PERIOD. They're mutually exclusive.

While I agree with you, my heart breaks for the non Jewish stepdaughter who can't celebrate how she traditionally does. I spent Christmas by myself once and it was the most depressing day I can remember. It's normally a family day, but instead she'll be with a stepmother who says she can't celebrate because she isn't religious enough.

I think the stepdaughter needs to spend Christmas elsewhere.

I'm a differnent poster but still a Jew who would be uncomfortable with a tree in my household. Is a tree really going to fix this problem, though? I would think, the traditional Christmas is a family day, with the kids waking up at 6am for presents, family gathered all day, special meals, etc (all that stuff I see in the movies!) Instead stepdaughter is going to wake up to kids that are sleeping in because the day is off from school. Mom maybe getting some extra housework in because nothing is open anywhere to do errands. Maybe even going to work. (As a Jew, I always work Christmas as that allows other to take off - I'm in the medical field)

Even if there is a tree. Any even if there's some sort of presents or special dinner, how can it be at all the same as celebrating with a Christian family? It just seems like the reality is either stepdaughter celebrates at her mom's house, or, at baseline there is going to be some level of compromise. Is the tree even going to seem like largest issue?

Of course it's not going to be the same, it's going to be a compromise, which is something both sides should be doing. No one (or at least pretty much no one) on this thread is advocating for the OP hanging stockings from the mantle, stocking the tree for everyone, and cooking a big Christmas dinner. Telling the stepdaughter she either needs to leave her home for Christmas or not celebrate at all is a really hostile response to this situation.

I'm the poster you are replying to. I agree, compromise is called for. I guess, what I'm not understanding is why, from my point of view, there seems to be so much hostility to the viewpoint that many people would be uncomfortable with a traditional tree. (Large tree, prominently displayed in public area of house). If compromise is part of the baseline, why is that not a reasonable compromise. What I'm feeling most acutely from this thread, as a Jewish poster, is hostility towards the viewpoint that a tree is a Jewish household is not approrpiate.

Bingo Schlomo- it is hostility to the idea it is a Jewish household; it is in fact a mixed household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a nasty thread and I am amazed that nobody wants to call out the op.

It is your stepdaughters home for the time being as well. She knowingly married a man with a Christian daughter. Let her have a damn tree - it's not going to hurt you.

As a Christian I would never want someone under my roof to feel unloved including the celebration of their religious holidays.

I think sour op wants to pretend she doesn't have stepchildren, or worse, is afraid folks will gossip at her temple about her Christmas tree.

I feel sorry for that stepdaughter who clearly has no home. I guess she's just a shiksa though.

You just don't get it. As a Jew, I'm very worried about my children assimilating into the dominant Christian culture. You act like we can just have a tree in the house and that's fine. It isn't. For Christians, you can dabble in other people's traditions and that's fine, because you're the vast majority. Jews aren't. We have to constantly guard against assimilation. That means, among other things, keeping a Jewish home. A house with a Christmas tree isn't a Jewish home. OP cannot accommodate both the stepdaughter and her own desire to have a Jewish home. PERIOD. They're mutually exclusive.

While I agree with you, my heart breaks for the non Jewish stepdaughter who can't celebrate how she traditionally does. I spent Christmas by myself once and it was the most depressing day I can remember. It's normally a family day, but instead she'll be with a stepmother who says she can't celebrate because she isn't religious enough.

I think the stepdaughter needs to spend Christmas elsewhere.

I'm a differnent poster but still a Jew who would be uncomfortable with a tree in my household. Is a tree really going to fix this problem, though? I would think, the traditional Christmas is a family day, with the kids waking up at 6am for presents, family gathered all day, special meals, etc (all that stuff I see in the movies!) Instead stepdaughter is going to wake up to kids that are sleeping in because the day is off from school. Mom maybe getting some extra housework in because nothing is open anywhere to do errands. Maybe even going to work. (As a Jew, I always work Christmas as that allows other to take off - I'm in the medical field)

Even if there is a tree. Any even if there's some sort of presents or special dinner, how can it be at all the same as celebrating with a Christian family? It just seems like the reality is either stepdaughter celebrates at her mom's house, or, at baseline there is going to be some level of compromise. Is the tree even going to seem like largest issue?

Of course it's not going to be the same, it's going to be a compromise, which is something both sides should be doing. No one (or at least pretty much no one) on this thread is advocating for the OP hanging stockings from the mantle, stocking the tree for everyone, and cooking a big Christmas dinner. Telling the stepdaughter she either needs to leave her home for Christmas or not celebrate at all is a really hostile response to this situation.

I'm the poster you are replying to. I agree, compromise is called for. I guess, what I'm not understanding is why, from my point of view, there seems to be so much hostility to the viewpoint that many people would be uncomfortable with a traditional tree. (Large tree, prominently displayed in public area of house). If compromise is part of the baseline, why is that not a reasonable compromise. What I'm feeling most acutely from this thread, as a Jewish poster, is hostility towards the viewpoint that a tree is a Jewish household is not approrpiate.

I'm not following you -- what are you suggesting is a reasonable compromise?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Constantly guarding from assimilation" Jews should pick up and move to an island far far away.

There are lots of places one can live in the US and never have to worry about assimilation. Crown Heights, Kiryas Joel, Lakewood. Of course, OP wouldn't be welcome in any of those places because she intermarried.

Basically, I think OP is trying to have her cake and eat it, too. She married outside her faith/culture. That's fine. But it brings complications, and one of them is that her children have siblings who are not Jewish. If those siblings are going to live with in the OP/husband's house, then she will need to make some accommodation to their culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a nasty thread and I am amazed that nobody wants to call out the op.

It is your stepdaughters home for the time being as well. She knowingly married a man with a Christian daughter. Let her have a damn tree - it's not going to hurt you.

As a Christian I would never want someone under my roof to feel unloved including the celebration of their religious holidays.

I think sour op wants to pretend she doesn't have stepchildren, or worse, is afraid folks will gossip at her temple about her Christmas tree.

I feel sorry for that stepdaughter who clearly has no home. I guess she's just a shiksa though.

You just don't get it. As a Jew, I'm very worried about my children assimilating into the dominant Christian culture. You act like we can just have a tree in the house and that's fine. It isn't. For Christians, you can dabble in other people's traditions and that's fine, because you're the vast majority. Jews aren't. We have to constantly guard against assimilation. That means, among other things, keeping a Jewish home. A house with a Christmas tree isn't a Jewish home. OP cannot accommodate both the stepdaughter and her own desire to have a Jewish home. PERIOD. They're mutually exclusive.

While I agree with you, my heart breaks for the non Jewish stepdaughter who can't celebrate how she traditionally does. I spent Christmas by myself once and it was the most depressing day I can remember. It's normally a family day, but instead she'll be with a stepmother who says she can't celebrate because she isn't religious enough.

I think the stepdaughter needs to spend Christmas elsewhere.

I'm a differnent poster but still a Jew who would be uncomfortable with a tree in my household. Is a tree really going to fix this problem, though? I would think, the traditional Christmas is a family day, with the kids waking up at 6am for presents, family gathered all day, special meals, etc (all that stuff I see in the movies!) Instead stepdaughter is going to wake up to kids that are sleeping in because the day is off from school. Mom maybe getting some extra housework in because nothing is open anywhere to do errands. Maybe even going to work. (As a Jew, I always work Christmas as that allows other to take off - I'm in the medical field)

Even if there is a tree. Any even if there's some sort of presents or special dinner, how can it be at all the same as celebrating with a Christian family? It just seems like the reality is either stepdaughter celebrates at her mom's house, or, at baseline there is going to be some level of compromise. Is the tree even going to seem like largest issue?

Of course it's not going to be the same, it's going to be a compromise, which is something both sides should be doing. No one (or at least pretty much no one) on this thread is advocating for the OP hanging stockings from the mantle, stocking the tree for everyone, and cooking a big Christmas dinner. Telling the stepdaughter she either needs to leave her home for Christmas or not celebrate at all is a really hostile response to this situation.

I'm the poster you are replying to. I agree, compromise is called for. I guess, what I'm not understanding is why, from my point of view, there seems to be so much hostility to the viewpoint that many people would be uncomfortable with a traditional tree. (Large tree, prominently displayed in public area of house). If compromise is part of the baseline, why is that not a reasonable compromise. What I'm feeling most acutely from this thread, as a Jewish poster, is hostility towards the viewpoint that a tree is a Jewish household is not approrpiate.

I'm not following you -- what are you suggesting is a reasonable compromise?

I'll answer both questions here. If OP and her husband agreed to maintain a Jewish household. It's a Jewish household. Even if a non Jewish family member comes to live there.

As far as a compromise, I guess that would be different for every household. For me.... well, I also wouldn't be comfortable with a large tree in a common area. I wouldn't be comfortable with my kids having stockings or getting Christmas gifts. Wouldn't be comfortable with lights outside the house. I defintiely wouldn't be comfortable with anything small child oriented like elf on the shelf or Santa. I'd defintiely be comfortable with a small display - religious or not - in a public area, with stepdaughter doing whatever she liked in her room, with a special meal, with family time centered around stepdaughter getting gifts, with my kids buying and wrapping those gifts in Christmas paper, with a trip outside the house to a religious ceremony or Christmas event.

That's what I come up with off the top of my head. But I'm not saying its right or wrong. Just that that's where the comfort level would be for me.
I would also definitely be open to a conversation about any and all of these points as long as that conversation didn't include being told that my distinctions were BULLSHIT or to go away to an island.

[Anonymous]

PP one more time. Oh, and just to be clear. For us, for hanukah, the menorah is the only decoration on display. So, having a small Christmas display or decoration would put the holidays on equal footing, whereas a large tree or lots of Christmas decorations would really change the feel of the house. I just don't want to give them impression I am suggesting a token Christmas item in a house full of Hanukah

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a nasty thread and I am amazed that nobody wants to call out the op.

It is your stepdaughters home for the time being as well. She knowingly married a man with a Christian daughter. Let her have a damn tree - it's not going to hurt you.

As a Christian I would never want someone under my roof to feel unloved including the celebration of their religious holidays.

I think sour op wants to pretend she doesn't have stepchildren, or worse, is afraid folks will gossip at her temple about her Christmas tree.

I feel sorry for that stepdaughter who clearly has no home. I guess she's just a shiksa though.

You just don't get it. As a Jew, I'm very worried about my children assimilating into the dominant Christian culture. You act like we can just have a tree in the house and that's fine. It isn't. For Christians, you can dabble in other people's traditions and that's fine, because you're the vast majority. Jews aren't. We have to constantly guard against assimilation. That means, among other things, keeping a Jewish home. A house with a Christmas tree isn't a Jewish home. OP cannot accommodate both the stepdaughter and her own desire to have a Jewish home. PERIOD. They're mutually exclusive.

While I agree with you, my heart breaks for the non Jewish stepdaughter who can't celebrate how she traditionally does. I spent Christmas by myself once and it was the most depressing day I can remember. It's normally a family day, but instead she'll be with a stepmother who says she can't celebrate because she isn't religious enough.

I think the stepdaughter needs to spend Christmas elsewhere.

I'm a differnent poster but still a Jew who would be uncomfortable with a tree in my household. Is a tree really going to fix this problem, though? I would think, the traditional Christmas is a family day, with the kids waking up at 6am for presents, family gathered all day, special meals, etc (all that stuff I see in the movies!) Instead stepdaughter is going to wake up to kids that are sleeping in because the day is off from school. Mom maybe getting some extra housework in because nothing is open anywhere to do errands. Maybe even going to work. (As a Jew, I always work Christmas as that allows other to take off - I'm in the medical field)

Even if there is a tree. Any even if there's some sort of presents or special dinner, how can it be at all the same as celebrating with a Christian family? It just seems like the reality is either stepdaughter celebrates at her mom's house, or, at baseline there is going to be some level of compromise. Is the tree even going to seem like largest issue?

Of course it's not going to be the same, it's going to be a compromise, which is something both sides should be doing. No one (or at least pretty much no one) on this thread is advocating for the OP hanging stockings from the mantle, stocking the tree for everyone, and cooking a big Christmas dinner. Telling the stepdaughter she either needs to leave her home for Christmas or not celebrate at all is a really hostile response to this situation.

I'm the poster you are replying to. I agree, compromise is called for. I guess, what I'm not understanding is why, from my point of view, there seems to be so much hostility to the viewpoint that many people would be uncomfortable with a traditional tree. (Large tree, prominently displayed in public area of house). If compromise is part of the baseline, why is that not a reasonable compromise. What I'm feeling most acutely from this thread, as a Jewish poster, is hostility towards the viewpoint that a tree is a Jewish household is not approrpiate.

I'm not following you -- what are you suggesting is a reasonable compromise?

I'll answer both questions here. If OP and her husband agreed to maintain a Jewish household. It's a Jewish household. Even if a non Jewish family member comes to live there.

As far as a compromise, I guess that would be different for every household. For me.... well, I also wouldn't be comfortable with a large tree in a common area. I wouldn't be comfortable with my kids having stockings or getting Christmas gifts. Wouldn't be comfortable with lights outside the house. I defintiely wouldn't be comfortable with anything small child oriented like elf on the shelf or Santa. I'd defintiely be comfortable with a small display - religious or not - in a public area, with stepdaughter doing whatever she liked in her room, with a special meal, with family time centered around stepdaughter getting gifts, with my kids buying and wrapping those gifts in Christmas paper, with a trip outside the house to a religious ceremony or Christmas event.

That's what I come up with off the top of my head. But I'm not saying its right or wrong. Just that that's where the comfort level would be for me.
I would also definitely be open to a conversation about any and all of these points as long as that conversation didn't include being told that my distinctions were BULLSHIT or to go away to an island.

Sure let the goy girl scrub the toilets for her siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm a differnent poster but still a Jew who would be uncomfortable with a tree in my household. Is a tree really going to fix this problem, though? I would think, the traditional Christmas is a family day, with the kids waking up at 6am for presents, family gathered all day, special meals, etc (all that stuff I see in the movies!) Instead stepdaughter is going to wake up to kids that are sleeping in because the day is off from school. Mom maybe getting some extra housework in because nothing is open anywhere to do errands. Maybe even going to work. (As a Jew, I always work Christmas as that allows other to take off - I'm in the medical field)

Even if there is a tree. Any even if there's some sort of presents or special dinner, how can it be at all the same as celebrating with a Christian family? It just seems like the reality is either stepdaughter celebrates at her mom's house, or, at baseline there is going to be some level of compromise. Is the tree even going to seem like largest issue?

OP here--- I think you may have hit on the bigger issue which DH did not bring up to me. You're right. Dec 25th is not a special family day in our house. DH has always gone into the office. I spend the morning writing my employee evaluations that are due Dec 31st. The kids get up when they get up, have some cereal, and watch tv until I'm done. Then we go to the JCC for some pool time. In the late afternoon, we do some sort of community service project with the JCC. Of course, my SD is welcome to attend any and all of the events that we do--but somehow, I don't think that's what she has in mind for Christmas day. I typically make spaghetti for dinner or if I was on the ball that week, I might have picked up a rotisserie chicken. I get that Christmas is a family holiday. But even with a tree, I'm not sure I can make the house feel like Christmas.

I know a lot of jewish people on this thread are advocating no tree--but it is her home. As I've read this thread over the past few days, I've realized it's the size of the tree that is bothering me. The small tree that someone posted a picture of would be lovely. In judiasm, we just don't have any large overt symbols like the Christmas tree. The menorah fits on my windowsill. The mezzuah fits in my hand. The sedar plate is no bigger than a large turkey platter. The sukkah is rather large but since it's outside it doesn't feel that big.

DH always promised me that once the kids (she has an older brother) were 18 we could start going away for winter break. That it would be the kids choice to join us or not. He never wanted to ask them to make the choice between a winter vacation with us and spending Christmas with their mother. Maybe this year we could start going on vacation.

As for her spending Christmas with her mother---there was a falling out. But it's only July and Dec is a long way away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a nasty thread and I am amazed that nobody wants to call out the op.

It is your stepdaughters home for the time being as well. She knowingly married a man with a Christian daughter. Let her have a damn tree - it's not going to hurt you.

As a Christian I would never want someone under my roof to feel unloved including the celebration of their religious holidays.

I think sour op wants to pretend she doesn't have stepchildren, or worse, is afraid folks will gossip at her temple about her Christmas tree.

I feel sorry for that stepdaughter who clearly has no home. I guess she's just a shiksa though.

You just don't get it. As a Jew, I'm very worried about my children assimilating into the dominant Christian culture. You act like we can just have a tree in the house and that's fine. It isn't. For Christians, you can dabble in other people's traditions and that's fine, because you're the vast majority. Jews aren't. We have to constantly guard against assimilation. That means, among other things, keeping a Jewish home. A house with a Christmas tree isn't a Jewish home. OP cannot accommodate both the stepdaughter and her own desire to have a Jewish home. PERIOD. They're mutually exclusive.

While I agree with you, my heart breaks for the non Jewish stepdaughter who can't celebrate how she traditionally does. I spent Christmas by myself once and it was the most depressing day I can remember. It's normally a family day, but instead she'll be with a stepmother who says she can't celebrate because she isn't religious enough.

I think the stepdaughter needs to spend Christmas elsewhere.

I'm a differnent poster but still a Jew who would be uncomfortable with a tree in my household. Is a tree really going to fix this problem, though? I would think, the traditional Christmas is a family day, with the kids waking up at 6am for presents, family gathered all day, special meals, etc (all that stuff I see in the movies!) Instead stepdaughter is going to wake up to kids that are sleeping in because the day is off from school. Mom maybe getting some extra housework in because nothing is open anywhere to do errands. Maybe even going to work. (As a Jew, I always work Christmas as that allows other to take off - I'm in the medical field)

Even if there is a tree. Any even if there's some sort of presents or special dinner, how can it be at all the same as celebrating with a Christian family? It just seems like the reality is either stepdaughter celebrates at her mom's house, or, at baseline there is going to be some level of compromise. Is the tree even going to seem like largest issue?

Of course it's not going to be the same, it's going to be a compromise, which is something both sides should be doing. No one (or at least pretty much no one) on this thread is advocating for the OP hanging stockings from the mantle, stocking the tree for everyone, and cooking a big Christmas dinner. Telling the stepdaughter she either needs to leave her home for Christmas or not celebrate at all is a really hostile response to this situation.

I'm the poster you are replying to. I agree, compromise is called for. I guess, what I'm not understanding is why, from my point of view, there seems to be so much hostility to the viewpoint that many people would be uncomfortable with a traditional tree. (Large tree, prominently displayed in public area of house). If compromise is part of the baseline, why is that not a reasonable compromise. What I'm feeling most acutely from this thread, as a Jewish poster, is hostility towards the viewpoint that a tree is a Jewish household is not approrpiate.

Bingo Schlomo- it is hostility to the idea it is a Jewish household; it is in fact a mixed household.

The anti-semitism in here is unbelievable. Can I make a Catholic priest rape joke or is that frowned upon?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a nasty thread and I am amazed that nobody wants to call out the op.

It is your stepdaughters home for the time being as well. She knowingly married a man with a Christian daughter. Let her have a damn tree - it's not going to hurt you.

As a Christian I would never want someone under my roof to feel unloved including the celebration of their religious holidays.

I think sour op wants to pretend she doesn't have stepchildren, or worse, is afraid folks will gossip at her temple about her Christmas tree.

I feel sorry for that stepdaughter who clearly has no home. I guess she's just a shiksa though.

You just don't get it. As a Jew, I'm very worried about my children assimilating into the dominant Christian culture. You act like we can just have a tree in the house and that's fine. It isn't. For Christians, you can dabble in other people's traditions and that's fine, because you're the vast majority. Jews aren't. We have to constantly guard against assimilation. That means, among other things, keeping a Jewish home. A house with a Christmas tree isn't a Jewish home. OP cannot accommodate both the stepdaughter and her own desire to have a Jewish home. PERIOD. They're mutually exclusive.

While I agree with you, my heart breaks for the non Jewish stepdaughter who can't celebrate how she traditionally does. I spent Christmas by myself once and it was the most depressing day I can remember. It's normally a family day, but instead she'll be with a stepmother who says she can't celebrate because she isn't religious enough.

I think the stepdaughter needs to spend Christmas elsewhere.

I'm a differnent poster but still a Jew who would be uncomfortable with a tree in my household. Is a tree really going to fix this problem, though? I would think, the traditional Christmas is a family day, with the kids waking up at 6am for presents, family gathered all day, special meals, etc (all that stuff I see in the movies!) Instead stepdaughter is going to wake up to kids that are sleeping in because the day is off from school. Mom maybe getting some extra housework in because nothing is open anywhere to do errands. Maybe even going to work. (As a Jew, I always work Christmas as that allows other to take off - I'm in the medical field)

Even if there is a tree. Any even if there's some sort of presents or special dinner, how can it be at all the same as celebrating with a Christian family? It just seems like the reality is either stepdaughter celebrates at her mom's house, or, at baseline there is going to be some level of compromise. Is the tree even going to seem like largest issue?

Of course it's not going to be the same, it's going to be a compromise, which is something both sides should be doing. No one (or at least pretty much no one) on this thread is advocating for the OP hanging stockings from the mantle, stocking the tree for everyone, and cooking a big Christmas dinner. Telling the stepdaughter she either needs to leave her home for Christmas or not celebrate at all is a really hostile response to this situation.

I'm the poster you are replying to. I agree, compromise is called for. I guess, what I'm not understanding is why, from my point of view, there seems to be so much hostility to the viewpoint that many people would be uncomfortable with a traditional tree. (Large tree, prominently displayed in public area of house). If compromise is part of the baseline, why is that not a reasonable compromise. What I'm feeling most acutely from this thread, as a Jewish poster, is hostility towards the viewpoint that a tree is a Jewish household is not approrpiate.

I'm not hostile to the viewpoint that a tree in a Jewish household is not appropriate. I'm hostile to the viewpoint that this young woman doesn't deserve a household where she can practice her own faith.

When the OP married someone who wasn't Jewish, and became the step parent of a Catholic child, their household became an interfaith one. A Christmas tree is absolutely appropriate in an interfaith household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm a differnent poster but still a Jew who would be uncomfortable with a tree in my household. Is a tree really going to fix this problem, though? I would think, the traditional Christmas is a family day, with the kids waking up at 6am for presents, family gathered all day, special meals, etc (all that stuff I see in the movies!) Instead stepdaughter is going to wake up to kids that are sleeping in because the day is off from school. Mom maybe getting some extra housework in because nothing is open anywhere to do errands. Maybe even going to work. (As a Jew, I always work Christmas as that allows other to take off - I'm in the medical field)

Even if there is a tree. Any even if there's some sort of presents or special dinner, how can it be at all the same as celebrating with a Christian family? It just seems like the reality is either stepdaughter celebrates at her mom's house, or, at baseline there is going to be some level of compromise. Is the tree even going to seem like largest issue?

OP here--- I think you may have hit on the bigger issue which DH did not bring up to me. You're right. Dec 25th is not a special family day in our house. DH has always gone into the office. I spend the morning writing my employee evaluations that are due Dec 31st. The kids get up when they get up, have some cereal, and watch tv until I'm done. Then we go to the JCC for some pool time. In the late afternoon, we do some sort of community service project with the JCC. Of course, my SD is welcome to attend any and all of the events that we do--but somehow, I don't think that's what she has in mind for Christmas day. I typically make spaghetti for dinner or if I was on the ball that week, I might have picked up a rotisserie chicken. I get that Christmas is a family holiday. But even with a tree, I'm not sure I can make the house feel like Christmas.

I know a lot of jewish people on this thread are advocating no tree--but it is her home. As I've read this thread over the past few days, I've realized it's the size of the tree that is bothering me. The small tree that someone posted a picture of would be lovely. In judiasm, we just don't have any large overt symbols like the Christmas tree. The menorah fits on my windowsill. The mezzuah fits in my hand. The sedar plate is no bigger than a large turkey platter. The sukkah is rather large but since it's outside it doesn't feel that big.

DH always promised me that once the kids (she has an older brother) were 18 we could start going away for winter break. That it would be the kids choice to join us or not. He never wanted to ask them to make the choice between a winter vacation with us and spending Christmas with their mother. Maybe this year we could start going on vacation.

As for her spending Christmas with her mother---there was a falling out. But it's only July and Dec is a long way away.

If your step-daughter is anywhere near as reasonable as you are, she will not want an 8-foot tree in the living room. She'd be totally happy with a smaller tree and some sort of recognition that she's a part of your family, too, and that her dad is still her dad, too.

To you, this is a religious issue. To your SD, it won't be about religion - it will be about some sort of tangible way that you are recognizing that she is both a part of your family and someone whose culture is different from hers. If you treat her culture with respect, and she does the same for yours, then I think there's a way for everyone to be happy.

[Anonymous]

OP-- what does SD want? Can u talk to her just honestly-- maybe over lunch? If she has had a tiff with her mom to the extent she doesn't want to see her for Christmas, then she is probably feeling vulnerable and adrift. Admit that this is a new situation for you--- you want to be sensitive to her while at the same time recognizing that you and your kids are in a different faith. Maybe she doesn't give a fig about the tree-- but would love to help brainstorm with you over trip ideas. In the end-- it's about creating a loving respectful blended family unit.