Christmas Trees
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Anonymous
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I'm Jewish and DH and I are raising our children Jewish. I attend shul most Sat mornings with them. The house is not kosher but I don't bring pork, shellfish, or mix meat and milk in the house. DH is does whatever he wants when he's out.
His 18 yr old daughter moved in with us. DH is catholic and my SD was raised catholic. In the 10 years I've known him he has never gone to church unless it was for his kids. He also did not put up a Christmas Tree when he was living by himself and the kids lived at their moms. Last night he started talking about where to put the tree. I was caught a lot off guard. Here are my questions-- What is the meaning of the tree? Why is the tree traditionally associated with Christianity? |
Anonymous
| The tree doesn't have any religious significance, it's a secular symbol of the holiday. |
Anonymous
So it's a secular symbol of the Christmas holiday? But Christmas is a religious holiday. Why is there a secular symbol? |
Anonymous
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My understanding is that it predates Christianity and was borrowed from the pagan celebrations in Germany and that region that used the evergreen to celebrate the winter solstice and looking forward to the spring. In Russia, they put up evergreen trees as a New Year's celebration, and it has nothing to do with Christmas or any religious holiday.
Of course, culturally, it is associated with Christianity. It is often topped with a star to represent the star of Bethlehem, or with an angel, to represent the angels that announced Jesus's birth according to the gospel stories. You may want to find something else to top the tree. Also, of course, some Christmas tree ornaments have religious significance (miniature nativities or angels), but there are plenty that do not (e.g., ones that celebrate football teams or hobbies). If this is a compromise solution, you may want to agree that the tree will only have ornaments that do not have a Christian religious sentiment. Also, they sell very small trees -- you could get a table top tree or something of that nature, if you feel uncomfortable with it overwhelming your family room. |
Anonymous
It's a religious holiday with many traditions adopted from non-Christian religions, and many adherents who celebrate it in secular ways. Signed, A religious Christian married to an atheist who celebrates Christmas secularly |
Anonymous
This is all correct. It also represents life -- as in evergreen-- and the lights on the tree represent light in the midst of the darkness of winter. This is all adapted to Christianity and the meaning of Christ in our lives. |
Anonymous
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The Christmas tree was originally a Pagan symbol they used to celebrate the Winter Solstice. Christians just usurped it and scheduled their Christmas holiday around the Winter Solstice, so they would have an easier time converting Pagans to Christianity.
My Christian parents refused to have Christmas trees because of the Pagan origins. Same thing with Easter bunnies and eggs. |
Anonymous
| Why are you asking us instead of asking your husband? Isn't he in the best position to tell you the significance of the tree to him and his daughter? |
Anonymous
| My friends are a Jewish-Catholic couple and top the Christmas tree with the Star of David. |
Anonymous
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OP, PPs are correct--the Christmas tree doesn't have a religious significance; it's cultural.
I don't think having a Christmas tree will derail how you've decided to raise your kids. (I've actually known Jewish families who did Christmas trees when their kids were young.) You can buy a small artificial tree that will be easy to store and not cost a lot. You can buy a living tree that you can plant if you have a yard. I can understand why your DH's question threw you for a loop, however, I do think it's important that he's thinking of his DD (and your SD) and trying to make her feel comfortable in her home. However, even if it did have a religious significance, you would need to respect that too. I was raised Catholic but when my kid has brought home dreidels and stars of David made from popsicle sticks, I haven't batted an eye. There are more similarities than differences in the Judeo-Christian beliefs. So in the end your kids will be well-rounded for being exposed to different traditions. |
Anonymous
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My family has lots of mixed (Jewish-Christian) marriages and many of them have Christmas trees. As others have pointed out it's not a religious symbol. Neither is Santa Claus for that matter. In fact the secularization of Christmas is why some people talk about the whole "Celebrate the Christ in Christmas" thing - they want to focus on the actual religious aspects.
You mention that "we" are raising the kids jewish but that you take them to shul and you control the dietary aspects. It sounds like you are raising the kids jewish and maybe DH wouldn't mind balancing the two. It's probably worth a conversation about this. |
Anonymous
+1. I really hope you're not trying to find a reason to ban a tree from your house. That would be incredibly disrespectful to your step-daughter and her faith, even if it's not, strictly-speaking, a religious symbol. |
Anonymous
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OP - I think you know this is a more complex issue from a Jewish identity perspective. Yes, there are many mixed marriage secular and reform Jews that have trees. I can't think of anyone who goes to "schul" most Saturday a.m's and keeps a Kosher at home who does this. I am guessing you are in a liberal conservative congregation. I was raised reform and could not handle a tree in the house when the kids were small (my wife was not raised Jewish) We compromised and decorated with green wreaths and blue and silver bows. That gave my wife sufficient connection to her holiday traditions while not making me uncomfortable. I think your question is a good one, but not the most important. The tree on this country is a symbol of religious
and related cultural identity. The real questions are how old are the kids and what did you and DH have in mind in terms of raising them Jewish? How observant? How knowledgeable? How deeply rooted in identiy? What type of jewish community? There are no right or wrongs in absolute terms, but relative to your objectives some things work better tan others. |
Anonymous
| OP - I think you are asking this question because you are trying to get comfortable with the idea of a tree, and I appreciate how complicated this must feel for you. At the end of the day though, it doesn't really matter what the tree means to anyone else (or what your DH's relationship with religion is). It matters what it means to you, but also what it means to your DSD. You have a new member of your household and she is not Jewish, she is Catholic. And she is your DH's child, and should also feel comfortable in his - and now her - home. It may be that the three of you need to have a conversation about how to acknowledge both traditions in a way that feels respectful to everyone - perhaps it's a small tree, or a wreath, or something else. But I do think this is a different issue than how a married couple reconcile their faiths in a mixed marriage and choose to raise children from that marriage. I would just add for your DC with DH, I appreciate that a tree (or some other symbol) might be confusing but if you turn it into a lesson of tolerance of the faiths of your other family members, you might be surprised at how well they understand. |
Anonymous
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You stepdaughter has moved into your house. She is not Jewish, she is Christian. Therefore you help her feel at home by assisting her celebrate her holidays. It's the same in you would do for an exchange student, help them celebrate Ramadan, Diwali, etc.
If you were super concerned about keeping strictly in the Jewish faith, you would be keeping kosher and not have married out. So don't make the tree a battle. |