Do you not see the distinction between allowing your kids to wreak havoc in YOUR OWN HOME and allowing them to do the same in someone else's home? |
Have a kid in a cast for a broken bone for a few weeks and then come back and tell me it is no big deal to let them do things that are dangerous. I have no bigger fish to fry as a mother than to keep my children safe. |
Yeah agree standards are more lax in own home than outside. I'd object if my kids were breaking someone else's family heirlooms or tearing books or drawing on the walls or something, but I really wouldnt care if they were climbing on someone's couch. Sorry |
Well, maybe if you taught them some manners and simple social skills, you wouldn't have bigger fish. |
My kids are plenty mannered and have social skills. Unlike you, I don't equate not climbing on furniture with those things. |
The severities are different, but the basic premise is the same. Immediately going to "she must have done something to deserve it." |
Well, except in this case, she did. Don't climb on furniture. And stop with the sexual assault. |
Where do you live? I'm going to send my kids over to run wild. |
OP here. Thanks for these thoughts PP. |
OP here. Did I? Well, sorry for that. I mean "sister" wherever I might have typed SIL. |
See you at the Chevy Chase Country Club! Running wild is totally a okay |
That was my post and I get it. I think the key for me would have been staying in the room. These are your inlaws (I think it is your DH's sister but I am not sure). These are people who are going to be in your life for a long time. You need to do something next time you see them to help your kids to feel safe around him. He is their uncle after all. He may be strict but in his house he is allowed to be. I get that you reacted with your gut. In the heat of the moment who knows what each of us would have done. We all have the benefit of time to think and distance from the situation. As I mentioned it seems everyone was in the wrong but I think only BIL apologized. I think you need to say something and I think DD does as well. You can apologize by phone. Something along the lines of "I am sorry I got so upset but when I saw that was happening my instincts kicked in." and then talk a bit about how you'd like to see things unfold if this happens again. b/c it will happen again, you have young kids and kids are not always known for their great listening skills. My DS can remember how to enchant a diamond sword in mine craft after not playing for a few weeks yet he can't remember to brush he teeth after breakfast something he does EVERY DAY. Next time DD sees them she can say, sorry I stood on the couch last time I saw you. I won't do it again. Good luck OP. Family dynamics are tough. |
So where do you draw the line with respecting others' property? Or do you not consider that to be manners/a social skill? Wait, did your four year old recently pee on someone's floor during a play date? |
I'm not the PP who equated it with sexual assault and I agree that it in some ways trivializes sexual assault. But you're saying a four year old "made" her uncle uncontrollably angry by climbing on the furniture. It's the same kind of thinking as she "made" him uncontrollably turned on with her skimpy outfit. |
I also don't necessarily think that the apology means that BIL was so out of line. I have apologized to my SIL before when she has really not deserved it, and I was not really sorry and did nothing wrong in my view. However, she is nothing but drama and I did it so that my MIL would not be upset because the family is fighting. MIL knew I didn't do anything wrong either but was grateful I kept the peace.
It's possible BIL apologized because he didn't want his wife to come home to her family gone and God knows what kind of rift left behind. |