Seeking opinions on an incident involving another family member disciplining my child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Surprised at some of the responses here. Do your 4 year olds really not climb on the furniture? What sort of robot children are you raising?

OP here. I was just thinking something along those lines based on some of the responses I just read.

And the behaviors of some of the kids at the birthday party that followed a few hours later far surpassed my daughter's offense.

Also, the fact that he screamed (i mean, really screamed, very loud and angrily right at my DH) just really leaves me speechless.

[Anonymous]

Wow talk about a situation blown out of proportion...you should have calmed her down in a less dramatic way. You contributed to the chaos. Your in laws apologized, move on. Life is too short to hold a grudge over your child misbehaving.

[Anonymous]

My mother's BIL is exactly the same. Generally a horrible person who gets worked up over ridiculous things. This has driven a real wedge between my mother and her sister and it's just sad all around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surprised at some of the responses here. Do your 4 year olds really not climb on the furniture? What sort of robot children are you raising?

OP here. I was just thinking something along those lines based on some of the responses I just read.

And the behaviors of some of the kids at the birthday party that followed a few hours later far surpassed my daughter's offense.

Also, the fact that he screamed (i mean, really screamed, very loud and angrily right at my DH) just really leaves me speechless.

I guess I don't understand what you want. Your kid did something wrong. Another adult corrected her. It escalated because both sets of adults got emotional. If this was that upsetting, watch your kid more closely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surprised at some of the responses here. Do your 4 year olds really not climb on the furniture? What sort of robot children are you raising?

OP here. I was just thinking something along those lines based on some of the responses I just read.

And the behaviors of some of the kids at the birthday party that followed a few hours later far surpassed my daughter's offense.

Also, the fact that he screamed (i mean, really screamed, very loud and angrily right at my DH) just really leaves me speechless.

OP, they were preparing for a child's birthday party. Very stressful. Yes, he overreacted, and no, he probably shouldn't have screamed at your DC or your DH. So what? He apologized. Next time you're there for a birthday party, maybe you could try to do more to help out with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow talk about a situation blown out of proportion...you should have calmed her down in a less dramatic way. You contributed to the chaos. Your in laws apologized, move on. Life is too short to hold a grudge over your child misbehaving.

OP here. Where do you see me contributing to the drama? She was crying and scrambling away from my BIL who was angrily grabbing at her legs. I picked her up and took her away without a word to anyone. As a PP said, this kind of did feel like an instinctive response--I saw that she was terrified and my BIL was angry with her and my first reaction was to get her out of that room.

My DH did not stoop to my BIL's level as my BIL screamed in his face. Instead, he calmly got up with my other daughter and joined me upstairs where we sat with our two crying daughters and tried to figure out the best route. And, we stayed for the party.

[Anonymous]

OMG I can't believe some of you people. You are going to find yourselves with teenage kids who feel like they aren't supported by you and can't count on you. I truly feel sorry for them.

[Anonymous]

OMG I can't believe some of you people. You are going to find yourselves with teenage kids who feel like they aren't supported by you and can't count on you. I truly feel sorry for them.

+ a million

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surprised at some of the responses here. Do your 4 year olds really not climb on the furniture? What sort of robot children are you raising?

OP here. I was just thinking something along those lines based on some of the responses I just read.

And the behaviors of some of the kids at the birthday party that followed a few hours later far surpassed my daughter's offense.

Also, the fact that he screamed (i mean, really screamed, very loud and angrily right at my DH) just really leaves me speechless.

I guess I don't understand what you want. Your kid did something wrong. Another adult corrected her. It escalated because both sets of adults got emotional. If this was that upsetting, watch your kid more closely.

OP here. You are incorrect about both sets of adults getting emotional. My DH and I did NOT get emotional (at least not outwardly).

[Anonymous]

I don't think this is about scrutinizing who said what in what tone or what order. The fundamental thing is that BIL tried to grab a screaming child in an attempt to discipline them/get them off the sofa. That's the issue and nothing else matters.

[Anonymous]

He was probably grabbing for her because he didn't want her feet all over the couch either. My SIL's house rules are that feet don't belong on the couch. Those aren't my rules but when we are over there we go by her rules. I imagine he was going to set her on the floor, not beat her.

[Anonymous]

If you've got a sofa that you don't want kids feet on then don't have kids, invite people over with kids, or have a kid's birthday party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surprised at some of the responses here. Do your 4 year olds really not climb on the furniture? What sort of robot children are you raising?

OP here. I was just thinking something along those lines based on some of the responses I just read.

And the behaviors of some of the kids at the birthday party that followed a few hours later far surpassed my daughter's offense.

Also, the fact that he screamed (i mean, really screamed, very loud and angrily right at my DH) just really leaves me speechless.

OP, they were preparing for a child's birthday party. Very stressful. Yes, he overreacted, and no, he probably shouldn't have screamed at your DC or your DH. So what? He apologized. Next time you're there for a birthday party, maybe you could try to do more to help out with it.

OP here. I really have to respond to your dig here. This is absolutely so far from the case. I do everything I can to help my sister prepare. She is very organized and very controlling and usually either has someone cater the party or has most of the prep work done far in advance. But nevertheless, I spend the entire time there asking what I can do to help, or just doing anything I feel is helpful (because she usually says no to requests to help). We go through this every year for her kids' parties. I always try very hard to help her however I can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this is about scrutinizing who said what in what tone or what order. The fundamental thing is that BIL tried to grab a screaming child in an attempt to discipline them/get them off the sofa. That's the issue and nothing else matters.

OP here. I agree with this. This is something I would never dream of doing to someone else's child, especially if both parents were right there. We were both helping the other daughter with something, but if he had said to us (as a PP said) "hey guys, can you get DD off the couch?" or something? We would have done so right away. Actually, if we had noticed that she was on the arm rest, I would have gotten her down myself right away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're going to get a lot of responses on here in support of the BIL because frankly there are a lot of people on here like him. But in my opinion what he did was totally unacceptable. You don't get physical with someone else's kids. If she was on the couch and he didn't like it, and she didn't get down after he told her, he should have said to you or your DH (who were both right there, right??) "get your kid off the couch, i just told her to get down and she didn't listen"

I agree. Fine that he asked her to get down off the armrest. Not fine that after she was sitting on the sofa where she was supposed to, that he was grabbing at her legs. The need for physical correction was over and done once she was off the armrest. The rest is just punitive for no reason. The yelling is over the top.