Seeking opinions on an incident involving another family member disciplining my child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG I can't believe some of you people. You are going to find yourselves with teenage kids who feel like they aren't supported by you and can't count on you. I truly feel sorry for them.

Oh please. You can fully support your children but my 3 year old knows not to stand on the couch. Support is not the same as learning how to behave in other people's homes. Anytime she does I tell her immediately to get off. Btw where was op's husband during this episode. Why didn't he intervene and get his daughter while op was occupied? My youngest who is 14 months might not understand why someone is saying no and would cry regardless if anyone including his parent removes him from something he wants to do. But that's fine. Kids cry. It's not the end of the world. It's not true that people should expect kids to climb over everything just because a use they are having a party. We were at a very upscale home with our two young kids over the 4th of July and I made sure my daughter did not put her feet up on their nice couch. I didn't yell but explained why as he shouldn't. We also didn't let our 2 young kids go in the parlor (lots of antiques).

Op, is this your sister or sil? You've referred to her both ways. Bottom line is this something worth severing your relationship over?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG I can't believe some of you people. You are going to find yourselves with teenage kids who feel like they aren't supported by you and can't count on you. I truly feel sorry for them.

Oh please. You can fully support your children but my 3 year old knows not to stand on the couch. Support is not the same as learning how to behave in other people's homes. Anytime she does I tell her immediately to get off. Btw where was op's husband during this episode. Why didn't he intervene and get his daughter while op was occupied? My youngest who is 14 months might not understand why someone is saying no and would cry regardless if anyone including his parent removes him from something he wants to do. But that's fine. Kids cry. It's not the end of the world. It's not true that people should expect kids to climb over everything just because a use they are having a party. We were at a very upscale home with our two young kids over the 4th of July and I made sure my daughter did not put her feet up on their nice couch. I didn't yell but explained why as he shouldn't. We also didn't let our 2 young kids go in the parlor (lots of antiques).

Op, is this your sister or sil? You've referred to her both ways. Bottom line is this something worth severing your relationship over?

Damon autocorrect. It should be "but explained why she shouldn't."

[Anonymous]

MInd your child!!! IF you are staying at someone's house, you should be mindful of their rules, standing on the armrest of someone's couch is not acceptable and dangerous. Maybe he is pissed bc you are that lazy parent!!!! Yes, my children will climb on furniture but they will not have the chance to get on the armrest before I catch them and stop them. SMH!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the posts but if the OP and her husband felt uncomfortable and that something wasn't right about his reaction, I would trust your gut. I have a brother-in-law who has always been difficult, uptight, and over reacted to situations that most people wouldn't. I come from a large family and everyone noticed it but thought, well, he's good to our sister. He's just different. He was raised differently and has different values. I remember a time he completely overreacted to my 4 or 5 year old son and made him cry. My son was playing in a basement playroom where my sister told him to play. He wasn't doing anything outrageous and my sister had told him to play there. My brother-in-law overreacted and yelled at my son, scaring him and making him cry (not the first time). I told my sister that we would stay at a hotel. It was easier, less stressful, and that way I wouldn't have to worry about my kids behavior. My sister begged me to stay and was really ticked off at her husbands behavior. I gave in and stayed. I continued to visit her and stay with them because she wanted me to stay. I would have preferred a hotel. Fast forward 5-6 years, we now know that my brother-in-law is abusive. He has hit, pinched, and once tried to choke/strangle her. He is also verbally abusive and manipulative. She now has two kids with him. My whole family put aside our reservations about him for her because we thought he was good to her. Turns out he's been an abusive a**hole the whole time. I always thought my sister was OCD about cleaning when I was there and now I know it was her attempt to avoid setting him off. The situation sucks.

OP, unless you make a practice of over reacting to situations (think about what your friends and others who know you well would say), trust your instincts and don't stay there again. I know there will be people who will accuse me of overdramatizing things but 1 in 4 women will be in an abusive relationship. That is 25 percent of all women. Abusive people don't appear abusive when you first meet them. They reveal themselves slowly over time. If they came in abusive, no one would ever let them in the door. I wish I had listened to my gut years ago when I saw red flags. I rationalized his behavior even though my gut told me he was a selfish jerk. I should have listened to my gut. OP please listen to your gut and don't let people justify inappropriate behavior by your brother-in-law. As a prior poster said--he is an adult and should be in control and articulate.

This post is so spot on. Never stay there again and try to be sensitive to how your sister's family life is. OP, there area lot of posters in this thread that are nuts. He yelled/grabbed at your 4 year old child and then he turned around and yelled at your husband. This is not normal.

[Anonymous]

Some of you pps have a major stick up your ass. If I met you, I'd let my kids jump on your couch just to freak you out. It's just stuff!

[Anonymous]

i haven't been here in a month and this thread is still going. kudos, op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of you pps have a major stick up your ass. If I met you, I'd let my kids jump on your couch just to freak you out. It's just stuff!

please, you wouldn't be invited.

[Anonymous]

In a nutshell: MY HOUSE, MY RULES and I do not give a damn If the parent doesn't like it. Go home if you don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you pps have a major stick up your ass. If I met you, I'd let my kids jump on your couch just to freak you out. It's just stuff!

please, you wouldn't be invited.

lol. I think these people are like a friend of mine whose kid did exactly that. She keeps wanting to hang out again and is lamenting how hard it is to make friends in the DC area. Um, guess she needs to find some of the people on this thread.

[Anonymous]

I've always told my kids that different families have different rules and that you follow the rules of your host. I'm quite relaxed about most things (climbing on furniture, wrestling etc) in my own home bc I have 3 boys all close in age and they've worn me down and I have no nice furniture but I am first to observe others' rules - I fully recognize that other households handle things differently.

OP- I don't see why you ran from the room with your child. IMO that is a weird reaction. I would have backed up BIL and lectured DC!!

[Anonymous]

OP, you did the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter should not be climbing on the armrest of furniture outside of the home. If you are more lenient at home, that's fine. You should expect to abide by other people's rules when in their house.

I thought you were talking about a small toddler, a 4-year old knows better than to stand on an armrest.