When you are forced to let go of the dream you had for your child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend in high school got into a HYP school and lied to his parents- saying he got rejected. He want to a California state school instead. I have to imagine his life would be much different if he had gone to the Ivy

But would it be better? Or the life he wanted? Probably not. You people who think going to an Ivy is the golden ticket need a reality check. A couple of years out of college NO ONE CARES except perhaps students who like to brag and haven't moved on and folks who can't take a measure of a person without a brand attached.

Not PP but I went to Princeton and totally agree. No one cares. And the people who are still talking about it are pathetic. The parents who talk about it are pathetic as well.

I think the only folks impressed by the ivy thing (as opposed to Really Great University, where OP's DC wants to go) didn't go to an ivy.

[Anonymous]

Only on DCUM could a discussion of college decisions turn into a poor me SN discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Say what you will. It is common knowledge that the networking and job opportunities upon graduation from an Ivy are unparallelled.

I think it's easy for a lot of us whose own kids will not be Ivy candidates to sit here and say in our more self righteous tone that let him choose, it's his life, etc...but come on people getting into an Ivy is big deal. I will be the first to tell you if it was my son, I would do everything in my power to at least encourage him to try it. If after the first year he is miserable then let him go where he wants to.

You see a phenomenal opportunity that COULD mean great things for your child, it is natural to want that for them. Nothing wrong with it whatsoever in my estimation.

OK, it's a big deal. What's next? Is OP able to actually make her child do what she wants? Or are you just wasting your breath trying to tell everybody how much more superior you and OP are?

[Anonymous]

I think OP's point is that it can be hard to let your kid lead his her own life....because as parents we have OUR hopes and dreams based in out experience. Some hopes about which we are not aware (I was always very athletic and assumed my kids would be as well - not the case. I never struggled with reading our attention issues, that is not the case with my children). I didn't realize my assumptions and it took awhile to comprehend.
It's been an adjustment and I had to realize my hope for them was not who the kid is and what he/she wished to develop. My close friend whose child has severe disabilities talked about this and that letting go allowed her to better love her kid.
These adjustment relate to physical abilities, motivation, academic abilities, talents, interests, sexuality, so many things.
So good luck OP. I get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Say what you will. It is common knowledge that the networking and job opportunities upon graduation from an Ivy are unparallelled.

I think it's easy for a lot of us whose own kids will not be Ivy candidates to sit here and say in our more self righteous tone that let him choose, it's his life, etc...but come on people getting into an Ivy is big deal. I will be the first to tell you if it was my son, I would do everything in my power to at least encourage him to try it. If after the first year he is miserable then let him go where he wants to.

You see a phenomenal opportunity that COULD mean great things for your child, it is natural to want that for them. Nothing wrong with it whatsoever in my estimation.

PP who has one kid at Stanford and another at Wash U. I respectfully disagree with the bolded part. Also please keep in mind that all Ivies are not the same. But that's fine - we can agree to disagree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say what you will. It is common knowledge that the networking and job opportunities upon graduation from an Ivy are unparallelled.

I think it's easy for a lot of us whose own kids will not be Ivy candidates to sit here and say in our more self righteous tone that let him choose, it's his life, etc...but come on people getting into an Ivy is big deal. I will be the first to tell you if it was my son, I would do everything in my power to at least encourage him to try it. If after the first year he is miserable then let him go where he wants to.

You see a phenomenal opportunity that COULD mean great things for your child, it is natural to want that for them. Nothing wrong with it whatsoever in my estimation.

PP who has one kid at Stanford and another at Wash U. I respectfully disagree with the bolded part. Also please keep in mind that all Ivies are not the same. But that's fine - we can agree to disagree.

Agree (not op) however if we are taking Harvard Yale or Princeton I DO agree with that statement 100%. Cornell, Brown, Dartmouth not so much. My own D attended one of these and the opportunities afforded to her were simply astounding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say what you will. It is common knowledge that the networking and job opportunities upon graduation from an Ivy are unparallelled.

I think it's easy for a lot of us whose own kids will not be Ivy candidates to sit here and say in our more self righteous tone that let him choose, it's his life, etc...but come on people getting into an Ivy is big deal. I will be the first to tell you if it was my son, I would do everything in my power to at least encourage him to try it. If after the first year he is miserable then let him go where he wants to.

You see a phenomenal opportunity that COULD mean great things for your child, it is natural to want that for them. Nothing wrong with it whatsoever in my estimation.

PP who has one kid at Stanford and another at Wash U. I respectfully disagree with the bolded part. Also please keep in mind that all Ivies are not the same. But that's fine - we can agree to disagree.

Agree (not op) however if we are taking Harvard Yale or Princeton I DO agree with that statement 100%. Cornell, Brown, Dartmouth not so much. My own D attended one of these and the opportunities afforded to her were simply astounding.

I am sure....but please understand that my DD's opportunities from attending Stanford are pretty astounding also. And given her major and interests, I dare say that she could not have gotten any better opportunites by attending HYP. Also please note that I am talking about a kid who turned down an HYP because she figured out (correctly) that, given her major and interests, Stanford was the bettere choice. No knock on the Ivies, but there are other top schools out there that provide great networks and opportunties - some just as good if not better than the Ivies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say what you will. It is common knowledge that the networking and job opportunities upon graduation from an Ivy are unparallelled.

I think it's easy for a lot of us whose own kids will not be Ivy candidates to sit here and say in our more self righteous tone that let him choose, it's his life, etc...but come on people getting into an Ivy is big deal. I will be the first to tell you if it was my son, I would do everything in my power to at least encourage him to try it. If after the first year he is miserable then let him go where he wants to.

You see a phenomenal opportunity that COULD mean great things for your child, it is natural to want that for them. Nothing wrong with it whatsoever in my estimation.

PP who has one kid at Stanford and another at Wash U. I respectfully disagree with the bolded part. Also please keep in mind that all Ivies are not the same. But that's fine - we can agree to disagree.

Agree (not op) however if we are taking Harvard Yale or Princeton I DO agree with that statement 100%. Cornell, Brown, Dartmouth not so much. My own D attended one of these and the opportunities afforded to her were simply astounding.

I am sure....but please understand that my DD's opportunities from attending Stanford are pretty astounding also. And given her major and interests, I dare say that she could not have gotten any better opportunites by attending HYP. Also please note that I am talking about a kid who turned down an HYP because she figured out (correctly) that, given her major and interests, Stanford was the bettere choice. No knock on the Ivies, but there are other top schools out there that provide great networks and opportunties - some just as good if not better than the Ivies.

Ugh yes but we are talking Stanford, to many a school with more clout than some of the Ivies, so its hardly a step down or making a concessions...this is Stanford not some big state U.

[Anonymous]

I think a college decision should be between a student AND parents, afterall we are footing the very hefty bill. And most not make that all, 18 year olds despite what they think they know, do not have all the answers nor have the wisdom and experience.

We all know our kids, as long as OP is being truthful to herself that her son will fit in well to an Ivy I would do my best to drive the argument home. I highly doubt he will regret it as the attrition rate is super high in the Ivy league.

[Anonymous]

Don't you mean super low?

In any case, it's not just a matter of OP being truthful to herself -- it also matters whether what she's bring to bear here is actually wisdom and experience (vs. ego, myth, her own emotional baggage).

Without knowing what the other school is and why her DC prefers it, there's really no way to figure out whonis the better decisionmaker in this case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not following. If the kid is excited about going to a "top university," why care if he turns down an Ivy? It's an athletic conference at the end of the day.

[Anonymous]

My big take on this is...if they got accepted into that many high-level schools for undergrad, they would for grad school as well. And by that point they'll be more focused on the network/career impact going to HYP would have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say what you will. It is common knowledge that the networking and job opportunities upon graduation from an Ivy are unparallelled.

I think it's easy for a lot of us whose own kids will not be Ivy candidates to sit here and say in our more self righteous tone that let him choose, it's his life, etc...but come on people getting into an Ivy is big deal. I will be the first to tell you if it was my son, I would do everything in my power to at least encourage him to try it. If after the first year he is miserable then let him go where he wants to.

You see a phenomenal opportunity that COULD mean great things for your child, it is natural to want that for them. Nothing wrong with it whatsoever in my estimation.

PP who has one kid at Stanford and another at Wash U. I respectfully disagree with the bolded part. Also please keep in mind that all Ivies are not the same. But that's fine - we can agree to disagree.

Agree (not op) however if we are taking Harvard Yale or Princeton I DO agree with that statement 100%. Cornell, Brown, Dartmouth not so much. My own D attended one of these and the opportunities afforded to her were simply astounding.

I have a good friend who went to Harvard who says she would be crushed if her DS *wanted* to go to Harvard. She thnks it was not a great good place to go to undergrad and doesnt believe the networking and prestige factors make up for that.

[Anonymous]

^^"not a great place to go"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say what you will. It is common knowledge that the networking and job opportunities upon graduation from an Ivy are unparallelled.

I think it's easy for a lot of us whose own kids will not be Ivy candidates to sit here and say in our more self righteous tone that let him choose, it's his life, etc...but come on people getting into an Ivy is big deal. I will be the first to tell you if it was my son, I would do everything in my power to at least encourage him to try it. If after the first year he is miserable then let him go where he wants to.

You see a phenomenal opportunity that COULD mean great things for your child, it is natural to want that for them. Nothing wrong with it whatsoever in my estimation.

PP who has one kid at Stanford and another at Wash U. I respectfully disagree with the bolded part. Also please keep in mind that all Ivies are not the same. But that's fine - we can agree to disagree.

Agree (not op) however if we are taking Harvard Yale or Princeton I DO agree with that statement 100%. Cornell, Brown, Dartmouth not so much. My own D attended one of these and the opportunities afforded to her were simply astounding.

I have a good friend who went to Harvard who says she would be crushed if her DS *wanted* to go to Harvard. She thnks it was not a great good place to go to undergrad and doesnt believe the networking and prestige factors make up for that.

Very hard to believe, sorry. Just don't buy that one bit, in fact it sounds downright ridiculous.