When you are forced to let go of the dream you had for your child

[Anonymous]

My daughter turned down Yale for University of Florida. Admittedly, I had a hard time with her decision. But my DH and I both felt strongly that it was her decision to make, especially given the number of scholarships she won.

She is finishing her junior year and interning this summer. She has already been offered a job after graduation. Florida was the perfect school for her.

If your son was smart enough to get into several Ivys, he's smart enough to choose his college.

[Anonymous]

You want to be able to tell your friends "my son goes to Harvard" and that's what you are mourning. Wherever he ends up going, please speak of it proudly, not "well he got into 8 ivies, but chose x instead. But I'm okay with it!" Just embrace it.

[Anonymous]

In the end we all want our kids happiness, right? Sometimes we are right and they are wrong in thinking they have it all figured out at 18. My own D wanted to go to a school that frankly we did not feel was right and we felt she was too intellectual and would not be challenged enough there. We bugged the hell out of her until she relented to attend the school that we thought would be the best fit AND incidentally the highest ranked school. Our promise to her to be fair was that after one semester, if she was utterly miserable we would allow her to transfer to a school of her choosing.
Well....2 years later she is still there and could not be happier. Not a week goes by that she does not thank us for leading her in the right direction. Just a thought.

[Anonymous]

I hope my DC will have the guts to make the same decision your DC did!

[Anonymous]

I get where you're coming from OP. I would feel the same way. I think the feelings are natural, and you're just being honest about them. But it doesn't mean it's right to act on those feelings.

[Anonymous]

Life never goes as planned. A few months ago I was talking to my high schooler about looking at colleges next year. Well I was just diagnosed with cancer and start chemotherapy soon and now all I do is cry in my bed at night and hope I live long enough to see my dc graduate high school. OP just grab your dc, hug them, and enjoy this happy time whatever they decide.

[Anonymous]

Did you tell him everything you said here? It does not sound like he realizes this means so much to you.

I am not saying you should kick and scream to get your way. It sounds like it's a 1 vs 10 choice to you. Maybe it's only a 9 vs 10 choice to him?

[Anonymous]

Good for your DS! he knows himself and isn;t just going for the bragging rights. He will do very well with that attitude. You should be proud.

My DD could have applied anywhere, top ivys, anywhere. But she fell in love with a school that isn;t nearly as competitive and off she went. Its been a real education for me, seeing what a great educational fit is for her. I so admire her self-awareness and desire to go to the best place to learn what she wants to learn.

Your dreams don;t count. Period. Your child is entitled to his own dreams.

[Anonymous]

I'm glad you're not my parent, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Life never goes as planned. A few months ago I was talking to my high schooler about looking at colleges next year. Well I was just diagnosed with cancer and start chemotherapy soon and now all I do is cry in my bed at night and hope I live long enough to see my dc graduate high school. OP just grab your dc, hug them, and enjoy this happy time whatever they decide.

Hugs and good vibes your way.

[Anonymous]

I get it, OP.

Hey, at least both he and you can always drop into conversation that he TURNED DOWN Harvard and Yale to go to blinkety blank university.

Anyway, sleep on it. I don't think he'll regret it, you know. And, just as an aside, one of my best friends graduated from BOTH Harvard and Yale (grad and undergrad respectively) and is now unemployed. So...

[Anonymous]

Can you even articulate why this is so important to you? It sounds like you've had a very successful life. Clearly you are living high on the hog. What exactly have you missed out on by going to a state school? A special Ivy rosy glow?

Seriously, OP, get a grip. You are being ridiculous. And also, pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will not get too specific because its certainly plausible that someone i know is reading this and knows us. My S got accepted to the ivy league school I dreamed one of my kids would one day attend. With the ridiculous acceptance rate, we did not expect him to get in. Well he did. I don't remember the last time I was that excited, giddy if I am to be honest.

He also got into 9 of the 10 other schools he got into, all top top universities (2 more ivies as well). Yes he did very well. Well, he absolutely shocked us on Thurs. by telling us that he is not going to "dream ivy". In fact he said he is not going to any ivy. He had visited a top university that he fell in love with in the late fall. I always thought he was focusing on it because he knew it was likely he would get in yet its still very prestigious He didn't want to overshoot and be disappointed (he had a 2340 SAT) but he is extremely humble and always sees the glass half empty.

I tried not to overreact but once he left the room my jaw hit the floor. My H is the really sensible one in our household and his advice was for me to hold my tongue and let him digest all this a few days. My H is much more pragmatic about these matters but me, I am devastated I know I can see the eye rolls now, me being the helicopter mom, who wants to relive her life through her kids, yes, i get it and no, I am not going to deny it.

I did not have the opportunities he does. I was an excellent student who could have probably gone anywhere but my parents could not afford it. I eventually went to a good state school, graduated summa cum laude and went on to graduate school on my own dime. I was not into prestige (because that was not a luxury I could afford) but getting the best degree I could the cheapest way possible.

Now thankfully we are successful and can afford for all 3 of our kids to go to college, any college and he is handed the mother load and doesn't' want it! Any one else out there ever go through such an ordeal? How did you deal with it? I am fit to be tied and ready to explode and just to want to shake him by the shoulders and scream how crazy he is being. It might sound outlandish but I don't want him to later regret not taking a spot that nearly every kid dreams about. And time is ticking....

So what happened?

[Anonymous]

The Ivy's are linked by a football league only. There are many great schools that are not part of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Life never goes as planned. A few months ago I was talking to my high schooler about looking at colleges next year. Well I was just diagnosed with cancer and start chemotherapy soon and now all I do is cry in my bed at night and hope I live long enough to see my dc graduate high school. OP just grab your dc, hug them, and enjoy this happy time whatever they decide.

Hugs and good vibes your way.

Thank you! And to you too!