When you are forced to let go of the dream you had for your child
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Anonymous
um, I think she said Yale. But don't let those blinders get in the way, LOL. |
Anonymous
True, but c'mon, there's a lot of daylight between Harvard and WVU. USNWR ranks Harvard as the #2 university and WVU as #168. And that doesn't include the SLACs; include them and the distance between Harvard and WVU gets even bigger. So WVU does not really belong in the same conversation. You don't think a Harvard-eligible student can find a peer group anywhere outside of the Ivy League? |
Anonymous
I'd always understood that Harvard was inferior to Princeton, Yale and many SLACs in terms of the undergraduate experience, as opposed to the graduate programs and professional schools. I don't find it surprising at all that some graduates would discourage their children from applying there as undergraduates. |
Anonymous
I've heard the same, so often that it surprises me anyone would find it hard to believe. Hell, even the Fiske guide alludes to it. |
Anonymous
It was Yale. But it didn't even cross my mind that it might be noteworthy until I moved to this area and met all you insecure fools who ask everyone where they went to school. Who fucking cares? I didn't need that to feel secure in my intelligence. |
Anonymous
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Get through this "ordeal".
You get over it by telling yourself that you are not your child. Shit, choosing between ivy and something also really good? I am surprised you got all the way to senior year without having disappointment that yur kid doesn't share all your preferences. And word of advice: no one gives a shit what your kid got on his seats and no good comes of repeating that number. |
Anonymous
But if OP's son gets to be a Tiger, he could go to Reunions in perpetuity! Though I guess she might want to tag along 
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Anonymous
| Stay away from Harvard if you don't feel that you are up to the challenge. If you need to be coddled, the it isn't the place for you. |
Anonymous
Maybe this is what it comes down to. As an almost-first-generation-college student (parent earned a BA the same week I graduated from HS), I LOVED Harvard. DH (middle class kid) did too. But both of us did very well academically from the beginning. So that's the only type of Harvard undergrad experience I know close-up. And it was unbeatable. By contrast, the grad student experience looked kind of miserable. (And I say this as someone who got a PhD at a comparable university, so it's not just a comment on PhD programs). Professional schools vary widely. If college is just where you get your ticket punched for grad school, then maybe Harvard's not the best choice for undergrad -- especially for a kid who doesn't really love academics but who believes s/he needs to maximize GPA to do whatever comes next. From that perspective, I could see how the Harvard undergrad experience could be really stressful and demoralizing. OTOH, there were also pretty obviously happy undergrads whose lives revolved around something other than coursework -- e.g. theater, the Crimson, the Lampoon -- and who came out of college well-positioned for careers in related fields. So you don't have to be a nerd to flourish at Harvard as an undergrad, but you may have to be passionate about something and to be a confident self-starter. |
Anonymous
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Gee I have never seen such a bunch of insecure and bitter group of adults (in name only because the cattiness could put a 15 year hormonal girl to shame). Everyone chill the hell out.
NO ONE here said HYP is the holy grail but in terms of many parents dreaming of this for their kids- hell yea thats the case. Doesn't mean it will happen or should happen but its perfectly normal for OP to voice her "dream". I give her credit for admitting it and hopefully after reading through what is it up to now 12 pages of "advice" she will see its not the end of the world if he does not go there. |
Anonymous
And your point is? |
Anonymous
Oh, please, shut up. I went to Yale. I can't afford to send my kids there. They are going to our State U. I loved Yale, have loads of friends from Yale, but my kids will benefit from our State U's network, which is extensive. I don't think Yale or any of the prestigious private colleges (or the un-prestigious ones) are worth $60+K per year. Not a single one. |
Anonymous
| I hope OP will report back what her DS decided, and why. I think many parents would benefit from her experience. It's hard not to want to live your dreams through your children. I would have a very hard time if my child turned down HYP to go to another school. It wouldn't seem right to me, but I'd let them do it because I want college to be their choice. Sounds like OP's kid has great choices, and will do well wherever he goes to college. |
Anonymous
| It's May 2... And.... |
Anonymous
I did too. It was entirely based on the fact I did not want to come out of school with debt. My parents were immigrants (but highly educated middle class immigrants) and were really upset by my choice. I went on to get a phd for free from a brand name school (all science grad students can get a free ride). I don't regret the decision at all. My State U was awesome and I gained tons of confidence in myself. My grad school has provided me all the name recognition and bragging rights on my resume I could ask for. Undergrad is only a stepping stone and I am trying to teach my kids not to allow the ridiculous pressure to get into a "great" school stress them out. |