When you are forced to let go of the dream you had for your child
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Anonymous
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I will not get too specific because its certainly plausible that someone i know is reading this and knows us. My S got accepted to the ivy league school I dreamed one of my kids would one day attend. With the ridiculous acceptance rate, we did not expect him to get in. Well he did. I don't remember the last time I was that excited, giddy if I am to be honest.
He also got into 9 of the 10 other schools he got into, all top top universities (2 more ivies as well). Yes he did very well. Well, he absolutely shocked us on Thurs. by telling us that he is not going to "dream ivy". In fact he said he is not going to any ivy. He had visited a top university that he fell in love with in the late fall. I always thought he was focusing on it because he knew it was likely he would get in yet its still very prestigious He didn't want to overshoot and be disappointed (he had a 2340 SAT) but he is extremely humble and always sees the glass half empty. I tried not to overreact but once he left the room my jaw hit the floor. My H is the really sensible one in our household and his advice was for me to hold my tongue and let him digest all this a few days. My H is much more pragmatic about these matters but me, I am devastated I know I can see the eye rolls now, me being the helicopter mom, who wants to relive her life through her kids, yes, i get it and no, I am not going to deny it. I did not have the opportunities he does. I was an excellent student who could have probably gone anywhere but my parents could not afford it. I eventually went to a good state school, graduated summa cum laude and went on to graduate school on my own dime. I was not into prestige (because that was not a luxury I could afford) but getting the best degree I could the cheapest way possible. Now thankfully we are successful and can afford for all 3 of our kids to go to college, any college and he is handed the mother load and doesn't' want it! Any one else out there ever go through such an ordeal? How did you deal with it? I am fit to be tied and ready to explode and just to want to shake him by the shoulders and scream how crazy he is being. It might sound outlandish but I don't want him to later regret not taking a spot that nearly every kid dreams about. And time is ticking.... |
Anonymous
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How do you know he wouldn't regret turning down the school he found a good fit for an Ivy?
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Anonymous
| This is just so stupid. I can't even pretend to have an ounce of empathy towards this "problem." |
Anonymous
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Op... It's hard to let go of the Dream. But remember it's your dream not his. You obviously did your job well-- just be proud.
You could talk to your son and find out why he thinks one school is better than the other. Once you understand his logic you maybe able to understand to make sure he is truly making an informed decision. With acceptances like that, your son is no dummy. He knows what he's giving up. There is a poster in DCUM land whose child gave up an ivy spot. Hopefully they'll see your post and chime in. |
Anonymous
Hard when you think you know whats best. Maybe once you calm down and cannot get too emotional over it, have a rational decision with your husband being the conversation monitor Let him keep the peace. With luck you will end the conversation with one of you maybe both having a better understanding of why you each feel one school is a better fit for him.
Also many many kids transfer, even if he goes where he wants to and realizes he made a mistake he can easily transfer out. With his superb record, sounds like he would have many many choices. |
Anonymous
| There is no evidence that the name of the school he attends will have any impact on his success and happiness in life. Just like you know that attending the state school did not affect your own success. He's the smart one. He knows the brand-name label means nothing. |
Anonymous
+100. I for one am struggling to get my sweet, kind ADD child through HS. That's why I clicked on this topic. I thought it might be another parent with an experience similar to mine. But you know what? I wouldn't change my place for OP's for anything. He/she sounds incredibly ungrateful for what he/she has. |
Anonymous
| I'm not following. If the kid is excited about going to a "top university," why care if he turns down an Ivy? It's an athletic conference at the end of the day. |
Anonymous
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My son got into Yale, Harvard and Stanford. He went to Stanford. All the way across the country. I made him tell me why exactly that school, and why NOT the other two. He had real reasons to give me.
I too, could only go to a state school, and I too, clawed my way up to be able to provide everything for my kids. It'd be pretty cool to be able to fake-casually brag that my kid was at Harvard or Yale. But my son's college experience wasn't about me. It was about him. He can't go to a school for MY bragging rights. So I sucked it up and dropped him off at Stanford. Where he had a great freaking time and did really well. Which is really, deep down, what I wanted for him. |
Anonymous
| Gee. My dream was that my child would be able to hear. She is not able to do that. People like you make me sick, OP. |
Anonymous
| OP, you sound exactly like me. I went with the best schools I could that gave me a free ride and was own my own for grad school too. Looking back, I didn't realize what I was giving up. I think top school is amazing, and there are great schools that aren't ivies, that might just give your son that great feeling (think Williams, etc.). So sleep on it a few days and realize that top school is still amazing and be glad that your son found something that makes him feel like he will fit in! |
Anonymous
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To the Harvard, Yale, Stanford poster - I really do not think there is anything more / less prestigious in saying your DC goes to one of those schools. Seriously?
To those posters with DCs with more difficult issues - I hope things get better ... |
Anonymous
Thank-you. |
Anonymous
| OP, please do not put your "needs" above the needs of your child. You sound like a good and caring mom, but this is very selfish. Your son should go to the school that he feels is best for him not to the school that gives you bragging rights and fulfills your unmet childhood need for prestige. |
Anonymous
| God, I am playing the world's shortest adagio on the world's smallest violin over here. How will you go on? |