When you are forced to let go of the dream you had for your child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People need to calm down, OP did not say that she thought all other schools are beneath the others. She sited her reasons (legit to me, but maybe not fair or democratic as they are) that she feels the ivy would be a better choice.

I have 3 kids and will be the first to admit IF they were ivy material (they are not) I would jump thorough fire for them to attend. I personally don't believe anyone who says otherwise. Come on we all want the best for our kids, and like it or not Ivies are still at the top of the heap and produce more CEO's, presidents, chairmen and leaders of industry than any other collegiate group. Heck yea I would want my son in that environment!

Statistics, please.

I think you are 100% totally, completely wrong about that.

http://www.businessinsider.com/where-fortune-500-ceos-went-to-college-2015-3?op=1

Only one Ivy League grad running a top 10 Fortune 500 company. One.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People need to calm down, OP did not say that she thought all other schools are beneath the others. She sited her reasons (legit to me, but maybe not fair or democratic as they are) that she feels the ivy would be a better choice.

I have 3 kids and will be the first to admit IF they were ivy material (they are not) I would jump thorough fire for them to attend. I personally don't believe anyone who says otherwise. Come on we all want the best for our kids, and like it or not Ivies are still at the top of the heap and produce more CEO's, presidents, chairmen and leaders of industry than any other collegiate group. Heck yea I would want my son in that environment!

Statistics, please.

I think you are 100% totally, completely wrong about that.

http://www.businessinsider.com/where-fortune-500-ceos-went-to-college-2015-3?op=1

Only one Ivy League grad running a top 10 Fortune 500 company. One.

I would have to agree without knowing the hard facts/numbers, that there is on doubt that Ivy league schools as a whole produce more top leaders in areas of industry and government than another college group. I am sure the stats are out there. But I feel like that could be changing as many industry leaders are proving to be more of the "think outside the box" types aka Steve Jobs who did not need a top education or a diploma for that matter to demonstrate his intelligence or vision.

[Anonymous]

To the extent that, historically, more "leaders" come from Ivies, that's because these colleges have been bastions of the US's hereditary elites. And, if the supposed "edge" the Ivies give their grads is being blunted, then that's happening in the wake of more meritocratic admissions policies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say what you will. It is common knowledge that the networking and job opportunities upon graduation from an Ivy are unparallelled.

I think it's easy for a lot of us whose own kids will not be Ivy candidates to sit here and say in our more self righteous tone that let him choose, it's his life, etc...but come on people getting into an Ivy is big deal. I will be the first to tell you if it was my son, I would do everything in my power to at least encourage him to try it. If after the first year he is miserable then let him go where he wants to.

You see a phenomenal opportunity that COULD mean great things for your child, it is natural to want that for them. Nothing wrong with it whatsoever in my estimation.

PP who has one kid at Stanford and another at Wash U. I respectfully disagree with the bolded part. Also please keep in mind that all Ivies are not the same. But that's fine - we can agree to disagree.

Agree (not op) however if we are taking Harvard Yale or Princeton I DO agree with that statement 100%. Cornell, Brown, Dartmouth not so much. My own D attended one of these and the opportunities afforded to her were simply astounding.

I have a good friend who went to Harvard who says she would be crushed if her DS *wanted* to go to Harvard. She thnks it was not a great good place to go to undergrad and doesnt believe the networking and prestige factors make up for that.

Very hard to believe, sorry. Just don't buy that one bit, in fact it sounds downright ridiculous.

Did you go to Harvard, PP? If not, you have no idea what you are talking about. I went to a lesser Ivy, but many of my friends went to Harvard. None is hugely successful, probably because they are similar to me. One of my friends hated Harvard and wouldn't let his child apply. He doesn't feel it did anything to him, but his parents LOVE to brag that their son went to Harvard. Another friend went to Harvard and to Yale Law School. He disliked Harvard too. He wished he'd gone to a smaller school, but he's an introvert. The school was too large and impersonal for him. He's done fine, BTW, but no thanks to Harvard.

I didn't go to Harvard but dh did. I have read the Red book though (book compiled ever 5 years for reunions). I went to another prestigious top 20 and there is no question that what Harvard alums are doing, as a whole, is substantially more impressive than from my school. And it isn't all in finance, medicine or fortune 500. Plenty of actors, published writers, journalists on 60 minutes, etc . .

I don't know if my children would be admitted. However, if they did well enough academically to get in, I would really want them to go. Same goes for Stanford. They are really unique schools.

[Anonymous]

To anyone and I mean anyone- if your child got into HYP, you would want them to go. Period. I don't believe any of the bs being spewed about in this post. It is the opportunity of a lifetime and afforded to so few, and we all know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To anyone and I mean anyone- if your child got into HYP, you would want them to go. Period. I don't believe any of the bs being spewed about in this post. It is the opportunity of a lifetime and afforded to so few, and we all know it.

Not me, we can't afford it and we won't qualify for financial aid. DS won't even be applying.

I don't think college admission is ever the "opportunity of a lifetime" for upper/upper middle class kids of highly educated parents. First generation college students, kids from poor families, sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To anyone and I mean anyone- if your child got into HYP, you would want them to go. Period. I don't believe any of the bs being spewed about in this post. It is the opportunity of a lifetime and afforded to so few, and we all know it.

Not me, we can't afford it and we won't qualify for financial aid. DS won't even be applying.

I don't think college admission is ever the "opportunity of a lifetime" for upper/upper middle class kids of highly educated parents. First generation college students, kids from poor families, sure.

ITA re your second paragraph. I think that's a realistic attitude (having BTDT), but it's hard to find other people who see it that way in this environment.

[Anonymous]

To anyone and I mean anyone- if your child got into HYP, you would want them to go. Period. I don't believe any of the bs being spewed about in this post. It is the opportunity of a lifetime and afforded to so few, and we all know it.

No, I would not. DS wants to be an electrical engineer like DH. Those would definitely not be the best school choices for what he is interested in studying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

To anyone and I mean anyone- if your child got into HYP, you would want them to go. Period. I don't believe any of the bs being spewed about in this post. It is the opportunity of a lifetime and afforded to so few, and we all know it.

No, I would not. DS wants to be an electrical engineer like DH. Those would definitely not be the best school choices for what he is interested in studying.

Actually, for an undergraduate, Harvard and Princeton are among the best schools for EE majors. Of course, if your kid can't get in, there are plenty of other engineering programs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, as a former professor, I can tell you a) that the job market is so bad that there are fabulous professors even at less-distinguished schools and b) that the "world-class" profs at Ivies may have been hired for their brilliant research and still suck at teaching and mentoring undergrads.

Also a former professor. That is true but the big difference between Harvard and WVU is the peer group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say what you will. It is common knowledge that the networking and job opportunities upon graduation from an Ivy are unparallelled.

I think it's easy for a lot of us whose own kids will not be Ivy candidates to sit here and say in our more self righteous tone that let him choose, it's his life, etc...but come on people getting into an Ivy is big deal. I will be the first to tell you if it was my son, I would do everything in my power to at least encourage him to try it. If after the first year he is miserable then let him go where he wants to.

You see a phenomenal opportunity that COULD mean great things for your child, it is natural to want that for them. Nothing wrong with it whatsoever in my estimation.

PP who has one kid at Stanford and another at Wash U. I respectfully disagree with the bolded part. Also please keep in mind that all Ivies are not the same. But that's fine - we can agree to disagree.

Agree (not op) however if we are taking Harvard Yale or Princeton I DO agree with that statement 100%. Cornell, Brown, Dartmouth not so much. My own D attended one of these and the opportunities afforded to her were simply astounding.

I have a good friend who went to Harvard who says she would be crushed if her DS *wanted* to go to Harvard. She thnks it was not a great good place to go to undergrad and doesnt believe the networking and prestige factors make up for that.

Very hard to believe, sorry. Just don't buy that one bit, in fact it sounds downright ridiculous.

Did you go to Harvard, PP? If not, you have no idea what you are talking about. I went to a lesser Ivy, but many of my friends went to Harvard. None is hugely successful, probably because they are similar to me. One of my friends hated Harvard and wouldn't let his child apply. He doesn't feel it did anything to him, but his parents LOVE to brag that their son went to Harvard. Another friend went to Harvard and to Yale Law School. He disliked Harvard too. He wished he'd gone to a smaller school, but he's an introvert. The school was too large and impersonal for him. He's done fine, BTW, but no thanks to Harvard.

I didn't go to Harvard but dh did. I have read the Red book though (book compiled ever 5 years for reunions). I went to another prestigious top 20 and there is no question that what Harvard alums are doing, as a whole, is substantially more impressive than from my school. And it isn't all in finance, medicine or fortune 500. Plenty of actors, published writers, journalists on 60 minutes, etc . .

I don't know if my children would be admitted. However, if they did well enough academically to get in, I would really want them to go. Same goes for Stanford. They are really unique schools.

I went to Harvard, studied science. It was an amazing place and a number of my classmates did go on to do amazing things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To anyone and I mean anyone- if your child got into HYP, you would want them to go. Period. I don't believe any of the bs being spewed about in this post. It is the opportunity of a lifetime and afforded to so few, and we all know it.

Nope, I got into Yale and turned it down. Actually I was recruited by them and turned it down to go to a crappy state school. I knew I wouldn't be happy there. I don't regret it. And I'm sure my parents who didn't end up having to pay for it don't regret it either. They never pushed me to say yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say what you will. It is common knowledge that the networking and job opportunities upon graduation from an Ivy are unparallelled.

I think it's easy for a lot of us whose own kids will not be Ivy candidates to sit here and say in our more self righteous tone that let him choose, it's his life, etc...but come on people getting into an Ivy is big deal. I will be the first to tell you if it was my son, I would do everything in my power to at least encourage him to try it. If after the first year he is miserable then let him go where he wants to.

You see a phenomenal opportunity that COULD mean great things for your child, it is natural to want that for them. Nothing wrong with it whatsoever in my estimation.

PP who has one kid at Stanford and another at Wash U. I respectfully disagree with the bolded part. Also please keep in mind that all Ivies are not the same. But that's fine - we can agree to disagree.

Agree (not op) however if we are taking Harvard Yale or Princeton I DO agree with that statement 100%. Cornell, Brown, Dartmouth not so much. My own D attended one of these and the opportunities afforded to her were simply astounding.

I have a good friend who went to Harvard who says she would be crushed if her DS *wanted* to go to Harvard. She thnks it was not a great good place to go to undergrad and doesnt believe the networking and prestige factors make up for that.

Very hard to believe, sorry. Just don't buy that one bit, in fact it sounds downright ridiculous.

Me neither, and I (not my "good friend") went to Harvard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To anyone and I mean anyone- if your child got into HYP, you would want them to go. Period. I don't believe any of the bs being spewed about in this post. It is the opportunity of a lifetime and afforded to so few, and we all know it.

Nope, I got into Yale and turned it down. Actually I was recruited by them and turned it down to go to a crappy state school. I knew I wouldn't be happy there. I don't regret it. And I'm sure my parents who didn't end up having to pay for it don't regret it either. They never pushed me to say yes.

yea right...we all believe you turned down Harvard for a crappy state school, yea uh huh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say what you will. It is common knowledge that the networking and job opportunities upon graduation from an Ivy are unparallelled.

I think it's easy for a lot of us whose own kids will not be Ivy candidates to sit here and say in our more self righteous tone that let him choose, it's his life, etc...but come on people getting into an Ivy is big deal. I will be the first to tell you if it was my son, I would do everything in my power to at least encourage him to try it. If after the first year he is miserable then let him go where he wants to.

You see a phenomenal opportunity that COULD mean great things for your child, it is natural to want that for them. Nothing wrong with it whatsoever in my estimation.

PP who has one kid at Stanford and another at Wash U. I respectfully disagree with the bolded part. Also please keep in mind that all Ivies are not the same. But that's fine - we can agree to disagree.

Agree (not op) however if we are taking Harvard Yale or Princeton I DO agree with that statement 100%. Cornell, Brown, Dartmouth not so much. My own D attended one of these and the opportunities afforded to her were simply astounding.

I have a good friend who went to Harvard who says she would be crushed if her DS *wanted* to go to Harvard. She thnks it was not a great good place to go to undergrad and doesnt believe the networking and prestige factors make up for that.

Very hard to believe, sorry. Just don't buy that one bit, in fact it sounds downright ridiculous.

Me neither, and I (not my "good friend") went to Harvard.

My Harvard friend sits in the office between a person who went to UVA and a person who went to Delaware, so I'm pretty sure I believe her when she says she didn't really get an advantage in networking and prestige, LOL.

What is ridiculous is believing that Harvard is always the best place for anyone who is offered a spot.