How do I deal with this? SN son not invited to party but he thinks he is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'd call the mom and say, "Larla has invited my son to her party, but we haven't gotten the details yet."

Yes, I would do it.

Larla is a child. At that age, they blab about everything and have no boundaries. You don't call the mom and invite your child to their party. If she wanted to invite your child, she would have. You put her in an uncomfortable position of either her being forced to invite your child, that she has concerns about, or saying no which makes things worse. Your child was not invited. In life you are not invited to all parties. Its ok.

[Anonymous]

How do you know Larla's mom has "concerns" about OP's child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'd call the mom and say, "Larla has invited my son to her party, but we haven't gotten the details yet."

Yes, I would do it.

Larla is a child. At that age, they blab about everything and have no boundaries. You don't call the mom and invite your child to their party. If she wanted to invite your child, she would have. You put her in an uncomfortable position of either her being forced to invite your child, that she has concerns about, or saying no which makes things worse. Your child was not invited. In life you are not invited to all parties. Its ok.

The uncomfortable position has already been created, and OP didn't create it. She has a child expecting to go to a party because they were verbally invited to it.

Yes, in life you are not invited to all parties, and that's OK. But it's not OK for a child to be told they're invited to a party and then have the invitation withdrawn without explanation. This is the host family's problem to fix -- it was their child that created the awkward situation. The child may not be responsible for fixing it, but the parents are, more than anyone else in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'd call the mom and say, "Larla has invited my son to her party, but we haven't gotten the details yet."

Yes, I would do it.

Larla is a child. At that age, they blab about everything and have no boundaries. You don't call the mom and invite your child to their party. If she wanted to invite your child, she would have. You put her in an uncomfortable position of either her being forced to invite your child, that she has concerns about, or saying no which makes things worse. Your child was not invited. In life you are not invited to all parties. Its ok.

The uncomfortable position has already been created, and OP didn't create it. She has a child expecting to go to a party because they were verbally invited to it.

Yes, in life you are not invited to all parties, and that's OK. But it's not OK for a child to be told they're invited to a party and then have the invitation withdrawn without explanation. This is the host family's problem to fix -- it was their child that created the awkward situation. The child may not be responsible for fixing it, but the parents are, more than anyone else in this situation.

Parents like you are the reason why some kids don't or soon won't get invited.

Parents send out formal invites not small children. The child was never officially invited. Consequently, the real invitation was not withdrawn. Casual invitations by 1st graders don't count.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'd call the mom and say, "Larla has invited my son to her party, but we haven't gotten the details yet."

Yes, I would do it.

Larla is a child. At that age, they blab about everything and have no boundaries. You don't call the mom and invite your child to their party. If she wanted to invite your child, she would have. You put her in an uncomfortable position of either her being forced to invite your child, that she has concerns about, or saying no which makes things worse. Your child was not invited. In life you are not invited to all parties. Its ok.

The uncomfortable position has already been created, and OP didn't create it. She has a child expecting to go to a party because they were verbally invited to it.

Yes, in life you are not invited to all parties, and that's OK. But it's not OK for a child to be told they're invited to a party and then have the invitation withdrawn without explanation. This is the host family's problem to fix -- it was their child that created the awkward situation. The child may not be responsible for fixing it, but the parents are, more than anyone else in this situation.

Parents like you are the reason why some kids don't or soon won't get invited.

Parents send out formal invites not small children. The child was never officially invited. Consequently, the real invitation was not withdrawn. Casual invitations by 1st graders don't count.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'd call the mom and say, "Larla has invited my son to her party, but we haven't gotten the details yet."

Yes, I would do it.

Larla is a child. At that age, they blab about everything and have no boundaries. You don't call the mom and invite your child to their party. If she wanted to invite your child, she would have. You put her in an uncomfortable position of either her being forced to invite your child, that she has concerns about, or saying no which makes things worse. Your child was not invited. In life you are not invited to all parties. Its ok.

The uncomfortable position has already been created, and OP didn't create it. She has a child expecting to go to a party because they were verbally invited to it.

Yes, in life you are not invited to all parties, and that's OK. But it's not OK for a child to be told they're invited to a party and then have the invitation withdrawn without explanation. This is the host family's problem to fix -- it was their child that created the awkward situation. The child may not be responsible for fixing it, but the parents are, more than anyone else in this situation.

Parents like you are the reason why some kids don't or soon won't get invited.

Parents send out formal invites not small children. The child was never officially invited. Consequently, the real invitation was not withdrawn. Casual invitations by 1st graders don't count.

Unfortunately, first graders don't know that. Particularly the child that's been told he's nvited. I agree with PP.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, if you as a parent intend to exclude some kid, it's YOUR job to make sure your kid is on the same page. Why can't you control the behavior of your kid? You and your kid created the problem, you and your kid should fix it.

Don't blame the poor kid in the middle who your kid invited! It's your kid's (and your own) behavior that is the problem here, not the SN child.

[Anonymous]

Some of you are really rigid. While you are litigating the fact that a formal invitation trumps an oral one, this is a 1st grader who was invited by a classmate. It may not "count" to you and you may believe the child was not "officially" invited but that is meaningless to a 1st grader.

Imagine how you would feel if you got a "save the date" for a wedding but not an invitation to the wedding itself. A "save the date" is not an "official" invitation and doesn't "count" but I'm pretty sure you would think it rude to get one and not the other.

A "casual invitation" -- note the word "invitation" -- may not count for you but there isn't a 1st grader alive who wouldn't think they were invited.

And to attack OP, who is navigating something that is confusing and painful with really a lot more grace than I would, especially with a DC with SN, just makes you look ugly.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you have reason to believe Larla's mother is deliberately excluding your son? In other words, do you think Larla told her mother she wants to invite your son and the mother disregarded it? If you don't believe that to be the case, can your son simply tell Larla that he'd like to attend the party but he needs an invitation?

[Anonymous]

OP, has this been resolved?

[Anonymous]

At age 6 Larla did not come up with an invitation list alone without going over it with Mom as she did choose for whatever reason not to invite her entire class and also to invite some others in the other section(s) of first grade she had probably known from kindergarten or other activities. At most she was given a number of how many could be at he party and she had to make choices. This also does not mean that Larla will not continue to be thoughtful or have a positive relationship with this young boy. There are certaily were kids that Mom and Dad knew from earlier years in school or activities of Larla that they wanted to be sure were invited and probably one would see there are many more girls than boys on the evite. Young children do talk and do not know boundaries as mentioned. There is no reason to assume that Mom was any more against having X come than Y or Z - not fair to put thoughts into Mom's mind. It is hard when all are not invited at this age, but that is life. Leave it as it is and do not put anyone in an awkward position - the parents over having to add in your child for whatever reason or you son who everyone on the Evite in the class would know was not on the original list and hard to say might assume "pushed - meaning You for him to come." This is not likely to win him other invites, especially if he is not on the top of his game at the party. Nor to help you build positive relationships in the mainstream for your child if you seem to be wearing "the wounded parent medal." And I have been there many years past when a daughter was not included - even recently at a mostly family gathering of the girl she does not most with, BUT it is life.

[Anonymous]

This situation reminds me a little of my own childhood at a private school, where we were poor and I was sensitive and socially challenged. Kids made fun of me for my clothes and my awkward behavior. Books became my refuge.

You can see where this is going.

Two kids on the basketball team picked on me all the time for not being a good player and being the geeky weird kid. They teased and excluded me mercilessly. But I was smart, and when I was in high school I got into two exclusive summer programs and my name and picture in the paper and an announcement at morning assembly, and they stopped teasing me and asked me questions about how I had gotten in and (!!!) could I help them? Then I got into an Ivy and they went to state schools, and I won't lie, the schadenfreude of my tormenters was delicious.

Oh you mean mommies and mean girls, you think you are cool now to exclude the kids who are different! Enjoy it while it lasts, because one day our kids will be rejecting your kid's job application or meting out karma in other ways. While you teach your kids about exclusion and pecking order, we're teaching ours about emotional resilience and survival. Hope your time at the top is worth the karma points you're ditching. (Actually I totally don't.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

At age 6 Larla did not come up with an invitation list alone without going over it with Mom as she did choose for whatever reason not to invite her entire class and also to invite some others in the other section(s) of first grade she had probably known from kindergarten or other activities. At most she was given a number of how many could be at he party and she had to make choices. This also does not mean that Larla will not continue to be thoughtful or have a positive relationship with this young boy. There are certaily were kids that Mom and Dad knew from earlier years in school or activities of Larla that they wanted to be sure were invited and probably one would see there are many more girls than boys on the evite. Young children do talk and do not know boundaries as mentioned. There is no reason to assume that Mom was any more against having X come than Y or Z - not fair to put thoughts into Mom's mind. It is hard when all are not invited at this age, but that is life. Leave it as it is and do not put anyone in an awkward position - the parents over having to add in your child for whatever reason or you son who everyone on the Evite in the class would know was not on the original list and hard to say might assume "pushed - meaning You for him to come." This is not likely to win him other invites, especially if he is not on the top of his game at the party. Nor to help you build positive relationships in the mainstream for your child if you seem to be wearing "the wounded parent medal." And I have been there many years past when a daughter was not included - even recently at a mostly family gathering of the girl she does not most with, BUT it is life.

I don't memorize who else was invited. I usually don't even look. I would never notice a child showing up that was not on the original evite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

At age 6 Larla did not come up with an invitation list alone without going over it with Mom as she did choose for whatever reason not to invite her entire class and also to invite some others in the other section(s) of first grade she had probably known from kindergarten or other activities. At most she was given a number of how many could be at he party and she had to make choices. This also does not mean that Larla will not continue to be thoughtful or have a positive relationship with this young boy. There are certaily were kids that Mom and Dad knew from earlier years in school or activities of Larla that they wanted to be sure were invited and probably one would see there are many more girls than boys on the evite. Young children do talk and do not know boundaries as mentioned. There is no reason to assume that Mom was any more against having X come than Y or Z - not fair to put thoughts into Mom's mind. It is hard when all are not invited at this age, but that is life. Leave it as it is and do not put anyone in an awkward position - the parents over having to add in your child for whatever reason or you son who everyone on the Evite in the class would know was not on the original list and hard to say might assume "pushed - meaning You for him to come." This is not likely to win him other invites, especially if he is not on the top of his game at the party. Nor to help you build positive relationships in the mainstream for your child if you seem to be wearing "the wounded parent medal." And I have been there many years past when a daughter was not included - even recently at a mostly family gathering of the girl she does not most with, BUT it is life.

I would assume the girl had any input on the list or really knows who is invited. I don't go over the list with my kids. I know who their friends are. And will ask if they have anyone in particular they want to invite.

[Anonymous]

OP, if it were my daughter, I would want you to call me so that I could make things right somehow. Many reasonable arguments have been advanced on this thread, but to me, the bottom line would be the hurt feelings of your child.