Can someone please tell me what to do

[Anonymous]

updates?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh boy, all this because of a DOG??? Maybe put the dog gate up so the dog stays downstairs; maybe - really - go see your vet!
I would be beyond pissed if I had to care for someone's dog, and if that dog pooped on my balcony! Really, couldn't get around cleaning the poop already, what about when the baby comes?
It's too much work.

It's not about the dog. OP and her husband are both selfish, immature people. Hopefully parenthood snaps them out of that.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you were not planning on moving, I would say that you need to carpet those stairs. We had steep wooden stairs (that ended on a tiled entryway) when I was pregnant with DD and I was terrified of those stairs. I sprained my ankle going down them with a basket of laundry when I wasn't pregnant. Going down them without being able to see my feet was nerve-wracking. Carrying a baby up/down them was nerve-wracking. My husband did not get it. He was like, "What's the issue? Just walk down the stairs, holding the rail. I don't see the big deal." It was really frustrating.

But if you are moving, maybe a simple explanation of the logistics that freak you out would help your husband - "When I have to carry Bella down the stairs, it's hard to hold onto the rail. I also cannot see my feet, so it would be easy to misstep. I know that this seems silly to you because you have never been pregnant, but it is what I'm experiencing. Can you please take Bella downstairs for me twice a day as you offered to do before?"

If his blow-up was the result of being asked at an inopportune time, maybe giving him more control over the process of when the dog goes out would be helpful.

A good first step, in addition to counseling, would be for you to dial down the drama a little bit (I say that with love!). Stomping out in the middle of the night is an escalation. Turning over and going to sleep is a de-escalation. Calling him angrily after stomping out is an escalation. Discussing it calmly in the morning is a de-escalation. I understand that you were upset. I'm really glad you did not get on the plane because that would have caused much bigger problems than you've got already. It would have set you up as his adversary in a way that would probably be impossible to undo. Right now, you need to re-learn how to advocate for yourself in a mature way and he needs to learn how to be respectful of your circumstances (which are temporary) and feelings. I hope that counseling will help, and really, I don't mean to hurt your feelings by criticizing you. I say all this as a person who used to stomp out in the middle of fights all the time, and it was a really toxic, immature thing to do. Never solved anything. That sort of response is only warranted if you're actually in danger.

*Note: this is all assuming that your husband is a reasonable person deep down, rather than just an asshole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you should take a stand against his behavior. Make it clear now that you wont accept abusive behavior. (And yes, in my opinion telling your pregnant wife to shut the fuck up in an aggressive way counts as emotional abuse). This is an important time in your relationship- make it perfectly clear what you will accept. Fly home and be around your family. I'm guessing they will make you feel a lot better and give you some clarity on the situation.

But definitely spend the night in the Marriot tonight.

I didn't read the whole thread, but I have to agree wholeheartedly with getting a room and making it CRYSTAL CLEAR you will not accept being talked to like that. PERIOD. Whether you should fly home for the birth is up for argument, and I don't know about the whole situation to say what to do there. But yes, get a room, refuse to continue interactions until he acknowledges what he did and apologizes. And I would say very clearly that you consider it a deal-breaker if he talks to you and treats you like that. That it is absolutely not acceptable.

My H did that the first 15 years of our marriage. It was only every once in a while when he was under a lot of stress. He would lash out at me and be nasty, demeaning, yelling. I wrote it off to the fact that people do things under great stress. I let it go, since he wasn't like that under normal circumstances. Problem is, we have now hit a multi-year patch where he has been under bad stress the whole time, so guess what happens? Then he treats me like that on a daily/almost daily basis. Because it was already established that when under a lot of stress, it's okay to go off on me. So now it's a full blown verbal/emotional abuse situation. I feel that had I laid down the law when those occurrences were rare, we would not be in this situation now.