Parents who refuse to participate

[Anonymous]

I'm a Girl Scout troop leader. We've been with the same basic group for 8 years. Half of my parents do everything. Half of my parents do almost nothing, and frequently shirk the little bit of responsibility I push towards them. It's not a priority for them. I don't adjust plans, especially for the ones that usually bail at the last minute. I set a date and activity and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do they have a large enough car/ extra boosters to be able to carpool?

OP has already said clearly that the two parents prefer NOT to carpool and would rather drive by themselves.

OP is the only one that actually wants to carpool.

She's trying to force other parents to do it her way. She should find someone else to carpool with or give up.

What if your child insists on hanging out with the same children whose parents never step up? Do you choose your child's friends? Or tell your child they have to go without friends? "You can't see Larla anymore because Larla's parents would rather take a nap (true story) than drive"? For real?

If larlas.mom is napping all the time that's a sure sign that larlas mom has some mental health problems. You only have a very small window to try to direct your children to hang out with healthy families. Until your influence is gone, your child is best off being directed away from such families.

What do you think is going on in a home where mom lays in bed all the time? No supervision , that's what.

OP here. I have physical health issues I do not (and will not) make public. Nor should I have to. They are no one's business.

The other dad is home, and takes naps every day, which I have never seen a man do before. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

I am under the distinct impression the wife of the "non-driving to anything having to do with my child's friends" couple strongly resents her husband. Neither are from here. There is extended family in the house. There is a nanny.

I would be more than happy to answer any more questions. How do I tell my child that her friends parents suck?

I dunno, OP. Ask you kid's friends how their parents did it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP indicated that the parents do not want to carpool with her.

She also indicated that the other parents only want their kids to be in a classroom that has people from their culture (That is simply not happening in the US - so I think that is a big fake complaint)

Could it be that they do not want their kid to associate with OP and her kid?

This is fun - you guys are hilarious! OP here. On my way out for a date soon Might I suggest the same for a particular PP?

The "non participant family" is not well liked, I believe this is why. They do tend to hang out with their own, for better or worse. Maybe misery loves company? One can only imagine. I tend to gravitate toward more social people, given my background (nope, won't divulge that here, but you would be shocked, given your PPs, undoubtedly) - all of my DC are social, and usually hang out with more social friends. Except this one.

Peculiar that you keep pretending not to understand, yet do not have specific questions, and fail to ask for clarification in a civil manner; and you seem to be taking offense to my situation, instead of offering anything helpful; and you find this some sort of a game, as if you take delight in others asking a question. Gosh, I hope you don't work for me! Not for long, anyway.

But by all means, pretend to know me. And keep twisting my words - you are a hoot! This is getting better and better!

Good luck, PP. You will need it

Carpool or not ... OP needs to learn how to write a thought correctly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do they have a large enough car/ extra boosters to be able to carpool?

OP has already said clearly that the two parents prefer NOT to carpool and would rather drive by themselves.

OP is the only one that actually wants to carpool.

She's trying to force other parents to do it her way. She should find someone else to carpool with or give up.

What if your child insists on hanging out with the same children whose parents never step up? Do you choose your child's friends? Or tell your child they have to go without friends? "You can't see Larla anymore because Larla's parents would rather take a nap (true story) than drive"? For real?

If larlas.mom is napping all the time that's a sure sign that larlas mom has some mental health problems. You only have a very small window to try to direct your children to hang out with healthy families. Until your influence is gone, your child is best off being directed away from such families.

What do you think is going on in a home where mom lays in bed all the time? No supervision , that's what.

OP here. I have physical health issues I do not (and will not) make public. Nor should I have to. They are no one's business.

The other dad is home, and takes naps every day, which I have never seen a man do before. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

I am under the distinct impression the wife of the "non-driving to anything having to do with my child's friends" couple strongly resents her husband. Neither are from here. There is extended family in the house. There is a nanny.

I would be more than happy to answer any more questions. How do I tell my child that her friends parents suck?

I dunno, OP. Ask you kid's friends how their parents did it?

LOL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for your question. Carpool, playdate, activity, everything the other child is involved in! UGH.

My son has a friend like that. Thd WORKING moms do all the heavy lifting and this one SAHM sits on her ass and never offers to help. A few things:

-she has been ditched from the carpool group because she's useless. Now her working DH is the sole taxi for her child.
-honestly, she's batshit crazy. Having a crazy mom her kidss are probably going to be a mess so I try to redirect my son to hang out with other people. I'm sure she's just mentally ill.

God, you're a bitch. Those poor kids have a crazy mom and you're trying to make sure they don't have friends, either.

Healthy parents raise healthy kids, but by all means, go out of your way and have your kids hang around a bunch of fucked up families. Let me know how your little progressive social experiment turns out.

NP. Good God, you are not very compassionate are you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a Girl Scout troop leader. We've been with the same basic group for 8 years. Half of my parents do everything. Half of my parents do almost nothing, and frequently shirk the little bit of responsibility I push towards them. It's not a priority for them. I don't adjust plans, especially for the ones that usually bail at the last minute. I set a date and activity and move on.

Why don't they do anything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a Girl Scout troop leader. We've been with the same basic group for 8 years. Half of my parents do everything. Half of my parents do almost nothing, and frequently shirk the little bit of responsibility I push towards them. It's not a priority for them. I don't adjust plans, especially for the ones that usually bail at the last minute. I set a date and activity and move on.

Why don't they do anything?

Everyone is different. Give what you can and don't keep track of what others are doing. Maybe they do more in some other arena in which you or OP slack off. Who knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it score keeping or is it fairness? Yes, life is not fair - clearly moreso to some than others (as seen by PPs) - and perhaps this nonparticipant is the epitome of that.

Now, why is that OP's problem? Because it will be anyone's problem who does not fit the mold of the teeny, tiny population the nonparticipant sees fit for their child. OP is just one of the many. How will you feel when OP is you?

OP does not sound unhappy, just questioning. Do you know OP personally? Why don't you like OP questioning this behavior?

Interesting.

If you are not happy with your husband, for example, is the hot, friendly woman next door your target? I would suppose yes. Not so difficult to decipher, after all.

Hysterical. This MUST be OP.

Definitely. And it's completely nonsensical. Based on this incredibly poor logic, I wouldn't trust OP's judgment on anything. Let's follow her logic here: if you think she's being overly judgmental and creating a problem where there really doesn't have to be one, then that means you must be unhappy with your husband and jealous of your hot neighbor? Huh?
Not a PP here, but I definitely think she's daft and making problems where none need to exist, and I don't even have a hot neighbor. And am mostly happy with my husband (though i could live without the snoring).

[Anonymous]

Op, you have no idea what goes on with other people, including health issues. I have no interest in carpooling. I do not want to drive an extra kid. I will bring my child when I can but I do not want to deal with yours. I am very strict on car seat usage and only trust a few people you drive my child. You are not one.

[Anonymous]

OP sounds like the poster who would not accept that her sons were being bullies by teasing other children. It was like talking to a brick wall.

[Anonymous]

I invite other kids over to play, and it's not often reciprocated, and I'm mostly ok with that because I don't do it for them, I do it for my kids. I just keep that in perspective.

[Anonymous]

I don't participate as much as I'd like in the kids' activities because I have serious chronic health issues and can only do so much. And no, I don't discuss my health with anyone. Last thing I need is for my kids to worry about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, here is another way to look at it.

I am a mom who loves to do the carpooling, the hosting etc. Why? My son loves the company of other children, and many of the parents do not have the flexibility, energy, time that I do. I love having the kids and parents over when I host. And people always reciprocate in some form or the other. It may not be the exact same thing that I can do - but parents will help out or include my child in some way or the other. I have found that my kid loves when he has his other friends joining him for other activities. If I am already doing everything for my kid - it does not cost me anything at all to include other people's kids as well. And frankly, I really enjoy doing this for the kids.

People are not refusing to participate - they are just not participating the way you want them to.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for your question. Carpool, playdate, activity, everything the other child is involved in! UGH.

My son has a friend like that. Thd WORKING moms do all the heavy lifting and this one SAHM sits on her ass and never offers to help. A few things:

-she has been ditched from the carpool group because she's useless. Now her working DH is the sole taxi for her child.
-honestly, she's batshit crazy. Having a crazy mom her kidss are probably going to be a mess so I try to redirect my son to hang out with other people. I'm sure she's just mentally ill.

God, you're a bitch. Those poor kids have a crazy mom and you're trying to make sure they don't have friends, either.

I don't think she's a bitch. My friend has a problem with depression. She is a basket case and her children are brats. My kids do not want to be around them because they steal their stuff and can't share or take turns. I understand their behavior is a result of their mother's inability to properly parent but that's doesn't make it ok and it isn't my kids' responsibility to play with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, here is another way to look at it.

I am a mom who loves to do the carpooling, the hosting etc. Why? My son loves the company of other children, and many of the parents do not have the flexibility, energy, time that I do. I love having the kids and parents over when I host. And people always reciprocate in some form or the other. It may not be the exact same thing that I can do - but parents will help out or include my child in some way or the other. I have found that my kid loves when he has his other friends joining him for other activities. If I am already doing everything for my kid - it does not cost me anything at all to include other people's kids as well. And frankly, I really enjoy doing this for the kids.

People are not refusing to participate - they are just not participating the way you want them to.

This! I subscribe to this philosophy completely.