How do I tell the foodie hosting me I'm a very picky eater?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Doubtful. Foodies monitor everyone's meals and have to discuss every ingredient ad nauseum. They watch you take bites to see how you react, to see if it evokes the feeling they had that afternoon in Rome. The ones I know are the ones who are difficult to be around, as they can't just enjoy people's company. It's entirely about the food. I have a friend who will only eat like the OP. It's a little frustrating when I have a craving for Indian or Thai food, but she's my friend, and I'm more interested in catching up over dinner (even if it's bar food) than eating a unique meal solo. She's my friend. We can find middle ground.

I used to eat lunch with somebody like that. What's for lunch, how did you make it, have you ever tried it this way, what about this other thing that's similar, where did you get the [ingredient], have you tried it at [restaurant]...and me thinking, "I JUST WANT TO EAT MY LUNCH."

[Anonymous]

Thank you for the invite. I can't eat anything spicy without it making me sick and I'm generally not a very adventurous eater, but I'd love to come.

Then you eat a light meal before going, and you sample everything that isn't spicy. That means that you take a small taste of things, because sometimes you'll learn to like something new if you give it a chance. My wife was not an adventurous eater when we met and my closest friends and I are foodies. I've slowly introduced her to some new foods and styles of cooking while still respecting her aversions. My best friend who is a serious foodie is a phenomenal cook and has also worked slowly on expanding her taste. It's very slow, but over 14 years now, she's got a significantly expanded palate and her list of food don'ts is still pretty long (albeit much shorter than it was). She has many of the same aversions that you have plus others. We make sure when we go someplace like your friends that she has a light meal beforehand, she will try as much as she can within her aversions and I'll try to help her isolate some of the things she normally wouldn't try that might be safe for her to sample. And if she's still hungry, we'll call it an early night and I'll cook her something or she'll reheat something that I've made at home that suits her taste when we get home.

Also, learn some techniques to help you compromise. For example, my wife used to avoid mushrooms like the plague. She wouldn't eat anything cooked with mushrooms. Now she's learned that foods cooked with mushrooms are okay and she will eat it if there are no mushrooms visible or if they are large enough that she can eat around them (and she'll give me all of the mushrooms). She also doesn't like sauces, but she'll serve herself something that comes in a sauce, try to lift it out and drain as much sauce as possible and then on her plate, she'll use the fork to scrape as much sauce off as she can. She's learned that sauces in moderation (okay, correction, a slight amount of sauce, e.g. much less than moderation) can actually be quite good, but she can only take a small amount. Sometimes she still won't like it, but she's been able to try several that she liked because she's been much more open-minded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
She KNOWS I like plain food. She's the type who pays very careful attention to what each person orders when we go out to eat in restaurants. She's even commented that I'm such a boring eater she'll have to have me over to her home for dinner to introduce me to new foods (which is why I've had her to MY house or gone to restaurants). I've been to a few parties at her house - once, it was all goat cheese and raw mozzarella with tomatoes and vinegar and dips (I drank water and ate crackers). Once, it was an Indian buffet (I drank water and ate plain naan. Once it was Mexican food (I drank water and ate plain tortilla chips). I have no problem not eating when there's nothing I like - the problem is I don't want to offend someone by not eating the food they've prepped and are serving. And she's TOTALLY the type not only to notice, but to comment. "Oh, you're not eating? You've only taken two bites. Don't you like it?" Then I feel stuck.

Op, I haven't read all the pages of reply. I have a severe picky eater son, and also a sever picky eater brother (could it be genetic?) I totally unde

I think your friend and you have enough of a history, and she seems pushy about what people eat, that you could tell her about your food issues. No, probably not for this upcoming dinner party. But if she is going to monitor what people are eating, and sees invitations to her house as opportunities to expose you to great new foods, and actually is asking you wht you aren't eating something... I think it is time to tell her. Sounds to me like you eat a great deal of foods -- just aren't wild about sauces. That's so easy actually to ask people if they woudln't mind leaving off the sauce or keeping the gravy on the side.

Come to think of it, I bet you could say you are going gluten free. Most sauces and gravies are made with flour aren't they?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A foodie: A person who has no actual interests or hobbies.

An asshole = YOU

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A foodie: A person who has no actual interests or hobbies.

An asshole = YOU

Hit a nerve there?

[Anonymous]

Your food issues are YOUR food issues...they are not the host's problem.

Eat beforehand so you aren't hungry at the party. Try to sample whatever you think you can tolerate. Offer to bring something (dessert?) if she'll let you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A foodie: A person who has no actual interests or hobbies.

Yeah, if you enjoy eating and cooking good food, then you can't possibly have any other interests or hobbies. You sure told us!

[Anonymous]

From your first post I think you're already so anxious about this dinner that it wouldn't be pleasant for you no matter what. Just decline, and later tell your friend that you are following an extremely limited diet.

It would help your social life if you could expand your repertoire, and you've had a number of suggestions, but that's entirely up to you.

[Anonymous]

Thank god "hit a nerve" lady showed up to give us all a what-for.

[Anonymous]

I would tell her that you're having some dietary issues and on a strict diet, that you'll eat before you come and look forward to seeing her.

Don't push around food on your plate or not eat anything (unless you've told her). It's wasting her time and money to cook food for a certain number of people when one is not eating or drinking.

Personally, I would not go if I was you. I enjoy hosting people for semi-adventurous dinners and talking about food is part of the fun. It would be like going to a sports event and not watching the game.

[Anonymous]

Please introduce me to your friend. I'm not a "foodie" but I like trying new things. I've eaten balut, jellyfish, fugu, tongue, guinea pig, etc. Heck, you only live once!

I will go in your place and I will make you a really nice roasted chicken in return I am great at simple roasted chicken and I LOVE having foodies cook for me. It's win-win!!!

[Anonymous]

Are you 5 years old? Adults don't describe food as "mush". I think you need to expand your food horizons. My in laws are like this. I can't stand the bland food you mentioned liking. It sounds so blah 1950's American.

[Anonymous]

OP:

Let's say your friend just put a new sauna in her home, and invited you (and some others) to check it out one afternoon.

But you're a very temperature sensitive person and cannot stand to be in places above 85 degrees. Would you contact your friend/host and ask them to turn down the temperature for you, because you have personal aversions, and then you might feel comfortable sitting in their sauna?

No. It would be incredibly rude, and also missing the major point of enjoying the afternoon - and why the host asked you to come over.

Politely decline. I too am wondering how old you are. You sound very young. Less because of your picky eating, and more because it even occurred to you to ask a really, rather highly narcissistic thing. It sounds like you maybe have some growing up to do?

[Anonymous]

Please decline.

[Anonymous]

Do your kids have food aversions? Do you only make bland foods that you would eat for them?