How do I tell the foodie hosting me I'm a very picky eater?

[Anonymous]

I'm an extreme picky eater too and the one time I posted about it here, I got so many "troll" or "suck it up" replies, I'm afraid you'll get no helpful replies.
If it were a close friend, I'd explain the situation and see if we came up a plan together. If not, I would just politely decline or arrange to go to a restaurant (of the other person's choice) instead.

[Anonymous]

If this isn't a troll post OP, are you working with a therapist on your food issues?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Title says it all. I have to RSVP by tomorrow evening to avoid being rude and know you're supposed to mention any dietary restrictions when you RSVP. She is the hardest hardcore foodie. She routinely cooks things I've never even heard of. Like, I've heard of cornish game hens and venison, but she takes it 8 steps farther and has been known to fly food in from other COUNTRIES (I don't even know if that's legal!). I've already gotten out of a few dinner invitations by having her and her husband to my house twice, and meeting them at restaurants.

Here are my restrictions:
1. I physically CAN'T eat anything spicy. What you consider barely any spice, makes my mouth swell up and burns my tongue. A tiny bit of garlic or oregano or salt? Fine. Anything meant to make a dish "hot" = not fine.
2. I don't drink wine. Or soda. Or coffee or tea. I just want plain, cold water. Without lemon. Ice cubes are fine.
3. I don't really like any food that looks like "mush." Dark-colored sauce or gravy with stuff in it? Please no. I like to be able to look at my food and think "Oh. That's clearly a _____."

Here are regular dinners I've had as a guest at other people's homes that have been great:
1. Baked chicken (with rice and string beans)
2. Roast beef (baked potatoes, broccoli)
3. Manicotti/lasagna
4. Meatloaf (new potatoes, steamed cauliflower/broccoli)
5. Marinated salmon (rice pilaf, peas)
6. Scallops and shrimp in pasta (as long as it's sauce-free I'm happy)

Is this for real? Your foodie host should be shown proper respect and not be given a list of rules to follow to have you as a guest in HER home. If someone did this to me, and am a serious cook, not only would I be grossly offended but I might have to renege on my invite. Sorry but life is way to stressful than to have high maintenance guests in your home, when one entertains in their home they do it out of love and passion, put your finickiness aside and deal with it for one night!

[Anonymous]

I went through a period where I had a very restricted diet. I told myself I was going out to be with people, not obsess over what was on the plate.

Eat before you go, have a snack in your bag and unless you have an allergic reaction, take at least a bite of everything and push it around the plate.

I am a very considerate hostess and want to work around people's food issues, but if you told me "I don't like food that looks like mush or has any brown gravy" I'd seriously consider serving polenta with a mushroom sauce just because.

I have a friend who is as picky as you are (eats like a stunted four year old) but because he never ever makes a big deal of it, I always have some kind of plain chicken for him or make sure there are burgers or steaks (which he and the kids will eat). He always accepts invitations, and is a fun person to be around. He doesn't tell people who don't know him well anything about his food preferences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an extreme picky eater too and the one time I posted about it here, I got so many "troll" or "suck it up" replies, I'm afraid you'll get no helpful replies.
If it were a close friend, I'd explain the situation and see if we came up a plan together. If not, I would just politely decline or arrange to go to a restaurant (of the other person's choice) instead.

Honestly, I think these are helpful responses even if some of the name calling isn't necessary. It's perfectly acceptable to tell a host you have particular allergies, or at the table decline the wine or whatever. It's simply pure rudeness to give the hostess a list of those things you don't like.

I get it. My mother is extremely picky. I struggle to menu plan when my parents come to visit, but because she's my mom and I'm no stranger to her food issues, I simply do it. In your case, unless this is your best friend who already knows your pickiness, I don't think there's a polite way to convey this information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this isn't a troll post OP, are you working with a therapist on your food issues?

No - there's really nothing to work with. I don't have a phobia. I just dislike certain tastes, and my body seems to be allergic to anything hot (temp wise) or spicy because my mouth and tongue swell (you know when people say they burned their tongue? That's what happens to me and it lasts 2-3 days). The funny thing is, I've become SO MUCH MORE open to new foods than I was when I was younger. What I eat now is a very wide variety compared to what I used to eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you tell the foodie hosting you that you're a very picky eater? You don't.

You can tell her that chile peppers make your face swell up -- that's a health issue.

You can tell her you don't drink alcohol.

You can't tell her, "I don't like weird food or mush." If she serves you weird food/mush, push it around on your plate and pretend to eat it.

Exactly this. I have a few friends/family members with severe acid reflux, and spicy food will really aggravate that for them. So I see spicy food as a legitimate restriction. Just ask for water when offered a drink. Eat at least a little something before you go so you're not starving, and then just push around anything you don't like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this isn't a troll post OP, are you working with a therapist on your food issues?

No - there's really nothing to work with. I don't have a phobia. I just dislike certain tastes, and my body seems to be allergic to anything hot (temp wise) or spicy because my mouth and tongue swell (you know when people say they burned their tongue? That's what happens to me and it lasts 2-3 days). The funny thing is, I've become SO MUCH MORE open to new foods than I was when I was younger. What I eat now is a very wide variety compared to what I used to eat.

Well, that's good progress. But you still can't give the host a list of acceptable menus. Either go and do your best to eat (or pretend to eat), or tell your host that you decline the invitation because you have food issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this isn't a troll post OP, are you working with a therapist on your food issues?

No - there's really nothing to work with. I don't have a phobia. I just dislike certain tastes, and my body seems to be allergic to anything hot (temp wise) or spicy because my mouth and tongue swell (you know when people say they burned their tongue? That's what happens to me and it lasts 2-3 days). The funny thing is, I've become SO MUCH MORE open to new foods than I was when I was younger. What I eat now is a very wide variety compared to what I used to eat.

You do have food issues though. It's not normal to have such severe aversions or dislikes of such a wide range of foods. It's one thing if you just don't like mushrooms, but eat pretty much everything else. Or don't drink. No big deal. Or are a vegetarian.

But clearly by posting this question, your food issues cause you anxiety and are affecting social occasions and interactions. That's great that you've progressed some, but it's still nor normal or healthy.

And yes, please decline and don't ask others to conform to your "picky" food anxieties.

[Anonymous]

UGH there's nothing more aggravating than an adult picky eater. Allergies and legit restrictions are one thing but what's with all the adults these days who eat like 3 year olds? "No icky sauce." "I can't eat anything other than white." "Vegetables aren't for me."

Then stay home. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this isn't a troll post OP, are you working with a therapist on your food issues?

No - there's really nothing to work with. I don't have a phobia. I just dislike certain tastes, and my body seems to be allergic to anything hot (temp wise) or spicy because my mouth and tongue swell (you know when people say they burned their tongue? That's what happens to me and it lasts 2-3 days). The funny thing is, I've become SO MUCH MORE open to new foods than I was when I was younger. What I eat now is a very wide variety compared to what I used to eat.

Well, that's good progress. But you still can't give the host a list of acceptable menus. Either go and do your best to eat (or pretend to eat), or tell your host that you decline the invitation because you have food issues.

She KNOWS I like plain food. She's the type who pays very careful attention to what each person orders when we go out to eat in restaurants. She's even commented that I'm such a boring eater she'll have to have me over to her home for dinner to introduce me to new foods (which is why I've had her to MY house or gone to restaurants). I've been to a few parties at her house - once, it was all goat cheese and raw mozzarella with tomatoes and vinegar and dips (I drank water and ate crackers). Once, it was an Indian buffet (I drank water and ate plain naan. Once it was Mexican food (I drank water and ate plain tortilla chips). I have no problem not eating when there's nothing I like - the problem is I don't want to offend someone by not eating the food they've prepped and are serving. And she's TOTALLY the type not only to notice, but to comment. "Oh, you're not eating? You've only taken two bites. Don't you like it?" Then I feel stuck.

A party is better because there are too many people for her to notice what I'm eating. But this dinner will only be her immediate family and mine. When we've gone out as couples she's OBSESSED with what each person gets (it's honestly the only thing I don't like about her because she comments so much about it). Just to clarify: I would never dream of dictating the menu at someone else's house - I just gave a list of what other people have served when I've been a guest that I've enjoyed and been able to eat happily without giving it a second thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:UGH there's nothing more aggravating than an adult picky eater. Allergies and legit restrictions are one thing but what's with all the adults these days who eat like 3 year olds? "No icky sauce." "I can't eat anything other than white." "Vegetables aren't for me."

Then stay home. Seriously.

Agreed. It sounds like the OP is very immature and unrefined.

I say the OP should stick to the kids menu at Applebees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this isn't a troll post OP, are you working with a therapist on your food issues?

No - there's really nothing to work with. I don't have a phobia. I just dislike certain tastes, and my body seems to be allergic to anything hot (temp wise) or spicy because my mouth and tongue swell (you know when people say they burned their tongue? That's what happens to me and it lasts 2-3 days). The funny thing is, I've become SO MUCH MORE open to new foods than I was when I was younger. What I eat now is a very wide variety compared to what I used to eat.

Well, that's good progress. But you still can't give the host a list of acceptable menus. Either go and do your best to eat (or pretend to eat), or tell your host that you decline the invitation because you have food issues.

She KNOWS I like plain food. She's the type who pays very careful attention to what each person orders when we go out to eat in restaurants. She's even commented that I'm such a boring eater she'll have to have me over to her home for dinner to introduce me to new foods (which is why I've had her to MY house or gone to restaurants). I've been to a few parties at her house - once, it was all goat cheese and raw mozzarella with tomatoes and vinegar and dips (I drank water and ate crackers). Once, it was an Indian buffet (I drank water and ate plain naan. Once it was Mexican food (I drank water and ate plain tortilla chips). I have no problem not eating when there's nothing I like - the problem is I don't want to offend someone by not eating the food they've prepped and are serving. And she's TOTALLY the type not only to notice, but to comment. "Oh, you're not eating? You've only taken two bites. Don't you like it?" Then I feel stuck.

A party is better because there are too many people for her to notice what I'm eating. But this dinner will only be her immediate family and mine. When we've gone out as couples she's OBSESSED with what each person gets (it's honestly the only thing I don't like about her because she comments so much about it). Just to clarify: I would never dream of dictating the menu at someone else's house - I just gave a list of what other people have served when I've been a guest that I've enjoyed and been able to eat happily without giving it a second thought.

I think you are the one obsessed. My 4yr old has a more sophisticated palate than you. Really. He does. I wouldn't ever tolerate the eating behavior you exhibit. My kids know they have to take "no thank you" bites. Maybe read a book on parenting and feeding toddlers to get help for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this isn't a troll post OP, are you working with a therapist on your food issues?

No - there's really nothing to work with. I don't have a phobia. I just dislike certain tastes, and my body seems to be allergic to anything hot (temp wise) or spicy because my mouth and tongue swell (you know when people say they burned their tongue? That's what happens to me and it lasts 2-3 days). The funny thing is, I've become SO MUCH MORE open to new foods than I was when I was younger. What I eat now is a very wide variety compared to what I used to eat.

Well, that's good progress. But you still can't give the host a list of acceptable menus. Either go and do your best to eat (or pretend to eat), or tell your host that you decline the invitation because you have food issues.

She KNOWS I like plain food. She's the type who pays very careful attention to what each person orders when we go out to eat in restaurants. She's even commented that I'm such a boring eater she'll have to have me over to her home for dinner to introduce me to new foods (which is why I've had her to MY house or gone to restaurants). I've been to a few parties at her house - once, it was all goat cheese and raw mozzarella with tomatoes and vinegar and dips (I drank water and ate crackers). Once, it was an Indian buffet (I drank water and ate plain naan. Once it was Mexican food (I drank water and ate plain tortilla chips). I have no problem not eating when there's nothing I like - the problem is I don't want to offend someone by not eating the food they've prepped and are serving. And she's TOTALLY the type not only to notice, but to comment. "Oh, you're not eating? You've only taken two bites. Don't you like it?" Then I feel stuck.

A party is better because there are too many people for her to notice what I'm eating. But this dinner will only be her immediate family and mine. When we've gone out as couples she's OBSESSED with what each person gets (it's honestly the only thing I don't like about her because she comments so much about it). Just to clarify: I would never dream of dictating the menu at someone else's house - I just gave a list of what other people have served when I've been a guest that I've enjoyed and been able to eat happily without giving it a second thought.

Goat cheese and caprese salad? *GASP!* How exotic. And utterly offensive.

OP, you really need to grow up. You're actually depriving YOURSELF, do you realize that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this isn't a troll post OP, are you working with a therapist on your food issues?

No - there's really nothing to work with. I don't have a phobia. I just dislike certain tastes, and my body seems to be allergic to anything hot (temp wise) or spicy because my mouth and tongue swell (you know when people say they burned their tongue? That's what happens to me and it lasts 2-3 days). The funny thing is, I've become SO MUCH MORE open to new foods than I was when I was younger. What I eat now is a very wide variety compared to what I used to eat.

Well, that's good progress. But you still can't give the host a list of acceptable menus. Either go and do your best to eat (or pretend to eat), or tell your host that you decline the invitation because you have food issues.

She KNOWS I like plain food. She's the type who pays very careful attention to what each person orders when we go out to eat in restaurants. She's even commented that I'm such a boring eater she'll have to have me over to her home for dinner to introduce me to new foods (which is why I've had her to MY house or gone to restaurants). I've been to a few parties at her house - once, it was all goat cheese and raw mozzarella with tomatoes and vinegar and dips (I drank water and ate crackers). Once, it was an Indian buffet (I drank water and ate plain naan. Once it was Mexican food (I drank water and ate plain tortilla chips). I have no problem not eating when there's nothing I like - the problem is I don't want to offend someone by not eating the food they've prepped and are serving. And she's TOTALLY the type not only to notice, but to comment. "Oh, you're not eating? You've only taken two bites. Don't you like it?" Then I feel stuck.

A party is better because there are too many people for her to notice what I'm eating. But this dinner will only be her immediate family and mine. When we've gone out as couples she's OBSESSED with what each person gets (it's honestly the only thing I don't like about her because she comments so much about it). Just to clarify: I would never dream of dictating the menu at someone else's house - I just gave a list of what other people have served when I've been a guest that I've enjoyed and been able to eat happily without giving it a second thought.

OP, you seriously don't think you need a food therapist?!

You really need to politely and simply decline. Please don't give her a list of personal instructions according to your abnormal tastes.