Weigh in: Who's right in this ridiculous same-day birthday party drama?

[Anonymous]

If the joint party happened, Jen would try and control what Kim already planned. Not fair. Glad it was cancelled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.. interesting how the responses changed when the thread was moved to Family Relationships (which is where I thought I had originally posted, oops).

Joint party was never going to happen. Aiden doesn’t care, he’s 3, the party is 7 weeks after his birthday, he’s never going to even connect the two events. Joint party was also never going to happen because DH and I don’t want one, and we get to choose these things. What if Aiden’s friend was having this party instead of his cousin? Should he be automatically included as a birthday kid just because “it’s not fair” otherwise?

Jen never had a party planned, therefore she didn’t cancel a party. She asked around because she was thinking of doing something for Aiden, then latched on to Isabelle’s party. She sent out evites to be passive-aggressive and garner sympathy, then “cancelled” the party so she could blame it on me. Isabelle is not a future Bridezilla (funny, you want to talk about Bridezillas… let me tell you about Jen’s wedding…) Aiden will probably not have an official 3rd birthday "party," and he will be completely happy. As I said, they went on an overnight trip to an event that was specifically for him, and I’m certain they had some kind of immediate-family-only celebration with a cupcake or whatever and sang to him. He had his moment on his birthday, and loved it, and has moved on. No, kids don't NEED brithday parties and if there was an event that Isabelle loved that corresponded with her birthday, we might have made the same choice. But that doesn't mean I would then decide that Aiden's birthday party now has to be a joint party because Isabelle didn't get one.

This is all pretty typical when dealing with Jen—“What, all I asked you to do was completely change your plans to accommodate me. Why are you making it so hard? Why can’t you just do it and keep the peace.” Jen has many, many options that don't include a joint party or having a party on this particular weekend. We're already a month plus out. She has another kid's birthday in August, why not give THEM a joint party?

OP, there is something wrong with hashing this all out on DCUM. Weird. Very, very weird.

You're so right pp. Nobody ever posts here about their issues with family.

To the degree of detail, vehemence and continued engagement as OP? If she isn't immersing herself (and an anonymous online forum!!) in heavy family drama then I don't know what else to say. She's never going to be able to deal when her kid gets older and we're talking about something beyond a 3-year-old's birthday party and her horrible, bitchy (who is the one REALLY into drama, apparently ) It is weird to have this much back and forth and explanation and defense and angst on a thread with strangers.

[Anonymous]

*horrible, bitchy sister

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't sympathize with you anymore. Your sister sounds difficult, but you don't shy away from drama yourself.

You originally posted asking who was in the right. You are both wrong. No one is right. Jen made things difficult, and you refused to compromise and made things MORE difficult. You got your way and I hope your satisfied, but you won't get a pat on the back from me. Too much drama, I'm glad you're not in my family.

[Anonymous]

All this drama for your kid when his birthday was two months prior? Why didn't you have a birthday party around his real party? Strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm with Kim, as long as she is willing to do the following:

For the love of god, please call your mutual relatives and urge them to go to Jen's party and not to yours. Assure them that when you return from vacation you will have a brunch or other casual gathering (not strictly a "birthday party") at which you will serve cake and the family can sing happy birthday to your DD. Do not lower yourself to Jen's level by putting everyone in the family in the spot of "choosing" between you, or running themselves between 2 different parties. Tell them not to come, and be sincere about it. Just do the friends party.

If Kim can do this, Kim wins. Otherwise, she is being almost as much as a PITA as Jen is.

YES, my thoughts exactly. The grandparents and the rest of the family have to deal with this drama too. What are they supposed to do? How are they supposed to choose which party to attend? If Kim doesn't give a shit whether they come to her party or not (as she says), then why not just do a friend-party and be done with it. The sisters are putting their parents and family in the middle of this, and don't seem to care a bit. Yes yes yes, Kim, please advise your parents and family to go to Jen's party with no ill-will whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

tl; dr

Get over yourself

[Anonymous]

While Jen sounds awful, kim isn't willing to see any fault in the sister relationship herself.


Team go away!

[Anonymous]

I'm totally team Kim. This same situation happened so many times during my childhood. My sister and my cousin had birthdays 2 days apart and there was always drama when joint parties happened. My cousin's mom was really irresponsible so my mother would plan out and pay for everything ahead of time and my aunt was supposed to reimburse afterwards but it rarely happened.

All of you suggesting a joint party have obviously never had to deal with fickle and irresponsible family members. Why should Kim have to compromise on her daughter's party? It's obvious that neither sister had planned to invite the other's child to the party (since they only learned about the other's plans when the party date drew near) which suggests an ongoing issue. Why turn a birthday party into a battleground just to have a joint party?

I would never do a joint party for my kid unless I could be assured that the other parents were going to be equal contributors and if it was logical (IE the kids have the same friends, the party theme/idea is the same etc.).