Weigh in: Who's right in this ridiculous same-day birthday party drama?

[Anonymous]

I love how everyone thinks joint party is the solution. While some of the same people (family) would be at both, there was also a desire to invite friends.
Family+Aiden's friends+Isabelle's friends=waaay more people than I want to deal with for a toddler's b-day party.

I find it interesting the the two sisters only found out the conflict because one sister mentioned it to some people, and then the other one mentioned it to some people, but neither got it directly from each other? If they always do family's at these kinds of things, why did notice about that potential party date get sent out to everyone at the same time. Makes me wonder if there is more going on between the sisters.

Wonder of OP will come back and reveal who she is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jen's a jerk for handling the invite thing that way, but Kim's at fault for not agreeing to the joint party in the first place.

Why is Jen announcing she's having a party on that day being a jerk, but Kim doing so was fine. Jen's the only one who offered a solution.

Because Kim let her know the day before she had settled on a date and Jen said "fine" and then announced hers on the same date anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jen's a jerk for handling the invite thing that way, but Kim's at fault for not agreeing to the joint party in the first place.

Why is Jen announcing she's having a party on that day being a jerk, but Kim doing so was fine. Jen's the only one who offered a solution.

Huh? Jen knew Kim's kid's party was planned for a specific day, and sent an invite before Kim did for that same day.

Kim and Jen found out that they were both planning a party for the same day at the same time. They both found out when they asked the same relative.

Jen then tried to find a solution and Kim, who said "No, not negotiating" so Jen didn't negotiate either and got her invite out first.

Are you Jen?

Must be Jen!

[Anonymous]

Is it me, or are these the worst sisters ever?

I'm hoping I know either Aiden or Isabella as my daughter is that age so I can go to a bitchy birthday party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jen's a jerk for handling the invite thing that way, but Kim's at fault for not agreeing to the joint party in the first place.

Why is Jen announcing she's having a party on that day being a jerk, but Kim doing so was fine. Jen's the only one who offered a solution.

Huh? Jen knew Kim's kid's party was planned for a specific day, and sent an invite before Kim did for that same day.

Kim and Jen found out that they were both planning a party for the same day at the same time. They both found out when they asked the same relative.

Jen then tried to find a solution and Kim, who said "No, not negotiating" so Jen didn't negotiate either and got her invite out first.

Can you read? Are you Jen?

Kim messages Jen to tell her that Isabelle’s party is definitely going to be on the day in question and gives her the time. Jen responds with “Fine.” The next day, Kim receives an e-vite, sent to the entire family, for Aiden’s birthday party on the same day.

My understanding is this.

Jen was planning a party.

Jen found out that Kim was also planning a party the same day.

Jen reached out to Kim.

Jen suggested a solution.

Kim rejected Jen's solution and sent a message saying "Isabelle's birthday is definitely going to be that day". Thereby signalling that she wasn't interested in problem solving.

Jen went ahead with her previous plans.

I think it's the other way - Kim was planning a party. Jen found out and wanted the same day?

[Anonymous]

The reason they CAN'T have a joint party is obvious from the original post. Can you imagine these two working together to host??

[Anonymous]

Team Kim.

Closer to her kid's birthday. Wants to have a birthday party for her child, not a general party that ignores all of the normal birthday rituals. Offered alternatives to her sister, even gave a heads-up that she was sticking to the date. Has since learned that she shouldn't have said anything until AFTER her list started RSVP'ing.

Team Kim.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I’m Kim. The major point that couldn’t originally be disclosed is that Jen is CRAZY and has a history of not bothering to do things until someone else is doing them, then saying “Hey, we’ll do it together.” Then contributing nothing and being shocked when the other person is annoyed. I agree the family drama is ridiculous and I’m certainly doing my part but not agreeing to her “solutions.” I assumed, since she said nothing about a party for Aiden, that the weekend trip was his celebration, and there have been three weekends since his birthday that could have been party dates.

Joint party—no, DH and I already worked on a theme that our kid chose and created activities for the mixed-age group we planned to have. Yes, my kid is only 3, but she deserves her own day. For what it’s worth, my sister also suggested joint baby showers (Aiden is her 3rd kid and 2nd boy). We have a small house and a small yard and are planning a small party with a few children from preschool, a few neighbors, and family. About 20 people total. A joint party, including Aiden’s guests (read: my sister’s friends and their kids), makes it much bigger than we anticipated or can probably handle. I don't think I'm being unreasonable to expect that I can say no to a joint birthday party with my nephew whose birthday was more than a month before. I would be fine if relatives came and brought gifts for Aiden, since he didn't have a family party, but this is Isabelle's birthday party.

At this point, I don’t care if I’m being a jerk. Our party is this day at this time, I already printed the invitations. Family can come if they want, or go to Aiden's party. Most of them know how Jen can be. We never got along as kids, and haven’t made much progress since.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jen's a jerk for handling the invite thing that way, but Kim's at fault for not agreeing to the joint party in the first place.

Why is Jen announcing she's having a party on that day being a jerk, but Kim doing so was fine. Jen's the only one who offered a solution.

Huh? Jen knew Kim's kid's party was planned for a specific day, and sent an invite before Kim did for that same day.

Kim and Jen found out that they were both planning a party for the same day at the same time. They both found out when they asked the same relative.

Jen then tried to find a solution and Kim, who said "No, not negotiating" so Jen didn't negotiate either and got her invite out first.

Can you read? Are you Jen?

Kim messages Jen to tell her that Isabelle’s party is definitely going to be on the day in question and gives her the time. Jen responds with “Fine.” The next day, Kim receives an e-vite, sent to the entire family, for Aiden’s birthday party on the same day.

My understanding is this.

Jen was planning a party.

Jen found out that Kim was also planning a party the same day.

Jen reached out to Kim.

Jen suggested a solution.

Kim rejected Jen's solution and sent a message saying "Isabelle's birthday is definitely going to be that day". Thereby signalling that she wasn't interested in problem solving.

Jen went ahead with her previous plans.

I think it's the other way - Kim was planning a party. Jen found out and wanted the same day?

No, the OP is pretty clear that Jen was planning a party and had talked some relatives, and then Kim mentioned to the same relative that she was thinking of having a party that day. Jen then reached out and suggested solutions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get together once a month as a family and celebrate everyone who had a birthday since the last get-together (siblings, kids, parents). Then have separate parties for school friends or other neighbors. As the kids get older and have more activities, it's not feasible to reserve everyone in the family for every individual birthday (witness what is happening with travel and vacations).

Best to let go of expectations that everybody has a big family blow-out every time and find a way to make it work.

My thoughts exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m Kim. The major point that couldn’t originally be disclosed is that Jen is CRAZY and has a history of not bothering to do things until someone else is doing them, then saying “Hey, we’ll do it together.” Then contributing nothing and being shocked when the other person is annoyed. I agree the family drama is ridiculous and I’m certainly doing my part but not agreeing to her “solutions.” I assumed, since she said nothing about a party for Aiden, that the weekend trip was his celebration, and there have been three weekends since his birthday that could have been party dates.

Joint party—no, DH and I already worked on a theme that our kid chose and created activities for the mixed-age group we planned to have. Yes, my kid is only 3, but she deserves her own day. For what it’s worth, my sister also suggested joint baby showers (Aiden is her 3rd kid and 2nd boy). We have a small house and a small yard and are planning a small party with a few children from preschool, a few neighbors, and family. About 20 people total. A joint party, including Aiden’s guests (read: my sister’s friends and their kids), makes it much bigger than we anticipated or can probably handle. I don't think I'm being unreasonable to expect that I can say no to a joint birthday party with my nephew whose birthday was more than a month before. I would be fine if relatives came and brought gifts for Aiden, since he didn't have a family party, but this is Isabelle's birthday party.

At this point, I don’t care if I’m being a jerk. Our party is this day at this time, I already printed the invitations. Family can come if they want, or go to Aiden's party. Most of them know how Jen can be. We never got along as kids, and haven’t made much progress since.

Youre being a complete jerk, good thing you're okay with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m Kim. The major point that couldn’t originally be disclosed is that Jen is CRAZY and has a history of not bothering to do things until someone else is doing them, then saying “Hey, we’ll do it together.” Then contributing nothing and being shocked when the other person is annoyed. I agree the family drama is ridiculous and I’m certainly doing my part but not agreeing to her “solutions.” I assumed, since she said nothing about a party for Aiden, that the weekend trip was his celebration, and there have been three weekends since his birthday that could have been party dates.

Joint party—no, DH and I already worked on a theme that our kid chose and created activities for the mixed-age group we planned to have. Yes, my kid is only 3, but she deserves her own day. For what it’s worth, my sister also suggested joint baby showers (Aiden is her 3rd kid and 2nd boy). We have a small house and a small yard and are planning a small party with a few children from preschool, a few neighbors, and family. About 20 people total. A joint party, including Aiden’s guests (read: my sister’s friends and their kids), makes it much bigger than we anticipated or can probably handle. I don't think I'm being unreasonable to expect that I can say no to a joint birthday party with my nephew whose birthday was more than a month before. I would be fine if relatives came and brought gifts for Aiden, since he didn't have a family party, but this is Isabelle's birthday party.

At this point, I don’t care if I’m being a jerk. Our party is this day at this time, I already printed the invitations. Family can come if they want, or go to Aiden's party. Most of them know how Jen can be. We never got along as kids, and haven’t made much progress since.

This is a good reason not to have a joint party. As is not having space for more guests. Unless Jen had a bigger house and yard and was willing to host, you're constrained by your space limitations.

And honestly, a birthday party a month after the kid's birthday is just dumb. They took a weekend trip. That's a birthday celebration.

[Anonymous]

I don't think she's being a jerk. I think a joint party, when people who don't know both kids are invited, is just awkward. I would have suggested the Sat/Sun solution. Not sure why that didn't happen in the end, since surely it's rougher on the gp's to have the party on the same day instead of the next day.

[Anonymous]

OP, the thing is, you really didn't give Jen any options that could possibly have worked for her. You not come to her party when she was coming to yours? Her having the party a weekend she couldn't do it? It seems like you heard she was planning a party for Aiden and immediately decided you were not going to make any concessions to her before you even began -- you stuck to your date and your original plan and didn't budge at all. Even if your sister is a PITA, you should have given her something to work with because now you are putting your family and your kids in a really awkward position, and you two are going to remember and resent this forever now.

[Anonymous]

Joint family party. Separate parties for friends, one party on Sat and the other party on Sunday in case the cousins want to attend each other's parties.

Both were wrong. Kim unilaterally said her kid's party was X date, which is not that different from Jen sending out the evites for that date.

You are both putting your family members in a very awkward position of having to choose. For example, what are your parents supposed to do?? Kim, what's the big deal about having your kid's party before her actual birthday? She's three. It's not a big event on the world stage.