Weigh in: Who's right in this ridiculous same-day birthday party drama?

[Anonymous]

No, the OP is pretty clear that Jen was planning a party and had talked some relatives, and then Kim mentioned to the same relative that she was thinking of having a party that day. Jen then reached out and suggested solutions.

But the party Jen was planning was the weekend directly after the other child's brithday. Is it unreasonable to expect that Kim would also be planning for that weekend, and maybe check in before diving in to her own party planning? Nobody knows who started party-planning first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m Kim. The major point that couldn’t originally be disclosed is that Jen is CRAZY and has a history of not bothering to do things until someone else is doing them, then saying “Hey, we’ll do it together.” Then contributing nothing and being shocked when the other person is annoyed. I agree the family drama is ridiculous and I’m certainly doing my part but not agreeing to her “solutions.” I assumed, since she said nothing about a party for Aiden, that the weekend trip was his celebration, and there have been three weekends since his birthday that could have been party dates.

Joint party—no, DH and I already worked on a theme that our kid chose and created activities for the mixed-age group we planned to have. Yes, my kid is only 3, but she deserves her own day. For what it’s worth, my sister also suggested joint baby showers (Aiden is her 3rd kid and 2nd boy). We have a small house and a small yard and are planning a small party with a few children from preschool, a few neighbors, and family. About 20 people total. A joint party, including Aiden’s guests (read: my sister’s friends and their kids), makes it much bigger than we anticipated or can probably handle. I don't think I'm being unreasonable to expect that I can say no to a joint birthday party with my nephew whose birthday was more than a month before. I would be fine if relatives came and brought gifts for Aiden, since he didn't have a family party, but this is Isabelle's birthday party.

At this point, I don’t care if I’m being a jerk. Our party is this day at this time, I already printed the invitations. Family can come if they want, or go to Aiden's party. Most of them know how Jen can be. We never got along as kids, and haven’t made much progress since.

NP: FWIW, I was not crazy about the joint party solution. Seems like a no winner all around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jen used her kid's birthday weekend for a trip which to me reads as a you snooze you lose. However, she had the best idea on trying to make it a joint party. Kim should've agreed...what was so bad about a joint party?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m Kim. The major point that couldn’t originally be disclosed is that Jen is CRAZY and has a history of not bothering to do things until someone else is doing them, then saying “Hey, we’ll do it together.” Then contributing nothing and being shocked when the other person is annoyed. I agree the family drama is ridiculous and I’m certainly doing my part but not agreeing to her “solutions.” I assumed, since she said nothing about a party for Aiden, that the weekend trip was his celebration, and there have been three weekends since his birthday that could have been party dates.

Joint party—no, DH and I already worked on a theme that our kid chose and created activities for the mixed-age group we planned to have. Yes, my kid is only 3, but she deserves her own day. For what it’s worth, my sister also suggested joint baby showers (Aiden is her 3rd kid and 2nd boy). We have a small house and a small yard and are planning a small party with a few children from preschool, a few neighbors, and family. About 20 people total. A joint party, including Aiden’s guests (read: my sister’s friends and their kids), makes it much bigger than we anticipated or can probably handle. I don't think I'm being unreasonable to expect that I can say no to a joint birthday party with my nephew whose birthday was more than a month before. I would be fine if relatives came and brought gifts for Aiden, since he didn't have a family party, but this is Isabelle's birthday party.

At this point, I don’t care if I’m being a jerk. Our party is this day at this time, I already printed the invitations. Family can come if they want, or go to Aiden's party. Most of them know how Jen can be. We never got along as kids, and haven’t made much progress since.

This is way too complex for me (not gifted!) but there are people who "hang on" to others people plans. It is very annoying. So maybe Jen waited to do just that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the thing is, you really didn't give Jen any options that could possibly have worked for her. You not come to her party when she was coming to yours? Her having the party a weekend she couldn't do it? It seems like you heard she was planning a party for Aiden and immediately decided you were not going to make any concessions to her before you even began -- you stuck to your date and your original plan and didn't budge at all. Even if your sister is a PITA, you should have given her something to work with because now you are putting your family and your kids in a really awkward position, and you two are going to remember and resent this forever now.

It's not Kim's job to give Jen options. Jen had a month of options prior to Kim's party to plan whatever she wanted.

Team Kim here, and I think Kim wins. Avoiding the crazy is definitely a win.

Just say no to drama. Keep calm and save the date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the thing is, you really didn't give Jen any options that could possibly have worked for her. You not come to her party when she was coming to yours? Her having the party a weekend she couldn't do it? It seems like you heard she was planning a party for Aiden and immediately decided you were not going to make any concessions to her before you even began -- you stuck to your date and your original plan and didn't budge at all. Even if your sister is a PITA, you should have given her something to work with because now you are putting your family and your kids in a really awkward position, and you two are going to remember and resent this forever now.

OP again. This is somewhat, though not totally true. My solution is: Aiden's brithday was a month ago and you took him on a family trip to see an event that was specific to his interests. If you want to celebrate with family and friends near his birthday, you had three weekends since then to make it happen. We are sticking to our date because that's the date that our guests indicated was most convenient and they could come. The next weekend we'll be away, the weekend before is too soon for us, and honestly, we just prefer to have her party near her birthday.

And really, she's getting a total pass for sending out the evite (I told her about the invitations I made up and was clearly going to mail) right after I gave her our party info? I guarantee that she has done not one thing to prepare for this party other then send the evite and complain to our mother.

[Anonymous]

Curious, who is older? Jen or Kim?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the thing is, you really didn't give Jen any options that could possibly have worked for her. You not come to her party when she was coming to yours? Her having the party a weekend she couldn't do it? It seems like you heard she was planning a party for Aiden and immediately decided you were not going to make any concessions to her before you even began -- you stuck to your date and your original plan and didn't budge at all. Even if your sister is a PITA, you should have given her something to work with because now you are putting your family and your kids in a really awkward position, and you two are going to remember and resent this forever now.

OP again. This is somewhat, though not totally true. My solution is: Aiden's brithday was a month ago and you took him on a family trip to see an event that was specific to his interests. If you want to celebrate with family and friends near his birthday, you had three weekends since then to make it happen. We are sticking to our date because that's the date that our guests indicated was most convenient and they could come. The next weekend we'll be away, the weekend before is too soon for us, and honestly, we just prefer to have her party near her birthday.

And really, she's getting a total pass for sending out the evite (I told her about the invitations I made up and was clearly going to mail) right after I gave her our party info? I guarantee that she has done not one thing to prepare for this party other then send the evite and complain to our mother.

In the first post you didn't mention that Aiden's trip had anything to do with Aiden's interest, and you said that she had started inviting other people when she found out you were doing the same. Why is your story changing?

I'm also unclear as to why Aiden shouldn't get a birthday party because his family took a trip near his birthday, but you're taking a trip a week after Isabelle's party.

[Anonymous]

Jen is upset that Kim was "asking around" re: family availability - and not making a phone call to Jen a first priority.

Does seem like that should have been priority #1.

That is the kind of treatment sisters expect.

[Anonymous]

What is with kids having a party every damn year?? I had like three total growing up and lived to tell about it... And had less crap that ended up on the landfill or goodwill. Have parties for meaningful years... Turning 5 and going to school, turning ten and being double digits, turning 13 and being a teen.. Things like that. Anything more is greedy and gift grubby.

[Anonymous]

Kim - ss soon as Aiden's actualy birthday had come & gone and no invitation to an Aiden party had been sent out, you should have jumped on a specific date, nailed it down.

I'm quessing you know your sister, but the 2 of you have a history of non-cooperation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jen is upset that Kim was "asking around" re: family availability - and not making a phone call to Jen a first priority.

Does seem like that should have been priority #1.

That is the kind of treatment sisters expect.

Why would she call Jen before other family members? Why was Jen's schedule the most important? How could she have possibly known that Jen would want to have a party for her son a month after his birthday?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is with kids having a party every damn year?? I had like three total growing up and lived to tell about it... And had less crap that ended up on the landfill or goodwill. Have parties for meaningful years... Turning 5 and going to school, turning ten and being double digits, turning 13 and being a teen.. Things like that. Anything more is greedy and gift grubby.

There's this. I certainly didn't have a big party every year, and most of my friends and classmates didn't, either.

[Anonymous]

Here's the thing, OP/Kim. There are obviously issues between you and your sister that go beyond this party. For example, I'm not sure why it's relevant how many kids either of you have - it's almost like you think your kid's birthday is more special because you have fewer children.

Yes, she waited too long and should have had his party earlier. But it's hardly a big deal to have a 3 year old's party a few days before their actual birthday - seriously? It also seems like you were hell-bent on "your" day and weren't willing to compromise at all (per your last sentence, you basically ignored her attempts to make it work and said, this is what we're doing, screw you).

You both sound obnoxious, to be honest. I was with her until the Evite, but maybe she got sick of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Joint party—no, DH and I already worked on a theme that our kid chose and created activities for the mixed-age group we planned to have. Yes, my kid is only 3, but she deserves her own day.

There is a lot of drama in these two sentences.