Weigh in: Who's right in this ridiculous same-day birthday party drama?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, Kim should have been flexible with the joint party. The first mistake was on her.

Jen was a bitch to send an evite for Aiden's party without talking to Kim.

Both were wrong, but Kim could have avoided the whole thing by having a joint party. You're family, they are only three. The kids would love it I'm sure.

Kim's party has a larger scope and invite list not just family. Jen is late late late.

Perhaps they can have a family joint party and if certain family members want to go to the friends one too they can.

[Anonymous]

OP - I posted earlier that I thought you should do a joint party. Now that you've given more info, I totally get why you don't want to. But the real problem with this is that even if you are in the right - and I think there are way more shades of gray than right or wrong here - this is not really about you and your sister. The real losers are Aiden and Isabelle (and I have an almost 3 year-old who has been to so many birthday parties lately that he's been talking about having a 3rd birthday party for a solid six months, and his birthday is still a month or two away ..) and your families who would probably love to celebrate both children, and probably also don't really want to go to two preschool birthday parties. You know how your sister is and you know now that she'll do this again. Going forward, can't you think of ways to be the bigger person and still give your kid a wonderful celebration? When Isabelle is old enough to understand, I bet she'd pick a joint party with her cousin over a party without her family or with a super stressed family ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m Kim. The major point that couldn’t originally be disclosed is that Jen is CRAZY and has a history of not bothering to do things until someone else is doing them, then saying “Hey, we’ll do it together.” Then contributing nothing and being shocked when the other person is annoyed. I agree the family drama is ridiculous and I’m certainly doing my part but not agreeing to her “solutions.” I assumed, since she said nothing about a party for Aiden, that the weekend trip was his celebration, and there have been three weekends since his birthday that could have been party dates.

Joint party—no, DH and I already worked on a theme that our kid chose and created activities for the mixed-age group we planned to have. Yes, my kid is only 3, but she deserves her own day. For what it’s worth, my sister also suggested joint baby showers (Aiden is her 3rd kid and 2nd boy). We have a small house and a small yard and are planning a small party with a few children from preschool, a few neighbors, and family. About 20 people total. A joint party, including Aiden’s guests (read: my sister’s friends and their kids), makes it much bigger than we anticipated or can probably handle. I don't think I'm being unreasonable to expect that I can say no to a joint birthday party with my nephew whose birthday was more than a month before. I would be fine if relatives came and brought gifts for Aiden, since he didn't have a family party, but this is Isabelle's birthday party.

At this point, I don’t care if I’m being a jerk. Our party is this day at this time, I already printed the invitations. Family can come if they want, or go to Aiden's party. Most of them know how Jen can be. We never got along as kids, and haven’t made much progress since.

You're not a jerk, your sister is.

You need to start sending out the invites earlier, though. End of June is like 2-3 weeks away. If I had a crazy sister like this, I'd send out invites 4-6 weeks in advance! (Heck, I don't have a crazy sister and I do that, because everyone is so freaking busy in DC on summer weekends )

You should accept the joint birthday and then, since she contributes nothing to that sort of thing, it will by default just be Isabella's birthday, with a cake only with her name, etc (I'm guessing she won't have her act together to get a cake, etc, so just do your thing and the act shocked -- SHOCKED -- that she didn't bring Aiden a cake or that you don't have Aiden's name on anything).

I think PP is kidding, but please don't do this. Aiden is 3. Old enough to get it and young enough to be tantrum-y sad about it. I don't know who all these people who swear their children don't need birthday parties are. My almost three year-old TOTALLY gets it and is really really excited for his birthday. Please forget about your annoying sister and think about your nephew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jen's wrong. Kim clearly and reasonably wants her kid's bday party to be the weekend after her bday. That makes perfect sense. It makes no sense at all to insist on a specific date for Aiden's party that is now at least a month a way from his actual bday. Jen decided not to have a party for her son and to go on a trip - a perfectly acceptable and reasonably decision. She can't undo that now and expect the rest of the family to deal with her very-belated-bday party scheduling.

I also think the grandparents are making this too difficult by insisting they not be on a sat and sunday.

I'll also say that I'd be furious at my sisters if they were either Kim or Jen. I would hope two sisters would be able to work out details of this without all the drama.

+1 Jen is out of line trying to make her sister accommodate her plans. WTF?

[Anonymous]

Team Jen. Kim is being the bitch. Refuses to compromise. Joint party is the right answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I think PP is kidding, but please don't do this. Aiden is 3. Old enough to get it and young enough to be tantrum-y sad about it. I don't know who all these people who swear their children don't need birthday parties are. My almost three year-old TOTALLY gets it and is really really excited for his birthday. Please forget about your annoying sister and think about your nephew.

Children do not need birthday parties. They might really, really want one, sure. But they don't need them. When I was growing up, it was really unusual for kids not yet in elementary school to have anything but a small family party, and most elementary-aged kids didn't have a big party every year. And Aiden got a special weekend trip to celebrate his birthday, so it's not like no party means no recognition.

[Anonymous]

I am unclear whether either Jen or Kim is actually trying to host a birthday party for their child so their child can have fun celebrating their birthday OR if they are trying to host family get togethers and slip in the birthday party as a bonus.

Families do not need to attend every child's birthday party. it's really ok if they don't and most of them don't really want to anyway despite they way the effuse and tell you they do.

If you want to host a family get together, do so when you can and feel free to provide a cake at that time for your child and call it a late bday celebration. No 3 yr old I have ever met is unhappy to have cake or turn down the chance to blow out candles. They also are happy to celebrate their birthday over and over again.

If you want to host a birthday party for your child, pick a date, venue, them, whatever, make a guest list that includes children that your child actually knows and send out invites. Some people will make it and some won't. It won't be any less exciting or special to a 3 yr old because they honestly don't care. They have friends, they eat cake, maybe some ice cream and run around and play. They are happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kim should have agreed to a joint party. Get over yourself.

While I don't think Jen should be bothering with a birthday party this late after the actual birthday, I agree that Kim should agree to a joint party. It would be easier on everyone, especially the older folks. The fact that the reason against the joint party is not given makes me think it's a lame excusem(and that OP is Kim).

WTG, for putting all of your family members in a horribly awkward situation,ladies!

[Anonymous]

You should've agreed to the joint party. Jen is being a jerk, but why not have the joint party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Joint party—no, DH and I already worked on a theme that our kid chose and created activities for the mixed-age group we planned to have. Yes, my kid is only 3, but she deserves her own day.

There is a lot of drama in these two sentences.

She is definitely raising a future Bridezilla!


OP, you say Jen doesn't plan and gloms onto yours. You had a theme set. That's great, as she probably wouldn't have fought you on it for the joint party. Her doing nothing to help plan means you would have gotten to do what you want. I think you should put up with the crazy to avoid inconveniencing everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Well, now that Jen has cancelled the party I guess Kim wins. Hope she's happy!

[Anonymous]

This thread makes me appreciate that I only have a brother!

[Anonymous]

OP here.. interesting how the responses changed when the thread was moved to Family Relationships (which is where I thought I had originally posted, oops).

Joint party was never going to happen. Aiden doesn’t care, he’s 3, the party is 7 weeks after his birthday, he’s never going to even connect the two events. Joint party was also never going to happen because DH and I don’t want one, and we get to choose these things. What if Aiden’s friend was having this party instead of his cousin? Should he be automatically included as a birthday kid just because “it’s not fair” otherwise?

Jen never had a party planned, therefore she didn’t cancel a party. She asked around because she was thinking of doing something for Aiden, then latched on to Isabelle’s party. She sent out evites to be passive-aggressive and garner sympathy, then “cancelled” the party so she could blame it on me. Isabelle is not a future Bridezilla (funny, you want to talk about Bridezillas… let me tell you about Jen’s wedding…) Aiden will probably not have an official 3rd birthday "party," and he will be completely happy. As I said, they went on an overnight trip to an event that was specifically for him, and I’m certain they had some kind of immediate-family-only celebration with a cupcake or whatever and sang to him. He had his moment on his birthday, and loved it, and has moved on. No, kids don't NEED brithday parties and if there was an event that Isabelle loved that corresponded with her birthday, we might have made the same choice. But that doesn't mean I would then decide that Aiden's birthday party now has to be a joint party because Isabelle didn't get one.

This is all pretty typical when dealing with Jen—“What, all I asked you to do was completely change your plans to accommodate me. Why are you making it so hard? Why can’t you just do it and keep the peace.” Jen has many, many options that don't include a joint party or having a party on this particular weekend. We're already a month plus out. She has another kid's birthday in August, why not give THEM a joint party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.. interesting how the responses changed when the thread was moved to Family Relationships (which is where I thought I had originally posted, oops).

Joint party was never going to happen. Aiden doesn’t care, he’s 3, the party is 7 weeks after his birthday, he’s never going to even connect the two events. Joint party was also never going to happen because DH and I don’t want one, and we get to choose these things. What if Aiden’s friend was having this party instead of his cousin? Should he be automatically included as a birthday kid just because “it’s not fair” otherwise?

Jen never had a party planned, therefore she didn’t cancel a party. She asked around because she was thinking of doing something for Aiden, then latched on to Isabelle’s party. She sent out evites to be passive-aggressive and garner sympathy, then “cancelled” the party so she could blame it on me. Isabelle is not a future Bridezilla (funny, you want to talk about Bridezillas… let me tell you about Jen’s wedding…) Aiden will probably not have an official 3rd birthday "party," and he will be completely happy. As I said, they went on an overnight trip to an event that was specifically for him, and I’m certain they had some kind of immediate-family-only celebration with a cupcake or whatever and sang to him. He had his moment on his birthday, and loved it, and has moved on. No, kids don't NEED brithday parties and if there was an event that Isabelle loved that corresponded with her birthday, we might have made the same choice. But that doesn't mean I would then decide that Aiden's birthday party now has to be a joint party because Isabelle didn't get one.

This is all pretty typical when dealing with Jen—“What, all I asked you to do was completely change your plans to accommodate me. Why are you making it so hard? Why can’t you just do it and keep the peace.” Jen has many, many options that don't include a joint party or having a party on this particular weekend. We're already a month plus out. She has another kid's birthday in August, why not give THEM a joint party?

OP, there is something wrong with hashing this all out on DCUM. Weird. Very, very weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.. interesting how the responses changed when the thread was moved to Family Relationships (which is where I thought I had originally posted, oops).

Joint party was never going to happen. Aiden doesn’t care, he’s 3, the party is 7 weeks after his birthday, he’s never going to even connect the two events. Joint party was also never going to happen because DH and I don’t want one, and we get to choose these things. What if Aiden’s friend was having this party instead of his cousin? Should he be automatically included as a birthday kid just because “it’s not fair” otherwise?

Jen never had a party planned, therefore she didn’t cancel a party. She asked around because she was thinking of doing something for Aiden, then latched on to Isabelle’s party. She sent out evites to be passive-aggressive and garner sympathy, then “cancelled” the party so she could blame it on me. Isabelle is not a future Bridezilla (funny, you want to talk about Bridezillas… let me tell you about Jen’s wedding…) Aiden will probably not have an official 3rd birthday "party," and he will be completely happy. As I said, they went on an overnight trip to an event that was specifically for him, and I’m certain they had some kind of immediate-family-only celebration with a cupcake or whatever and sang to him. He had his moment on his birthday, and loved it, and has moved on. No, kids don't NEED brithday parties and if there was an event that Isabelle loved that corresponded with her birthday, we might have made the same choice. But that doesn't mean I would then decide that Aiden's birthday party now has to be a joint party because Isabelle didn't get one.

This is all pretty typical when dealing with Jen—“What, all I asked you to do was completely change your plans to accommodate me. Why are you making it so hard? Why can’t you just do it and keep the peace.” Jen has many, many options that don't include a joint party or having a party on this particular weekend. We're already a month plus out. She has another kid's birthday in August, why not give THEM a joint party?

OP, there is something wrong with hashing this all out on DCUM. Weird. Very, very weird.

You're so right pp. Nobody ever posts here about their issues with family.