Weigh in: Who's right in this ridiculous same-day birthday party drama?

[Anonymous]

Oh the joy of having family (sister) close. Unfortunately it doesn't make for feeling close to family (sister).

[Anonymous]

I bet all of the people responding about letting it go and being the bigger person and working it out don't have a sister living close by with kids the same age!!! Not that easy in practice no matter how good intentions are from both people.

[Anonymous]

Apropos of another thread, thanks for making me feel better about my secondary infertility!

[Anonymous]

Joint party and K.I.S.S. Who cares if the celebration is before he actual day (the importance of the chronology makes no sense to me).

Though I have to say, there's a lot of immaturity running throughout...

If a joint party or next-day party plans cannot be reconciled, host one of the parties a full month later. Three year olds do. not. care. Preserve the unity and happiness of the family. Next year, get it together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Joint party—no, DH and I already worked on a theme that our kid chose and created activities for the mixed-age group we planned to have. Yes, my kid is only 3, but she deserves her own day.

There is a lot of drama in these two sentences.

Agreed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the thing is, you really didn't give Jen any options that could possibly have worked for her. You not come to her party when she was coming to yours? Her having the party a weekend she couldn't do it? It seems like you heard she was planning a party for Aiden and immediately decided you were not going to make any concessions to her before you even began -- you stuck to your date and your original plan and didn't budge at all. Even if your sister is a PITA, you should have given her something to work with because now you are putting your family and your kids in a really awkward position, and you two are going to remember and resent this forever now.

OP again. This is somewhat, though not totally true. My solution is: Aiden's brithday was a month ago and you took him on a family trip to see an event that was specific to his interests. If you want to celebrate with family and friends near his birthday, you had three weekends since then to make it happen. We are sticking to our date because that's the date that our guests indicated was most convenient and they could come. The next weekend we'll be away, the weekend before is too soon for us, and honestly, we just prefer to have her party near her birthday.

And really, she's getting a total pass for sending out the evite (I told her about the invitations I made up and was clearly going to mail) right after I gave her our party info? I guarantee that she has done not one thing to prepare for this party other then send the evite and complain to our mother.

Your "solution" is that your sister should have had the party in the past and shouldn't have one now? That is really less of a "solution" and more of a "hey fuck you!"

When you are dealing with difficult people who cause drama, I think if you want to avoid drama you need to give them something that they can latch onto and then go away. If you thwart them at every turn they are going to chew some scenery in your honor. Oh well. Have fun!

[Anonymous]

Have the party the day you had planned op. If your family can't go, so be it. I bet they will divide their time though.

[Anonymous]

I'm with Kim, as long as she is willing to do the following:

For the love of god, please call your mutual relatives and urge them to go to Jen's party and not to yours. Assure them that when you return from vacation you will have a brunch or other casual gathering (not strictly a "birthday party") at which you will serve cake and the family can sing happy birthday to your DD. Do not lower yourself to Jen's level by putting everyone in the family in the spot of "choosing" between you, or running themselves between 2 different parties. Tell them not to come, and be sincere about it. Just do the friends party.

If Kim can do this, Kim wins. Otherwise, she is being almost as much as a PITA as Jen is.

[Anonymous]

In the first post you didn't mention that Aiden's trip had anything to do with Aiden's interest, and you said that she had started inviting other people when she found out you were doing the same. Why is your story changing?

The story isn't changing. I said they took a family overnight trip on his birthday weekend in my OP. The family trip was out of town at an event that directly corresponds to his interests. I was being more specific to indicate that it was clearly a trip for him, not just a family vacation that happened to be that weekend. And neither of us were inviting anyone--we were both more or less asking different people "would you be free on this date?"

I don't know why I mentioned the number of children we have. I don't think my kid is "more special" because she's one of two vs. one of four.

Who's ready for the best part? As I've been following this thread, I've been hashing some things out over email with my sister (we're both clearly very busy at work). As per her passive-aggressive crazy, I just received an evite notice that her "event" has been cancelled and her latest response is "Whatever, Aiden just won't have a birthday party."

[Anonymous]

OP again, ah, quote fail on me above. And I didn't identify myself. But there it is, I wrote what's quoted, and was quoting what's not.

[Anonymous]

Kim, if your party is for your child's peers, then keep it at that. Don't involve your family in a competition to see which party they'll show up to. Please be gracious and rise above, even if you think you're right and your sister is wrong. The kids and the family are the ones who will suffer.

When you ask "who is right," it belies a bit of your own immaturity. The real question is "what will make this right?" Start with that and proceed.

[Anonymous]

OP, as of right now are both parties planned for the exact same time? Or are they staggered ( one at 11, one at 3)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's the thing, OP/Kim. There are obviously issues between you and your sister that go beyond this party. For example, I'm not sure why it's relevant how many kids either of you have - it's almost like you think your kid's birthday is more special because you have fewer children.

I took this not to be about the birthday party, but about past history: the fact that the sister (who was having her 3rd child) wanted to horn in on the OP's baby shower (for her first child). Which would annoy me...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's the thing, OP/Kim. There are obviously issues between you and your sister that go beyond this party. For example, I'm not sure why it's relevant how many kids either of you have - it's almost like you think your kid's birthday is more special because you have fewer children.

I took this not to be about the birthday party, but about past history: the fact that the sister (who was having her 3rd child) wanted to horn in on the OP's baby shower (for her first child). Which would annoy me...

The baby shower wasn't mentioned in that original post that included the number of kids ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

In the first post you didn't mention that Aiden's trip had anything to do with Aiden's interest, and you said that she had started inviting other people when she found out you were doing the same. Why is your story changing?

The story isn't changing. I said they took a family overnight trip on his birthday weekend in my OP. The family trip was out of town at an event that directly corresponds to his interests. I was being more specific to indicate that it was clearly a trip for him, not just a family vacation that happened to be that weekend. And neither of us were inviting anyone--we were both more or less asking different people "would you be free on this date?"

I don't know why I mentioned the number of children we have. I don't think my kid is "more special" because she's one of two vs. one of four.

Who's ready for the best part? As I've been following this thread, I've been hashing some things out over email with my sister (we're both clearly very busy at work). As per her passive-aggressive crazy, I just received an evite notice that her "event" has been cancelled and her latest response is "Whatever, Aiden just won't have a birthday party."

This doesn't sound that crazy to me. Frustrated and defeated, yes. Your sister gave in and cancelled her party so it wouldn't compete with yours. Why don't you try out being nice now for a change?