Do I Tell My Husband's Mistress's Husband About the Affair?

[Anonymous]

You should mind your own business. Because

1) if he loses his job , he may not get another , then you and the kids are exposed to poverty.
2) OW husband may be crazy and kill his wife your husband and children to destroy your husbands world.
3) what is the effect of chaos on your children's present and future. Kids come before everything.
4) by blabbing for short term satisfaction , long term choices are made and there is no recourse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should mind your own business. Because

1) if he loses his job , he may not get another , then you and the kids are exposed to poverty.
2) OW husband may be crazy and kill his wife your husband and children to destroy your husbands world.
3) what is the effect of chaos on your children's present and future. Kids come before everything.
4) by blabbing for short term satisfaction , long term choices are made and there is no recourse.

Her husband and OW made it her business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should mind your own business. Because

1) if he loses his job , he may not get another , then you and the kids are exposed to poverty.
2) OW husband may be crazy and kill his wife your husband and children to destroy your husbands world.
3) what is the effect of chaos on your children's present and future. Kids come before everything.
4) by blabbing for short term satisfaction , long term choices are made and there is no recourse.

Her husband and OW made it her business.

So. Put your kids in danger . Your short term anger is more important?

Sounds good in theory ,. The real life ramifications will potentially be forever and it only has negative, no positive for the kids up to and including potential murder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should mind your own business. Because

1) if he loses his job , he may not get another , then you and the kids are exposed to poverty.
2) OW husband may be crazy and kill his wife your husband and children to destroy your husbands world.
3) what is the effect of chaos on your children's present and future. Kids come before everything.
4) by blabbing for short term satisfaction , long term choices are made and there is no recourse.

Her husband and OW made it her business.

So. Put your kids in danger . Your short term anger is more important?

Sounds good in theory ,. The real life ramifications will potentially be forever and it only has negative, no positive for the kids up to and including potential murder.

Being that fearful of other people must be a tense way to live. "He's stealing my lunch money but I better not say anything because he might get mad."

[Anonymous]

hey everyone! the OW's husband could go nuts and burn down the OM's house.... you know? cause women don't have the rights to being the crazy one all the time.

I would tell and deal with the consequences because I'm not really afraid of anyone til they give me a reason but I'm mad at everyone saying the OW might be crazy when her husband could be, or neither of them could be.

just because she's having an affair doesn't make her crazy... lots of other things but crazy doesn't have to be one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should mind your own business. Because

1) if he loses his job , he may not get another , then you and the kids are exposed to poverty.
2) OW husband may be crazy and kill his wife your husband and children to destroy your husbands world.
3) what is the effect of chaos on your children's present and future. Kids come before everything.
4) by blabbing for short term satisfaction , long term choices are made and there is no recourse.

Her husband and OW made it her business.

So. Put your kids in danger . Your short term anger is more important?

Sounds good in theory ,. The real life ramifications will potentially be forever and it only has negative, no positive for the kids up to and including potential murder.

Being that fearful of other people must be a tense way to live. "He's stealing my lunch money but I better not say anything because he might get mad."

Another PP here. Don't be naive. OP has NO idea how the OW's husband will react. He may not give a hoot or he may go berserk! When you go out of your way to bring people's lives down around them, not everyone is rational and appreciative. It is not worth the risk at this time! And I agree with other PP's that OP needs to think about herself and her children first! Like I said before, she should get the divorce and focus her energy on transitioning herself and the kids. Once that situation is stable - and only then - she should decide whether she still thinks telling the OW's husband is the best for her and her children. Honestly, she does not owe the OW's husband a damn thing and she should focus on her and the kids' needs.

[Anonymous]

Your husband sounds like a complete narcissistic dirt bag. I would say don;t tell if this was really brief or your husband was truly 1) a grown up and 2) sorry. but he is neither. the other husband deserves to know that his own marriage is a sham. I think its highly likely that the affair will continue or now that your husband is "free"-the OW will leave her husband. Either way the husband gets blindsided. YOU telling him at least allows to him to take control of who moves out, the kids etc.

[Anonymous]

You should tell him, OP. I know a couple (two couples, rather) who were in the same situation. The cheating spouses ended up marrying each other and the wronged spouses ended up marrying each other. This was almost thirty years ago and everyone is still happily married.

[Anonymous]

Quick tidbit. Years ago, my uncle's wife found out he was having an affair (not sure if it was a co-worker) and at some point she called the OW's husband. The husband's response 'Oh, we have an open relationship'. Kinda took the wind out of her sail... and yes, my uncle and wife are still together. Marriage seems very strong now. Think he's grown up a lot/gotten some counseling.

[Anonymous]

For those thinking the husband or OW might go bezerk-- this is a risk they've lived with for three years.

I would tell. Honesty would be refreshing, wouldn't it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those thinking the husband or OW might go bezerk-- this is a risk they've lived with for three years.

I would tell. Honesty would be refreshing, wouldn't it?

It's a risk to get cancer. You don't pick up a bag of uranium.

All at once you can get.
Instant poverty... Try it with kids, it will take years off your life
Potential violence or even suicide/murder.... The ramifications would never end.
Ramifications of many kinds negatively effecting the children
No recourse, no change of heart.. All options taken off the table.


That's why it's dumb. Smart people watch out for the welfare of their children and themselves. Impulsive people end up on "cops" or "honey boo boo"....age and die young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should tell him, OP. I know a couple (two couples, rather) who were in the same situation. The cheating spouses ended up marrying each other and the wronged spouses ended up marrying each other. This was almost thirty years ago and everyone is still happily married.

I think this is what happened with Shania Twain. Found out her husband was sleeping with her best friend who was also married. The cheaters are now together and Shania is married to the friends ex husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should mind your own business. Because

1) if he loses his job , he may not get another , then you and the kids are exposed to poverty.
2) OW husband may be crazy and kill his wife your husband and children to destroy your husbands world.
3) what is the effect of chaos on your children's present and future. Kids come before everything.
4) by blabbing for short term satisfaction , long term choices are made and there is no recourse.

Her husband and OW made it her business.

You're a psycho.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those thinking the husband or OW might go bezerk-- this is a risk they've lived with for three years.

I would tell. Honesty would be refreshing, wouldn't it?

It's a risk to get cancer. You don't pick up a bag of uranium.

All at once you can get.
Instant poverty... Try it with kids, it will take years off your life
Potential violence or even suicide/murder.... The ramifications would never end.
Ramifications of many kinds negatively effecting the children
No recourse, no change of heart.. All options taken off the table.


That's why it's dumb. Smart people watch out for the welfare of their children and themselves. Impulsive people end up on "cops" or "honey boo boo"....age and die young.

OR... She can finally feel good having exposed the truth to all those involved, clean up in a no contest divorce, and sleep soundly at night not next to a scumbag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those thinking the husband or OW might go bezerk-- this is a risk they've lived with for three years.

I would tell. Honesty would be refreshing, wouldn't it?

It's a risk to get cancer. You don't pick up a bag of uranium.

All at once you can get.
Instant poverty... Try it with kids, it will take years off your life
Potential violence or even suicide/murder.... The ramifications would never end.
Ramifications of many kinds negatively effecting the children
No recourse, no change of heart.. All options taken off the table.


That's why it's dumb. Smart people watch out for the welfare of their children and themselves. Impulsive people end up on "cops" or "honey boo boo"....age and die young.

OR... She can finally feel good having exposed the truth to all those involved, clean up in a no contest divorce, and sleep soundly at night not next to a scumbag.

Come on now! You KNOW that this is not going to a drama-free pollyannish situation. It is already a divorce situation! Why add drama now?