Unmarried men, at what age is something seriously amiss?

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP who said 35 major doubt 40 all hope lost. And truthfully if there isn't something happening by 30 chances are it's not going to change by 35. Your real opportunities to meet quality people drop off after your 20's. Careers become too demanding and the bulk of people are already taken. Most 40+ attractive men I know have drinking or drug problems. It seems so odd that they are still single until you spend about a week with them. Others are womanizers or workaholics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A good friend of DHs is 36, owner of a very successful business, very fit and decent-looking, and single (the only single person remaining in our group of friends). He's had multiple relationships over the years - never longer than a year. I think he's a great guy but recently we've also started to wonder if being single at this age is a 'red flag' for potential partners. But - he's a very driven person, does what he wants when he wants, and has crazy expectations for relationships and thus marriage. I know he'd like to find someone, but I don't think he's lonely or missing out, per se. Not everyone is meant to be in a long-term relationship or marriage.

He is precisely the guy to avoid. Looks great on paper, says the right things, but has commitment issues. He flees once real talk of marriage becomes an issue, I bet. I know a couple guys just like him who are nice guys and great catches on paper, but find reasons to avoid true intimacy. I agree that after 35, red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After 28, I expect a man to date for the purpose of looking to settle down. Before that it is for everything else but marriage.

By 35 - he is not marriage material.

+1. 35 is APA; not good for making healthy babies.

Yeah, well, DH made three healthy ones with me when he was 42 on.

Still has serious risks https://www.autismspeaks.org/science/science-news/study-ties-dad’s-age-risk-autism-other-mental-disorders-kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A good friend of DHs is 36, owner of a very successful business, very fit and decent-looking, and single (the only single person remaining in our group of friends). He's had multiple relationships over the years - never longer than a year. I think he's a great guy but recently we've also started to wonder if being single at this age is a 'red flag' for potential partners. But - he's a very driven person, does what he wants when he wants, and has crazy expectations for relationships and thus marriage. I know he'd like to find someone, but I don't think he's lonely or missing out, per se. Not everyone is meant to be in a long-term relationship or marriage.

He is precisely the guy to avoid. Looks great on paper, says the right things, but has commitment issues. He flees once real talk of marriage becomes an issue, I bet. I know a couple guys just like him who are nice guys and great catches on paper, but find reasons to avoid true intimacy. I agree that after 35, red flag.

PPs dude sounds a little narcissistic honestly. And high expectations -- that is the cancer of many an unhappy life.

[Anonymous]

Yes, OP, as many PPs have mentioned, maybe it doesn't make sense to immediately write off any guy over say 35. Looking for extenuating circumstances is fine.

BUT, to answer your basic question, I agree that 35 is the age at which to start proceeding with major caution.

Acceptable extenuating circumstances in my view:

Long relationship in history that went sour
Job overseas for extended period of time
Worked in a job that required a great deal of travel in early career (consultant)
Any other kind of situation that prevented the guy from feeling "stable and secure" until very recently
Used to be fat or out of shape
Used to be socially awkward and had to overcome that etc.

I may be missing a few, but the point is - keep your eyes peeled for commitment issues. If it seems to good to be true (guy is good looking, 35+, successful, and never been married or in a long relationship), then i almost certainly is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:men that old. Technically I was in a couple of LTRs, but an LTR that you know you are going to end as soon as the guy reaches his expiration date is just different.

Get over yourself, grandma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You sound angry about something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Lol @ you. She doesn't sound angry, but you are definitely very mad right now.

Nice I Know You Are But What Am I.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
He is precisely the guy to avoid. Looks great on paper, says the right things, but has commitment issues. He flees once real talk of marriage becomes an issue, I bet. I know a couple guys just like him who are nice guys and great catches on paper, but find reasons to avoid true intimacy. I agree that after 35, red flag.

This is why you have a bullpen. You shit can one woman when she starts talking about marriage and you move on to the next.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After 28, I expect a man to date for the purpose of looking to settle down. Before that it is for everything else but marriage.

By 35 - he is not marriage material.

+1. 35 is APA; not good for making healthy babies.

Yeah, well, DH made three healthy ones with me when he was 42 on.

Still has serious risks https://www.autismspeaks.org/science/science-news/study-ties-dad’s-age-risk-autism-other-mental-disorders-kids

Noted, but sometimes older guys end up with younger women and the younger women want babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After 28, I expect a man to date for the purpose of looking to settle down. Before that it is for everything else but marriage.

By 35 - he is not marriage material.

+1. 35 is APA; not good for making healthy babies.

Yeah, well, DH made three healthy ones with me when he was 42 on.

Still has serious risks https://www.autismspeaks.org/science/science-news/study-ties-dad’s-age-risk-autism-other-mental-disorders-kids

Noted, but sometimes older guys end up with younger women and the younger women want babies.

[Anonymous]

Is it really that unusual to marry in your mid 30's? I actually thought that was becoming more and more common...

Strange that someone would view a guy as fresh meat at 34 and expired, damaged goods at 36.

I didn't get married until I was 34 myself. And I'm a woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it really that unusual to marry in your mid 30's? I actually thought that was becoming more and more common...

Strange that someone would view a guy as fresh meat at 34 and expired, damaged goods at 36.

I didn't get married until I was 34 myself. And I'm a woman.

I think the point is that is rare to begin the relationship that leads to marriage at 35, but that yes it's normal to marry mid 30s but likely you met/started dating early 30s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:men that old. Technically I was in a couple of LTRs, but an LTR that you know you are going to end as soon as the guy reaches his expiration date is just different.

Get over yourself, grandma.

I knew that post would bring out the butthurt men and ugly women. Men are so rustled at a woman who is playing the game as actively as they are and ugly women get mad at the fun more desirable women are having.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You sound angry about something.

Jesus, people. If you are going to sock puppet, don't make it so obvious.