DH wants "open relationship" after my affair...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I actually do see my DDs. They are 16 and 13. Neither wants to actually stay over with me and our time together is often very tense. They hate me right now.

As to an attorney, I did talk to one and he told me that my DH probably does not want me back in the house right now b/c that could amount to condonation and he wold lose grounds for immediate divorce and have a weaker case in trying to deny me spousal support. He said I could get a court order for DH to let me back in since he cannot legally kick me out.

You deserve nothing and you need to accept that their hatred toward you is justified and reasonable. Your only hope is to try to build some type of relationship with your girls and it will take a long time if it even ever happens - but they are smart enough to realize what a colossal fuck up you are as a human being, let alone a mother.

Wow. OP is not a rapist, murderer, etc. She cheated but that doesn't make her a 'colossal fuck up as a human being' who deserves to be miserable for the rest of her life.

OP, get the divorce. You may or may not get spousal support. Tough unfortunately. Your kids are old enough to make decisions on how much time they want to spend and therapy for all 3 would help. Obviously you know how much your actions have impacted your family and will learn from it. Hope all goes well.

No she isn't a rapist and a murdered but many people would see cheating in a relationship, not being remorseful, and moving in with the other man - and doing all this knowing it will mess up your kids - as a colossal fuck up. Anyone who doesn't has probably cheated (i.e. you) which is why you are trying to minimize this and think it is just unfortunate. Nope - guess what - you don't have to be a rapist or a murderer for your really awful horrible choices to have consequences. Choosing sex and other men over the well-being of your kids and your marriage is a colossal fuck up. So far OP hasn't taken the steps that would help to repair any of the relationships because like you she probably sees herself somehow as a victim in this and that it is other people who aren't being fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I actually do see my DDs. They are 16 and 13. Neither wants to actually stay over with me and our time together is often very tense. They hate me right now.

As to an attorney, I did talk to one and he told me that my DH probably does not want me back in the house right now b/c that could amount to condonation and he wold lose grounds for immediate divorce and have a weaker case in trying to deny me spousal support. He said I could get a court order for DH to let me back in since he cannot legally kick me out.

You deserve nothing and you need to accept that their hatred toward you is justified and reasonable. Your only hope is to try to build some type of relationship with your girls and it will take a long time if it even ever happens - but they are smart enough to realize what a colossal fuck up you are as a human being, let alone a mother.

Wow. OP is not a rapist, murderer, etc. She cheated but that doesn't make her a 'colossal fuck up as a human being' who deserves to be miserable for the rest of her life.

OP, get the divorce. You may or may not get spousal support. Tough unfortunately. Your kids are old enough to make decisions on how much time they want to spend and therapy for all 3 would help. Obviously you know how much your actions have impacted your family and will learn from it. Hope all goes well.

a rapist or murderer is a criminal, of course this is different. she had a 3 year affair, moved in with the OM, destroyed her marriage, her family and everyone's life. what then constitutes a colossal fuck up?

initially OP didn't want the divorce and unbelievably was looking for sympathy and advice here to try and get her life back. she cries 'woe is me' and is surprised her daughters hate her. she is obviously smart 'enough' to know right from wrong yet doesn't want to take accountability for her own action - and you think SHE should get the divorce? or is that she should accept the divorce or whatever her H is going to dole out? please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I actually do see my DDs. They are 16 and 13. Neither wants to actually stay over with me and our time together is often very tense. They hate me right now.

As to an attorney, I did talk to one and he told me that my DH probably does not want me back in the house right now b/c that could amount to condonation and he wold lose grounds for immediate divorce and have a weaker case in trying to deny me spousal support. He said I could get a court order for DH to let me back in since he cannot legally kick me out.

You deserve nothing and you need to accept that their hatred toward you is justified and reasonable. Your only hope is to try to build some type of relationship with your girls and it will take a long time if it even ever happens - but they are smart enough to realize what a colossal fuck up you are as a human being, let alone a mother.

Wow. OP is not a rapist, murderer, etc. She cheated but that doesn't make her a 'colossal fuck up as a human being' who deserves to be miserable for the rest of her life.

OP, get the divorce. You may or may not get spousal support. Tough unfortunately. Your kids are old enough to make decisions on how much time they want to spend and therapy for all 3 would help. Obviously you know how much your actions have impacted your family and will learn from it. Hope all goes well.

a rapist or murderer is a criminal, of course this is different. she had a 3 year affair, moved in with the OM, destroyed her marriage, her family and everyone's life. what then constitutes a colossal fuck up?

initially OP didn't want the divorce and unbelievably was looking for sympathy and advice here to try and get her life back. she cries 'woe is me' and is surprised her daughters hate her. she is obviously smart 'enough' to know right from wrong yet doesn't want to take accountability for her own action - and you think SHE should get the divorce? or is that she should accept the divorce or whatever her H is going to dole out? please.

I think she should just get a divorce instead of waiting and seeing what her husband will do. Obviously he is dragging it out to make her suffer but that does no good for anyone so why not just get the divorce and go their separate ways? There's no going back as her dh is resentful of course but going on in a marriage with so much anger isn't better than divorce.

And to pp, no I am not a cheater and would be absolutely devastated if my dh cheated on me. I would divorce though, not make all these demands and ask for an open marriage since I strongly prefer monogamy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I actually do see my DDs. They are 16 and 13. Neither wants to actually stay over with me and our time together is often very tense. They hate me right now.

As to an attorney, I did talk to one and he told me that my DH probably does not want me back in the house right now b/c that could amount to condonation and he wold lose grounds for immediate divorce and have a weaker case in trying to deny me spousal support. He said I could get a court order for DH to let me back in since he cannot legally kick me out.

You deserve nothing and you need to accept that their hatred toward you is justified and reasonable. Your only hope is to try to build some type of relationship with your girls and it will take a long time if it even ever happens - but they are smart enough to realize what a colossal fuck up you are as a human being, let alone a mother.

Wow. OP is not a rapist, murderer, etc. She cheated but that doesn't make her a 'colossal fuck up as a human being' who deserves to be miserable for the rest of her life.

OP, get the divorce. You may or may not get spousal support. Tough unfortunately. Your kids are old enough to make decisions on how much time they want to spend and therapy for all 3 would help. Obviously you know how much your actions have impacted your family and will learn from it. Hope all goes well.

a rapist or murderer is a criminal, of course this is different. she had a 3 year affair, moved in with the OM, destroyed her marriage, her family and everyone's life. what then constitutes a colossal fuck up?

initially OP didn't want the divorce and unbelievably was looking for sympathy and advice here to try and get her life back. she cries 'woe is me' and is surprised her daughters hate her. she is obviously smart 'enough' to know right from wrong yet doesn't want to take accountability for her own action - and you think SHE should get the divorce? or is that she should accept the divorce or whatever her H is going to dole out? please.

Virginia Code § 18.2-365. Adultery defined; penalty.

Any person, being married, who voluntarily shall have sexual intercourse with any person not his or her spouse shall be guilty of adultery, punishable as a Class 4 misdemeanor.

$250 fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I actually do see my DDs. They are 16 and 13. Neither wants to actually stay over with me and our time together is often very tense. They hate me right now.

As to an attorney, I did talk to one and he told me that my DH probably does not want me back in the house right now b/c that could amount to condonation and he wold lose grounds for immediate divorce and have a weaker case in trying to deny me spousal support. He said I could get a court order for DH to let me back in since he cannot legally kick me out.

You deserve nothing and you need to accept that their hatred toward you is justified and reasonable. Your only hope is to try to build some type of relationship with your girls and it will take a long time if it even ever happens - but they are smart enough to realize what a colossal fuck up you are as a human being, let alone a mother.

Wow. OP is not a rapist, murderer, etc. She cheated but that doesn't make her a 'colossal fuck up as a human being' who deserves to be miserable for the rest of her life.

OP, get the divorce. You may or may not get spousal support. Tough unfortunately. Your kids are old enough to make decisions on how much time they want to spend and therapy for all 3 would help. Obviously you know how much your actions have impacted your family and will learn from it. Hope all goes well.

a rapist or murderer is a criminal, of course this is different. she had a 3 year affair, moved in with the OM, destroyed her marriage, her family and everyone's life. what then constitutes a colossal fuck up?

initially OP didn't want the divorce and unbelievably was looking for sympathy and advice here to try and get her life back. she cries 'woe is me' and is surprised her daughters hate her. she is obviously smart 'enough' to know right from wrong yet doesn't want to take accountability for her own action - and you think SHE should get the divorce? or is that she should accept the divorce or whatever her H is going to dole out? please.

Virginia Code § 18.2-365. Adultery defined; penalty.

Any person, being married, who voluntarily shall have sexual intercourse with any person not his or her spouse shall be guilty of adultery, punishable as a Class 4 misdemeanor.

$250 fine.

How archaic.

[Anonymous]

It's the law. I wish we still at least allowed public humiliation like in the "Scarlet Letter." OP, do your family snd friends know you're an adulteress?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's the law. I wish we still at least allowed public humiliation like in the "Scarlet Letter." OP, do your family snd friends know you're an adulteress?

Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I actually do see my DDs. They are 16 and 13. Neither wants to actually stay over with me and our time together is often very tense. They hate me right now.

As to an attorney, I did talk to one and he told me that my DH probably does not want me back in the house right now b/c that could amount to condonation and he wold lose grounds for immediate divorce and have a weaker case in trying to deny me spousal support. He said I could get a court order for DH to let me back in since he cannot legally kick me out.

You deserve nothing and you need to accept that their hatred toward you is justified and reasonable. Your only hope is to try to build some type of relationship with your girls and it will take a long time if it even ever happens - but they are smart enough to realize what a colossal fuck up you are as a human being, let alone a mother.

Wow. OP is not a rapist, murderer, etc. She cheated but that doesn't make her a 'colossal fuck up as a human being' who deserves to be miserable for the rest of her life.

OP, get the divorce. You may or may not get spousal support. Tough unfortunately. Your kids are old enough to make decisions on how much time they want to spend and therapy for all 3 would help. Obviously you know how much your actions have impacted your family and will learn from it. Hope all goes well.

a rapist or murderer is a criminal, of course this is different. she had a 3 year affair, moved in with the OM, destroyed her marriage, her family and everyone's life. what then constitutes a colossal fuck up?

initially OP didn't want the divorce and unbelievably was looking for sympathy and advice here to try and get her life back. she cries 'woe is me' and is surprised her daughters hate her. she is obviously smart 'enough' to know right from wrong yet doesn't want to take accountability for her own action - and you think SHE should get the divorce? or is that she should accept the divorce or whatever her H is going to dole out? please.

Virginia Code § 18.2-365. Adultery defined; penalty.

Any person, being married, who voluntarily shall have sexual intercourse with any person not his or her spouse shall be guilty of adultery, punishable as a Class 4 misdemeanor.

$250 fine.

How archaic.

so true, they should raise the fine a lot higher.

[Anonymous]

It's not rape, but having the person to whom you pledged sexual fidelity fuck another person is a huge personal violation.

[Anonymous]

Raise the fine?!

It's not enforceable any more. See Lawrence v Texas.

[Anonymous]

Oh yeah? Ask Luray attorny John Bushey, Jr.

He was convicted of a Class 4 misdemeanor adultery in Harrisonburg, VA in 2003. From the Washington Post:

http://glapn.org/sodomylaws/usa/virginia/vanews123.htm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh yeah? Ask Luray attorny John Bushey, Jr.

He was convicted of a Class 4 misdemeanor adultery in Harrisonburg, VA in 2003. From the Washington Post:

http://glapn.org/sodomylaws/usa/virginia/vanews123.htm

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A30306-2004Aug24.html

[Anonymous]

Not weighing in on the original post, as I suspect fabrication or at least significant embellishment. But on a side note, the amount of hate-filled bile being spewed towards women in general in this thread is seriously unnerving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not weighing in on the original post, as I suspect fabrication or at least significant embellishment. But on a side note, the amount of hate-filled bile being spewed towards women in general in this thread is seriously unnerving.

It is being directed towards cheaters - and in this case that happens to be a woman. You see the same vitriol in threads where men cheat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not weighing in on the original post, as I suspect fabrication or at least significant embellishment. But on a side note, the amount of hate-filled bile being spewed towards women in general in this thread is seriously unnerving.

It is being directed towards cheaters - and in this case that happens to be a woman. You see the same vitriol in threads where men cheat.

PUHHHHLEASE!

The double standard is alive and well.