DH wants "open relationship" after my affair...

[Anonymous]

OP here. I actually do see my DDs. They are 16 and 13. Neither wants to actually stay over with me and our time together is often very tense. They hate me right now.

As to an attorney, I did talk to one and he told me that my DH probably does not want me back in the house right now b/c that could amount to condonation and he wold lose grounds for immediate divorce and have a weaker case in trying to deny me spousal support. He said I could get a court order for DH to let me back in since he cannot legally kick me out.

[Anonymous]

Why do they hate you? Are you and your husband dragging them into grown up problems?

[Anonymous]

It doesn't sound like your DH is going to take you back.
He is getting you set up for an eventual divorce.
He should be honest with you about this but he's just too hurt and angry. What you did is unforgivable - lying to him and cheating for 3 years, and moving in with OM.
You need to acknowledge this with your DH and move forward in your new life. You should go to counseling yourself and with your girls. The marriage is over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do they hate you? Are you and your husband dragging them into grown up problems?

For disrespecting their father and them. I discovered my mother having an affair when I was 12. She went on to divorce my Dad ad to marry the OM. I stayed with my Dad. She totally turned my world upside down and I still have not forgiven her for it. I am now 28.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do they hate you? Are you and your husband dragging them into grown up problems?

For disrespecting their father and them. I discovered my mother having an affair when I was 12. She went on to divorce my Dad ad to marry the OM. I stayed with my Dad. She totally turned my world upside down and I still have not forgiven her for it. I am now 28.

Why would they be talking to their children about their infidelity problems? That's bad parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do they hate you? Are you and your husband dragging them into grown up problems?

They probably hate her for allowing another man to put his big, erect penis insight her vagina.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do they hate you? Are you and your husband dragging them into grown up problems?

They probably hate her for allowing another man to put his big, erect penis insight her vagina.

Who talks to their 13 y/o about their sex life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do they hate you? Are you and your husband dragging them into grown up problems?

For disrespecting their father and them. I discovered my mother having an affair when I was 12. She went on to divorce my Dad ad to marry the OM. I stayed with my Dad. She totally turned my world upside down and I still have not forgiven her for it. I am now 28.

Why would they be talking to their children about their infidelity problems? That's bad parenting.

You must not have children. Kids pick up on this especially here where mom is actually gone. Unless the kids are slow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do they hate you? Are you and your husband dragging them into grown up problems?

For disrespecting their father and them. I discovered my mother having an affair when I was 12. She went on to divorce my Dad ad to marry the OM. I stayed with my Dad. She totally turned my world upside down and I still have not forgiven her for it. I am now 28.

Why would they be talking to their children about their infidelity problems? That's bad parenting.

You must not have children. Kids pick up on this especially here where mom is actually gone. Unless the kids are slow.

I do, actually.

Going into details about your marital problems is terrible parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I actually do see my DDs. They are 16 and 13. Neither wants to actually stay over with me and our time together is often very tense. They hate me right now.

As to an attorney, I did talk to one and he told me that my DH probably does not want me back in the house right now b/c that could amount to condonation and he wold lose grounds for immediate divorce and have a weaker case in trying to deny me spousal support. He said I could get a court order for DH to let me back in since he cannot legally kick me out.

You deserve nothing and you need to accept that their hatred toward you is justified and reasonable. Your only hope is to try to build some type of relationship with your girls and it will take a long time if it even ever happens - but they are smart enough to realize what a colossal fuck up you are as a human being, let alone a mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do they hate you? Are you and your husband dragging them into grown up problems?

For disrespecting their father and them. I discovered my mother having an affair when I was 12. She went on to divorce my Dad ad to marry the OM. I stayed with my Dad. She totally turned my world upside down and I still have not forgiven her for it. I am now 28.

You're 28, and you have a 16 year-old. TROLL, people! Please stop feeding this obvious troll!

[Anonymous]

RHinVA wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do they hate you? Are you and your husband dragging them into grown up problems?

For disrespecting their father and them. I discovered my mother having an affair when I was 12. She went on to divorce my Dad ad to marry the OM. I stayed with my Dad. She totally turned my world upside down and I still have not forgiven her for it. I am now 28.

You're 28, and you have a 16 year-old. TROLL, people! Please stop feeding this obvious troll!

I don't think that's the OP. I read it the same way you did at first too and then realized its a different person positing what the kids would think based on her own experiences.

Yes, I am not the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I actually do see my DDs. They are 16 and 13. Neither wants to actually stay over with me and our time together is often very tense. They hate me right now.

As to an attorney, I did talk to one and he told me that my DH probably does not want me back in the house right now b/c that could amount to condonation and he wold lose grounds for immediate divorce and have a weaker case in trying to deny me spousal support. He said I could get a court order for DH to let me back in since he cannot legally kick me out.

You deserve nothing and you need to accept that their hatred toward you is justified and reasonable. Your only hope is to try to build some type of relationship with your girls and it will take a long time if it even ever happens - but they are smart enough to realize what a colossal fuck up you are as a human being, let alone a mother.

Wow. OP is not a rapist, murderer, etc. She cheated but that doesn't make her a 'colossal fuck up as a human being' who deserves to be miserable for the rest of her life.

OP, get the divorce. You may or may not get spousal support. Tough unfortunately. Your kids are old enough to make decisions on how much time they want to spend and therapy for all 3 would help. Obviously you know how much your actions have impacted your family and will learn from it. Hope all goes well.

[Anonymous]

It also does not mean that she can snap her fingers and have her old life back.

Her kids are teenagers and she does not have a job, she lives off the dole and she is fucking another man.

She needs to get her shit together, live with the consequences, stop whining and get a life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I actually do see my DDs. They are 16 and 13. Neither wants to actually stay over with me and our time together is often very tense. They hate me right now.

As to an attorney, I did talk to one and he told me that my DH probably does not want me back in the house right now b/c that could amount to condonation and he wold lose grounds for immediate divorce and have a weaker case in trying to deny me spousal support. He said I could get a court order for DH to let me back in since he cannot legally kick me out.

You deserve nothing and you need to accept that their hatred toward you is justified and reasonable. Your only hope is to try to build some type of relationship with your girls and it will take a long time if it even ever happens - but they are smart enough to realize what a colossal fuck up you are as a human being, let alone a mother.

Wow. OP is not a rapist, murderer, etc. She cheated but that doesn't make her a 'colossal fuck up as a human being' who deserves to be miserable for the rest of her life.

OP, get the divorce. You may or may not get spousal support. Tough unfortunately. Your kids are old enough to make decisions on how much time they want to spend and therapy for all 3 would help. Obviously you know how much your actions have impacted your family and will learn from it. Hope all goes well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do they hate you? Are you and your husband dragging them into grown up problems?

For disrespecting their father and them. I discovered my mother having an affair when I was 12. She went on to divorce my Dad ad to marry the OM. I stayed with my Dad. She totally turned my world upside down and I still have not forgiven her for it. I am now 28.

Why would they be talking to their children about their infidelity problems? That's bad parenting.

You must not have children. Kids pick up on this especially here where mom is actually gone. Unless the kids are slow.

I do, actually.

Going into details about your marital problems is terrible parenting.

Op said she moved in with the guy she was cheating with. So the kids would have seen dad devastated by finding out his wife was sleeping around (Even if they didn't know what was happening). they would have seen mom move out and in with some other random man. They are teens. Even without being told anything it would be pretty easy to figure out what is going on. And it is pretty disrespectful to tell your kids nothing and treat them like the marriage and family are disconnected - they aren't. It all goes down in the same house with the same people. Sure with toddlers you could probably hide it all, but after that - it gets harder and harder.