What do you think about letting 17 yr old hang out alone in his room with his girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you expect you DC to remain a virgin until married, the "what if the condom breaks" issue doesn't go away when they turn 18. I don't want my DC to get pregnant in college, either. Given that goal, what is the best way to achieve it?

The MIT jab is hysterical. DD is at the top of her class and had phenomenal SATs. I have no doubt about her ability to get into a fantastic college (though she has no interest in MIT, so you are right that your kid will get in there before mine). Kids who have sex get into all sorts of top schools. But the college doesn't matter. If my child were a student with lower grades, I would still not want her to get pregnant.

This is where we come back to my original premise that I just don't believe you exist. You propose a seemingly ideal situation in which your brilliant DD maintains stellar grades while keeping her perfect boyfriend sexually satisfied and never ever worrying about pregnancy and/or STDs because they are both so responsible. Let me guess: your DH is perfect, too, right? Where do you get this stuff? Romance novels? Because you really stretch credulity.

Here's my reality: DH and I are lawyers who want our kids to go to MIT and don't want pregnancy and/or STDs to stand in their way, so they can focus on condoms when they're of legal age to buy them on their own. Right now, our kids are in elementary school, so it's not an issue, but when the time comes, bedroom doors will stay open and boyfriends/girlfriends will stay downstairs. Since we generally associate with people of similar backgrounds and ambitions for their own kids, we're sure to find like minded parents when the time comes.

Believe what you want about how you define "maturity" and "committed relationships," but I think you're either fictional or just plain wrong.

It's clear your kids are young and you're pretty clueless about teenagers. Your kids are going to have their own ideas about where they want to go to college. Maybe they will hate math and science and want to go to art school. Who knows, but don't expect to dictate where they go to college.
Also, your connection between pregnancy/STDs and not going to MIT is pretty bizarre. Obviously no parent wants their kid to get pregnant or cause a pregnancy, but if it happens they will have much bigger problems than it just interfering with the college admissions process.
FYI: there is no "legal age" to buy condoms. Anyone of any age can buy them
If you want to tell your kids not to have sex before marriage or before college or not allow a boyfriend/girlfriend in a bedroom that's your decision, but don't expect "people of similar backgrounds and similar ambitions for their kids" to feel the same way about many of these difficult parenting issues. At our private school, we are surrounded by parents with similar backgrounds who all have very high "ambitions" for their kids, but are not necessarily like minded when it comes to under-age drinking, smoking pot, parents being home or sex. Also, generally we don't discuss our kids potential sex life with other parents.
Best of luck with your MIT bound kids and your like minded parents.

[Anonymous]

if he wants to walk past my husband cleaning his guns on the way to her room- i have no problem with it

[Anonymous]

i am the poster who said 17 is a normal age to explore sexuality, and the response was that this a man's view. well, i am a woman senior citizen and i based this comment on my personal experience and on life long observation. of course not everyone is the same. some kids wait to experiment until later. but when i was 17 i was very interested and curious. the drive to have sex is normal and healthy, not something that should be seen as an obstacle to higher education. so glad i came of age in the 1960s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:if he wants to walk past my husband cleaning his guns on the way to her room- i have no problem with it

Because the idea of girls servicing their boyfriends wasn't skeevy enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i am the poster who said 17 is a normal age to explore sexuality, and the response was that this a man's view. well, i am a woman senior citizen and i based this comment on my personal experience and on life long observation. of course not everyone is the same. some kids wait to experiment until later. but when i was 17 i was very interested and curious. the drive to have sex is normal and healthy, not something that should be seen as an obstacle to higher education. so glad i came of age in the 1960s.

Totally agree with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i am the poster who said 17 is a normal age to explore sexuality, and the response was that this a man's view. well, i am a woman senior citizen and i based this comment on my personal experience and on life long observation. of course not everyone is the same. some kids wait to experiment until later. but when i was 17 i was very interested and curious. the drive to have sex is normal and healthy, not something that should be seen as an obstacle to higher education. so glad i came of age in the 1960s.

Totally agree with you.

Me too! I also believe in everyone handling their own sexuality. Parents need to provide all the information as well as whatever personal beliefs they have, then step out of it. While I wouldn't expect my child to have sex in my home while I'm there, I'm not going to play "gotcha" either, especially when they are 17 and about to head off to college. You can get pregnant just as easily as a freshman in college than you can as a senior in high school. The goal is knowledge about sexuality and birth control, which should help them make the best decisions. Some will wait several years, some will not.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not - I agree with above poster - make them work for it. They will - and that's fine. But, your house, your rules. Door open at ALL times, and if the door closes - then she can't come over for a period of time.

Further - birth control has nothing to do with whether it's in your house or not - unless you're going to be there in the room to make sure its used - which - ewww. Birth control comes from the conversations had over and over again prior to this point about the consequences of unprotected sex.

[Anonymous]

I have teenagers. No visitors allowed upstairs (where their bedrooms are). All hanging out takes place in the living room, the family room, or the rec room in the basement. Those were the rules I had when I was growing up and my kids seem fine with them.

[Anonymous]

Most kids who have sex do so at home, after school. Often with the parents at home.

Make him keep the door open. Also, provide copious amounts of birth control. Personally, I would talk to the girl's parents as well. "I think things may be getting serious with Johnny and Susie. I'm sure you've had "the talk" with Susie. I hope she's using birth control"

May piss them off. But may also spare you an early grandchild.

[Anonymous]

Fine if you're ready to be a grandparent

[Anonymous]

I am a PP who said not to let them do this. But I have to say, I am conflicted.

I did not lose my virginity until I was 19. I think that was too late. I think that a male PP had it right, that 17 is about the right age to begin to explore sexually. I certainly wish I had been having sex earlier - IF I had a nice boy to be doing it with. And of course, using birth control. But I'm not sure my parents should have been encouraging me to do get out there and lose it.

I shudder when I hear of people losing it at 16, I was horrified when a young relative confided in my that she lost it at 13. 13!!!

I guess other PPs are right that we can talk and talk about responsibility, but we are not going to stop them from having sex.

As a mom of daughters, my plan has always been to take them to a GYN around age 16 and just go ahead and get them on BC. Better safe than sorry. And yet paradoxically, I can see myself at the same time making them leave the door open.

Just because I have done all I can to make it safe for them doesn't mean I have to encourage them to do it.

It's kind of like pot. I think pot should be legal. I don't care if people smoke it. I think it's harmless. But I am not going to turn a blind eye to my kids smoking it. Maybe they will get it and do it where I can't see. But in my house, I will make it clear that it's not OK.

I think there is something to be said for the parents continuing to give the message, "it is not yet OK for sex". Otherwise the message is "sex is no big deal, sure do it upstairs while I'm making dinner". It trivializes what should be a carefully made decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

As a mom of daughters, my plan has always been to take them to a GYN around age 16 and just go ahead and get them on BC. Better safe than sorry. And yet paradoxically, I can see myself at the same time making them leave the door open.

You meant, "and not object if they ask the GYN for a prescription for oral contraceptives," right?

[Anonymous]

1140++ I am in my 40s but remember what guys were interested in at 17... so no closed doors!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

As a mom of daughters, my plan has always been to take them to a GYN around age 16 and just go ahead and get them on BC. Better safe than sorry. And yet paradoxically, I can see myself at the same time making them leave the door open.

You meant, "and not object if they ask the GYN for a prescription for oral contraceptives," right?

I meant, encourage them to get on it whether they are sexually active or not. Because it's too late to get on BC AFTER your first sexual experience, if you were foolish and did not use BC.