Vent: Annoyed that Grandmother's House = too much TV

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread has reinforced my belief that the tv-on-at-all-times-no-matter-what-the-situation crowd has some severe social issues. I like TV - I watch quite a bit when DC is napping or asleep at night, because I can do a lot of housework or crafts. But I do not have it one when I have guests. That's rude rude, rude and completely disregards the comfort of one's guests.

What if **gasp** your guests (and this thread is about family gatherings) also enjoy having the TV on? I know it's hard to imagine with your tiny brain that different people have different preferences.

I wonder how OP's spouse feels about this. Our family gathering always have the TV on. It is usually sports. We all love sports and it is really fun to watch together. We cheer on our home teams - it is something we bond over every year. It is also one of few things we have in common. If we spend too much time talking, them someone brings up the defunct nephew in juvenile detention or the uncle that has no money or the cousin that is getting a divorce. Worse yet, the conversation turns to politics. Those who stayed in the hometown hate Obama and think the democrats are stealing their money. Those who moved on from the hometown can't understand why Republicans are undermining health care. That is a really fun conversation.

TV and sports are great. I'm not sure how any family functions could really function without them!

In other words, you have only superficial relationships so TV smoothes over the rough spots. Bummer for you.

Yeah, this absolutely describes my ILs. I have posted before about how I feel they never EVER talk about anything that matters. All their relationships are totally on the surface: non-funny repetitive jokes (same ones told year after year), sports, and that's about it. And yep, they are the same ones who keep the TVs (multiple TVs, different ones in diff. rooms with diff. things on) on nonstop every time there is a large family gathering. I do think the two things CAN go hand-in-hand: lack of social skills/avoidance of social interactions + much TV-watching while family is around. Not saying it ALWAYS goes hand-in-hand, but I think it does a lot.

And, as to why I don't ask to turn off the tv? For the same reason many here have already said: it's not my house. I am a guest. Similarly, I don't walk in and ask that the thermostat be moved to accommodate my personal tastes, rearrange the furniture the way I think it would look better, get up from the table and opt to look through the cupboards instead of eating what is served, etc. It is not my house; I am a guest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My FIL has the TV on all the time, even when no one is watching anything. It actually drives me crazy--the way the TV is positioned, it's visible from the kitchen, the dining room, and the living room, so there's nowhere to go to get away from it. I don't mind watching a show or a movie together, but just having it on all the time bugs me.

I agree that suggesting a walk or a game in another room or another activity to get away from it is a good idea.

I do this too: I suggest a walk. Or I move into another room where there are people doing other things: playing cards, talking (surprise surprise!), reading, etc. Or, if all else fails, and everybody is just staring at the tube like lobotomized nincompoops, I'll go get whatever book I am in the middle of; or grab a deck of cards and start playing solitaire - both while keeping 1/2 an eye and attn. on things that are going on in the room. . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My FIL has the TV on all the time, even when no one is watching anything. It actually drives me crazy--the way the TV is positioned, it's visible from the kitchen, the dining room, and the living room, so there's nowhere to go to get away from it. I don't mind watching a show or a movie together, but just having it on all the time bugs me.

I agree that suggesting a walk or a game in another room or another activity to get away from it is a good idea.

I do this too: I suggest a walk. Or I move into another room where there are people doing other things: playing cards, talking (surprise surprise!), reading, etc. Or, if all else fails, and everybody is just staring at the tube like lobotomized nincompoops, I'll go get whatever book I am in the middle of; or grab a deck of cards and start playing solitaire - both while keeping 1/2 an eye and attn. on things that are going on in the room. . .

(But, sometimes, I feel this puts pressure on the hosts, eg my MIL, who notices that I am not 100% thrilled with the 24-hr. tv-a-thon, and then she is like, 'Oh, ou don't like doing this? and it makes her feel bad)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My FIL has the TV on all the time, even when no one is watching anything. It actually drives me crazy--the way the TV is positioned, it's visible from the kitchen, the dining room, and the living room, so there's nowhere to go to get away from it. I don't mind watching a show or a movie together, but just having it on all the time bugs me.

I agree that suggesting a walk or a game in another room or another activity to get away from it is a good idea.

I do this too: I suggest a walk. Or I move into another room where there are people doing other things: playing cards, talking (surprise surprise!), reading, etc. Or, if all else fails, and everybody is just staring at the tube like lobotomized nincompoops, I'll go get whatever book I am in the middle of; or grab a deck of cards and start playing solitaire - both while keeping 1/2 an eye and attn. on things that are going on in the room. . .

(But, sometimes, I feel this puts pressure on the hosts, eg my MIL, who notices that I am not 100% thrilled with the 24-hr. tv-a-thon, and then she is like, 'Oh, ou don't like doing this? and it makes her feel bad)

I wouldn't feel bad. You aren't thrilled with watching TV every moment, and you quietly found another source of entertainment that doesn't distract those who do want to watch TV. If she really felt bad about that, she would make an effort to introduce other activities. If she doesn't, then your course of action is polite and appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I go to visit my super boring BIL, I welcome the TV. He has no personality and no interests, so trying to converse with him is exhausting. I don't own a tv, but if they did not have one, I would never go visit!!

Agree. I have several ILs who have snail personalities and are in dire need of personality transplants!

[Anonymous]

Don't people listen to music anymore? That's what we sometimes have on in the background (not very loudly). I don't watch TV, and I don't care if you do, but I can't stand when it's on constantly. I find this very common with old people and people who don't read much.

[Anonymous]

My dad watched TV all of the time when I was growing up and still does. I found it so oppressive to hear the noise blaring in the background all the time. I was a very good student, never got in trouble but my dad doesn't understand why I was always holed up in my room. I hate TV as background noise.

I wonder what the SES level of the pro TV watchers versus anti-TV background watchers is here on this.

[Anonymous]

Next time you know you'll be going there, make plans outside the house. Take the kids and their cousins somewhere, anywhere. Younger kids: Park, playground if weather permits. Find out if there are any indoor play spaces, or if they're older, take them for some kind of fun shared experience -- laser tag, mini-golf (yes, there is indoor mini-golf in some areas), out to the movies and dinner (at least they can stare at the movie screen and then talk about the movie over dinner), an arcade, whatever. Get out of the house, period.

Any chance that the adults will actually turn off the TV and engage if you and your husband organize a game for everyone -- something big and boisterous like a white elephant gift exchange where people get to "steal" each others' gifts? One family I know plays bingo on holidays with dollar-store prizes and all ages love it.

You may have to take the initiative and get more creative rather than waiting for them to be more polite and focus on you. I'm sorry it's like that but if that's how it is -- take that initiative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't people listen to music anymore? That's what we sometimes have on in the background (not very loudly). I don't watch TV, and I don't care if you do, but I can't stand when it's on constantly. I find this very common with old people and people who don't read much.

Yeah, I am the PP who posted, "If you want background sound, why don't you just put on usic?" I do not get this either. But this is what we'd have on in the background (softly) if we want background sound. If it were a holiday gathering, with many diff. age groups, maybe we'd have holiday music or classical music?

I cannot stand background noise (from the TV) either. I too find it common amongst a) old people and b) people who do not read much. Unfortunately, my ILs fall into both categories. Yay me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Next time you know you'll be going there, make plans outside the house. Take the kids and their cousins somewhere, anywhere. Younger kids: Park, playground if weather permits. Find out if there are any indoor play spaces, or if they're older, take them for some kind of fun shared experience -- laser tag, mini-golf (yes, there is indoor mini-golf in some areas), out to the movies and dinner (at least they can stare at the movie screen and then talk about the movie over dinner), an arcade, whatever. Get out of the house, period.

Any chance that the adults will actually turn off the TV and engage if you and your husband organize a game for everyone -- something big and boisterous like a white elephant gift exchange where people get to "steal" each others' gifts? One family I know plays bingo on holidays with dollar-store prizes and all ages love it.

You may have to take the initiative and get more creative rather than waiting for them to be more polite and focus on you. I'm sorry it's like that but if that's how it is -- take that initiative.

I like the bingo idea. I had forgotten about this, but one of my uncles did this one time when we were young (so that would have been about 30 years ago - yikes!). But it was fun and maybe I'll try it next time we go to Ils house. Hmm...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Next time you know you'll be going there, make plans outside the house. Take the kids and their cousins somewhere, anywhere. Younger kids: Park, playground if weather permits. Find out if there are any indoor play spaces, or if they're older, take them for some kind of fun shared experience -- laser tag, mini-golf (yes, there is indoor mini-golf in some areas), out to the movies and dinner (at least they can stare at the movie screen and then talk about the movie over dinner), an arcade, whatever. Get out of the house, period.

[i][b]Any chance that the adults will actually turn off the TV and engage if you and your husband organize a game for everyone -- something big and boisterous like a white elephant gift exchange where people get to "steal" each others' gifts? One family I know plays bingo on holidays with dollar-store prizes and all ages love it.

You may have to take the initiative and get more creative rather than waiting for them to be more polite and focus on you. I'm sorry it's like that but if that's how it is -- take that initiative.

This is TOTALLY me when we go to my ILs. But then my DH tells me that I am "trying to take charge" and that it's not my family, so I should just go along to get along. Grrrr.
One Thanksgiving I tried to organize everyone to go to a local children's museum and that went over like a lead balloon. People couldn't quite understand why or what I was doing, when there was good football on to be watched? SIL got bent out of shape that I was trying to change tradition. Etc etc etc.
I am telling you, these people are real live wires. Inertia takes a LOT to overcome. Sigh.

I will keep working on it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad watched TV all of the time when I was growing up and still does. I found it so oppressive to hear the noise blaring in the background all the time. I was a very good student, never got in trouble but my dad doesn't understand why I was always holed up in my room. I hate TV as background noise.

I wonder what the SES level of the pro TV watchers versus anti-TV background watchers is here on this.

I do not know. I do not really have that high of an income level (probably compared to others in the DC area) but yes, we do have high education level.

[Anonymous]

It is their house and they can do whatever they want to do. You should stay home or stay in a hoyel/motel. Also, maybe you are so boring they have to turn the tv on for stimulating conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is their house and they can do whatever they want to do. You should stay home or stay in a hoyel/motel. Also, maybe you are so boring they have to turn the tv on for stimulating conversation.

Nice of you to take a break from Keeping Up With The Kardashians to share your opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We usually have the TV on as background noise. We have lots of lively conversations and certainly no one ignores anyone. Doesn't sound normal to me.

Trashy. The electronic hearth.